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The James T. Callow Folklore Archive

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TALE

A MAN HAD JUST PURCHASED A NEW CAR. AFTER DRIVING IT FOR TWO
WEEKS, HE DISCOVERED AN AWFUL RATTLE IN THE DOOR. TAKING IT TO
A GARAGE TO FIND OUT WHAT WAS WRONG, HE DISCOVERED AN EMPTY
COKE BOTTLE WAS LODGED IN THE DOOR.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; BIRMINGHAM

Keyword(s): AUTOMOBILE ; COKE=COCA COLA: BRAND NAME FOR SOFT DRINK.

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote
ART CRAFT ARCHITECTURE -- Means of transportation Vehicle propelled by mechanical or other force on land

Date learned: 00-00-1965

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STRETCHING THE LOG

BACK IN POLAND, MANY YEARS AGO, THERE WAS A FARMER WHO WAS
BUILDING A BARN. HAVING CUT ONE OF THE LOGS TOO SHORT, THE
FARMER CALLED TO HIS NEIGHBOR TO BRING HIS OXEN. THE TWO
FARMERS HITCHED BOTH OF THEIR ANIMALS TO THE SHORT LOG AND
PULLED IT UNTIL IT WAS THE RIGHT SIZE.

Submitter comment: INFORMANT IS 81 YEARS OLD.

Where learned: DETROIT ; MICHIGAN, ASSUMED

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Mammal
PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote
PROSE NARRATIVE -- Lie Tall tale
ART CRAFT ARCHITECTURE -- Wood Gourd
ART CRAFT ARCHITECTURE -- Animal housingBarnPen

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NOT GIVEN

A HITCHHIKER IS THUMBING IN TEXAS; HE GETS PICKED UP BY A GUY
IN A CADILLAC. THEY START TALKING WHEN THE RIDER NOTICES A
PAIR OF THICK GLASSES ON THE SEAT.
"ARE THOSE YOURS?"
"YES."
"SHOULDN'T YOU BE WEARING THEM FOR DRIVING?"
"NO, I'VE GOT THE WINDSHIELD GROUND TO MY PRESCRIPTION."

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote
PROSE NARRATIVE -- Lie Tall tale

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DEAD BABY JOKE

WHY DO THEY ALWAYS KEEP THE HOT WATER BILLS PAID UP IN A MATERNITY
WARD? CAUSE IF A BABY DIES, THEY CAN HAVE SOUP.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; ROSEVILLE

James Callow Keyword(s): CANNIBALISM

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote

Date learned: 12-00-1974

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JOKES, OTHERWISE

A MAN CAME UP TO ME AND SAID HE HADN'T HAD A BITE
IN THREE DAYS, SO I BIT HIM.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; LINCOLN PARK

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote

Date learned: 01-10-1973

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JOKES, OTHERWISE

I KNOW A GIRL SO DUMB, SHE THOUGHT A FOOTBALL COACH HAD FOUR WHEELS

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; LINCOLN PARK

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote

Date learned: 01-10-1973

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JOKES, OTHERWISE

I DON'T DRINK, I DON'T SMOKE, I DON'T SWEAR. OH DAMN, I LEFT MY
CIGARS IN THE BAR!

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; LINCOLN PARK

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote

Date learned: 01-10-1973

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POLISH JOKE

Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.

WHY COULDN'T THE POLACK EAT PICKLES? BECAUSE HE COULDN'T GET HIS
HEAD IN THE JAR:

