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DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE ALCOHOLIC WHOSE FAVORITE
DRINK IS THE NEXT ONE?
Where learned: Vietnam
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 10-30-1967
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Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE ALCOHOLIC SOLDIER IN
VIETNAM SUFFERING FROM BOTTLE FATIGUE?
Where learned: Vietnam
James Callow Keyword(s): BATTLE FATIGUE PUN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 10-30-1967
ONE NIGHT QUITE LATE, A DRUNK STUMBLED INTO AN OPEN
FRESHLY DUG GRAVE. HE SAT THERE DRINKING QUITE A
WHILE. SOME TIME PASSED AND ANOTHER DRUNK TAKING
A SHORT CUT THROUGH THE CEMETERY, FELL INTO THE SAME
GRAVE. HE DIDN'T SEE THE FIRST DRUNK SITTING IN THE
CORNER, BUT HE HEARD A VOICE SAYING (AS THE SECOND
DRUNK WAS ATTEMPTING TO CLIMB OUT) "YOU'LL NEVER
GET OUT OF HERE." BUT HE DID!
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 00-00-1968
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THE BICYCLE
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
ONE TIME A MAN WAS PULLED OVER TO THE SIDE OF THE
ROAD BY POLICE, WHO SAID HE WAS DRUNK. "I'M NOT DRUNK,"
HE SAID, "HERE I'LL PROVE IT--I'LL WALK ON TOP OF THIS
FENCE." HE CLIMBED ON TOP OF IT AND FELL OVER TO
THE OTHER SIDE, WHERE THERE WAS A BIG, BLACK BULL.
SUDDENLY, THE MAN RUSHED AT THE BULL, GRABBED HIM BY
THE HORNS AND WRESTLED WITH HIM. THE BULL THREW HIM
OFF. AGAIN AND AGAIN, HE RUSHED AT THE BULL AND
WRESTLED WITH HIM, WHILE THE POLICE WATCHED IN AWE.
FINALLY, THE MAN QUIT WRESTLING THE BULL AND CROSSED
BACK OVER THE FENCE. "I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT," HE SAID,
"I MUST BE DRUNK--ANYTIME I CAN'T TAKE A BICYCLE AWAY
FROM A COLORED KID."
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; LEXINGTON
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 09-14-1969
A MAN WHO HAD JUST BOUGHT A NEW CAR WENT INTO A
DRUGSTORE. HE CAME OUT ONLY TO REALIZE HE HAD LEFT
THE CAR LOCKED WITH THE KEYS INSIDE IT. HE WENT TO
A PHONE BOOTH AND CALLED THE DEALER. HE TOLD HIM
TO HURRY AND BRING A SPARE KEY, BECAUSE THE TOP
WAS DOWN AND IT LOOKED LIKE RAIN.
Where learned: MICHIGAN, ASSUMED ; DEARBORN HEIGHTS
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 03-13-1970
IN PORT AUSTIN, A MAN WENT TO CHURCH ONE DAY IN
HIS BUGGY, WHICH WAS PULLED BY TWO HORSES. WHEN
HE CAME OUT ONE OF THE HORSES WAS DEAD. THE MAN
SAID, "I'LL BE GODDAM, THAT NEVER HAPPENED
BEFORE."
Submitter comment: HEARD FROM HIS DAD.
Where learned: UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT, ASSUMED ; STUDENT UNION
James Callow Keyword(s): PROFANITY
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 12-03-1967
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Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
AN OLD LADY WALKED INTO A BAR WITH HER PET CANARY
AND BOASTED, "IF ANYONE OF YOU BOYS CAN GUESS THE
WEIGHT OF MY LITTLE CANARY YOU CAN TAKE ME TO
BED WITH YOU!"
A VOICE FROM THE CORNER RINGS OUT, "900 LBS."
THE OLD LADY RESPONDS INSTANTLY, "THAT'S CLOSE
ENOUGH."
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; SOUTHFIELD
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 10-10-1967
PAT AND MIKEY
TWO IMMIGRANTS, PAT AND MIKEY, CAME FROM EUROPE AND
LIVED IN THE SAME HOUSE. ONE DAY, THEY DECIDED
TO GO FOR A WALK AND CAME UPON AN AIRPORT WHICH HAD
AIRPLANE RIDES FOR $1.00. SO MIKEY WENT UP FOR A
RIDE, AND PAT STARTED WORRYING ABOUT THE KEY TO THE
HOUSE, WHICH MIKEY HAD. SO PAT BEGAN SHOUTING,
"THROW MY KEY DOWN!" THE PILOT THREW DOWN
MIKEY.
Where learned: DETROIT ; MICHIGAN, ASSUMED
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 11-18-1967
ONE MAN IS STANDING WITH A POLE IN HIS HAND, TRYING
TO GET SOMETHING OUT OF ONE OF THE HOLES IN A TWO
SEATER OUTHOUSE. ANOTHER MAN ENTERS AND INQUIRES WHAT
HE IS DOING. THE FIRST MAN SAYS, "MY COAT FELL DOWN
THERE AND I'M TRYING TO GET IT OUT." THE OTHER SAYS,
"BUT ONCE YOU GET IT OUT, IT WILL BE ALL RUINED." "I
KNOW, BUT MY LUNCH IS IN THE POCKET."
