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MULTIPLICATION IS VEXATION,
DIVISION IS AS BAD,
THE RULE OF THREE DOTH PUZZLE ME,
AND PRACTICE DRIVES ME MAD.

Submitter comment: WRITTEN IN HER MOTHER'S ARITHMETIC BOOK FROM CLEVELAND, OHIO
DATED 1957.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; MARYGROVE COLLEGE ; DETROIT

Keyword(s): DIALOGUE ; HUMOR ; MATHEMATICS ; QUATRAIN

Subject headings: Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Wisecracks, Gags, Silly Insults

Date learned: 03-00-1968

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Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.

THIS IS MY RIFLE, THIS IS MY GUN,
THIS IF FOR FIGHTING, THIS IS FOR FUN.

Submitter comment:

THIS VERSE HAS BEEN AROUND LONGER THAN I CAN REMEMBER. IT IS
SAID TO HAVE ORIGINATED IN A BOOT CAMP DURING WORLD WAR II,
WHEN A SGT. GOT P.O'D AT A BOOT (BUCK PRIVATE) FOR CALLING
HIS RIFLE A GUN. TO TEACH THE BOOT A LESSON, THE SGT. MADE
HIM WALK AROUND CAMP WITH NO PANTS ON, HIS RIFLE IN ONE HAND,
HIS PENIS IN THE OTHER RECITING THE ABOVE VERSE.

Keyword(s): HUMOR ; METONOMY ; MNEMONIC ; OBSCENE ; SEX ; WEAPONS

James Callow Keyword(s): ANGER ANGRY ; SERGEANT

Subject headings: Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Custom Festival C840.549
Filter - Mature Content

Date learned: 00-00-1960

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THE THALIDOMYDE BABY

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE THALYDOMIDE BABY WHO WAS BORN WITH NO ARMS,
TWO LONG LONG LEGS AND BUCK TEETH? HIS PARENTS KEPT HIM IN THE
GARAGE AND USED HIM AS A RAKE.

Submitter comment:

THE INFORMANT HEARD THIS FROM PHYLLIS CLEMENS, MARYGROVE COLLEGE.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Keyword(s): CRUEL HUMOR, SICK HUMOR

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Physically handicapped Deformed
PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote

Date learned: 00-00-1963

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SICK JOKE

"CAN TOM COME OUT AND PLAY BASEBALL?""YOU KNOW THAT TOM DOESN'T HAVE
ANY ARMS OR LEGS." "THAT'S ALRIGHT, WE'LL USE HIM FOR THIRD BASE."

Submitter comment:

THE INFORMANT HEARD THIS WHEN HE WAS IN GRADE SCHOOL IN DEARBORN.

Data entry tech comment:

Updated by TRD

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Keyword(s): DIALOGUE, CRUEL HUMOR, SICK HUMOR

Subject headings: RIDDLE -- Riddle Question

Date learned: 04-08-1965

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LEGEND

THE INFORMANT, MY FATHER, RETURNED FROM A TRIP TO BUFFALO, NEW YORK
AND WHILE AT THE SUPPER TABLE RELATED THIS INCIDENT WHICH I TOOK TO
TO BE TRUE. MY FATHER, HAVING TIME ON HIS HANDS IN BUFFALO, WENT FOR
A WALK. HE OBSERVED A SIGN INDICATING THAT A DANCE WAS BEING HELD
TO RAISE FUNDS FOR DEAF PEOPLE. HE ENTERED THE ESTABLISHMENT AND
PURCHASED A NUMBER OF TICKETS. HE APPROACHED A GIRL AND THROUGH A
SERIES OF GESTURES (WHICH HE DEMONSTRATED FOR US) MANAGED TO
COMMUNICATE TO HER THAT HE DESIRED TO DANCE. THEY DANCED SEVERAL
DANCES IN COMPLETE SILENCE, WHEREUPON A YOUNG MAN WALKED UP
TO THE GIRL AND ASKED HER IF SHE WERE READY TO LEAVE. SHE TURNED
HER FACE AWAY FROM MY FATHER AND REMARKED, "I WILL BE WITH YOU AS
SOON AS I GET RID OF THIS DAMN DUMMY."

