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SAYINGS
ONE ROTTEN APPLE SPOILS THE BARREL
Submitter comment: FROM RELATIVES
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROVERB -- Proverbial Metaphor |
Date learned: 10-08-1967
LEGAL PROVERB
ONE WHO SEEKS EQUITY MUST DO EQUITY
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROVERB -- Proverbial Metaphor |
Date learned: 03-28-1968
PROVRBIAL PHRASE
OUT OF LETTUCE ( DOUGH )
Data entry tech comment: ORIGINAL 5 X 8 CARD INDICATES THE INFORMATION WAS RECEIVED BY LETTER
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROVERB -- Proverbial Phrase |
Date learned: 10-23-1969
A NUN'S STORY
ONE DAY A FIRST GRADE TEACHER TOLD HER CLASS THAT ALL
THE NUNS AT THE CONVENT WERE GOING TO AN INSTITUTE THAT
WEEKEND. ONE PARTICULAR LITTLE GIRL WENT HOME
AND TOLD HER MOTHER THAT ALL THE NUNS WERE GOING
ON AN "INNOCENT TOOT."
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote CUSTOM FESTIVAL -- School SPEECH -- Vocabulary |
Date learned: 06-00-1964
THE CROWDED SYNAGOGUE
THE SYNAGOGUE WAS CROWDED DURING THE HIGH HOLY DAYS AND
THE PEWS WERE RESERVED FOR TICKET HOLDERS. LAPIDIS
TRIED TO GET PAST THE USHER. "IT'S MY BROTHER--
I'VE GOT TO SEE HIM--IT'S VERY IMPORTANT." "HAVE
YOU GOT A TICKET?" ASKED THE USHER. "NO," SAID
LAPIDIS. "BUT I HAVE GOT TO SEE MY BROTHER--IT'S
A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH." "ALL RIGHT," SAID THE
USHER, "GO INSIDE AND TALK TO YOUR BROTHER. BUT
DON'T LET ME CATCH YOU PRAYING!"
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Religious PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote CUSTOM FESTIVAL -- Church BELIEF -- Prayer |
Date learned: 07-00-1964
PAT AND MIKE CHEER UP A FRIEND
THIS FINE IRISH COUPLE TOLD ME THE FOLLOWING
STORY ABOUT THE WELL-KNOWN COMPATRIOTS, PAT AND MIKE.
IT SEEMS A DEAR FRIEND OF THEIR'S WAS TAKEN VERY
ILL. NOW HE LIVED IN THE BASEMENT OF A TYPICAL
TENEMENT HOUSE AND TO REACH HIS ROOM, THEY HAD
TO TRAVEL DOWN RICKETY STAIRS AND WALK THROUGH
A NARROW DOORWAY. ONCE THEY ARRIVED, BOTH
PROCEEDED TO VIGOROUSLY CHEER UP THEIR FRIEND.
AFTER A TYPICALLY LIVELY IRISH GAB FEST, FILLED
WITH REASSURANCES, PAT AND MIKE DECIDED TO LET
THE PATIENT REST. HOWEVER, AS THEY WERE LEAVING,
PAT TURNED TO MIKE AND SAID, NOT TOO SOFTLY,
"THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE A "DIVIL" OF A TIME
GETTING THE COFFIN OUT OF THIS PLACE."
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
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THE NUN AND THE PRIEST
DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE NUN THAT CHASED
THE PRIEST AROUND THE CHURCH AND CAUGHT HIM BY
THE ORGAN?
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote Filter - Mature Content |
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
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THE LOOSE EYE
A MAN WENT INTO A HOUSE OF ILL REPUTE AND TOLD THE
MATRON, "I WANT TO GO AT IT IN A DIFFERENT WAY THIS
TIME." THE MATRON TOLD HIM SHE HAD JUST THE RIGHT
GIRL AND TOOK HIM TO THE PROPER GIRL'S ROOM.
AFTER HE ENTERED, THE GIRL TOOK OUT HER LEFT EYE,
PLACED IT ON THE TABLE, AND LET THE MAN SCREW HER
IN THE EYE. AFTER HE HAD FINISHED, HE TOLD HER
"YOU WERE GREAT, I'LL BE BACK SOON FOR MORE." SHE
QUICKLY REPLIED, "I'LL KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR YOU."
