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NAMES OF MY RELATIVES

IN MY FAMILY ALL OF MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS HAVE THEIR NAMES
BEGIN WITH THE LETTER J.
JALAL, JALILA, JAMAL, JOHN, JENNIFER, JULIA, JANETTE, JANE, JACK,
JOSEPH, AND JAMES OR JEFFERSON.
IN MY BROTHER JALAL'S FAMILY HIS KIDS' NAMES BEGIN WITH THE K
SOUND. CARMEN, CONNIE, KIMBERLY, CAROLINE, AND DENNY. HOW DID
THAT GUY GET IN THERE? IT'S THEIR ONLY BROTHER.
IN MY SISTER JALILA'S FAMILY, HER KIDS' NAMES BEGIN WITH THE
LETTER R, RITA, RONNIE, AND ROBERT.
IN MY AUNT SALEEMA'S FAMILY, HER KIDS' NAMES ALL BEGIN WITH
THE LETTER L, LEATH, LINDA, LAHEEB, AND LANA.

Submitter comment: I CAN'T EXPLAIN THE REASON WHY THE PARENTS DID THIS, MAYBE TO
CALL ONE OF THE KIDS AND MANY WOULD ANSWER BECAUSE OF THE SAME
BEGINNING SOUND. I REMEMBER MY MOM WOULD RATTLE OFF FOUR OR
FIVE OF OUR NAMES BEFORE SHE GOT WHO SHE WANTED RIGHT.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE

James Callow Keyword(s): ALLITERATION

Subject headings: Person / Nickname
Favorites

Date learned: 00001960S

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MISCELLANEOUS RIDDLES

(1) WHAT DID THE HAT SAY TO THE TIE?
"I'LL GO ON AHEAD, AND YOU HANG AROUND."
(2) WHAT ANIMALS CAN JUMP HIGHER THAN A HOUSE?
THEY ALL CAN. HOUSES CAN'T JUMP.
(3) HOW CAN YOU SPELL DRIED GRASS WITH THREE LETTERS?
H-A-Y.
(4) WHY DID THE GIRL USE TOOTHPASTE?
BECAUSE SHE HAD A LOOSE TOOTH.
(5) WHAT DID THE MAN DO WHEN HE HURT HIS TOE?
HE CALLED THE TOW (TOE) TRUCK.
(6) WHAT KIND OF NAIL SHOULD YOU NOT HIT WITH A HAMMER?
YOUR FINGERNAIL.
(7) WHAT DID THE GOALPOST SAY TO THE FOOTBALL?
"YOU'LL GET A KICK OUT OF THIS!"
(8) WHAT IS YOURS, BUT OTHER PEOPLE USE IT MORE THAN YOU DO?
YOUR NAME.
(9) HOW DOES A DENTIST EXAMINE A CROCODILE'S TEETH?
VERY CAREFULLY.
(10) WHAT IS MORE USEFUL AFTER IT IS BROKEN?
AN EGG.
(11) WHAT HAS TWO HANDS, NO FEET, AND RUNS 168 HOURS A WEEK?
A CLOCK.
(12) WHAT CAN YOU HOLD WITHOUT TOUCHING IT?
A CONVERSATION.
(13) NAME THE FIRST SETTLER IN THE WEST.
THE SUN.
(14) WHY SHOULD YOU NEVER TELL A SECRET TO A PIG?
BECAUSE PIGS ARE SQUEALERS.
(15) HOW MANY TEXANS HAVE A BIRTHDAY ON NOVEMBER 31ST?
THERE ARE ONLY 30 DAYS IN NOVEMBER.
(16) WHAT LIES AROUND ALL NIGHT WITH ITS TONGUE HANGING OUT?
A SHOE.
(17) WHY DOES A RABBIT HAVE A SHINY NOSE?
BECAUSE ITS POWDER PUFF IS AT THE WRONG END.
(18) WHEN IS A PIECE OF WOOD LIKE A KING?
WHEN IT IS A RULER.
(19) WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WERE OUT ON THE OCEAN AND A
WHALE SNEEZED?
PUT UP YOUR SAIL.

