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Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
HOW DO YOU TELL THE BRIDEGROOM AT A POLISH WEDDING?
HE'S THE ONE IN THE FRESHLY IRONED BOWLING SHIRT.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; BIRMINGHAM
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman BELIEF -- Poli |
Date learned: 10-21-1967
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Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE POLACK UP NORTH, WHO PUT HIS
FALSE TEECH IN BACKWARDS AND BEFORE THEY CUOULD STOP
HIM, HE CHEWED OFF HALF HIS HEAD.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT ; DETROIT ; CAMPUS
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman BELIEF -- Poli |
Date learned: 12-05-1967
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Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
DID YOU KNOW THEY CAN'T MAKE ICE IN HAMTRAMCK ANYMORE?
THEY LOST THE FORMULA.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT ; DETROIT ; CAMPUS
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman BELIEF -- Poli |
Date learned: 12-05-1967
THERE WERE THREE MEN IN AN INSANE ASYLUM, WHO WERE ABOUT
READY TO BE DISCHARGED, BUT THE DOCTOR WANTED TO GIVE
THEM ONE LAST TEST. IN ORDER TO DETERMINE THEIR
CONTACT WITH REALITY, HE DECIDED TO ASK THEM TO
INDICATE WHERE CERTAIN PARTS OF THEIR BODIES WERE.
THE FIRST ONE CAME IN, CORRECTLY IDENTIFIED HIS
WRIST, ELBOW, KNEE, AND ANKLE. THE SECOND WAS EQUALLY
SUCCESSFUL. THE THIRD FELLOW CAME IN, AND HE, TOO,
PASSED THE TEST. "TELL ME," ASKED THE DOCTOR, "HOW DID
YOU REMEMBER WHERE THEY ALL WERE?" "NOTHING TO IT, DOC,"
HE ANSWERED, "IT'S ALL UP HERE (POINTING TO HIS HEAD)
IN MY ASS."
Submitter comment:
THE INFORMANT HEARD THIS STORY SOME TIME AGO FROM A
FRIEND.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 04-24-1965
FOOLISH PEOPLE TALE
ONCE SOME FOOLISH PEOPLE NOTICED THAT A TREE GROWING NEAR
A RIVER SEEMED TO BE BENDING OVER TOWARD THE RIVER.
THEY DECIDED THAT THE TREE MUST BE THIRSTY AND THAT
THEY WOULD HELP IT BEND OVER FAR ENOUGH TO TOUCH THE
WATER. SO, ONE MAN CLIMBED OUT ON A BRANCH TO TRY AND
WEIGH IT DOWN, BUT HIS WEIGHT WASN'T ENOUGH. SO
ANOTHER MAN CLIMBED OUT AND HUNG FROM THE FIRST ONE'S
ANKLES. IT STILL WASN'T ENOUGH. SOON THERE WERE TEN
MEN HANGING BY EACH OTHER'S ANKLES FROM THE BRANCH.
THE FIRST MAN THOUGHT THAT HE COULD GET A BETTER
GRIP ON THE BRANCH IF HE SPIT ON HIS HANDS, SO HE LET
GO OF IT AND ALL THE MEN FELL IN THE RIVER.
Submitter comment:
INFORMANT HEARD THIS STORY WHEN 'STUPID PEOPLE' STORIES
WERE POPULAR ABOUT 6 YEARS AGO. HE COULD NOT REMEMBER
THE EXACT SOURCE OR DATE OF HEARING IT.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 11-15-1963
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POLISH JOKE
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
THIS POLACK GOES TO A LUMBERYARD AND SAYS, "I WANT TO
BUY SOME WOOD."
"HOW LONG DO YOU WANT IT?" THEN ASKS THE OWNER.
"FOR A LONG TIME," REPLIES THE POLACK, "I'M BUILDING
A GARAGE."
Submitter comment:
THE INFORMANT HEARD IT FROM A FRIEND.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; MICHIGAN STATE UNIVERSITY ; Lansing
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 00001967 FALL
FOOLISH PEOPLE TALE
ONCE, SOME FOOLISH PEOPLE DECIDED TO COLLECT ALL THEIR
VALUABLES AND PUT THEM TOGETHER IN ONE SAFE PLACE, SO
THAT THEY WOULD NEVER BE STOLEN. THE ONLY SAFE PLACE
THEY COULD THINK OF WAS AT THE BOTTOM OF A NEARBY LAKE.
