A man walked into a rest-room and seen a ten dollar bill laying on a table. As he picked it up and started to put it ini his pocket he heard a weird voice say: "I'm the ghost of Betty Grable and I say the ten dollar bill stays on the table." The man grew frightened, threw the ten dollar bill back on the table and ran out.

Another man walked in , picked up the ten dollar bill and started to walk out. Again the voice came and repeated the same line. The man laughed and put the ten dollar bill back on the table and walked out. A third man came in and picked up the ten dollar bill and put it in his pocket. As he was leaving he heard the haunting voice say: "I'm the ghost of Betty Grable and I say the ten dollar bill stays on the table." The man smiled, and said: "*I am the ghost of Davy Crockett, and I say the ten dollar bill stays in my pocket!"

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs Added by TRD

James Callow comment:

Original BN [B667] crossed out and replaced with B660

Editing marks for spelling errors. ( crossed out an errant tin the word laughed).

Where learned: Myself

Keyword(s): Anecdote ; BATHROOM ; Betty Grable ; Davy Crockett ; GHOST ; GHOSTLY VOICES ; Jest ; MONEY ; Voice ; Wit

Subject headings:

PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote

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Play on Words

Sermon Using Names of Soaps and Detergents

Are you SOFT SOAPING God? DUZ you DRIFT along with the TIDE? VEL now is the time to CHEER up. If you want real JOY, the TREND is to BREEZE to church regularly on Sunday mornings. But too many WOODBURY their heads in a pillow and remain in bed or work in their yard to make it sparkle, forgetting that the Lord's Day is made for LESTOIL.

But where the Lord is given foremost consideration a DOVE will never have to send an S.O.S.. Don't trust LUX chances by neglecting our worship together.

Maybe we ought to DIAL you and remind you of those IVORY palaces up yonder. This is not just silly BAB-O. Worship is intended to add to your LIFEBOUY, so why not be faithful and WISK yourself out of bed early Sunday. Dress up SPIC'N'SPAN, DASH like a COMET to God's house of prayer. DRAISE to God, you'll get a wonderful KLENZER for your soul. PLEDGE yourself and PRIDE of conscience will be yours. Life will be full of ZEST.

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs added by TRD

James Callow comment:

Original BN [B644, B667] crossed out and replaced with S570.

Original title [STORY Using Names of Soaps and Detergents] is modified to read SERMON Using Names of Soaps and Detergents.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Keyword(s): ADVERTISING ; Anecdote ; Cleanser ; Consumerism ; Domesticity ; HOME, DOMESTIC PURSUITS ; HOUSECLEANING ; PARODY ; Sermon ; Soap

Subject headings:

SPEECH -- Formula

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Entry filtered.

Poor Wording

A number of GI's in England during the war decided to hold a horse race to keep up the morale of the base. For some reason they were short of active animals for the event. Now it happened that the local parish priest had a donkey and they obtained his permission to use it to make up the field. The donkey to the surprise of everyone came in third in the first race. Where upon the camp newspaper came out with the headline "Padre's Ass Shows."

This naturally caused no small scandal among the people of the parish and eventually reached the bishop. However, when called to ask about it by the bishop the padre managed to mollify the good man by explaining it was only an American slang expression. The next day a race was held and the donkey came in first. The paper then announced "Padre's Ass Out in Front."

This called for further episcopal disapproval, but again the padre succeeded in mollifying the bishop. The third day's race the donkey finished second and the paper reported "Padre's Ass back in Place." This was the last straw for the bishop and he ordered the priest to withdraw the animal from the race. The camp then came forth with the sad news: "Bishop Scratches Padre's Ass."

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs added by TRD

James Callow comment:

Original BN [ B667 ] modified: the number zero is written over the seven. Additionally, the entire BN is crossed out and replaced with B660.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Keyword(s): AMERICAN ; Anecdote ; Culture Clash ; DONKEY ; European ; GAMBLING ; HORSE ; Jest ; Language ; MILITARY ; NEWSPAPER ; PUN ; RACING ; RELIGION ; SLANG

Subject headings:

PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote
Filter - Mature Content

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Entry filtered.

Confucius Says:

Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.

He who lives in glass house makes love in closet.

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs and BN added by TRD

James Callow comment:

Submission Card located in pile marked To Be Classified

Keyword(s): ALLUSION TO SEXUAL INTERCOURSE ; Confucius ; Jest, Anecdote, Pun, Joke, Irony ; JOKE ; WISDOM

Subject headings:

PROVERB -- Proverbial Metaphor
PROVERB -- Proverbial Apothegm Maxim
PROVERB -- Proverbial Phrase
Filter - Mature Content

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Confucius Says:

He who lives in glass house dresses downstairs.

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs and BN added by TRD

James Callow comment:

Submission Card located in pile marked To Be Classified.

Keyword(s): CONFUCIAN PARODY ; Confucius ; GLASS ; HUMOR ; Jest, Anecdote, Pun, Joke, Irony ; JOKE

Subject headings:

PROVERB -- Proverbial Metaphor
PROVERB -- Proverbial Apothegm Maxim

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Maxim

A lot of girls would have hourglass figures if time hadn't shifted the sands.

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs and BN added by TRD

James Callow comment:

Original BN [B660] is crossed out. Nothing replaces it.

Submission card was located in a pile marked To Be Classified.

Where learned: HOME

Keyword(s): ANTIFEMINISM ; BEAUTY ; Feminism ; Jest, Anecdote, Pun, Joke, Irony ; JOKE ; Physical ; PUN ; SEXISM

Subject headings:

PROVERB -- Proverbial Apothegm Maxim

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Some Women wait so long for their dreamboat to come along that their piers collapse.

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs and BN added by TRD

James Callow comment:

Original BN [B660] crossed out. Nothing replaces it.

Submission card located in pile marked To Be Classified.

Where learned: HOME

Keyword(s): ANTIFEMINISM ; Feminism ; Jest, Anecdote, Pun, Joke, Irony ; JOKE ; PUN ; Relationships ; SEXISM ; SEXIST

Subject headings:

Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Autograph Verse Translations, plays on words, symbol writing
PROVERB -- Proverbial Apothegm Maxim

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Maxim

Christopher Columbus set an example the Government's never forgotten. He didn't know where he was going, he didn't know where he was when he got there, and he did it all on borrowed money.

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs and BN added by TRD

James Callow comment:

Original BN [B660] crossed out. Nothing replaces it.

Submission card located in pile marked To Be Classified.

Where learned: HOME

Keyword(s): AMERICAN ; Christopher Columbus ; Government ; Jest, Anecdote, Pun, Joke, Irony ; JOKE

Subject headings:

PROVERB -- Proverbial Apothegm Maxim

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