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The James T. Callow Folklore Archive
Your search for B664 returned 50 results.
A MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN, QUITE SCUZZY LOOKING, CAME INTO A
BAR WITH HER HANDS CUPPED TOGETHER IN FRONT OF HER. SHE
LOUDLY ANNOUNCED TO ALL PRESENT THAT IF ANYONE COULD
GUESS WHAT SHE WAS HOLDING IN HER HANDS, THEY COULD HAVE
HER BODY FOR THE NIGHT. A DRUNK IN THE BACK YELLS OUT,
"AN ELEPHANT!" SHE IMMEDIATELY ANSWERED, "THAT'S
CLOSE ENOUGH."
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
James Callow Keyword(s): UNTIDY UNKEMPT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Woman |
Date learned: 05-22-1965
COLLEGE STORY
A PROFESSOR OF ANATOMY WALKED INTO HIS LECTURE CLASS WITH
A BOTTLE IN HIS HAND, WHICH CONTAINED SOME SORT OF
SPECIMEN, WHICH WAS TO BE THE SUBJECT FOR THAT DAY'S
LECTURE. IN ONE HAND HE HELD THE BOTTLE, THE OTHER
HAND WAS IN HIS POCKET.
"CLASS," HE ANNOUNCED VERY SERIOUSLY, HOLDING THE BOTTLE
ALOFT, "IN MY HAND I HOLD THE SHRIVELLED UP PENIS OF
AN OLD DOG."
WHEREUPON A STUDENT IN THE REAR OF THE CLASS SHOUTED,
"YES, WE KNOW, BUT WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN THE BOTTLE?"
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Woman |
Date learned: 00-00-1965
NUN JOKE
WHAT'S BLACK AND WHITE AND PRAYS IN THE ATTIC?
A PREGNANT NUN.
Submitter comment: THE INFORMANT HEARD IT FROM A FRIEND.
Where learned: UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT HIGH SCHOOL
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Woman |
COLLEGE JOKE
IT SEEMS THIS GUY WALKED INTO WHAT HE THOUGHT WAS A HOUSE
OF ILL REPUTE. HE WAS USHERED TO THIS ROOM BY A MATRON
AND TOLD TO MAKE HIMSELF COMFORTABLE. HE NOTICED THAT
THE ROOM WAS FILLED WITH BOOKS ON METAPHYSICS,
PHILOSOPHY, ETHICS, PHYSICS, AND SCIENCE. HE WAS QUITE
SURPRISED. AFTER THE YOUNG LADY HAD FINISHED HER
WORK, HE ASKED HER ABOUT THE BOOKS. SHE SAID THAT SHE
READ THEM QUITE OFTEN. HE INQUIRED FURTHER AND SHE
REVEALED THAT SHE HAD A B.S. FROM WAYNE, A M.A. FROM
THE UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT, AND A PH.D. FROM MARYGROVE.
SHOCKED THE CUSTOMER ASKED HER WHY WITH ALL THIS
BACKGROUND DID SHE TAKE UP THE LIFE OF A PROSTITUTE
AND SHE REPLIED, "JUST LUCKY I GUESS."
Data entry tech comment: ALL COLLEGES MENTIONED ARE IN DETROIT, MICHIGAN.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Woman |
THE PILOT
A PLANE TOOK OFF WITH ABOUT EIGHTY PASSENGERS ON IT. THE
PILOT, AFTER A BIT, TURNED ON THE P.A. SYSTEM TO MAKE AN
ANNOUNCEMENT AND FORGOT TO TURN IT OFF. A BIT LATER, HE
SAID TO HIS CO-PILOT, "JOE, IF YOU COULD HAVE ANYTHING
AT ALL WHAT WOULD YOU WANT?" ANSWER, "A HOT CUP OF
COFFEE AND A NICE PIECE OF ASS." THIS WAS OVERHEARD
IN THE PLANE AND EVERYONE WAS SHOCKED. THE STEWARDESS
STARTED TO RUN UP THE ASLE TO TELL THEM TO SHUT UP.