SO THEY PUT THEIR TREASURES IN A BOAT AND ROWED OUT TO
THE MIDDLE OF THE LAKE. THEY DUMPED EVERYTHING IN AND
THEN THOUGHT THEY SHOULD MARK THE PLACE SO THEY COULD
COME BACK TO IT. SO THEY MARKED A BIG X ON THE SIDE OF
THE BOAT AND ROWED BACK TO SHORE!
Submitter comment:
THE INFORMANT HEARD THIS STORY WHEN 'STUPID PEOPLE'
STORIES WERE POPULAR ABOUT 6 YEARS AGO. HE COULD NOT
REMEMBER THE EXACT SOURCE OR DATE OF HEARING IT.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 11-15-1963
FOOLISH PEOPLE TALE
ONCE SOME FOOLISH PEOPLE DECIDED TO BUILD A CITY HALL
FOR THEIR TOWN. THEY ALL WORKED ON IT TOGETHER UNTIL IT
WAS DONE. WHEN IT WAS ALL FINISHED, THEY WALKED INSIDE
AND DISCOVERED THAT THERE WAS NO LIGHT INSIDE BECAUSE
THEY HAD FORGOTTEN TO BUILD WINDOWS. THIS DIDN'T PHASE
THEM, THOUGH, BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT ALL THAT THEY HAD
TO DO TO GET LIGHT WAS TO GO OUT ON A SUNNY DAY AND
GATHER IT UP IN SACKS! HOWEVER, NONE OF THEM COULD
EVER CAPTURE ANY SUNSHINE NOR COULD THEY UNDERSTAND
WHY THEY WERE UNABLE TO. SO THEIR CITY HALL ALWAYS
REMAINED IN THE DARK!
Submitter comment:
INFORMANT HEARD THIS TALE WHEN 'STUPID PEOPLE' STORIES
WERE POPULAR ABOUT 6 YEARS AGO. HE COULD NOT REMEMBER
THE EXACT SOURCE OR DATE OF HEARING IT.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 11-15-1963
NAIL SOUP
A RICH OLD LADY WAS SITTING IN HER HOUSE, WHEN A POOR
SOLDIER CAME TO THE DOOR. HE ASKED FOR SOMETHING TO EAT
BUT THE GREEDY OLD LADY WOULDN'T GIVE HIM ANYTHING. SO
HE TOLD HER THAT HE COULD MAKE THE MOST DELICIOUS SOUP
IN THE WORLD WITH ONLY A POT OF BOILING WATER AND A
NAIL. SO THE GREEDY OLD LADY WANTED TO KNOW HOW TO MAKE
IT AND SHE SAID THEY WOULD EVEN SPLIT IT AFTER IT WAS
ALL COOKED. SHE GOT HIM A BIG POT OF WATER AND WHEN IT
WAS BOILING HE THREW THE NAIL IN AND STIRRED IT.
THE OLD LADY SAID, "LET ME TASTE IT." HE SAID THAT HE
WOULD NEED JUST A TOUCH OF CARROT IN IT TO BRING OUT THE
FLAVOR. THE OLD LADY QUICKLY GOT HIM SOME CARROTS AND
HE THREW THEM INTO THE POT. WANTING TO TASTE IT AGAIN,
SHE WAS TOLD IT NEEDED JUST A LITTLE MORE FLAVOR--PERHAPS
A POTATO. THIS WENT ON FOR SEVERAL MORE VEGETABLES,
UNTIL FINALLY, HE TOLD HER THAT IT NEEDED JUST A LITTLE
MEAT TO BRING OUT THE TRUE FLAVOR OF THE NAIL.
FINALLY, HE TOOK THE NAIL OUT OF THE SOUP AND THEY
BOTH ATE WHAT WAS IN THE POT. THE WOMAN SAID IT TRULY
WAS THE BEST SOUP SHE HAD EVER TASTED AND THE SOLDIER
WENT ON HIS WAY WITH A FULL STOMACH.