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 09-00-1968
THE BOYS WHO CRIED WOLF
ONCE THERE WERE TWO BOYS WHO WERE IN CHARGE OF
WATCHING THE SHEEP FOR AN ENTIRE VILLAGE WHILE
THE REST OF THE PEOPLE WERE IN TOWN. THE TWO BOYS
HATED THIS TASK AND WERE VERY BORED. ONE DAY, ONE
OF THE BOYS GOT AN IDEA ON HOW TO ADD A LITTLE
EXCITEMENT TO THEIR JOB. "WHAT IS IT?" ASKED THE
OTHER BOY. THE OLDER ONE SAID, "WELL, YOU GO INTO
TOWN SCREAMING THAT THE WOLF HAS COME TO TAKE THE
SHEEP AND I'LL STAY HERE WITH THE HERD." "ALL
RIGHT," SAID THE OTHER BOY. THE YOUNGER BOY RAN
INTO TOWN, SCREAMING THAT THE WOLF HAD COME TO GET
SHEEP. THE ENTIRE TOWN GATHERED WEAPONS OF ALL
KINDS AND WENT WITH THE BOY TO THE FIELDS. WHEN
THE VILLAGERS GOT THERE, THE OLDER BOY WAS SITTING
IN A TREE AND WAS LAUGHING AT THEM. THE PEOPLE WERE
VERY ANGRY AND RETURNED TO TOWN. THE BOYS WERE
REPRIMANDED FOR PLAYING SUCH A CRUEL TRICK.
EVERYTHING WENT ALONG FINE FOR ABOUT ONE MONTH.
THEN THE BOYS PLAYED THE SAME TRICK AND THE
VILLAGERS CAME ONCE AGAIN TO PROTECT THEIR SHEEP
AND RUN THE WOLF OFF. AGAIN, IT WAS A JOKE AND
THE VILLAGERS WERE VERY ANGRY. AGAIN THE BOYS WERE
PUNISHED SEVERELY. ONE DAY, NOT LONG AFTER THIS A
WOLF DID COME TO ATTACK THE SHEEP. THE YOUNGER
BOY AGAIN RAN INTO TOWN FOR HELP. THE VILLAGERS,
HOWEVER, THOUGHT IT WAS ANOTHER TRICK AND REFUSED TO
COME. THE BOY BEGGED AND BEGGED BUT THE PEOPLE REFUSED
TO COME. THE BOY RETURNED TO THE FIELD TO HELP THE
OLDER BOY HIDE AS MANY SHEEP AS THEY COULD. THAT
NIGHT, WHEN THE SHEEP WERE RETURNED TO TOWN, ONE HALF
WERE MISSING. THEIR OWNERS DEMANDED TO KNOW THE
REASON AND THE BOYS EXPLAINED SADLY THAT A REAL WOLF
HAD COME AND HAD TAKEN OR DESTROYED THEM.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT ; MOTHER
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 10-15-1965
CITY BOY IN THE COUNTRY
CITY BOY WAS VISITING HIS GRANDFATHER ON HIS FARM.
HE ASKED HIS GRANDFATHER IF HE COULD LEAD THE MULES
AROUND THE STABLE FOR HIM, SINCE HIS GRANDFATHER
WAS GETTING READY TO HITCH THE MULES TO THE PLOW.
HIS GRANDFATHER SAID YES, BUT TO BE CAREFUL NOT TO
LET THE MULES STEP ON THE BOARDS FULL OF NAILS
THAT WERE LYING BY THE STABLE. THE CITY BOY SAID
THAT WOULDN'T HURT THE MULES TO STEP ON SOME NAILS
BECAUSE HE SAW SOME MEN POUND NAILS IN THEIR
FEET BEFORE.
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 11-08-1968
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TALE
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
THERE WAS A LITTLE MEXICAN BOY NAMED JOSE. HE
HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT AMERICAN BASEBALL, THAT HE
WANTED TO SEE IT. SO HE TRAVELED FROM MEXICO
ALL THE WAY TO NEW YORK. WHEN HE GOT THERE, THERE
WEREN'T ANY MORE SEATS LEFT, SO A MAN SUGGESTED
HE SIT ON A FLAG POLE AND HE DID. HE COULD SEE
VERY WELL. WHEN HE WENT HOME, HE SAID TO HIS
FATHER: "PAPA, THOSE PEOPLE IN AMERICA ARE
VERY NICE. THEY TELL ME TO SIT ON A FLAG POLE
TO SEE BETTER. THEN THEY SANG, "JOSE, CAN YOU
SEE?"
Submitter comment:
INFORMANT HEARD THIS FROM ANOTHER STUDENT.
Where learned: SS PETER & ; PAUL SCHOOL
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 10-08-1965
A TEACHER CALLED FOR SENTENCES USING THE WORD BEANS.
"MY FATHER GROWS BEANS," SAID THE BRIGHT BOY OF
THE CLASS.