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote Filter - Mature Content |
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
JEWISH WIT IN HUNGARY
COHEN AND GREENBAUM ARE FRIENDS. COHEN GETS INVITED
TO A PARTY AND GREENBAUM DOESN'T. GREENBAUM BECOMES
JEALOUS. GREENBAUM ASKS COHEN TO TELL HIM HOW THE
PARTY WENT. THE NEXT DAY COHEN TELLS GREENBAUM:
"WELL, IF THE SOUP WOULD HAVE BEEN AS WARM AS THE
WINE AND IF THE WINE WOULD HAVE BEEN AS OLD AS THE
GOOSE AND IF THE GOOSE WOULD HAVE BEEN AS FAT AS THE
HOSTESS, THEN IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A GOOD DINNER.
Submitter comment:
SOUP WAS COLD; WINE WAS YOUNG AND WARM; THE GOOSE WAS
OLD AND TOUGH.
INFORMANT HEARD FROM GRANDMOTHER.
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
ARMY HUMOR
LST SGT. SAYS SOMETHING FUNNY, SOLDIER LAUGHS,
AND OTHER SGT. SAYS "HEY, SERG. BROWN, THIS GUY THINKS
YOU'RE A COMEDIAN!"
SERG. BROWN: IS THAT TRUE, YOU THINK I'M A COMEDIAN?
SOLDIER: NO SIR.
SERG. BROWN:
Submitter comment: INFORMANT HEARD DURING SERVICE.
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
DRUNK JOKE
THERE'S A WOMAN STANDING AT THE BAR WITH A DOG UNDER
HER ARM. A DRUNK WALKS IN AND SAYS, "WHAT ARE YOU
DOING WITH THAT PIG?" THE WOMAN REPLIES, "THAT'S
NOT A PIG, THAT'S A DOG." THE DRUNK SAYS, "I WAS
TALKING TO THE DOG!"
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 10-22-1968
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THE PHONE
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
DO YOU TALK TO YOUR WIFE AFTER INTERCOURSE?
IF I'M NEAR A PHONE I DO.
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
THE GREAT BINGE
THERE WAS A NOTORIOUS DRUNKARD WHO COULD GO ON THE
LONGEST DRINKING BINGES OF ANY DRINKER IN THE
NORTHERN HILLS OF ARKANSAS. ONE TIME, HE WAS ON A
THREE DAY BINGE. ON THE THIRD DAY, HE WAS WALKING
HOME, AND PASSED OUT AND ROLLED IN THE DITCH ON THE
SIDE OF THE ROAD. THE NEXT MORNING, A GRADER
CAME BY AND FOUND HIM LYING IN THE DITCH. THE MEN THOUGHT
HE WAS DEAD, SO THEY THREW HIM OVER THE TOP OF THE
GRADER AND PROCEEDED TO GRADE THE ROAD. THEY GRADED
THE ROAD TO THE NEXT TOWN ABOUT THREE MILES FROM WHERE THEY
FOUND THE DRUNK. AS THEY STOPPED THE DRUNK WOKE UP AND
WALKED AWAY NOT KNOWING WHAT HAD HAPPENED OR WHERE HE
WAS OR HOW HE GOT THERE.
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 11-08-1968
CITY BOY IN THE COUNTRY
A BOY FROM THE CITY COMES TO VISIT HIS COUSIN IN THE
COUNTRY. THE COUNTRY BOY SAYS, "LET'S GO EAT SOME
PERSIMMONS." SO THE TWO BOYS GO DOWN TO THE PERSIMMON
TREE. THE COUNTRY BOY CLIMBS UP THE TREE TO GET THE
RIPE ONES, BECAUSE HE KNOWS THAT THE GREEN PERSIMMONS
WILL MAKE A PERSON PUCKER UP SO BAD, THAT HE WON'T BE
ABLE TO TALK FOR A LITTLE WHILE. THE CITY BOY DOESN'T
KNOW THIS AND WHILE HIS COUSIN IS UP IN THE TREE, HE
GRABS A GREEN PERSIMMON AND EATS IT. THEN IT HAPPENS:
CITY BOY: HE(Y?) COUSIN.
COUNTRY BOY: WHAT?
CITY BOY: COME DOWN HERE QUICK!
COUNTRY BOY: WHAT FOR?
CITY BOY: I'M CLOSING UP FAST.
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 11-08-1968
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SMOKING
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
TWO WHORES WERE TALKING OVER THE BUSINESS AND ONE
SAID TO THE OTHER: "DO YOU SMOKE AFTER INTERCOURSE?"
THE OTHER REPLIED: "I DON'T KNOW, I'VE NEVER LOOKED."