WHEN SHE WAS ABOUT HALF WAY AND OLD LADY STOPPED HER
AND SAID IN AN OLD WEAK VOICE, "HEY, GIRLY, YOU FORGOT
THE CUP OF COFFEE."
Submitter comment:
THE INFORMANT HEARD THIS WHEN HE WAS WORKING AT A FORD
PLANT IN THE SUMMER OF 1964.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
James Callow Keyword(s): INTERCOURSE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Woman |
Date learned: 07-00-1964
PROPOSITION
COUNTRY GIRL AT A DANCE WHERE LIGHT REFRESHMENTS WERE
TO BE SERVED.
BOY: PARDON ME, IS YOUR PROGRAM FILLED?
GIRL: NO SIR. IT WOULD TAKE MORE THAN TWO SKINNEY
SANDWICHES AND A GREEN OLIVE TO FILL MY PROGRAM.
Submitter comment:
SISTER SENT THIS TO ME IN A LETTER AND NEGLECTED TO
INCLUDE WHERE SHE FIRST HEARD IT.
Where learned: KENTUCKY ; LOUISVILLE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Woman |
Date learned: 11-04-1967
RAIN PROOF
TWO MAIDEN LADIES WENT TO A LIVERY STABLE AND TOLD THE
ATTENDANT THAT THEY WOULD LIKE TO GO FOR A RIDE AND
THAT THEY WOULD LIKE A TAME HORSE. THE ATTENDANT
HITCHED UP THE HORSE AND BUGGY AND ASSURED THEM THAT
THEY WOULD HAVE NO TROUBLE, BUT TOLD THEM, "BE SURE
AND KEEP THE REIN FROM UNDER THE TAIL." AFTER SOME
HOURS THEY RETURNED ALL SMILES, SAYING, "WE HAD A VERY
NICE RIDE, NO TROUBLE AND WE TOOK TURNS HOLDING
THE UMBRELLA OVER HIS TAIL."
Submitter comment:
SISTER SAYS THAT SHE HEARD IT FIRST FROM A HOSPITAL
PATIENT IN 1963 SHE THINKS.
Where learned: KENTUCKY ; LOUISVILLE
James Callow Keyword(s): PUN ON REIN RAIN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Woman |
Date learned: 11-04-1967
RUSSIAN MIRACLE STORY
A LONG TIME AGO THE MONGOL ARMIES LED BY GHENGIS
KHAN SWEPT WESTWARD INTO THE RUSSIAN STEPPES, AND LIKE
A GREAT SWARM OF LOCUST(S) DESTROYED EVERYTHING IN
FRONT OF THEM. ALL PEOPLE WHO UNFORTUNATELY CROSSED
THEIR PATH DIED A VIOLENT DEATH, BE THEY MEN, WOMEN OR
CHILDREN. TOWNS AND VILLAGES WERE BURNED TO THE GROUND
AND FELL IN ASHES AND RUIN. ALL PERSONAL BELONGINGS,
LIVESTOCK AND DOMESTIC ANIMALS WERE CAPTURED AND TAKEN.
IN THE DISTANT CITIES THE PEOPLE HEARD AND WERE AFRAID
OF THE WRATH OF THE TARTAR ARMY. PEOPLE FLED IN ANY
POSSIBLE DIRECTION. MANY HID IN SWAMPS, FORESTS, OR
MOUNTAIN CAVES. OTHERS SOUGHT REFUGE IN CHURCHES AND
MONASTARIES THAT WERE SURROUNDED BY THICK STONE WALLS.
HOWEVER, EVEN THESE WALLS COULD NOT SAVE THE PEOPLE FROM
THE BLOOD-CURDLING ARMIES OF GHENGIS KHAN.
THERE WAS HOWEVER, ONE MONASTARY WITH SUCH LARGE
STONE WALLS AND IT WAS LOCATED IN THE MIDDLE OF A LAKE.