Submitter comment:
MISS DAMIN LEARNED THIS TALE FROM HER HUNGARIAN
GRANDMOTHER WHEN SHE WAS A CHILD.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 01-00-1964
JOKE TOLD AS TRUE
MY FATHER WAS SENT TO REPRESENT OUR FAMILY AT THE WAKE
FOR SIMON "SHINNY" CURRAN WHEN HE DIED IN 1932.
THREE OF SHINNY'S FRIENDS--ANGELO AND NICK PATRICK AND
MORRIS RILEY--BROUGHT SOME OF THEIR HOME BREW AND
OFFERED IT TO THE CORPSE. WHEN, OF COURSE, THE BODY
DID NOT RESPOND, THEY SAID, "SHINNY MUST REALLY BE
DEAD, IF HE WON'T TAKE OUR LIQUOR!"
Submitter comment:
I HAVE HEARD THIS STORY AS A JOKE. MY AUNT, THE
INFORMANT, TOLD IT AS ACTUALLY HAVING HAPPENED IN HER
HOME TOWN.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; WYANDOTTE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 10-00-1963
GROSS JOKE
A WOMAN WENT TO THE DOCTOR AND ASKED HIM IF SHE COULD
GET FITTED WITH A PLATEGLASS DIAPHRAGM. THE DOCTOR ASKED
WHY SHE WANTED ONE. SHE SAID SHE WANTED A PICTURE
WINDOW FOR HER PLAYROOM.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 00001967 FALL
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SCOTTISH JOKE
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
DID YOU HEAR THE STORY OF THE SCOTSMAN WHO BOUGHT A DRINK? YOU NEVER WILL EITHER
Submitter comment:
WHEN MY GRANDFATHER ASKS THIS QUESTION HE ALWAYS EXPECTS US TO ANSWER NO.
Where learned: FLORIDA ; KEY BISCAYNE
James Callow Keyword(s): SCOTTISH STINGINESS
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman SPEECH -- SCOT PROVERB -- Blason Populaire |
Date learned: 09-00-1981
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DRINKING JOKE
PAT WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET ONE DAY AND FOUND A PIECE OF METAL IN THE STREET. IT LOOKED TO HIM LIKE A COIN. HE TOOK IT AND WENT TO A BAR. HE PUT IT ON THE BAR AND SAID "GIVE ME A BEER" THE BARTENDER PICKED IT UP AND THREW IT BACK AT HIM AND SAID "THAT'S TIN" PAT SAID "OH, IS IT TIN? I THOUGHT IT WAS 'FOIVE.' WELL THEN GIVE ME TWO BEERS."
Submitter comment:
IRISH DIALECT PRONUNCIATION
Where learned: FLORIDA ; KEY BISCAYNE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman IRIS |
Date learned: 09-00-1981
DRINKING JOKE
ALL OF US WERE AT THE BAR. I KNOW THERE WERE FIVE OF US DRINKING.
LET'S SEE: THE TWO MC CARTHYS WERE ONE, YOU WERE TWO, I WAS THREE,
O'BRIEN WAS FOUR, I KNOW THERE WERE FIVE DRINKS IN EVERY ROUND SO
WHO WAS THE FIFTH GUY? LET'S GO OVER IT AGAIN. THE TWO MC CARTHYS
WERE ONE, YOU WERE TWO, I WAS THREE, O'BRIEN WAS FOUR, I KNOW
THERE WERE FIVE DRINKS IN EVERY ROUND SO WHO WAS THE FIFTH GUY?
LET'S GO OVER IT AGAIN...........
Where learned: FLORIDA ; KEY BISCAYNE
James Callow Keyword(s): STUPIDITY: COUNTING TWO AS ONE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 09-00-1981
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DRINKING JOKE
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
AN ENGLISHMAN ENTERED A BAR AND HEADED TOWARD THE BACK. THE
BARTENDER SAID, "HEY YOU, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" THE ENGLISHMAN
SAID, "I WOULD LIKE TO USE YOUR FACILITIES." THE BARTENDER SAID
"OH, YOU WANT TO TAKE A CRAP?" THE ENGLISHMAN REPLIED, "ON THE
CONTRARY OLD CHAP, I WANT TO LEAVE ONE."