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; LINCOLN PARK

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote
BELIEF -- Poli

Date learned: 01-10-1973

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NONE

A MAN HAD THREE SONS; ONE 16, ONE 17, AND ONE 18. ON THE
18 YEAR-OLDS' BIRTHDAY, THE MAN SENT HIS SON OUT TO FIND WORK.
THE SON FOUND WORK, BUT IN ORDER TO GET THERE, HE HAD TO GO UP
THE HILL AND DOWN THE HILL AND UP THE HILL AND DOWN THE HILL AND UP
THE HILL AND DOWN THE HILL AND UP THE HILL AND DOWN THE HILL.
ON HIS FIRST DAY ON THE JOB, THE YOUNG MAN DISCOVERED THAT HE HAD
FORGOTTEN HIS LUNCH. SO HE RETURNED HOME TO GET IT. IN ORDER TO
GET HOME, HE HAD TO GO UP THE HILL AND DOWN THE HILL, (ETC.)
HE RETURNED HOME, GOT HIS LUNCH, AND RETURNED BACK TO WORK. IN
ORDER TO GET THERE, HE HAD TO GO UP THE HILL AND DOWN THE HILL,(ETC)
WHEN HE GOT BACK TO WORK, HE DISCOVERED THAT HE FORGOT SOMETHING
TO DRINK. SO HE HAD TO GO TO THE GAS STATION. IN ORDER TO GET THERE
HE HAD TO GO UP THE HILL AND DOWN THE HILL, (ETC.). WHEN HE GOT
THERE, HE BOUGHT A PEPSI. THEN HE RETURNED TO WORK. IN ORDER
TO GET THERE, H5 HAD TO GO UP THE HILL AND DOWN THE HILL, (ETC.)
AFTER WORK WAS OVER, THE YOUNG MAN RETURNED HOME. IN ORDER TO
GET THERE, HE HAD TO GO UP THE HILL AND DOWN THE HILL, (ETC.)
WHEN HE RETURNED HOME, HIS FATHER WANTED TO HEAR OF HIS SONS'
EXPERIENCES OF THE DAY.(THE SON TELLS ABOUT THE ENTIRE DAY.)
( THIS GOES ON FOR THREE SONS, EACH GOING TO THE PLACE OF WORK,
EACH FORGETTING THEIR LUNCHES, EACH HAVING TO RETURN HOME,
EACH GOING TO A GAS STATION AND GETTING A COKE, EACH RETURNING TO
WORK, EACH COMMING HOME AND TELLING THEIR FATHER OF THIER
EXPERIENCES, AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, EACH HAVING TO GO UP
THE HILL AND DOWN THE HILL, ETC.). THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS
TWO OUT OF THREE DRINK COKE.

Submitter comment: NONE

Where learned: GROSSE POINTE WOODS

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote
Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Song

Date learned: CA03001974

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THE NEW ENGLAND DUCK

IN AN OLD ITALIAN TOWN, A LITTLE OLD LADY WALKED INTO A BUTCHER SHOP
AND ASKED FOR A NEW ENGLAND DUCK.
THE OWNER, WHO WAS A VERY FAMILIAR WITH ALL KINDS OF DUCKS, WAS VERY
PUZZLED. SO TO TRY TO HELP OUT THE LITTLE OLD LADY, HE HELD UP JUST
ANY OLD DUCK.
THE LADY TOOK HER THUMB AND STUCK IT IN THE "COOLOO" OF THE DUCK. SHE
PULLED IT OUT AND SAID, "NO, THIS ISN'T A NEW ENGLAND DUCK".
THE OWNER AGAIN GOT ANOTHER DUCK AND GAVE IT TO THE LITTLE OLD LADY.
SHE AGAIN TOOK HER THUMB AND INSERTED IT INTO THE DUCK'S "COOLOO" AND
SAID, "AH: THIS IS A NEW ENGLAND DUCK."
AS HE WRAPPED THE CHICKEN FOR THE LITTLE OLD LADY, HE ASKED HER IF
SHE WAS AN ITALIAN. SHE REPLIED, "VERY MUCH SO."
THE LITTLE OLD LADY, STILL PUZZLED AS TO HOW COME THE BUTCHER DIDN'T
KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A NEW ENGLAND DUCK AND THE OTHERS, ASKED
HIM WHERE HE CAME FROM.
THE BUTCHER PULLED DOWN HIS PANTS, BENT OVER AND SAID, "HERE- YOU
TELL ME!"

Submitter comment: FROM ITALY IN THE EARLY 1900'S

Where learned: BUFFALO ; NEW YORK

James Callow Keyword(s): ANIMAL

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote
Food Drink -- Meat Bird Poultry