THIS ISLAND MONASTARY SAVED ALL PEOPLE WHO SOUGHT
REFUGE THERE. ONE DAY WHEN THE TARTARS APPEARED ON THE
SHORES OF THE LAKE, THE PEOPLE INSIDE OF THE MONASTARY
BEGAN A RELIGIOUS SERVICE. ALL OF THE PEOPLE WERE ON
THEIR KNEES PRAYING FOR SALVATION AND ASKING THE BLESSED
VIRGIN TO SHIELD AND PROTECT THEM FROM THE ENEMY.
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SERVICE, WHEN THE BELLS WERE
RINGING A HUGE INVERTED GLASS CHALICE
APPEARED IN THE HEAVENS. THIS CHALICE SLOWLY DESCENDED
TO THE ISLAND AND COVERED THE MONASTARY AND OFF OF THE
PEOPLE WITHIN IT. IN THE TARTAR'S EYES THE ISLAND
THE BOTTOM OF THE LAKE. THE TARTARS WERE SO ASTONISHED
THAT THEY FROZE IN THE POSITIONS THAT THEY WERE
STANDING IN AND THEN TURNED TO STONE. TO THIS DAY,
THESE STONE STATUES STILL REMAIN ON THE BANKS OF THIS
ALTHOUGH THE WIND, RAIN, SUN AND SEASON HAS CHANGED
THE SHAPES OF THE TARTAR WARRIORS. BUT SOMETIMES
ONE CAN STILL SEE THEIR ARMS CLUTCHING SWORDS OR LANCES
RAISED OVER THEIR HEADS. SOME OF THE TARTARS, ON SEEING
THE SPECTACLE OF THE GLASS COVERED MONASTARY SINKING
SLOWLY INTO THE LAKE, RAN OUT INTO THE WATER UP TO THEIR
KNEES. NOW ONE CAN ONLY SEE THEIR HEADS AND THE HEADS
OF THEIR HORSES. A LEGEND EXISTS NOW AMONG THE PEOPLE
WHO LIVE IN THIS AREA, THAT ONCE A YEAR ON A BRIGHT,
QUIET DAY, IF ONE STANDS QUIETLY ON THE SHORES OF THE
LAKE AND SAYS A PRAYER, YOU CAN HEAR FROM THE DEPTH OF
THE LAKE THE SOUND OF A CHURCH BELL RINGING, CALLING
EVERYONE TO PRAYER. AND ALONG WITH THE SOULD OF THE BELL,
ONE CAN HEAR THE SINGING AND CHANTING OF THE SERVICE.
IF YOU LOOK HARD ENOUGH INTO THE DEPTH OF THE LAKE'S
CRYSTAL CLEAR WATER, YOU CAN SEE THE CROSS AND THE
TOWERS OF THE MONASTARY. THOSE WHO HAVE SEEN AND HEARD
TELL THAT THESE PEOPLE ARE STILL ALIVE AND ARE PRAYING
IN GRATITUDE FOR BEING SAVED.
Submitter comment:
THIS LEGEND WAS TOLD TO IVAN ORLOFF, WHO WAS BORN IN
1897 NEAR MOSCOW, BY HIS GRANDFATHER CONSTANTIN ORLOFF
WHO CAME FROM THE WESTERN RUSSIAN STEPPES.
Where learned: RUSSIA ; MOSCOW
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Woman |
Date learned: 00-00-1905
HEARTBURN
ONE DAY A LADY, RATHER TIPSY, WALKED INTO A AR
DOWNTOWN, AND SHOUTED AT THE BARTENDER, "BARKEEP,
BARKEEP, GIVE ME A MARTUNII." WELL, THE BARTENDER IGNORED
HER AND IN A FEW MINUTES SHE YELLED AGAIN, "BARKEEP,
BARKEEP, GIVE ME A MARTUNII, I GOT HEARTBURN."
SHE WAITED A FEW MINUTES AND AS SHE WAS ABOUT TO YELL
AGAIN, HE BROUGHT HER A DRINK. HE SAID, "STOP. IN THE
FIRST PLACE, I'M A BARTENDER, NOT A BARKEEP, SECOND,
IT'S CALLED A MARTINI NOT A MARTUNII AND IN THE
THIRD PLACE, YOU AIN'T GOT HEARTBURN, YOUR LEFT TIT
IS HANGING IN THE ASHTRAY."