Data entry tech comment:

ANOTHER CARD TELLS THE SAME STORY, SOURCE FROM JACKIE

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Keyword(s): RUDE, SICK HUMOR, CRUEL HUMOR

Subject headings: Favorites
PROSE NARRATIVE -- Physically handicapped Deformed

Date learned: 00-00-1947

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AFRICAN TRIBE TALE

A CERTAIN BIOLOGY PROFESSOR WAS DELIVERING A LECTURE AT MICHIGAN
STATE ON A TRIBE IN SOUTHERN AFRICA. THE SUBJECT UNDER DISCUSSION WAS
THE ABNORMALLY LARGE "PRIVATES" OF THIS TRIBE. TWO PRUDISH SORORITY
GIRLS EMBARRASSED BY THE CRUDE LECTURE ABRUPTLY LEFT THEIR SEATS
AND STARTED FOR THE DOOR. THE PROFESSOR STOPPED THEM WITH THIS
COMMENT, "WHAT'S YOUR RUSH GIRLS, THE
BOAT DOESN'T LEAVE UNTIL MORNING."

Submitter comment: TOLD TO ME AS ACTUAL FACT IN 1960.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; LIVONIA

Keyword(s): CLASSROOM HUMOR ; COLLEGE PROFESSOR LEGEND

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Human Being
PROSE NARRATIVE -- Body part Senses

Date learned: 00-00-1960

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AUTOGRAPH BOOK MATERIAL

WHEN YOU ARE BATHING IN A TUB
THINK OF ME BETWEEN EACH RUB.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Keyword(s): HUMOROUS REQU&ST ; RHYMING COUPLET

James Callow Keyword(s): BATHTUB VERSE

Subject headings: Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Autograph Verse Humorous allusion to love

Date learned: 10-15-1926

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AUTOGRAPH BOOK VERSE

DON'T GO TO LONDON, DON'T GO TO FRANCE
STAY HERE IN MISSOURI AND GIVE THE BOYS A CHANCE.

Where learned: MISSOURI, ASSUMED

Keyword(s): COUNTRY ; HUMOROUR ADVICE ; RHYMING COUPLET

Subject headings: Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Autograph Verse Humorous allusion to love

Date learned: 11-05-1967

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AUTOGRAPH

I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU SWELL
IF I HAD A PEANUT
I'D GIVE YOU THE SHELL)

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT ; PALMER PARK

Keyword(s): FOOD ; HUMOROUS INSULT ; RHYME: ABCDC ; RIDICULE OF LOVE

James Callow Keyword(s): ITERATION

Subject headings: Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Autograph Verse Humorous allusion to love

Date learned: 06-03-1959

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AUTOGRAPH BOOK JINGLE

I LOVE, I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU I DO;
BUT DON'T GET EXCITED
I LOVE MONKEY'S T6O)

Where learned: OHIO ; TOLEDO

Keyword(s): FALSE LOVE ; HUMOROUS INSULT ; RHYME: AABA

Subject headings: Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Autograph Verse Humorous allusion to love

Date learned: 10-27-1968

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AUTOGRAPH BOOK MATERIAL

THOUGH YOUR TASKS ARE MANY
AND YOUR REWARDS ARE FEW
REMEMBER THAT THE MIGHTY OAK
WAS ONCE A NUT LIKE YOU}

Submitter comment: ENTRY DATED MARCH 8, 1962

Where learned: AUTOGRAPH BOOK ; DETROIT

Keyword(s): HUMOR ; PUN: ON NUT ; QUATRAIN ; SIMILE: COMPARISON TO A NUT. ; SURPRISE ENDING

James Callow Keyword(s): ADVICE ; INSULT ; METER: ; SLANG--NUT ; UNREWARDED EFFORT

Subject headings: Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Autograph Verse Wisecracks, gags, silly stories, insults

Date learned: 03-08-1962

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AUTOGRAPH BOOK VERSE

IF I WAS A LITTLE PIG,
ROOTING IN YOUR YARD,
AND YOU WERE A LITTLE DOG,
WOULD YOU BITE ME VERY HARD?

Submitter comment: MISSOURI, 1943

Data entry tech comment: PERIOD CHANGED TO QUESTION MARK.

Where learned: 16436 W CHICAGO

Keyword(s): HUMOR ; QUATRAIN

James Callow Keyword(s): ANIMALS ; METER: TROCHEES ; NONSENSE ; THERIOMOROPHISM

Subject headings: Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Autograph Verse Humorous allusion to love

Date learned: 00-00-1943

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AUTOGRAPH BOOK

IF ON THIS PAGE YOU CHANCE TO LOOK
JUST THINK OF THE WRITER AND SHUT THE BOOK.