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
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THE MONKEY AND THE PIANO PLAYER
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
A PIANO PLAYER WHO COULDN'T READ MUSIC AND A MONKEY
WORKED IN A BAR EVERY NIGHT. ONE NIGHT A COUPLE CAME
IN AND SAT DOWN AT A TABLE. AFTER THEY HAD GOTTEN
THEIR DRINKS, THE MONKEY CAME UP AND PISSED IN THE
GIRL'S BEER. THE WAITRESS APOLOGIZED TO THE GIRL
AND MOPPED UP THE TABLE AND BROUGHT HER A NEW BEER,
PROMISING THE COUPLE THAT THIS INSULT WOULD NEVER
HAPPEN AGAIN. DURING THE NEXT SONG, THE MONKEY
CAME UP AND DID THE SAME THING IN THE MAN'S BEER.
THE MAN WAS INFURIATED AND ASKED THE WAITRESS WHO
OWNED THE MONKEY. THE WAITER TOLD HIM THE PIANO
PLAYER DID. THE MAN STORMED UP TO THE PIANO PLAYER
WHILE HE WAS PLAYING AND SAID, "DO YOU KNOW YOUR
MONKEY PISSED IN MY BEER?" THE PIANO PLAYER REPLIED:
"NO, BUT IF YOU HUM A FEW BARS OF IT, I CAN PICK IT UP."
Submitter comment:
LEARNED AT SOME UNKNOWN BAR.
Data entry tech comment:
ALL SCHMITT'S ITEMS SEEM TO COME FROM SOME BAR!
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
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THE MODEL AND THE WINDOW WASHER
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
A MODEL CAME HOME FROM A FASHION SHOW TO HER 12TH
STORY APARTMENT AND FOUND A WINDOW WASHER WORKING ON
THE OUTSIDE OF HER BEDROOM WINDOW. THINKING SHE'D
PLAY A LITTLE GAME, SHE SLIPPED OUT OF HER DRESS, AND
PRETENDING SHE HADN'T SEEN HIM, STARTED TO TAKE OFF
HER CLOTHES, LOOKING FOR HIS REACTION OUT OF THE CORNER
OF HER EYE. BUT HE SHOWED NO SIGNS OF NOTICING
ANYTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY. FINALLY, SHE TOOK OFF
ALL HER CLOTHES AND STOOD IN FRONT OF THE WINDOW
STARING HIM IN THE EYE. HE STILL DID NOTHING.
FLUSTERED, SHE REDDENED. THE WINDOW WASHER THEN
OPENED THE WINDOW AND SAID, "WHAT'S THE MATTER LADY,
HAVEN'T YOU EVER SEEN A WINDOW WASHER BEFORE?"
Submitter comment:
HEARD IN A BAR.
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
THE DRUNK AND THE BARTENDER
A DRUNK WALKED INTO A BAR AND SAID, "I'LL BUY
EVERYONE HERE A DRINK." THE BARTENDER GAVE EVERYONE
A DRINK AND GAVE THE DRUNK A BILL FOR $224. THE DRUNK
REPLIED TO THIS, "HA, HA, I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY."
THE BARTENDER THEN THREW HIM OUT INTO THE STREET,
AFTER BEATING HIM UP QUITE SEVERELY. TEN MINUTES
LATER THE DRUNK CAME BACK IN AND POINTED TO THE
BARTENDER SAYING: "I'LL BUY EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE
A DRINK EXCEPT YOU. YOU GET TOO NASTY AFTER ONE
DRINK."
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
CITY BOY IN THE COUNTRY
CITY BOY WAS VISITING HIS GRANDFATHER ON HIS FARM.
HE ASKED HIS GRANDFATHER IF HE COULD LEAD THE MULES
AROUND THE STABLE FOR HIM, SINCE HIS GRANDFATHER
WAS GETTING READY TO HITCH THE MULES TO THE PLOW.
HIS GRANDFATHER SAID YES, BUT TO BE CAREFUL NOT TO
LET THE MULES STEP ON THE BOARDS FULL OF NAILS
THAT WERE LYING BY THE STABLE. THE CITY BOY SAID
THAT WOULDN'T HURT THE MULES TO STEP ON SOME NAILS
BECAUSE HE SAW SOME MEN POUND NAILS IN THEIR
FEET BEFORE.
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 11-08-1968
IN EDINBURGH THEY TELL THE STORY OF THE TWO BURGLARS WHO
SMASHED A JEWELER'S WINDOW AND WERE ARRESTED WHEN THEY
CAME BACK FOR THE BRICK.
Data entry tech comment: REFERENCE TO SCOTTISH CLOSENESS WITH MONEY.
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 06-00-1964