Submitter comment:
THE INFORMANT CLAIMS THAT HE HEARD THIS JOKE ABOUT FOUR
YEARS AGO AND THEN AGAIN JUST RECENTLY. IN THE MOST
RECENT INCIDENT, HE SAYS THAT SOME OF THE DETAILS
HAVE CHANGED, SUCH AS THE TYPE OF DRINK ORDERED, FIRST
IT WAS SCOTCH WHICH WAS MISPRONOUNCED BY THE WOMAN
AS SKITCH. HE HEARD THE JOKE IN HIS SCHOOL FROM ONE
OF HIS CLASSMATES, BUT DOES NOT REMEMBER WHO IT WAS.
Where learned: WASHINGTON DC
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Woman |
Date learned: 11-03-1967
STUPID SALLY JOKE
STUPID SALLY WENT TO THE DOCTOR WHO TOLD HER THAT SHE
WAS SEVEN MONTHS PREGNANT AND GOING TO HAVE TWINS. BUT
SALLY WASN'T WORRIED, SHE KNEW IT COULDN'T BE TRUE
BECAUSE SHE ONLY DID IT ONCE.
Submitter comment: INFORMANT HEARD IT AT DRIVERS' TRAINING.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; LIVONIA
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Woman |
STUPID SALLY JOKE
STUPID SALLY WAS WALKING THEROUGH TH FOREST WHEN,
SUDDENLY, A MAN JUMPS OUT OF THE WOODS AND SAYS, "TAKE
OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHES!"
BUT SALLY WASN'T WORRIED, SHE KNEW THEY WOULDN'T
FIT HIM.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; LIVONIA
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Woman |
Date learned: 00001965 SUMMER
STUPID SALLY JOKE
STUPID SALLY WAS AT THE SHOW WITH HER BOYFRIEND, WHEN
SUDDENLY, HE PUTS HIS HAND DOWN HER BLOUSE. BUT
STUPID SALLY WASN'T WORRIED, SHE KNEW HER MONEY WAS
IN HER SHOE.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; LIVONIA
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Woman |
Date learned: 00001965 SUMMER
WHAT'S BLACK AND WHITE, BLACK AND WHITE, BLACK AND WHITE?
A NUN, ROLLING DOWN STAIRS.
Submitter comment:
SISTER BERNICE OF THE HOLY FAMILY NUNS FROM PENNSYLVANIA
TOLD HER THIS JOKE.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Woman |
Date learned: 05-00-1965
TWO WOMEN
TWO WOMEN WERE TALKING AND ONE SAID TO THE OTHER: DO YOU
SMOKE AFTER SEX. THE OTHER ANSWERED, I DON'T KNOW, I'VE
NEVER LOOKED.
Submitter comment:
THE INFORMANT HEARD THIS ON THE CAMPUS OF THE UNIVERSITY
OF DETROIT.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Woman |
Date learned: 04-00-1965
Entry filtered.
QUIZZIES
THERE WAS A PROFESSOR AT MICHIGAN STATE UNIVERSITY
NOTORIOUS FOR TESTS WHICH HE CONSIDERED SIMPLE ENOUGH
TO BE CALLED "QUIZZIES." ONE DAY, HE ANNOUNCED HE WOULD
GIVE A QUIZZIE ON THE FOLLOWING DAY WHICH WOULD REQUIRE
NO PREPARATORY STUDY. THE "QUIZZIE" TURNED OUT TO BE
AN HOUR LONG EXAM! ONE FURIOUS GIRL STOMPPED UP TO
THE PROFESSOR'S DESK AND, SLAMMING DOWN THE EXAM, SAID,
"IF THIS IS A QUIZZIE" I'D LIKE TO SEE YOUR TESTIES."
Submitter comment:
TOLD AS A TRUE STORY AFTER THE INFORMANT'S FIRST
SEMESTER AT MICHIGAN STATE IN 1960.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; LIVONIA
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Woman |
MARRIED WOMEN TAKE A PAIR OF PANTIES AND PUT THEM UNDER
THEIR PILLOW SO THAT THEIR MEN WILL COME HOME THAT NIGHT.