Date learned: 11-00-1973

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THE MONK

IN A SMALL NORTHERN TOWN IN ITALY, HIGH IN THE MOUNTAINS LIVED THE
MONKS. THE MONKS WERE VERY RICH AND ALWAYS SAVED THEIR MONEY IN A
SMALL SACK, AND CONTINUOUSLY PRAYED THAT SOMEDAY THEY WOULD BE ABLE
TO GO TO HEAVEN.
THE ROBBERS OF ITALY WERE ALWAYS TRYING
TO STEAL THE MONK'S MONEY. ONE
DAY, A ROBBER GOT A TERRIFIC IDEA ON HOW HE WOULD STEAL ONE OF THE
MONK'S MONEY. THE MONK'S NAME WAS FATHER FRANCO.
THIS ROBBER PLAYED A GUITAR AND HE WAS ALSO A SINGER. ONE DAY HE SAW
A MONK PRAYING IN HIS ROOM. THE ROBBER CLIMBED ON THE ROOF ABOVE THE
MONK'S ROOM AND BEGAN TO SING, "FATHER FRANCO, FATHER FRANCO, COME UP
TO HEAVEN."
FATHER FRANCO HEARING THIS, THOUGHT IT WAS GOD CALLING, AND PREPARED TO GO TO HEAVEN. FATHER FRAN
ANSWERED, "LORD, LORD, I AM READY." THE ROBBER HEARING THIS SAID, "FATHER FRANCO, FIRST YOU MUST GIVE UP YOUR SMALL SACK OF MONEY." FATHER FRAN
ANSWERED, "I'LL DO ANYTHING TO GO TO HEAVEN." SO THE ROBBER PUT A HOLE IN THE ROOF AND LOWERED A ROPE DOWN. HE THEN SAID, "FATHER FRAN
PUT THE SACK OF MONEY ON THE BOTTOM OF THE ROPE, AND I'LL PULL IT UP TO HEAVEN FOR YOU." FATHER FRAN
DID AS HE WAS INSTRUCTED, AND NOW PREPARED HIMSELF FOR ENTRY INTO HEAVEN. FINALLY, THE ROBBER LOWERED THE ROPE DOWN AGAIN AND SAID, "FATHER FRANCO,
TIE THE ROPE AROUND YOUR NECK AND I'LL PULL YOU UP INTO HEAVEN." FATHER FRANCO, AS HOLY AS HE WAS, PUT THE ROPE AROUND HIS NECK AND ANSWERED, "LORD, I
AM READY, TAKE ME." WHEN THE ROBBER HEARD THIS HE PULLED ON THE ROPE AND HUNG FATHER FRANCO.

Submitter comment: FROM ITALY IN THE EARLY 1900S

Where learned: BUFFALO ; NEW YORK

Subject headings: Favorites
PROSE NARRATIVE -- Religious hero
PROSE NARRATIVE -- Outlaw Criminal Bandit Pirate
PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote

Date learned: 10-00-1973

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PEANUTS--CONFESSION JOKE

1ST BOY: FATHER, I THREW PEANUTS IN THE ELEPHANT CAGE.
PRIEST: WELL THAT'S OK SON, NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
2ND BOY: FATHER, I THREW PEANUTS IN THE ELEPHANT'S CAGE.
PRIEST: YES. I SEE.
3RD BOY: ...AND I THREW PEANUTS IN THE ELEPHANT'S CAGE.
PRIEST: I SEE, BUT THAT'S NOT A SIN.
4TH BOY COMES IN.
PRIEST: I SUPPOSE YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME THAT YOU THREW PEANUTS
IN THE ELEPHANT'S CAGE. 5TH BOY: NO I'M NOT. I'M PEANUTS.

Submitter comment: THIS IS MY GRANDMOTHER'S FAVORITE JOKE ABOUT CONFESSIONS. SHE'S
BEEN TELLING IT TO MY FAMILY EVER SINCE MY OLDER BROTHER WAS OLD
ENOUGH TO GO TO CONFESSION. BECAUSE SHE'S TOLD IT SO MANY TIMES
THERE ARE VARIATIONS EVEN WITHIN HER OWN TELLINGS. THE NUMBER OF
BOYS BEFORE PEANUTS MAY VARY AS WELL AS THE PRIEST'S COMMENTS.
SOMETIMES PEANUTS GETS THROWN INTO THE FOUNTAIN INSTEAD OF THE
ELEPHANT'S CAGE, BUT NATURALLY THE PUNCHLINE ALWAYS REMAINS THE
SAME.

Where learned: OHIO ; CINCINNATI

James Callow Keyword(s): NAME MISUNDERSTOOD

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote

Date learned: 00001960S

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CONFESSION JOKE

PENITENT: FATHER, I PUT MY ARMS AROUND A GIRL THREE TIMES.
PRIEST: MY GOD, HOW LONG ARE YOUR ARMS?