Where learned: NONE GIVEN

Keyword(s): ADVICE ; COUPLET ; FRIENDSHIP ; HUMOR ; METER: IAMBS ; REMEMBRANCE ; RHYME: AA ; SURPRISE ENDING

Subject headings: Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Autograph Verse Remember me

Date learned: 10-20-1967

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AUTOGRAPH BOOK MATERIAL

REMEMBER THE GIRL FROM THE CITY
REMEMBER THE GIRL FROM THE TOWN
BUT REMEMBER THE GIRL WHO SPOILED THIS BOOK
BY WRITING UPSIDE DOWN.

Where learned: HOME ; DEARBORN ; 6627 Whitefield

Keyword(s): BOAST ; FRIENDSHIP ; HUMOR ; INDIRECTION ; QUATRAIN ; REMEMBRANCE

James Callow Keyword(s): AMPHIMACERS IN FIRST LINE ; METER: ANAPESTIC ; TYPOGRAPHICAL

Subject headings: Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Autograph Verse Reading or writing backwards, upside down

Date learned: 10-22-1968

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AUTOGRAPH VERSE

IF YOU SEE A MONKEY UP IN A TREE,
PULL HIS TAIL AND THINK OF ME.

Submitter comment: FROM HER AUTOGRAPH BOOK.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; ROYAL OAK

Keyword(s): COUPLET ; HUMOR ; REMEMBRANCE ; SURPRISE ENDING

James Callow Keyword(s): METER: IAMBS ; RHYME: AA ; RHYME: INTERNAL ; SELF-CRITICISM

Subject headings: Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Autograph Verse Remember me

Date learned: 00-00-1938

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"AUTOGRAPH"

REMEMBER GRANT,
REMEMBER LEE,
THE HECK WITH THEM,
REMEMBER ME.

Where learned: NOT GIVEN

Keyword(s): GRANT, ULYSSES S. ; HUMOR ; LEE, ROBERT E. ; QUATRAIN ; REMEMBRANCE

James Callow Keyword(s): CIVIL WAR GENERALS ; HISTORICAL ; INITIAL ITERATION ; METER: IAMBS

Subject headings: Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Autograph Verse Remember me

Date learned: NOT GIVEN

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AUTOGRAPH

ROSES ARE RED
VIOLETS ARE BLUE
SUGAR IS SWEET
AND SO ARE YOU. MM
BUT WHEN ROSES ARE WILTED
AND VIOLETS ARE DEAD
SUGAR IS LUMPY
AND SO IS YOUR HEAD.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; HARPER WOODS

Keyword(s): ALLITERATION ; COMPLIMENT ; CONTRAST ; FLOWERS ; HUMOR ; INSULT ; METER: IAMBS ; METER: TROCHEES ; QUATRAINS ; SARCASM ; STUPIDITY ; SURPRISE ENDING

Subject headings: Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Autograph Verse Roses are red and other such associations

Date learned: NOT GIVEN

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AUTOGRAPH BOOK MATERIAL

A SAILOR LOVES HIS C,
AN OLD MAID LOVES HER T,
A CHINAMAN LOVES HIS Q,
BUT I ONLY LOVE YOU.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Keyword(s): FUNCTION ; HUMOR ; QUATRAIN ; QUEUE ; RHYME: AABB ; SEA ; TEA

Subject headings: Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Autograph Verse Humorous allusion to love

Date learned: 00-00-1928

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AUTOGRAPH VERSE

LONG MAY YOU LIVE
HAPPY MAY YOU DIE
SITTING ON A LOG
EATING APPLE PIE.

Submitter comment: (1939 BIRCH TREE, MONTANA)

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; GROSSE POINTE

Keyword(s): ALLITERATION ; CLIPPED IAMBIC ; DEATH ; HAPPINESS ; HUMOR ; LONGEVITY ; QUATRAIN ; RHYME: ABCB ; WISH

Subject headings: Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Autograph Verse Good wishes (sincere)

Date learned: 03-01-1972

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AUTOGRAPH BOOK VERSE

IF YOU EVER PASS A CHESTNUT TREE
LOOK AT A NUT AND THINK OF ME}
IF YOU EVER PASS A CHESTNUT TREE

Submitter comment: BOOK NOT IN DETROIT, MICHIGAN (1959-1960)

Where learned: NONE GIVEN

Keyword(s): COUPLET ; HUMOR ; INDIRECTION ; METER: TROCHEES ; NUT ; REMEMBRANCE ; RETORT ; RHYME: AA

Subject headings: Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Autograph Verse Remember me

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