Where learned: FLORIDA ; KEY BISCAYNE
| Subject headings: | Favorites PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 09-00-1981
THAI STORY
"A FALANG (WESTERNER) WAS ON A RIVERBOAT IN THAILAND AND SOMEHOW
SLIPPED OVERBOARD INTO THE RIVER. ONE OF THE OTHER PEOPLE GRABBED
A LADDER AND ATTEMPTED TO HELP HIM. HE SHOUTED TO THE MAN IN THE
WATER TO GRAB THE LADDER IN THAI LANGUAGE. 'GAW-GAH-DAI! GAW-
GAH-DAI!' HE SHOUTED. HEARING THIS THE FALANG SWAM EVEN FASTER
BECAUSE HE THOUGHT THE MAN WAS SHOUTING 'CROCODILE! CROCODILE!'"
Submitter comment: "GAW-GAH-DAI" MEANS "GRAB THE LADDER" IN THAI LANGUAGE.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT ; DETROIT ; CAMPUS
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Tale PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 04-00-1984
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Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
A Polish gentleman stopped by the other day to
ask permission to hunt on our land. I said it was
perfectly all right with me. I also told him that
if he got lost, just to shoot three times in the
air and I would come find him. The man said that
that sounded great. So he parked his truck in our
yard and went into the woods. His truck stayed
in our yard for three days before the man finally
arrived to get it. I asked where he had been.
The man said that he got lost when it got dark the
first night in the woods. I said, "Well, why didn't
you shoot in the air three times like we agreed?"
The Polish man replied that he did shoot twice into
the air but then he ran out of arrows.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; Burt
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman BELIEF -- Poli |
Date learned: 00-00-1983
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Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
This guy wants to marry this girl so he goes to
ask her father's permission. The father says to
the guy "I think there is something about my
daughter that you should know. She has acute
angina." The guy replied, "I realize that and her
tits ain't bad either!"
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; LENNON
Keyword(s): Heart disease
James Callow Keyword(s): Confusion of angina and vagina
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Body part Senses PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 00-00-1984
ONCE THERE WERE TWO COYOTES. ONE WAS FROM MONTANA
AND THE OTHER WAS FROM NORTH DAKOTA. ONE DAY THE
NORTH DAKOTA COYOTE GOT HIS PAW CAUGHT IN A
TRAP. THE MONTANA COYOTE HAPPENED TO BE WANDERING
BY, SO THE NORTH DAKOTA COYOTE ASKED THE
MONTANA COYOTE HOW TO GET OUT OF THE TRAP.
THE MONTANA COYOTE REPLIED, "YOU WILL HAVE TO
CHEW OFF YOUR PAW," AND THEN WENT ABOUT HIS
BUSINESS. A FEW DAYS LATER THE MONTANA COYOTE
HAPPENED TO BE PASSING BY THE SAME SPOT AND
SAW THE NORTH DAKOTA COYOTE STILL CAUGHT IN THE
TRAP. HE ASKED THE NORTH DAKOTA COYOTE WHY HE
HAD NOT ESCAPED. THE NORTH DAKOTA COYOTE
REPLIED, "I HAVE CHEWED OFF THREE OF MY PAWS
AND I STILL CANNOT GET OUT OF THIS TRAP!"
Submitter comment:
IN MONTANA THE BRUNT OF MOST JOKES ARE PEOPLE
FROM NORTH DAKOTA. NORTH DAKOTANS ARE THE
"POLLACKS" OF THE NORTHWEST.
Where learned: MONTANA ; FROMBERG
James Callow Keyword(s): ANIMALS
| Subject headings: | Favorites PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman Food Drink -- NORT |
Date learned: 01-00-1980
A lady was having a baby so she went to the
hospital. When she had it the nurse asked her what was his
name so the lady said, " Leroy."
Nurse: "Do you have any other children?"
Lady: "Yes"
Nurse: "How many?"
Lady: "Seven"
Nurse: "What are their names?"
Lady: "Leroy."
Nurse: "Are they all named Leroy? How do you get one of
them to do something?"
Lady: "If I ask one to do something then they all do it."
Nurse: "But how do you get to speak to one alone?"
Lady: "I call them by their last names."
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 00001970S