Submitter comment: MY GRANDMOTHER DIDN'T FEEL COMFORTABLE TELLING THIS JOKE TO THE
BOYS WHO WORK FOR HER, BUT SHE THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO TELL IT TO ME.

Where learned: OHIO ; CINCINNATI

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote
BELIEF -- Body part Senses Upper body, arms, neck

Date learned: 00-07-1973

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MAKING HOLY WATER

QUESTION; HOW DO YOU MAKE HOLY WATER? ANSWER; YOU BOIL THE HELL
OUT OF IT.

Submitter comment: WITH THIS ITEM SHE STARTED LAUGHING BEFORE SHE EVEN SAID ONE WORD.
I NOTICED THAT AS SHE SETTLED DOWN TO SAY THE JOKE SHE TRIED TO
CARRY A STRAIGHT FACE.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; RIVERVIEW

James Callow Keyword(s): HUMOR

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote
RIDDLE -- Riddle Question

Date learned: 01-00-1974

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HOW THE TRADITION OF PUTTING AN ANGEL ON TOP OF THE

IT SEEMS THAT IT WAS AN EXCEPTIONALLY BUSY CHRISTMAS FOR SANTA CLAUS.
HIS ELVES WERE ON STRIKE AND HIS REINDEER WERE UNUSUALLY STUBBORN. HE
WAS JUST ABOUT TO GIVE UP IN FRUSTRATION AND CANCEL CHRISTMAS WHEN
THERE WAS A KNOCK ON THE DOOR. SANTA OPENED THE DOOR TO FIND AN ANGEL
WITH THE CHRISTMAS TREE HE HAD ORDERED. IT WAS 2 WEEKS LATE. THE
ANGEL ASKED WHERE HE WANTED THE TREE. UNABLE TO CONTROL HIMSELF ANY
LONGER HE SHOUTED "I'LL TELL YOU WHERE YOU CAN STICK THE DAMN TREE".
AND THAT'S HOW THE ANGEL GOT TO BE ON TOP OF THE CHRISTMAS TREE.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Product or activity of man or animal
PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote

Date learned: 11-00-1973

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ELEPHANT JOKE

WHY DID THE ELEPHANT SIT ON THE MARSHMALLOW? BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT
TO FALL IN THE HOT CHOCOLATE.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote
RIDDLE -- Riddle Question

Date learned: 11-00-1972

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JEST, ANECDOTE

ON THE HOLYDAY OF THE HOLY GHOST A PRIEST SAID TO A MAN,
" WHEN I
SING HOLY GHOST SHOW YOURSELF, LET THE PIGEON OUT FROM
UNDERNEATH YOUR COAT. " THE CHURCH WAS CROWDED THAT
HOLYDAY AND THE PEOPLE BEING SO CLOSE TOGETHER, CHOKED THE BIRD
TO DEATH. THEN LATER WHEN THE PRIEST SANG OUT, " HOLY
GHOST SHOW YOURSELF " , THE MAN SANG BACK, " HE
ISN'T HERE, HE ISN'T HERE; HE CHOKED HIMSELF."

Submitter comment: THIS IS FUNNY BECAUSE GOD ISN T SUPPOSED TO DIE. THIS WAS LEARNED
IN RUSSIA. THIS ITEM IS TRANSLATED FROM THE RUSSIAN LANGUAGE.

James Callow comment: ANTHROPOMORPHISM ; ANIMAL
DNC[ 1,419
******************** C FILE 1 ********************

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; RUSSIA ; Sterling Heights

James Callow Keyword(s): ANTICLERICAL ; PENTECOST

Subject headings: Favorites
PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote
BELIEF -- Creator

Date learned: 11-00-1973

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JEST, ANECDOTE

ONCE THERE WAS AN ORTHODOX WOMAN AND A CATHOLIC MAN. THE
HUSBAND WENT OUT IN THE WOODS TO WORK AND THE MOTHER WHO
STAYED AT HOME TOLD THE CHILDREN IF THE CATHOLIC PRIEST SHOULD
COME TO THE DOOR TELL HIM THAT NO ONE IS HOME. ONE DAY THE
PRIEST COMES TO THE DOOR AND ASKS THE CHILDREN, QUOTATION
"WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS?" AND THEY REPLY,
"ONE PARENT WENT OUT TO THE WOODS AND THE OTHER IS HIDING BEHIND
THE OVEN."

