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AN IRISHMAN WAS RETURNING TO HIS HOTEL AFTER HAVING ONE
TOO MANY AT A PARTY. HE STUMBLED INTO THE LOBBY, MUMBLED
A GOOD-NIGHT TO THE NIGHT CLERK, AND WENT UP THE STAIRS TO
HIS ROOM.
A MINUTE LATER HE STUMBLED BACK INTO THE LOBBY AND ASKED
THE NIGHT CLERK FOR THE KEY TO HIS ROOM. THE CLERK SAID THAT
HE HAD JUST GIVEN HIM THE KEY EARLIER THAT DAY.
"YES YOU DID," AGREED THE IRISHMAN. "AND I JUST USED IT
TO GET INTO MY ROOM. AND I'M SO BLIND DRUNK I FELL OUT OF
THE WINDOW!"
Submitter comment:
I HEARD THIS JOKE SOMETIME DURING SCHOOL. I CAN'T REMEMBER
WHO TOLD ME.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote IRIS |
Date learned: 00-00-1981
A MAN WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET WHEN HE SUDDENLY FELT
A TREMENDOUS URGE TO DEFECATE. HE RAN INTO A CORNER BAR,
HOPING TO FIND A PUBLIC REST ROOM. HE FOUND HIMSELF IN A
LARGE ROOM WITH A LARGE OVERHEAD FAN, BUT NO BATHROOM. HE
RAN UPSTAIRS, BUT ONLY FOUND A SMALL HOLE IN THE FLOOR. HE
DROPPED HIS PANTS AND WENT IN THE HOLE, FIGURING THAT IT WAS
BETTER THAN NOTHING.
WHEN HE WAS FINISHED, HE WENT BACK DOWNSTAIRS, AND WAS
SURPRISED TO FIND NO ONE IN THE CROWDED ROOM. THE BARTENDER
POKED HIS HEAD UP FROM BEHIND THE BAR, AND THE MAN ASKED
WHERE EVERYONE HAD GONE.
"BUDDY, WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU WHEN THE SHIT HIT THE
FAN?" WAS ALL THAT THE BARTENDER COULD SAY.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
A MAN DIED AND WENT TO HELL. THE DEVIL SHOWED HIM THREE
ROOMS IN WHICH HE COULD SPEND THE REST OF ETERNITY. THE
MAN WAS ALLOWED TO MAKE A CHOICE.
THE FIRST ROOM HAD A GROUP OF PEOPLE STANDING ON THEIR
HEADS ON A BRICK FLOOR. THE SECOND ROOM HAD A GROUP OF
PEOPLE STANDING ON THEIR HEADS ON A WOODEN FLOOR. THE THIRD
ROOM HAD A GROUP OF PEOPLE STANDING KNEE-DEEP IN SHIT AND
DRINKING COFFEE. THE MAN FIGURED THAT THIS WASN'T TOO BAD,
SO HE PICKED THE THIRD ROOM.
THE MAN ENTERED THE ROOM AND PICKED UP HIS COFFEE CUP.
THE DEVIL THEN CAME AND SAID: "OKAY, YOU TURKEYS. COFFEE
BREAK'S OVER. BACK ON YOUR HEADS FOR ANOTHER THOUSAND YEARS."
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 11-18-1987
I HAD A DREAM THAT I DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN AND YOU
WERE THERE AND WE BOTH MET UP WITH ST. PAUL. ST. PAUL TOOK
US THROUGH THESE GATES WHERE YOU WERE TO MEET YOUR MATE FOR
ETERNITY. WHILE WE WERE WALKING ALONG YOU MET ONE
OF YOUR FRIENDS AND THE FRIEND WAS MATED WITH A REALLY UGLY,
GROSS-LOOKING MONSTER. YOU SAID, "WHY IS MY FRIEND
MATED WITH SUCH AN UGLY CHARACTER?" ST. PAUL SAID, "YOUR
FRIEND LED A BAD LIFE ON EARTH AND WHEN PEOPLE LEAD BAD
LIVES ON EARTH THEY ARE TEAMED UP WITH UGLY CREATURES."
WE KEPT WALKING ALONG AND YOU SAW ANOTHER FRIEND
WHO WAS ALSO TEAMED UP WITH ANOTHER UGLY GODZILLA. "I
SUPPOSE HE LED A BAD LIFE ON EARTH ALSO!" YOU
SAID. WE KEPT WALKING AND WE FINALLY MET
MS AMERICA 1987 AND YOU WERE MATED WITH HER.