Submitter comment: THESE RIDDLES I GREW UP WITH IN GRADE SCHOOL, I USED TO COLLECT
AND BUY A LOT OF JOKE BOOKS AND RIDDLE BOOKS, BUT THEY'RE GONE
NOW. ALL I HAVE IS MEMORIES OF LONG AGO. I USED TO HAVE
CONTESTS WITH OTHER STUDENTS IN MY CLASS TO SEE WHO HAD THE BEST
JOKES OR RIDDLES. ITS FUNNY HOW THEY COME UP TO YOU AT TIMES.
I REMEMBER A LOT OF FUN; THAT'S WHAT ALL THIS LORE IS.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE

Subject headings: RIDDLE -- True Riddle
RIDDLE -- Riddle Question

Date learned: 00001960S

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ELEPHANT ROTTEN RIDDLES

(1) WHAT TIME IS IT WHEN AN ELEPHANT CLIMBS INTO YOUR BED?
WHAT?
TIME TO GET ANOTHER.
(2) WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A TINY ELEPHANT AND A GIGANTIC
MOUSE?
WHAT?
ABOUT 3000 POUNDS!

Submitter comment: WHEN I WAS IN THE CHALDEAN YOUTH CLUB, WE EXCHANGED THESE KIND OF
JOKES. I USED TO HELP EDIT THE NEWSLETTER THAT WAS SENT OUT EACH
MONTH, AND THIS IS HOW A LOT OF JOKES CAME MY WAY.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE

Subject headings: RIDDLE -- Riddle Question

Date learned: 00001970S

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MISCELLANEOUS JOKES

(1) THE PRESIDENT OF THE TELEPHONE COMPANY WAS AROUSED FROM
HIS SLUMBERS BY THE RINGING OF THE TELEPHONE.
PRESIDENT: HELLO
VOICE: ARE YOU AN OFFICIAL OF THE TELEPHONE COMPANY?
PRESIDENT: YES. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
VOICE: TELL ME HOW IT FEELS TO GET OUT OF BED AT TWO O'CLOCK
IN THE MORNING TO ANSWER A WRONG NUMBER.
(2) WHAT'S CAPITAL AND LABOR?
WELL, SUPPOSE I LOANED YOU TWO DOLLARS, THAT'S CAPITAL. WHEN
I TRY TO GET IT BACK, THAT'S LABOR.
(3) WHAT IS MEANT BY "COLLEGE BRED"?
COLLEGE BRED MEANS A WAD OF DOUGH, WITH PLENTY OF CRUST, AND
A LOT OF CRUMBS GATHERED FOR A GOOD LOAF.
(4) I HAVE A BROTHER IN PENN STATE.
WHAT A SMALL WORLD THIS IS! I HAVE A BROTHER IN STATE PEN, TOO.
(5) I WON'T GRADUATE FROM COLLEGE THIS YEAR.
WHY NOT?
I DIDN'T GO.
(6) JOE: WHY DIDN'T YOU USE THE ELAVATOR?
ELMER: THE SIGN IN THE ELAVATOR SAYS IT HOLDS 12 PEOPLE. I
DIDN'T WANT TO WAIT FOR THE OTHER 11!
(7) JOE: HEY, WHERE'S HERMAN?
ELMER: HE WON'T BE AROUND...THE KIDS HAD A CONTEST...WHO COULD
LEAN FURTHEST OUT THE WINDOW...HE WON!
(8) BORIS IS A BARBER WHO WILL TAKE A BIG LOAD OFF YOUR MIND.
(9) JOE USED TO PASS THE CREMATORIUM AND ASK, "WHAT'S COOKING?"
(10) STUDENTS ARE SUPPOED TO WRITE COMPOSITIONS WEEKLY, NOT
WEAKLY.
(11) WHERE DO SHEEP GET THEIR HAIRCUT?
WHERE?
AT A BA-BA SHOP.
(12) DARLA: "WHERE DID YOU GET THAT BLACK EYE?"
CARLA: "YOU SEE THIS DOOR?"
DARLA: "YES."
CARLA: "WELL, I DIDN'T."