Submitter comment: CHILDREN DON'T KNOW HOW TO LIE. THEY APPEAR INNOCENT COMPARED
TO THE MOTHER.
THIS WAS LEARNED IN RUSSIA.
THIS ITEM IS TRANSLATED FROM THE RUSSIAN LANGUAGE.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; RUSSIA ; Sterling Heights

Subject headings: Favorites
PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote

Date learned: 11-00-1973

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JEST, ANECDOTE

THE HOLY ORTHODOX PRIEST NEVER LOOKED OUTSIDE TO LOOK AT THE
WEATHER. HE WOULD ALWAYS ASK HIS SERVANT TO SEE IF IT WAS
RAINING OR IF IT WAS SUNSHINING. ON THE THIRD DAY THE SERVANT WAS
TIRED OF ANSWERING THE PRIEST AND DECIDED TO TRICK HIM. SO
WHEN THE PRIEST ASKED, " IS IT RAINING OR SHINING?"
HE SAID, "IT IS RAINING"
WHEN IT WAS REALLY SHINING. THE PRIEST AS ALWAYS SAID
" I KNOW AND GOD KNOWS."
THIS TIME, HOWEVER, THE
SERVANT CRIED, " GOD KNOWS BUT YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING."

Submitter comment: THE ORTHODOX PRIESTS WERE CONSIDERED SO HOLY THAT THEY DID NOT
HAVE TO WORK. SOME PEOPLE CONSIDERED THEM LAZY.
THIS ITEM IS TRANSLATED FROM THE RUSSIAN LANGUAGE.
THIS WAS LEARNED IN RUSSIA.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; RUSSIA ; Sterling Heights

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote

Date learned: 11-00-1973

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Entry filtered.

THE UGLY BIRD JOKE

MR.SMITH WAS VERY THIN AND PALE. ONE DAY HE WENT TO SEE A DOCTOR. THE
DOCTOR TOLD HIM TO SUNBATHE IN THE NUDE FOR A WEEK. THE FIRST DAY HE
WAS SUNBATHING AND READING THE PAPER WHEN SALLY, THE LITTLE GIRL NEXT
DOOR CAME IN THE YARD. "HI MR.SMITH" SAID SALLY. MR.SMITH IMMEDIATELY
DROPPED THE PAPER TO COVER HIMSELF. SALLY ASKED HIM WHAT HE HAD UNDER
THE PAPER. MR.SMITH REPLIED IT WAS HIS BIRD. "CAN I SEE YOUR BIRD MR.
SMITH?" ASKED SALLY. "MAYBE TOMORROW" SAID MR.SMITH. THE NEXT DAY MR.
SMITH WAS AGAIN SUNBATHING WHEN SALLY WALKED IN THE YARD. "HI MR.
SMITH" SAID SALLY. MR.SMITH AGAIN DROPPED THE PAPER TO COVER HIMSELF.
SALLY ASKED,"CAN I SEE YOUR BIRD TODAY MR.SMITH?" HE SAID "MAYBE
TOMORROW SALLY." THE NEXT DAY MR.SMITH WAS SUNBATHING AND DECIDED TO
TAKE A NAP. HE PUT THE PAPER DOWN TO COVER HIMSELF. NEXT THING HE
KNEW HE WAS IN TREMENDOUS PAIN. HE COULD NOT BELIEVE THE PAIN HE WAS
HAVING. ALSO THERE WERE DOCTORS AND NURSES AROUND. HE LOOKED AT THE
DOOR AND THERE WAS SALLY TALKING TO A POLICEMAN. SHE WAS SAYING,"MR.
SMITH TOLD ME HE HAD A BIRD UNDER THE PAPER AND I WANTED TO SEE IT.
I PICKED UP THE PAPER AND LOOKED. IT WAS THE UGLIEST BIRD I EVER SAW
SO I SMASHED ITS EGGS, WRUNG ITS NECK AND LIT ITS NEST ON FIRE."

Where learned: DETROIT

James Callow Keyword(s): PENIS

Subject headings: Favorites
PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote
BELIEF -- Body part Senses

Date learned: 11-24-1973

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