YOU SAID, "WHY DID MY FRIENDS GET THOSE UGLY MONSTERS
AND I'M MATED WITH THIS BEAUTIFUL WOMAN?" ST. PAUL SAID,
"YOU SEE, MS AMERICA LED A VERY BAD LIFE ON EARTH AND
YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF MATE YOU GET UP HERE WHEN THAT HAPPENS."
Submitter comment:
ENTRY WAS TOLD TO ME AS A DREAM BUT IT WAS REALLY A JOKE -
USING MY NAME INSTEAD OF YOURS.
Where learned: DETROIT
James Callow Keyword(s): INSULT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 12-00-1983
"THE MISTRESS"
I WAS SITTING IN A RESTAURANT AND ALL OF A
SUDDEN THIS WOMAN STARTED ARGUING WITH HER HUSBAND. THE REASON
FOR THE OUTBURST WAS BECAUSE THIS BEAUTIFUL BLOND WOMAN CAME
OVER AND KISSED THE HUSBAND ON THE LIPS. I HEARD THE
HUSBAND SAY, "YES, SHE IS MY MISTRESS." THE WIFE GOT REALLY MAD
AND SAID SHE WANTED A DIVORCE. THE HUSBAND SAID OK AND WENT ON
TO TELL HER THAT THE MERCEDES WOULD HAVE TO GO BACK AND SHE WON'T
BE GETTING FUR COATS EVERY YEAR, SHE WON'T BE GETTING HER
MONTHLY ALLOWANCE OF $1000 PER MONTH. (THIS MAN IS VERY RICH.)
FINALLY THE WIFE SAT BACK DOWN AND ACCEPTED THE FACT THAT HER
HUSBAND HAD A MISTRESS. TEN MINUTES LATER THE WIFE LOOKED
ACROSS THE ROOM AND SAW A FAMILY FRIEND NAMED DAN AND HE
WAS WITH A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN WHO WASN'T HIS WIFE. THE WIFE SAID,
"THERE'S DAN BUT WHO'S THAT WOMAN WITH HIM?" THE HUSBAND SAID,
"THAT'S DAN'S MISTRESS -- I BET YOU DON'T HEAR HIS WIFE
COMPLAINING."
Where learned: HOME ; MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
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LITTLE MORON
WHY DID THE LITTLE MORON PUT
HIS FATHER UNDER THE STEPS ?
BECAUSE HE WANTED A STEPFATHER.
Where learned: HOME ; MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 00001980S
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LITTLE MORON
WHY DID THE LITTLE MORON PUT HIS
MOTHER UNDER THE STEPS?
BECAUSE HE WANTED A STEPMOTHER.
WHY DID THE LITTLE MORON THROW THE
CLOCK OUT THE WINDOW?
BECAUSE HE WANTED TO SEE TIME FLY.
Where learned: HOME ; MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 00001980S
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IT WAS THIS LADY WHO NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND AND HER MOTHER NEVER
ALLOWED HER TO GO OUT ON DATES. SO ONE DAY AFTER SCHOOL THE GIRL
DIDN'T COME HOME AND THE MOTHER WAS FURIOUS. AROUND 3:00AM THE GIRL
CAME HOME AND THE MOTHER WAS READY TO BEAT HER BUTT; BUT THE GIRL
SAID MOMA BEFOR YOU WHIP ME CAN I ASK YOU TWO QUESTIONS? THE MOTHER
SAID WHAT? THE GIRL SAID, MOMA, WHAT'S THOSE TWO THINGS BETWEEN A
MAN'S LEG? THE MOTHER SAID,"THOSE ARE CALLED BALLS". THEN THE GIRL
ASKED "WHAT'S THAT LONG THING BETWEEN A MAN'S LEG?" THE MOTHER SAID
"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS, THAT'S CALLED A DICK." THE GIRL LOOKED
SHOCKED, AND SAID "WHY THAT MOTHERFUCKER, HE TOLD ME THAT WAS A
TRUMPET AND I BLOW ON IT ALL NIGHT LONG.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote Filter - Mature Content |
Date learned: NOT GIVEN BY COLLECTOR
THIS MAN HAD WENT TO CUT SOME WOOD FOR A FIRE, SO ON THE WAY BACK TO
THE CABIN WITH THE MULE AND DOG, THE MAN STARTED WHIPPING THE MULE
TO GO FASTER, SO THE MULE STOPPED AND TURNED AROUND AND SAID, I'M
GOING AS FAST AS I CAN, AND THE MAN AND DOG STARTED RUNNING, SO THEY
STOPPED ON THIS LOG AND THE MAN SAID TO HIMSELF, I CAN'T BELIEVE
THAT MULE TALKED AND THE DOG SAID, YEH-A, I HEARD HIM. AND THE MAN
STARTED RUNNING TOWARDS HOME. HE GOT HOME AND HIS WIFE AND THE CAT
WAS IN THE KITCHEN, AND THE MAN SAID THE MULE TALKED AND THE DOG
TALKED; THEN THE CAT SAID, "WHAT DID THEY TALK ABOUT?"