Submitter comment: MOST OF THESE JOKES I LEARNED WHEN I USED TO TAKE THE SCHOOL BUS
HOME IN HIGHSCHOOL. THE UPPERCLASSMEN WOULD HAVE A CONTEST WITH
THE LOWERCLASSMEN TO PASS THE MONOTONY ON THE WAY HOME. SOMETIMES
THE BUS WOULD GET REAL ROWDY AND THE DRIVER WOULD YELL, "SHUT-UP".

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote

Date learned: 00001970S

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EXAGGERATIONS-HYPERBOLE LORE

(1) THE VILLAGE BOOZER MADE THE LOCAL BREWERY GO ON A 24-HOUR
SHIFT.
(2) THERE'S ENOUGH POETRY ON THE BOY'S WASHROOM WALLS TO PUT
SHAKESPEARE OUT OF BUSINESS!

Submitter comment: I HEARD THE FIRST EXAGGERATION AT WORK FROM A BEER DRIVER.
THE SECOND EXAGGERATION I HEARD IN SCHOOL WHEN THE MAINTENANCE
MAN WAS FED UP WITH DIRTY LAVATORIES.
THESE EXAGGERATIONS ARE OUT OF THIS WORLD! DON'T YOU THINK?

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE

Subject headings: PROVERB -- Proverbial Comparison

Date learned: 00001970S

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ONOMATOPOEIA LORE

BOOM, HISS, MURMUR, ZOOM, MOAN, HUM, CHUG, SIZZLE, CUCKOO,
GLUG, CHUG-AH, PLOP, SPLASH, BUZZ

Submitter comment: TAKING A LOT OF ENGLISH COURSES IN COLLEGE AND HIGHSCHOOL, I
WAS ABLE TO COLLECT THESE EXTRAORDINARY WORDS.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE

Subject headings: SPEECH -- Onomatopoeia

Date learned: 00001970S

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SPOONERISMS

(1) OUR QUEER OLD DEAN/ OUR DEAR OLD QUEEN
(2) NOSEY LITTLE COOK/ COZY LITTLE NOOK
(3) IT IS KISTUMARY TO CUSS THE BRIDE/ IT IS CUSTOMARY TO KISS THE
BRIDE
(4) HALF-WARMED FISH/ HALF-FORMED WISH
(5) TONS OF SOIL/ SONS OF TOIL

Submitter comment: I LEARNED MOST OF THESE IN MY EDUCATION 100 CLASS IN COLLEGE. C0 IT WAS A READING AND VOCABULARY COURSE, AND STUDENTS WERE
ALLOWED TO TELL AS MANY OF THESE SPOONERISMS AS POSSIBLE.
I GOT A MIXTURE OF THEM.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE

Subject headings: SPEECH -- Formula

Date learned: 11-00-1982

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OLD FASHIONED REMEDIES

(1) IF YOU HAVE WARTS, SUBMERGE THEM IN DOG URINE, AND THE WART
WILL DISSAPPEAR.
(2) IF YOU HAVE A BLACK EYE, PUT RAW BEEF ON IT TO TAKE AWAY THE
SWELLING, THE BRUISE, AND THE PAIN.
(3) IF YOU HAVE HICCUPS, PUT A PAPER BAG OVER YOUR HEAD, OR
HOLD YOUR BREATH AND JUMP UP AND DOWN ON ONE LEG 10 TIMES.
(4) PUT GARLIC OR BUTTER ON A BEE STING OR BURN TO ALLEVIATE
THE PAIN. OF COURSE TAKE THE STINGER OUT FIRST.
(5) WRAP DOUGH WITH OLIVE OIL AROUND A BROKEN FINGER
AND THEN WRAP IT UP WITH A BANDAGE TO CURE THE BROKEN BONE.