Where learned: TENNESSEE ; NASHVILLE
| Subject headings: | Charm / Enchantment / Conjuration PROSE NARRATIVE -- Married couple PROSE NARRATIVE -- Woman |
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
RITA MILLER, A STUDENT AT WESTERN KENTUCKY UNIVERSITY, WAS HIRED
TO ENTER SOME PAPERS FOR A SEMINAR INTO THE COMPUTER VIA THE
ADMINISTRATIVE TERMINAL SYSTEM (ATS). THE PAPERS WOULD THEN BE
RETYPED ON ATS IN A STANDARD FORMAT WITH NO ERRORS. AS WAS
THE PREVAILING STYLE, RITA'S HAIR WAS QUITE LONG. SHE BENT
OVER ONE OF THE ATS TYPEWRITER TERMINALS WHICH WAS BEING USED
TO OUTPUT A PREVIOUSLY ENTERED PAPER, AND HER HAIR GOT CAUGHT
IN THE MACHINE. THE TYPEWRITER CONTINUED TYPING UNTIL SOME-
ONE HAD THE PRESENCE OF MIND TO SHUT IT OFF. BY THAT TIME,
RITA'S HAIR WAS COMPLETELY WRAPPED AROUND THE ROD WHICH HOLDS
THE TYPE ELEMENT, AND RITA'S CHEEK WAS NEARLY RESTING ON THE
COVER OF THE TYPEWRITER. ALL ATTEMPTS TO FREE HER BY THE
PERSONNEL IN THE OFFICE FAILED, AND IT BEGAN TO LOOK AS THOUGH
HER HAIR WOULD HAVE TO BE CUT. HOWEVER, A CALL TO THE IBM
CUSTOMER ENGINEER (WHO LATER SAID IT WAS THE MOST INTERESTING
CALL HE HAD EVER RECEIVED!), RESULTED IN A DISMANTLING OF
THE MACHINE AND IN FREEING RITA FROM HER TEMPORARY BONDAGE.
RITA NOW HAS SHORT HAIR.
Submitter comment: THIS EVENT OCCURRED IN THE SUMMER OF 1971.
Where learned: KENTUCKY ; BOWLING GREEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Body part Senses PROSE NARRATIVE -- Woman CUSTOM FESTIVAL -- School |
Date learned: 06-00-1973
THERE WAS THIS DEAN AT THE UNIVERSITY OF KENTUCKY
WHO HAD THIS DOG WHO KEPT ANNOYING HER AS SHE WAS
GETTING READY TO GIVE A DINNER PARTY. SO TO QUIET
HIM SOME, SHE GAVE HIM SOME OF THE CASSEROLE FOR
THAT NIGHT'S PARTY. THE GUESTS ARRIVED AND THE
DINNER ALMOST FINISHED BEING EATEN, WHEN THE
DEAN'S MAID CAME IN AND WHISPERED TO HER THAT
THE DOG HAD DIED.
WELL, THE DEAN TOLD HER GUESTS AND RUSHED THEM
DOWN TO THE HOSPITAL TO HAVE THEIR STOMACHS
PUMPED.
THE DOG, SHE LATER FOUND OUT, HAD BEEN RUN OVER.
Where learned: TALKING ABOUT SCHOOL ; NASHVILLE ; TENNESSEE, ASSUMED
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Mammal PROSE NARRATIVE -- Animal Tale PROSE NARRATIVE -- Woman |
Date learned: 04-20-1969
ROSEMARY
ONCE A GIRL IN PITTSBURGH NAMED ROSEMARY WAS KILLED WHILE BEING
ASSAULTED. HER PARENTS BUILT A STONE MONUMENT WITH HER IMAGE IN
STONE ON IT. IT IS NOW A PLACE OF TEENAGE VENERATION. ANYONE
WHO TOUCHES THE STONE AND THEIR HAND BLEEDS IS NOT A VIRGIN, OR
ANYONE WHO SEES ROSEMARY THERE IS NOT A VIRGIN.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
Date learned: 11-00-1968