THE MOTH BALL

THEY HAD BEEN TRAINING THE MOTH FOR YEARS GIVING HIM
JUST THE PROPER TYPE OF FOOD; KEEPING HIS LIVING
QUARTERS AT THE CORRECT HEAT; MAKING SURE HE GOT
JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF SLEEP. HE WAS DOING
CALESTHENTICS NOW BECAUSE HE WAS IN TRAINING FOR
THE BIG DAY--THE MOTH EATING CONTEST OF THE
NEIGHBORHOOD.
THE STORY GOES ON THAT THIS MOTH WON THE NEIGHBORHOOD
CONTEST, GOES ON TO WIN THE PARISH, DISTRICT,
CITY, STATE, COUNTRY, WESTERN HEMISPHERE, WORLD, AND
IS FINALLY ENTERED INTO THE UNIVERSE CONTEST. ALL
THIS TIME, HE IS GETTING BIGGER AND BIGGER, FROM THE
SIZE OF A BUTTERFLY TO THE SIZE OF THE EMPIRE STATE
BUILDING. ALSO, THE PLACE WHERE THE CONTEST IS
HELD GETS BIGGER AND BIGGER, I.E., THE WORLD
CONTEST BEING HELD WITH SIBERIA AS THE CONTEST
GROUNDS AND THE UNIVERSE ON THE MOON. WHAT THEY
EAT ALSO INCREASES IN SIZE FROM HANDKERCHIEFS
UNTIL NOW IT'S MINK COATS AND BLANKETS. THIS MOTH
JUST BARELY EDGES OUT EVERY OTHER MOTH BY EATING ONE
MORE ARTICLE THAN THEY DO--AND JUST BARELY ABLE TO
GET IT DOWN.
ALL THE MOTHS HAD ASSEMBLED ON THE MOON EXCEPT FOR THE
REPRESENTATIVE FROM MARS. EVERYONE WAS WAITING FOR
THIS ONE, BECAUSE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE BIGGEST
MOTH IN EXISTENCE. ALL OF A SUDDEN, EVERYTHING WAS
DARK--WE LOOKED UP AND SAW THE MARTIAN MOTH FLYING
DOWN. HE WAS SO BIG, HE HAD COVERED THE SUN AS HE FLEW
IN. SO ALL THE MOTHS WERE READY; THE MOMENT OF TRUTH
HAD ARRIVED. THE JUDGES PLACED THE MINK COATS AND
BLANKETS IN FRONT OF THE MOTHS. TEN MINK COATS, TEN
BLANKETS, TWENTY COATS, TWENTY BLANKETS, THIRTY
COATS, THIRTY BLANKETS; AFTER FORTY COATS AND FORTY
BLANKETS, THERE WERE ONLY THREE MOTHS LEFT; OURS,
THE MOTH FROM VENUS, AND THE MOTH FROM MARS. AFTER
50 COATS AND 45 BLANKETS, THE MOTH FROM VENUS
DROPPED OUT. IT WAS US AND MARS. 60 COATS-60 BLANKETS,
70 COATS-70 BLANKETS. IT LOOKED AS THOUGH THERE WOULD
BE NO END TO THIS CONTEST. BUT, LO AND BEHOLD, AFTER 78
COATS AND 77 BLANKETS, THE MOTH FROM MARS ROLLED OVER,
HIS FEET STICKING UP IN THE AIR, GAVE A GREAT ROAR AND
DIED. WE WERE IN. ALL OUR MOTH HAD TO DO WAS EAT 3
MORE COATS AND 2 MORE BLANKETS--HE HAD ALREADY CONSUMED
76 COATS AND 75 BLANKETS. (HE ALWAYS WAS A SLOW EATER.)
SO HE ATE ONE COAT, ONE BLANKET; ANOTHER COAT AND ANOTHER
BLANKET. IT WAS TIED. ALL HE HAD TO DO NOW WAS FINISH
THAT LAST COAT AND WE WOULD BE THE CHAMPIONS OF THE
ENTIRE UNIVERSE. HE WALKED OVER TO THE LAST COAT,
LOOKED AT IT, PICKED IT UP AND TRIED TO EAT. HE
COULDN'T. WE BEGGED HIM, THREATENED HIM, BRIBED HIM,
DID EVERYTHING WE COULD POSSIBLY DO TO TRY TO MAKE HIM
EAT THIS LAST COAT. HE GOT A FIERY LOOK IN HIS EYES,
WENT UP TO THE COAT AGAIN, PICKED IT (UP) SET IT DOWN
AGAIN, AND WENT TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RING AND
STARTED TO CRY. AND DO YOU KNOW THAT WAS THE FIRST
TIME A MOTH BAWL.

Submitter comment: DENNIS DID NOT RECALL HEARING THIS STORY BEFORE THAT
SUMMER AND DID NOT KNOW WHERE HE FIRST HEARD IT.

Where learned: NOT GIVEN

James Callow Keyword(s): MOTHBALL