Submitter comment: THESE REMEDIES I KNOW ABOUT BECAUSE ALL HAPPENED TO ME.
ONE MAY PICK THEM UP AT HOME FROM RELATIVES OR PARENTS OR
FRIENDS.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE

Subject headings: BELIEF -- Method of Curing

Date learned: 00001960S

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TONGUE TWISTERS

SAY EACH ONE OF THESE 3 TIMES RAPIDLY
SEE THE SEASHELLS SHINE BY THE SEASHORE.
BOY, GIRL, BOY, GIRL, BOY, GIRL, BOY, GIRL.
SEVEN SLIPPERY SEALS SAT SUNNING SILENTLY SIDE BY SIDE.
MIKE THE MILKMAN BRINGS MILK ON MONDAY.
TAMMY TIGER TAUGHT TIMMY TIGER TO TELL TIME.
"SAY!" SAID I, "SAY WHAT YOU SAID AGAIN."

Submitter comment: WE USED TO TRICK EACH OTHER WITH THESE IN GRADE SCHOOL.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE

James Callow Keyword(s): ALLITERATION

Subject headings: SPEECH -- Formula

Date learned: 00001960S

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SNEEZING LORE

SAY BRAHMA OR GOD BLESS YOU AFTER ONE SNEEZES TO GIVE GOD'S GRACE
FOR GOOD HEALTH.
SAY SHAHADIH AFTER ONE SAYS OR THINKS UP SOMETHING ABOUT SOME
PERSON, PLACE, OR THING WHEN ONE SNEEZES. THEN IT IS TRUE ABOUT
IT. E.G. I SAY WE WILL BE RICH ONE DAY, THEN A PERSON SNEEZES.
THEN IT WILL BE TRUE. IT IS LIKE A CERTIFICATE OF GRADUATION.
BRAHMA MEANS GOD BLESS YOU, AND SHAHADIH MEANS IT IS CERTIFICATION
TO THE TRUTH. BOTH ARE CHALDEAN WORDS OR DIALECT.
I ONCE READ IN A DOCTOR'S COLUMN THAT IF ONE SNEEZES, ONE WILL
LOSE 15 SECONDS OF ONE'S LIFE. IT IS ACCREDITTED TO BIOLOGICAL
REASONS.

Submitter comment: I PICKED THIS LORE UP MOSTLY FROM HOME.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE

Subject headings: Favorites
BELIEF -- Product or activity of man or animal
BELIEF -- Death Funeral Burial
SPEECH -- Formula

Date learned: 00001960S

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ARABIC PROVERB

THI HICK BILLEH SEBAP MIN KILLITIL ADEP.
TRANSLATED: LAUGHTER FOR NO REASON IS BAD MANNERS.

Submitter comment: WHEN SOMEONE IS CAUGHT LAUGHING WITHOUT SOMETHING
TO LAUGH ABOUT, THIS PROVERB IS STATED WHICH MEANS
THAT SOMEONE LACKS SOCIAL MANNERS AND ETIQUETTE.
COULD ALSO BE A CURSE, WHAT ONE LAUGHED ABOUT WILL
EVENTUALLY HAUNT THEM BECAUSE IT IS SECRET.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE

Subject headings: PROVERB -- Proverbial Apothegm Maxim

Date learned: 00001960S

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Belief: Children's Song

(1) DON'T STEP ON A CRACK OR YOU'LL BREAK YOUR MOTHER'S BACK.
(2) IF YOU STEP ON A LINE YOUR MOTHER DRINKS WINE.

Submitter comment:

MY BLACK NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOORS TOLD ME THESE TALES WHEN I WAS A KID.

Data entry tech comment:

Updated on 12-01-2010 / Motifs and Keywords added by TRD

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE

Keyword(s): ALCOHOL ; Back ; BELIEF ; CHILDHOOD ; CHILDREN ; Crack ; GAME ; Line ; MOTHER ; RHYME ; SONG ; Spine ; SUPERSTITION ; VERSE ; Wine

James Callow Keyword(s): NEGRO

Subject headings: Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Lyrical Verse Lyrical Verse
Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Belief Belief

Date learned: 00001960S

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CHINESE PROVERB

GIVE A MAN A FISH, YOU FEED HIM FOR A DAY,
TEACH A MAN TO FISH AND YOU WILL FEED HIM FOR LIFE.