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
James Callow Keyword(s): HUMOR
| Subject headings: | Favorites PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 11-19-1987
YOU CAN'T PLEASE THEM WALKING OR RIDING. THIS IS A STORY. ONE
DAY A MAN WAS WALKING HIS HORSE THROUGH TOWN ON A VERY HOT DAY.
ALL THE TOWNS PEOPLE EXCLAIMED " WHAT A STUPID MAN! WHY DOESN'T
HE RIDE THAT HORSE AS HOT AS THIS DAY IS?" SO AT THAT, THE MAN
BEGAN TO RIDE THE HORSE. HE SOON APPROACHED ANOTHER TOWN WHERE
THE TOWNS PEOPLE BEGAN TO EXCLAIM "WHAT A STUPID MAN. THAT POOR
HORSE SHOULD NOT BE HAULING THAT LAZY MAN AROUND IN THIS HEAT!"
YOU CAN'T PLEASE THEM WALKING OR RIDING!!!!!
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
A MOTHER ONCE TOLD HER CHILDREN, I HAVE BEEN YOUR (MOTHER) AGES
BEFORE, YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN MINE.
Where learned: MICHIGAN
Date learned: 11-12-1987
ONE DAY A BURGLAR BREAKS IN A HOUSE. INSIDE OF THE HOUSE THERE
WAS A PARROT. WHILE THE BURGLAR WAS ROBBING THE HOME, THE PARROT
KEPT SAYING "STICK UP, STICK UP!!" FINALLY THE ROBBER ASKED "CAN'T
YOU SAY ANYTHING BESIDES STICK UP?" AT THAT, HE TURNED ON HIS
FLASHLIGHT AND ON THE FLOOR WAS A DOBERMAN PINCHER DOG. THE PARROT
CRIED "SIC EM , SIC EM!!!" THE ROBBER LEARNED THAT THE PARROT COULD
SAY SOMETHING ELSE BESIDES STICK UP!!!!!
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 11-11-1987
ONE DAY A MAN ESCAPED FROM AN INSANE ASYLUM. HIS NAME WAS ART. HE
WAS ART. HE WENT TO A GROCERY STORE TO ESCAPE
THE POLICE. IN THE STORE, HE ASKED THREE PEOPLE TO GIVE
HIM A DOLLAR. NONE OF THEM WOULD SO HE STRANGLED
ALL THREE. THE NEXT DAY IN THE PAPER, WHAT DID THE HEADLINES READ?
ARTI = CHOKES 3 FOR A DOLLAR!!!!!
Where learned: MICHIGAN
James Callow Keyword(s): PUN ON ARTICHOKES
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 12-01-1987
TWO MEN WERE RIDING IN AN AUTOMOBILE. THE DRIVER SAYS TO THE
PASSENGER, GET OUT AND SEE IF MY BLINKERS ARE WORKING. THE GUY
GETS OUT OF THE CAR AND SAYS, THEY'RE WORKING, THEY'RE NOT WORKING,
THEY'RE WORKING, THEY'RE NOT WORKING!!!!
Where learned: MICHIGAN
| Subject headings: | Favorites PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 12-02-1987
THREE MEN WERE STRANDED ON A DESERT ISLAND. ONE WAS FROM GERMANY,
ONE WAS FROM ITALY AND ONE WAS FROM MAINE. ONE DAY, THEY CAME UPON
A BOTTLE. THEY RELEASED THE CONTENTS AND OUT CAME A REAL GENIE.