"MY MOTHER COOKS BEANS," SAID ANOTHER PUPIL.
THEN A THIRD POPPED UP: "WE ARE ALL HUMAN BEANS."
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 00-00-1958
MOM, THE MAN SAYS "EVERYTHING IS FREE," BUT I'M
NOT FREE, I'M FOUR.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 07-11-1964
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SLEEPING PILLS
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
WHY DID THE MORON TIPTOE PAST THE MEDICINE CABINET?
HE DIDN'T WANT TO WAKE UP THE SLEEPING PILLS.
Submitter comment:
INFORMANT HEARD THIS AT SCHOOL.
Where learned: HOME
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
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FIX IT QUICK
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
JOSE AND PEDRO WERE WORKING ON THEIR MODEL T FORD.
JOSE WAS UNDER THE REAR AXLE AND ASKED FOR THE "SPEED"
WRENCH. PEDRO PICKED UP A SLEDGE HAMMER AND SMASHED IN
THE HOOD. JOSE JUMPED UP YELLING AND SCREAMING, "PEDRO
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" "WELL," SAID PEDRO, "YOU ASKED ME
FOR A "SPEED WRENCH" AND IN MY COUNTRY A "MEXICAN SPEED
WRENCH" IS A SLEDGEHAMMER." I ONLY DID WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO.
Submitter comment:
MR. CATES SPENT THREE YEARS IN BROWNSVILLE, TEXAS
WHERE HE ACQUIRED SOME MEXICAN JOKES.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT ; CATES BAR
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 07-29-1964
TALE
THERE WAS A PHILOSOPHY OF SCIENCE PROFESSOR AT THE
UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT LAST YEAR WHO BECAME NOTED FOR
HIS ABSENT-MINDEDNESS.
ONE OF HIS CLASSES HAD THE HABIT OF SITTING IN THE
LAST FOUR OR FIVE ROWS OF THE CLASSROOM. HE ACCEPTED
THIS WITHOUT QUESTION. ONE DAY, TO CONFUSE THE PROF,
THE STUDENTS DECIDED TO SIT IN THE FIRST FOUR OR FIVE
ROWS OF THE CLASSROOM. THE PROFESSOR WALKED IN THE
ROOM, AT THE PROPER TIME, THE RIGHT DAY, BUT DID NOT
RECOGNIZE HIS CLASS. SO HE LEFT, WENT BACK HOME,
AND CHIDED HIMSELF FOR NOT REALIZING THAT HE MADE
AN UNNECESSARY TRIP TO SCHOOL.
Where learned: UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT ; HOLDEN HALL
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 12-06-1967
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Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
TWO PATIENTS OF THE ASYLUM WERE LOOKING OVER THE WALL,
WATCHING THE GARDNER.
"WHAT'S HE DOING?" SAID THE FIRST.
"PUTTING FERTILIZER ON THE STRAWBERRIES," SAID THE
SECOND.
"FERTILIZER ON THE STRAWBERRIES!" EXCLAIMED THE FIRST,
"WE PUT SUGAR AND CREAM ON OURS, AND THEY CALL US
CRAZY!"
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 06-00-1964
IN EDINBURGH THEY TELL THE STORY OF THE TWO BURGLARS WHO
SMASHED A JEWELER'S WINDOW AND WERE ARRESTED WHEN THEY
CAME BACK FOR THE BRICK.
Data entry tech comment: REFERENCE TO SCOTTISH CLOSENESS WITH MONEY.
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 06-00-1964
A STORY ABOUT A MARRIED COUPLE
THERE WAS A YOUNG MARRIED COUPLE WHO DROVE DOWNTOWN
TOGETHER TO WORK EVERY MORNING. SOMETIMES THE HUSBAND
WOULD DROP THE WIFE OFF AND TAKE THE CAR. AT OTHER
TIMES, THE HUSBAND WOULD ALLOW THE WIFE TO TAKE THE
CAR AND PARK IT. EVERY AFTERNOON AT FIVE O'CLOCK, THE
ONE WHO DIDN'T TAKE THE CAR WOULD MEET THE OTHER ON A
PARTICULAR CORNER.
ONE MORNING, THE HUSBAND KISSED HIS WIFE GOOD-BYE AND
SLID OUT FROM UNDER THE STEERING WHEEL, AND WENT ON TO
WORK. AT FIVE O'CLOCK PROMPTLY HE ARRIVED ON THE
APPOINTED CORNER TO WAIT FOR HIS WIFE AND THE CAR.
HE HAPPENED TO TURN AROUND AND SEE HIS WIFE STANDING ON
THE CORNER TOO. WITH A BIT OF SURPRISE HE SAID, "WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?" SHE, IN TURN, SAID, "WELL, I
THOUGHT THAT YOU HAD THE CAR." WITH THAT, THEY HASTILY
RETURNED TO THE CORNER WHERE THEY USUALLY DROPPED EACH
OTHER OFF, AND THERE, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET, WAS
THE CAR--JUST AS THEY HAD LEFT IT.
Where learned: GERMANY
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 00-00-1957