Submitter comment: TEACH MEN TO BE INDEPENDENT AND SELF-SUFFICIENT,
HELP OTHERS HELP THEMSELVES.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE

Subject headings: PROVERB -- Proverbial Apothegm Maxim

Date learned: 00001960S

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ANCIENT RIDDLE

WHAT DOES A V-SIGN WITH YOUR FINGERS MEAN IN A BAR?
A ROMAN ORDERING FIVE BEERS.

Submitter comment: HEARD THIS IN MY SCHOOL CAFETERIA WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE

Subject headings: Favorites
SPEECH -- Gesture
RIDDLE -- Riddle Question

Date learned: 04-00-1974

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PARODY

ROSES ARE REDDISH
VIOLETS ARE BLUISH
IF JESUS CHRIST WASN'T BORN,
WE WOULD ALL BE JEWISH!

Submitter comment: LIKE THAT ONE, DR. CALLOW?

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE

Subject headings: Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Lyrical Verse Lyrical Verse

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NUMBER JOKE OR MATH JOKE FORMULA

DO THIS: 1. PICK A NUMBER, ANY NUMBER;
2. MULTIPLY THAT NUMBER BY FOUR; 3. TO THAT ANSWER,
ADD TEN; 4. DIVIDE THAT ANSWER BY TWO; 5. SUBTRACT
FIVE FROM THAT ANSWER; 6. DIVIDE THAT ANSWER BY TWO;
7. SUBTRACT THE NUMBER YOU STARTED WITH FROM THAT ANSWER.
YOUR ANSWER SHOULD BE ZERO.
E.G. USE THE NUMBER FOUR. 4, 4X4=16, 16+10=26,
26/2=13, 13-5=8, 8/2=4, 4-4=0

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE

Subject headings: RIDDLE -- Riddle Question

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ANALYTICAL RIDDLE

ONE DAY A GROUP OF 12 KNIGHTS ON THEIR WAY TO A CASTLE
PASSED AN ORCHARD WITH AN APPLE TREE WHICH HAD 12 APPLES
HANGING ON IT. EACH ONE TOOK AN APPLE, AFTER THEY LEFT
THE ORCHARD, 11 APPLES WERE LEFT HANGING ON THE TREE, HOW
COULD THIS BE?
ANSWER: EACH ONE WAS THE NAME OF THE KNIGHT WHO TOOK THE
ONLY APPLE.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE

Subject headings: Favorites
RIDDLE -- Riddle Question

Date learned: 06-00-1974

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SHAGGY DOG STORY

A MAD SCIENTIST WAS TRYING TO GET RID OF A FOUL-MOUTHED
CLONE HE HAD CREATED BY SHOVING THE CLONE OUT OF A WINDOW.
THUS THE SCIENTIST WAS MAKING AN OBSCENE CLONE FALL.

Submitter comment: READ THIS SOMEWHERE IN THE DETROIT FREE PRESS NEWSPAPER.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE

James Callow Keyword(s): PUN ON OBSCENE PHONE CALL

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote

Date learned: 07-00-1983

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ROMANCE LORE

I'M GOING TO KISS YOU TONIGHT OR I'LL DIE IN THE ATTEMPT,
I TOLD MY GIRL.
WELL, DID YOU?
YOU DIDN'T SEE MY NAME IN THE OBITUARY COLUMN, DID YOU?

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote

Date learned: 07-00-1982

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WEDDING RHYME

USE A NAME OF A BOY AND A NAME OF A GIRL
E.G. JOE AND LULU SITTING IN A TREE K-I-S-S-I-N-G,
FIRST COMES LOVE, THEN COMES MARRIAGE,
HERE COMES JOE WITH A BABY CARRIAGE.

Submitter comment: I HEARD THIS WHEN I WAS IN GRADE SCHOOL.
WAY BEFORE WE HAD SEX EDUCATION...

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE

Subject headings: Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Narrative Verse
Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Lyrical Verse Lyrical Verse

Date learned: 00-00-1967

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