THE GENIE SAID, "SINCE YOU KIND GENTLEMEN HAVE RELEASED ME FROM MY
BONDAGE, I WILL MOST GRACIOUSLY GRANT YOUR FONDEST WISHES. MAN FROM
GERMANY, WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WISH FOR? THE GERMAN SPOKE, "OH GENIE,
I WOULD BE EVER SO HAPPY TO GO BACK TO GERMANY. I HAVE NOT SEEN MY
FAMILY IN MONTHS." "VERY WELL, IT'S OFF TO GERMANY YOU GO!!!!"
REPLIED THE GENIE. " MAN FROM ITALY, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?" " OH
GENIE, SEND ME BACK TO ITALY. THE SEASON CHANGE IS SO BEAUTIFUL
THERE AND I HAVE A LOVE THAT I'VE LONGED TO SEE." " ITALY AWAITS
YOU," REPLIES THE GENIE. " AND NOW, MAN FROM MAINE, WHAT IS YOUR
FONDEST WISH? THE MAN THOUGHT AND THOUGHT, FINALLY HE SAID, "I KIND
OF MISS THOSE GUYS ALREADY, THINK YOU COULD BRING THEM BACK HERE?"
Where learned: MICHIGAN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 11-19-1987
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WHY DON'T BLACK PEOPLE GO IN HIGH PLACES? BECAUSE
THEIR LIPS MIGHT EXPLODE.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 11-00-1987
AN OLD JEWISH STOREKEEPER IS TAKING HIS SON INTO THE
FAMILY BUSINESS, HE WANTS TO TEACH HIM NOT TO
TRUST ANYONE, SO THE FATHER TELLS THE SON TO GET THE
LADDER AND CLIMB UP TO THE TOP SHELVES
AND STOCK THE NEW MERCHANDISE. THE SON CLIMBS UP TO THE TOP
SHELVES AND IS BUSILY STOCKING THE MERCHANDISE, HIS FATHER
TAKES THE LADDER AWAY.
"PAPA," THE BOY ASKS, "WHY DID YOU TAKE AWAY THE LADDER?
I CAN'T GET DOWN FROM HERE."
THE FATHER REPLIES "JUMP, I'LL CATCH YOU"
THE BOY JUMPS FROM THE HIGHEST SHELF AND THE FATHER MOVES
OUT OF THE WAY ALLOWING THE BOY TO HIT THE GROUND.
"PAPA," CRIES THE BOY, "I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO CATCH
ME! WHY DIDN'T YOU CATCH ME?"
THE FATHER REPLIED, "I TOLD YOU, YOU CAN'T TRUST ANYBODY."
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | Favorites PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote JEWI |
Date learned: 00-00-1945
WHAT ARE A WOMAN'S FOUR FAVORITE ANIMALS?
A MINK FOR HER BACK
A JAGUAR FOR HER GARAGE
A TIGER FOR HER BED
AND A JACKASS TO PAY FOR IT ALL.
Submitter comment: I HEARD THIS JOKE AT A PARTY.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; NORTHVILLE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote RIDDLE -- Riddle Question |
Date learned: 11-00-1987
TWO SISTERS IN THE DAYS BEFORE DESEGREGATION, IN THE 1940'S,
THEY STOPPED IN THE TOWN OF MT. CLEMENS MICHIGAN. BOTH GIRLS
WERE BLACK, ONE WAS LIGHT SKINNED AND LOOKED WHITE THE OTHER
GIRL WAS DARK. THE LIGHT SISTER TRIED TO SNEAK OUT OF THE CAR
TO A BAKERY BUT THE DARK SISTER FOLLOWED HER. THE LIGHT
SKINNED SISTER TURNED TO THE OTHER AND SAID, "YOU CAN'T GO
WITH ME, THEY DON'T ALLOW COLORED PEOPLE".
Where learned: MISSISSIPPI ; NATCHEZ
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Body part Senses PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
THREE LITTLE GIRLS LIVED WITH THEIR GRANDMOTHER. SHE SENT HER
GIRLS FOR SPRINGWATER QUITE OFTEN AND THEY DIDN'T LIKE IT.
ONE DAY THE GIRLS MADE A DOLL OF MUD AND SQUIRREL'S HAIR AND
PUT IT IN THE BUSH BESIDE THE GATE LEADING TO THE CREEK. AS
SOON AS THE GRANDMOTHER SAW THIS CREATION SHE FORBID THE
GIRLS TO GO THE CREEK BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT IT WAS UNDER A
VOODOO CURSE.
Where learned: MISSISSIPPI ; NATCHEZ
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |