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MORON
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
THEN THERE WAS THE LITTLE MORON WHO BROKE HIS LEG WHEN
HE THREW HIS CIGARETTE BUTT DOWN THE MANHOLE AND TRIED
TO STEP ON IT.
Submitter comment:
DOESN'T REMEMBER (ORIGIN)
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 11-11-1967
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MORON
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
TWO LITTLE MORONS WERE HUNTING. THE FIRST ONE SHOT A DUCK,
AND WHEN IT FELL AT HIS FEET, HE FELT SO BAD THAT THE
LITTLE DUCK HAD DIED, WHEN HE SHOT IT. THE OTHER SAID,
"OH, DON'T FEEL SO BAD. THE FALL WOULD HAVE KILLED IT
ANYWAY."
Submitter comment:
DOESN'T REMEMBER (ORIGIN)
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 11-03-1967
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MORON
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
THE LITTLE MORON WAS NAILING SHINGLES ON THE HOUSE.
SOMEBODY NOTICED THAT HE WAS THROWING HALF THE NAILS AWAY.
THEY ASKED HIM WHY. THE LITTLE MORON SAID, "BECAUSE, THE
HEADS ARE ON THE WRONG END." "WELL YOU DOPE," / SAID THE
OTHER, "THOSE ARE FOR THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HOUSE."
Submitter comment:
DOESN'T REMEMBER (ORIGIN)
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 11-03-1967
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MORON
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
THEN THERE WAS THE LITTLE MORON WHO WENT TO A FOOTBALL
GAME BECAUSE HE THOUGHT A QUARTERBACK WAS A REFUND.
Submitter comment:
(HEARD) AT BOSTON COLLEGE
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 11-03-1967
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MORON
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
DID YOU HEAR OF THE LITTLE MORON WHO TOOK OFF HIS KNEE
CAP TO SEE IF THERE WAS ANY BEER IN THE JOINT?
Submitter comment:
DOESN'T REMEMBER (ORIGIN)
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 11-25-1967
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MORON
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE LITTLE MORON WHO SAT UP ALL NIGHT
ON HIS WEDDING NIGHT GAZING OUT OF THE WINDOW, BECAUSE
HIS MOTHER HAD TOLD HIM IT WOULD BE THE MOST WONDERFUL
NIGHT HE EVER SAW?
Submitter comment:
DOESN'T REMEMBER (ORIGIN)
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 10-28-1967
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MORON
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
THERE WERE TWO MORONS WHO WERE WAITING FOR A STREETCAR.
ONE ASKED THE OTHER IF HE THOUGHT THE CAR HAD ALREADY
GONE. "YES, IT MUST HAVE GONE," THE OTHER EXCLAIMED,
"THERE'S ITS TRACKS!"
Submitter comment:
DOESN'T REMEMBER (ORIGIN)
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 11-26-1967
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MORON
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
DID YOU HEAR OF THE LITTLE MORON BRIDE WHO SAT DOWN AND
CRIED BITTERLY WHEN HER HUSBAND WENT OUT TO SHOOT
CRAPS? SHE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO COOK THEM!
Submitter comment:
DOESN'T KNOW (ORIGIN)
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 11-26-1967
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MORON
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE LITTLE MORON WHO WENT STROLLING
ALONG THE BEACH AND SAW A NUDE WOMAN COME OUT OF THE
WATER? HE SAID, "BOY WOULDN'T SHE LOOK GOOD IN A
BATHING SUIT!"
Submitter comment:
(HEARD) AT WORK
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 11-18-1967
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MORON
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE LITTLE MORON WHO WAS SO
BASHFUL THAT HE HAD TO GO INTO ANOTHER ROOM TO
CHANGE HIS MIND?
Submitter comment:
AT WORK
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
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Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
JOE AND MARY TOOK A WALK IN THE WOODS. JOE SAT DOWN
AND ASKED MARY TO TAKE OFF HER CLOTHES. MARY
LAUGHED, SHE KNEW THEY WOULD NEVER FIT JOE.
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
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Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE LAZY POLAK? HE MARRIED A
PREGNANT WOMAN.
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 05-22-1965
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Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE POLAKS WHO WENT ICE FISHING?
THEY CAME BACK WITH A HUNDRED POUNDS OF ICE.
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 05-22-1965
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Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
THESE TWO POLAKS WENT FISHING AND THEY WERE HAVING A
LOT OF SUCCESS. ONE OF THEM SAID, "HEY, THIS IS
GREAT. WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO COME BACK TOMORROW."
THE OTHER ONE SAID, "GOOD IDEA." SO HE TOOK A CRAYON
OUT OF HIS POCKET AND MARKED A BIG, BLACK "X" ON THE
SIDE OF THE BOAT. THE OTHER POLAK SAID, "WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?" HE SAID, "I'M MARKING THE SPOT, SO WE DON'T
FORGET IT." THE OTHER ONE SAID, "WHAT ARE YOU, STUPID?
HOW DO WE KNOW WE'LL EVEN GET THE SAME BOAT?"
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 05-22-1965
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POLISH HOKE
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
THERE WAS THIS POLACK DIGGING DITCHES. NOT TOO FAR
FROM WHERE HE WAS WORKING, THERE WAS A CONSTRUCTION
WORKER, HIGH UP ON TOP THE BUILDING. THIS POOR
POLACK, THE MORE HE DUG, THE MORE HE THOUGHT, "WHY
CAN'T I WORK ONE JOB LIKE THAT?" SO WHEN THE POLACK'S
FOREMAN WALKED BY, HE ASKED HIM, "SAY, WHY CAN'T I WORK
WITH THAT GUY UP THERE." THE FOREMAN SAYS, "I DON'T
KNOW. GO UP AND ASK HIM." SO THE POLACK CLIMBS
ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP OF THE BUILDING, AND HE SAYS TO
THE MAN, "HEY, HOW CAN I GET A JOB LIKE THIS." THE
CONSTRUCTION WORKER LOOKED AT THE POLACK AND HE SAYS,
"YOU CAN NEVER HAVE A JOB LIKE THIS." "WHY?" ASKS THE
POLACK. "WELL," ANSWERS THE CONSTRUCTION WORKER, "YOU
DON'T HAVE COMMON SENSE." SO THE POLACK ASKS, "WHAT'S
COMMON SENSE?" "HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU," SAYS THE
CONSTRUCTION WORKER. HE PUTS HIS HAND AGAINST A STEEL
BEAM AND SAYS TO THE POLACK, "SEE MY HAND. HIT IT
AS HARD AS YOU CAN." AND THE POLACK DOES.
THE NEXT DAY THE POLACK WAS BACK DIGGING DITCHES.
THE FOREMAN COMES ALONG AND ASKS HIM, "WELL, DID YOU FIND
OUT WHY YOU CAN'T WORK UP THERE?" "YES," REPLIES THE
POLACK, "BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE COMMON SENSE." "WHAT DO
YOU MEAN?" ASKS THE FOREMAN. "I'LL SHOW YOU," SAYS
THE POLACK. LOOKING AROUND, HE COULDN'T FIND A STEEL
BEAM, SO HE HOLDS HIS HAND UP TO HIS FACE AND SAYS,
"SEE MY HAND? WELL HIT IT AS HARD AS YOU CAN."
Submitter comment:
THIS WAS COLLECTED 3-5-1967 WHEN MY COUSIN RON VISITED
ME. WE ARE BOTH PART POLISH AND ENJOY EXCHANGING
POLISH HOKES WITH EACH OTHER.
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman BELIEF -- Poli |
A MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN, QUITE SCUZZY LOOKING, CAME INTO A
BAR WITH HER HANDS CUPPED TOGETHER IN FRONT OF HER. SHE
LOUDLY ANNOUNCED TO ALL PRESENT THAT IF ANYONE COULD
GUESS WHAT SHE WAS HOLDING IN HER HANDS, THEY COULD HAVE
HER BODY FOR THE NIGHT. A DRUNK IN THE BACK YELLS OUT,
"AN ELEPHANT!" SHE IMMEDIATELY ANSWERED, "THAT'S
CLOSE ENOUGH."
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
James Callow Keyword(s): UNTIDY UNKEMPT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Woman |
Date learned: 05-22-1965
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THIS GUY WAS OUT ON A HUNTING TRIP, WHEN SUDDENLY HE
FELT THAT NATURE MUST TAKE ITS COURSE. HE DUCKED BEHIND
A TREE AND PROCEEDED TO RELIEVE HIS KIDNEYS. THERE WAS
ANOTHER HUNTER ABOUT FIFTY YARDS AWAY WHO SAW THE BUSHES
MOVE AND, THINKING IT WAS A DEER, LET HIM HAVE IT WITH
BOTH BARRELS OF A 12 GAUGE SHOTFGUN. HE GOT HIM RIGHT IN
THE PECKER. THE GUY LET OUT A SCREAM AND, NOT KNOWING
WHAT TO DO, WRAPPED IT UP IN A HANDERCHIEF AND RAN TO
THE NEAREST DOCTOR. HE CAME IN AND SAYS, "DOC, I'VE GOT
A PROBLEM." THE DOC SAYS, "WE'VE ALL GOT PROBLEMS SON."
THEN HE SAYS, "NO, NO, YOU'VE GOT TO SEE THIS." THEN HE
PULLED DOWN HIS PANTS. THE DOCTOR SAYS, "GRACIOUS,"
AND SCRATCHED HIS HEAD. THE FELLOW SAYS, "WHAT CAN YOU
DO FOR ME, DOC?" SO THE DOCTOR PULLED OUT A CARD AND
WROTE DOWN A NAME AND ADDRESS. THE GUY SAYS, "WHO'S
THIS, A SPECIALIST?" THE DOCTOR SAYS, "NO, HE'S MY
BROTHER, A CLARINET PLAYER. HE CAN TEACH YOU HOW TO
FINGER IT SO THAT YOU DON'T PISS ALL OVER YOURSELF."
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
James Callow Keyword(s): PENIS ; URINATE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Man Filter - Mature Content |
Date learned: 05-22-1965
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Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
WHAT'S RED AND ORANGE AND PURPLE AND GREEN, AND WEARS
AN ORANGE POLKA DOT TIE, AND SITS ON THE WALL AND
SMELLS?
HUMPTY DUMBROWSKI.
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | BELIEF -- Poli |
Date learned: 05-22-1965
THE MOTH BALL
THEY HAD BEEN TRAINING THE MOTH FOR YEARS GIVING HIM
JUST THE PROPER TYPE OF FOOD; KEEPING HIS LIVING
QUARTERS AT THE CORRECT HEAT; MAKING SURE HE GOT
JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF SLEEP. HE WAS DOING
CALESTHENTICS NOW BECAUSE HE WAS IN TRAINING FOR
THE BIG DAY--THE MOTH EATING CONTEST OF THE
NEIGHBORHOOD.
THE STORY GOES ON THAT THIS MOTH WON THE NEIGHBORHOOD
CONTEST, GOES ON TO WIN THE PARISH, DISTRICT,
CITY, STATE, COUNTRY, WESTERN HEMISPHERE, WORLD, AND
IS FINALLY ENTERED INTO THE UNIVERSE CONTEST. ALL
THIS TIME, HE IS GETTING BIGGER AND BIGGER, FROM THE
SIZE OF A BUTTERFLY TO THE SIZE OF THE EMPIRE STATE
BUILDING. ALSO, THE PLACE WHERE THE CONTEST IS
HELD GETS BIGGER AND BIGGER, I.E., THE WORLD
CONTEST BEING HELD WITH SIBERIA AS THE CONTEST
GROUNDS AND THE UNIVERSE ON THE MOON. WHAT THEY
EAT ALSO INCREASES IN SIZE FROM HANDKERCHIEFS
UNTIL NOW IT'S MINK COATS AND BLANKETS. THIS MOTH
JUST BARELY EDGES OUT EVERY OTHER MOTH BY EATING ONE
MORE ARTICLE THAN THEY DO--AND JUST BARELY ABLE TO
GET IT DOWN.
ALL THE MOTHS HAD ASSEMBLED ON THE MOON EXCEPT FOR THE
REPRESENTATIVE FROM MARS. EVERYONE WAS WAITING FOR
THIS ONE, BECAUSE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE BIGGEST
MOTH IN EXISTENCE. ALL OF A SUDDEN, EVERYTHING WAS
DARK--WE LOOKED UP AND SAW THE MARTIAN MOTH FLYING
DOWN. HE WAS SO BIG, HE HAD COVERED THE SUN AS HE FLEW
IN. SO ALL THE MOTHS WERE READY; THE MOMENT OF TRUTH
HAD ARRIVED. THE JUDGES PLACED THE MINK COATS AND
BLANKETS IN FRONT OF THE MOTHS. TEN MINK COATS, TEN
BLANKETS, TWENTY COATS, TWENTY BLANKETS, THIRTY
COATS, THIRTY BLANKETS; AFTER FORTY COATS AND FORTY
BLANKETS, THERE WERE ONLY THREE MOTHS LEFT; OURS,
THE MOTH FROM VENUS, AND THE MOTH FROM MARS. AFTER
50 COATS AND 45 BLANKETS, THE MOTH FROM VENUS
DROPPED OUT. IT WAS US AND MARS. 60 COATS-60 BLANKETS,
70 COATS-70 BLANKETS. IT LOOKED AS THOUGH THERE WOULD
BE NO END TO THIS CONTEST. BUT, LO AND BEHOLD, AFTER 78
COATS AND 77 BLANKETS, THE MOTH FROM MARS ROLLED OVER,
HIS FEET STICKING UP IN THE AIR, GAVE A GREAT ROAR AND
DIED. WE WERE IN. ALL OUR MOTH HAD TO DO WAS EAT 3
MORE COATS AND 2 MORE BLANKETS--HE HAD ALREADY CONSUMED
76 COATS AND 75 BLANKETS. (HE ALWAYS WAS A SLOW EATER.)
SO HE ATE ONE COAT, ONE BLANKET; ANOTHER COAT AND ANOTHER
BLANKET. IT WAS TIED. ALL HE HAD TO DO NOW WAS FINISH
THAT LAST COAT AND WE WOULD BE THE CHAMPIONS OF THE
ENTIRE UNIVERSE. HE WALKED OVER TO THE LAST COAT,
LOOKED AT IT, PICKED IT UP AND TRIED TO EAT. HE
COULDN'T. WE BEGGED HIM, THREATENED HIM, BRIBED HIM,
DID EVERYTHING WE COULD POSSIBLY DO TO TRY TO MAKE HIM
EAT THIS LAST COAT. HE GOT A FIERY LOOK IN HIS EYES,
WENT UP TO THE COAT AGAIN, PICKED IT (UP) SET IT DOWN
AGAIN, AND WENT TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RING AND
STARTED TO CRY. AND DO YOU KNOW THAT WAS THE FIRST
TIME A MOTH BAWL.
Submitter comment:
DENNIS DID NOT RECALL HEARING THIS STORY BEFORE THAT
SUMMER AND DID NOT KNOW WHERE HE FIRST HEARD IT.
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
James Callow Keyword(s): MOTHBALL
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
THE RED RIBBON
JOHNNY LIVED NEXT DOOR TO SUSIE AND THEY USED TO PLAY
TOGETHER ALL THE TIME. ONE DAY JOHNNY ASKED SUSIE
ABOUT THE RED RIBBON SHE WORE AROUND HER NECK ALL THE
TIME. JOHNNY KEPT ASKING SUSIE BECAUSE SHE NEVER TOOK
THE RED RIBBON OFF HER NECK AND THIS REALLY PUZZLED
HIM.
THE STORY GOES ON AND AT EVERY OCCASION, GRADUATION FROM
GRADE SCHOOL, HIGH SCHOOL, THEIR ENGAGEMENT, GRADUATION
FROM COLLEGE, THEIR WEDDING NIGHT, ETC., AND SHE
ALWAYS TELLS HIM THAT SHE WILL EXPLAIN IT TO HIM LATER.
(OF COURSE WHEN THE STORY IS TOLD, IT IS DRAGGED OUT
AS LONG AS POSSIBLE AND THE DETAILS, NO MATTER HOW
SMALL, OF THE OCCASIONS ARE NARRATED.) FINALLY, ON
THEIR GOLDEN WEDDING ANNIVERSARY, JOHNNY ASKS SUSIE
WHY SHE WEARS THE RED RIBBON AROUND HER NECK.
SUSIE SAYS, "OK JOHNNY, I'LL FINALLY TELL YOU, NO I
CAN'T TELL YOU, LET ME SHOW YOU." SHE TOOK THE RED
RIBBON OFF HER NECK AND HER HEAD FELL OFF.
Submitter comment: BILL COULDN'T RECALL WHERE HE HAD HEARD THE STORY.
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |