The James T. Callow Folklore Archive

ITALIAN JOKE

TWO ITALIANS WHO WERE PRETTY WELL SOAKED WITH WINE GOT INTO THE
GUTTER. AFTER FLOUNDERING AROUND FOR AWHILE, ONE OF THEM SAID TO THE
OTHER: "HEY TONY, LET'S GO TO ANOTHER HOUSE; THIS ONE LEAKS."

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; WARREN

Subject headings:

Date learned: 02-25-1982

ITALIAN JOKE

AN ITALIAN WAS ARRESTED FOR STEALING FIFTY POUNDS OF BEEF, AND
EXCUSED HIMSELF ON THE GROUNDS THAT HE WOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN SO MUCH
IF HE HAD A KNIFE TO CUT IT WITH.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; WARREN

Subject headings:

Date learned: 02-25-1982

ITALIAN JOKE

AN ITALIAN FRIEND OF MINE SAW A SIGN ON A GROCER'S WINDOW WHICH READ,
"FAMILIES SUPPLIED," SO HE WENT IN AND ASKED FOR A WIFE AND TWO KIDS.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; WARREN

Subject headings:

Date learned: 02-25-1982

ITALIAN JOKE

AN ITALIAN PUT AN ADVERTISEMENT IN THE PAPERS THAT HE HAD DISCOVERED
A METHOD OF WRITING WITHOUT PEN AND INK, AND THAT HE WOULD GIVE THE
SECRET FOR A SMALL FEE. IN A FEW DAYS HE WAS FLOODED WITH REQUESTS
FROM ALL OVER THE COUNTRY, TO WHICH HE REPLIED: "WRITE WITH PENCIL."

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; WARREN

James Callow Keyword(s): TRICKSTER, ITALIAN

Subject headings:

Favorites
PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote
ITAL

Date learned: 02-25-1982

ITALIAN JOKE

A MAN ASKED AN ITALIAN BOY: "WHAT WAGES ARE PAID AROUND HERE, BOY?"
"I DON'T KNOW," REPLIED THE BOY. "WELL," CONTINUED THE MAN, "WHAT
DOES YOUR FATHER GET ON A SATURDAY NIGHT?" "HE GETS DRUNK," REPLIED
THE BOY.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; WARREN

Subject headings:

PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote
CUSTOM FESTIVAL -- Work Commerce Business
ITAL

Date learned: 02-25-1982

ITALIAN JOKE

AN ITALIAN PAWNBROKER DIED THE OTHER DAY, AND NOW HIS WIFE IS A
"LOAN" WIDOW.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; WARREN

James Callow Keyword(s): PUN

Subject headings:

Date learned: 02-25-1982

GRANDMA JOKE

THERE WERE TWO BOYS PLAYING OUTSIDE. IN THE BACKGROUND, THERE WAS
A LADY SITTING IN THE WINDOW. ONE BOY ASKED THE OTHER BOY, "WHO IS
THAT?" THE BOY REPLIED, "THAT' MY GRANDMA." FIRST BOY SAYS, "WHAT'S
GRANDMA?" THE SECOND BOY SAYS, "THE LADY THATKEEPS YOUR MOTHER FROM
SPANKING YOU.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Subject headings:

Date learned: 11-00-1982

JOKE

SAM WAS SITTING IN A BAR ONE DAY WHEN THE MAYOR CAME ON TV.
"HE'S A JERK," SAID SAM.
"DON'T EVER SAY THAT," SAID THE MAN SITTING NEXT TO HIM, "THE
MAYOR'S THE NICEST GUY YOU'D EVER WANT TO MEET."
"DON'T GET EXCITED," SAID SAM, "YOU'D THINK HE WAS A FRIEND OF
YOURS OR SOMETHING."
"FRIEND?" SAID THE MAN, "WHY ME AND THE MAYOR USED TO PLAY
FOOTBALL TOGETHER WHEN WE WERE KIDS."
"LISTEN, WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS," SAID SAM, "I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
KNOW THE MAYOR."
"MY NAME IS CECIL, SAID THE MAN, "AND I'LL PROVE TO YOU THAT
ME AND THE MAYOR ARE BUDDIES."
CECIL TOOK SAM TO THE MAYOR'S OFFICE. WHEN THE SECRETARY TOLD
THEM THE MAYOR WAS IN A MEETING, CECIL TOLD HER TO CALL HIM AND
TELL HIM THAT CECIL WAS HERE. AS SOON AS SHE CALLED HIM, THE
MAYOR CAME RUSHING OUT OF HIS OFFICE AND THREW HIS ARMS AROUND
CECIL. HE TOLD HIM HOW HAPPY HE WAS TO SEE HIM AND MADE HIM
PROMISE TO HAVE LUNCH WITH HIM THE NEXT DAY.
"WELL, NOW WHAT DO YOU SAY?" ASKED CECIL AS THEY WERE LEAVING
THE MAYOR'S OFFICE."
"OKAY," SAID SAM, "YOU PROVED IT." MM
THE NEXT WEEK, SAM WAS IN THE BAR READING THE PAPER AND COMPLAINING
ABOUT STATE TAXES GOING UP WHEN CECIL OVERHEARD HIM.
"HEY, THE GOVERNOR DOES THE BEST HE CAN," SAID CECIL.
"OH, I SUPPOSE YOU KNOW HIM TOO," SAID SAM.
"KNOW HIM?" SAID CECIL, "ME AND HIM ARE ALMOST LIKE BROTHERS."
"BET YOU FIVE BUCKS HE'S NEVER HEARD OF YOU," SAID SAM.
SO CECIL TOOK SAM TO THE GOVERNOR'S MANSION. THE GOVERNOR WAS
SO HAPPY TO SEE CECIL, HE THREW HIS ARMS AROUND HIM AND INSISTED
THAT THE TWO MEN STAY FOR DINNER.
WHEN THEY LEFT, SAM GAVE CECIL THE FIVE BUCKS AND TOLD HIM HOW
IMPRESSED HE WAS. MM
THE NEXT WEEK, SAM WAS SITTING IN THE BAR COMPLAINING ABOUT THE
PRESIDENT. CECIL WALKED UP TO HIM BUT BEFORE HE COULD SAY ANYTHING,
SAM SAID, "DON'T TELL ME, DON'T TELL ME! YOU AND THE PRESIDENT
WENT TO SCHOOL TOGETHER."
"WHY, NO, I MET HIM IN THE ARMY," SAID CECIL, "BOY WE HAD SOME GOOD
TIMES TOGETHER."
"THIS IS TOO MUCH, CECIL," SAID SAM. "THE MAYOR, OK...THE
GOVERNOR, OK...BUT THE PRESIDENT, NO WAY! TEN TO ONE YOU DON'T KNOW
THE PRESIDENT."
SOON SAM AND CECIL WERE ON THEIR WAY TO WASHINGTON. WHEN THEY
GOT TO THE WHITE HOUSE, THE PRESIDENT RAN OUT AND THREW HIS ARMS
AROUND CECIL AND INSISTED THE TWO MEN SPEND THE WEEK-END. AFTER
THEY LEFT THE WHITE HOUSE, SAM GAVE CECIL HIS MONEY AND TOLD HIM
NOTHING WOULD SURPRISE HIM ANYMORE.
"NEXT THING I KNOW," SAID SAM, "YOU'LL BE TELLING ME YOU KNOW THE
POPE."
"KNOW HIM?" SAID CECIL, HE'S PROBABLY THE BEST FRIEND I EVER HAD." MM
SOON SAM AND CECIL WERE HEADED FOR VATICAN CITY. WHEN THEY GOT
THERE, IT WAS A SUNDAY MORNING AND A HUGE CROWD WAS GATHERED OUTSIDE
THE VATICAN.
"LOOK, SAM," SAID CECIL, "I DON'T THINK YOU'RE GOING TO BE ABLE TO
GET PAST ALL THE GUARDS. THE POPE'S DUE TO COME OUT ON THAT
BALCONY IN A FEW MINUTES. YOU STAND UP HERE IN THE FRONT AND
WATCH. IF YOU SEE ME WALK OUT WITH THE POPE, WILL YOU BELIEVE
I KNOW HIM?"
"SURE," SAID SAM, "TO GET THAT FAR YOU'D HAVE TO KNOW HIM."
IN A FEW MINUTES CECIL WALKED OUT ON THE BALCONY WITH HIS ARM
AROUND THE POPE'S SHOULDER. THE CROWD WAS CHEERING AND YELLING.
CECIL RAISED HIS ARM TO WAVE TO SAM, BUT WHEN HE LOOKED DOWN HE
SAW SAM FALL TO THE GROUND. HE EXCUSED HIMSELF TO THE POPE AND RAN
DOWN TO SEE WHAT HAD HAPPENED.
"SAM, SAM! HE SAID, "ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?"
"I THINK SO," SAID SAM OPENING HIS EYES, "I GUESS I MUST HAVE
FAINTED. CECIL, I DIDN'T BELIEVE YOU KNEW THE MAYOR, BUT YOU DID.
I DIDN'T BELIEVE YOU KNEW THE GOVERNOR, BUT YOU DID. I REALLY
DIDN'T BELIEVE YOU KNEW THE PRESIDENT, BUT YOU DID. I HAVE TO
ADMIT I WAS SURPRISED WHEN YOU WALKED OUT ON THE BALCONY WITH YOUR
ARM AROUND THE POPE. BUT WHEN THE CROWD STARTED YELLING,
"WHO'S THAT MAN WITH CECIL?" I JUST COULDN'T TAKE ANYMORE."

Submitter comment: I HEARD THIS JOKE AT A PARTY IN 1980.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DEARBORN

James Callow Keyword(s): HARRY GARRETT

Subject headings:

Favorites
PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote

Date learned: 00-00-1980

A MAN WENT TO THE OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT OF A COMPANY AND TOLD
THE SECRETARY HE WANTED TO APPLY FOR A JOB. THE SECRETARY WAS
EXPLAINING THAT THE COMPANY WAS NOT HIRING WHEN THE BOSS CAME
WALKING IN.
"ANY MESSAGES?" HE ASKED.
"SIR," SAID THE MAN, "I WOULD LIKE A JOB WITH YOUR COMPANY."
"WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?" ASKED THE BOSS.
"YALE," SAID THE MAN.
"REALLY?" ASKED THE BOSS.
"YES, SIR," SAID THE MAN, "AND I LEARNED A LOT WHILE I WAS THERE."
"WELL, WE REALLY AREN'T HIRING JUST NOW, BUT WITH YOUR CREDENTIALS,
COME INTO MY OFFICE AND WE'LL SEE WHAT WE CAN DO."
THE MAN SAID, "I SURE APPRECIATE THIS, SIR."
"NOTHING TO APPRECIATE," SAID THE BOSS, "THERE'S ALWAYS ROOM FOR
BRIGHT YOUNG MEN, BUT TELL ME MR. - UH - I DON'T BELIEVE I CAUGHT
YOUR NAME."
"YIM YONES, SIR," SAID THE MAN.

Submitter comment: I HEARD THIS JOKE IN 1981.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DEARBORN

Keyword(s): JAIL ; JIM JONES

Subject headings:

Favorites
PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote

Date learned: 00-00-1981

CATCH JOKE

THIS IS A FAIRY STORY AND A RIDDLE.
ONCE THERE WAS A GREAT KING WHO HAD TWO UNMARRIED
DAUGHTERS. A BRAVE KNIGHT CAME TO CALL ON THE KING AND
WAS IMMEDIATELY OFFERED THE CHANCE TO MARRY INTO THE ROYAL
FAMILY. NOW ONE DAUGHTER WAS TERRIBLY HOMELY, BUT SHE WAS
A TERRIFIC HOMEMAKER AND A GREAT COOK. SHE WAS, EXCEPT
FOR HER LOOKS, A PERFECT MATE. THE OTHER DAUGHTER WAS
BEAUTIFUL-- BUT HELPLESS. SHE COULD NEITHER COOK NOR
KEEP HOUSE. AFTER LENGTHY DELIBERATION, THE FOUR OF THEM--
THE KING, THE TWO DAUGHTERS, AND THE BRAVE KNIGHT--
GATHERED TO HEAR THE DECISION. WHOM DID HE CHOOSE?
(AT THIS POINT THE LISTENER GUESSES ONE DAUGHTER OR
THE OTHER.) WRONG! HE CHOSE THE KING. I TOLD YOU IT
WAS A FAIRY STORY.

Submitter comment: I WAS TOLD THIS JOKE ON MY JOB AT DETROIT BANK AND TRUST
COMPANY IN 1977. THE JOKE, OF COURSE, IS IN THE DOUBLE-
ENTENDRE OF THE MEANING OF THE WORD "FAIRY", WHICH IS
USED HERE AS A DERISIVE TERM FOR HOMOSEXUALS.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

James Callow Keyword(s): CATCH TALE

Subject headings:

PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote
PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale
SPEECH -- Formula
RIDDLE -- Riddle Question

THE SPOILED YOUNGEST CHILD

I WAS THE YOUNGEST OF A FAMILY OF TWELVE AND VERY SPOILED, I
ADMIT IT. BEING THE BABY I COULD DO NO WRONG. AS A LITTLE BOY
MY IDOL WAS GOOSE GOSLIN, A BASEBALL PITCHER FOR THE TIGERS
AND I USED TO LOVE IMITATING THE WAY HE PITCHED. AT A BIG FAMILY
DINNER PARTY WHERE ALL THE RELATIVES WERE GATHERED MY BROTHERS
STARTED HARANGUING ME AND TEASING ME TO DEMONSTRATE MY IDOL.
OF COURSE, BEING THE INNOCENT NAIVE LITTLE BOY I DIDN'T REALIZE
WHEN I WAS BEING MADE FUN OF. SO I STOOD AT THE END OF THE TABLE
VERY SERIOUSLY, WENT THROUGH GOOSE'S BIG WIND UP AND INSTEAD
OF HANGING ON TO THE BALL I LET IT FLY. IT WENT SAILING OVER
EVERYONE'S HEADS BY MY BROTHER TONY AT THE END OF THE TABLE
WHERE IT FINALLY LANDED--CRASH--INTO A GLASS CUPBOARD AT THE
OPPOSITE END OF THE ROOM WHERE IT MANAGED TO BREAK ALL THE
GLASSES AND DISHES WITHIN. AFTER THE INITIAL SHOCK, MY VERY
GERMAN FATHER SHOUTED DISGUSTEDLY ACROSS THE ROOM, "NAAACH,
TONY WHY DIDN'T YOU CATCH THAT?" AGAIN THE BABY OF THE
FAMILY WAS NOT TO BLAME AND TONY WAS AGAIN THE SCAPEGOAT!

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Subject headings:

SERVING THE DEAF

BRUCE HOGAN WAS THE PROCESS SERVER FOR YOUR GRANDFATHER, HOWARD
PHILIPPART, WHO REPRESENTED ALL THE DEAF MUTES IN THE STATE OF
MICHIGAN. BRUCE SERVED A NUMBER OF DEAF MUTES AND HE WOULD
CARRY A PAD AND PAPER WITH HIM TO COMMUNICATE TO THEM WITH
NOTES. ONE DAY, HE WENT TO THE DOOR OF A DEAF CLIENT, RANG THE
BELL, ACTIVATED A LIGHT INSIDE THE HOUSE AND WAITED. EVENTUALLY,
THE DOOR WAS ANSWERED BY A WOMAN WITH A PAD AND PAPER. THE
CONVERSATION WENT LIKE THIS:
IS MR. JONES AT HOME?
NO, HE IS NOT.
WILL MR. JONES BE HOME TONIGHT?
NO, HE WON'T.
DOES MR. JONES EVER COME HOME?
I DON'T KNOW IF HE DOES OR NOT.
WHEN HE COMES IN PLEASE WRITE ME.
MAYBE I WILL, MAYBE I WON'T.
PUTTING HIS PAD AWAY MR. HOGAN FRUSTRATEDLY TURNED AND ABSENT
MINDEDLY SAID GOOD BYE. SHE ANSWERED WITH A VERBAL GOODBYE
AND A GUFFAW AS SHE CLOSED THE DOOR.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Subject headings:

Date learned: 00-00-1940

THE THREE DREAMS

THERE WERE THREE MEN TRAVELLING THROUGH THE SOUTH LOOKING FOR
WORK. THEY CAME UPON A FARM WHERE A FARMER'S WIFE OFFERED THEM
A SWEET POTATO PIE TO CHOP SOME WOOD. AFTER THEY HAD FINISHED
WORKING THEY WERE ALL VERY HUNGRY. THEY DECIDED THAT THEY
WOULD ALL GO TO SLEEP AND THE NEXT MORNING WHOEVER HAD HAD THE
BEST DREAM WOULD HAVE THE WHOLE PIE TO HIMSELF. THE NEXT DAY
THEY BEGAN TO RELATE THEIR DREAMS. THE FIRST MAN SAID THAT HE
WAS TOO TIRED AND HUNGRY TO DREAM ABOUT ANYTHING. THE SECOND
MAN SAID THAT HE HAD DREAMED ABOUT BEING RICH AND HAVING ALL
THAT HE WANTED TO EAT. THE THIRD MAN SAID THAT HE COULDN'T
SLEEP SO HE GOT UP AND ATE THE PIE.

Submitter comment: THIS TYPE OF STORY IS COMMON AMONG SOUTHERN NEGROES. THE OBJECT
OF THE VICTUAL VARIES ACCORDING TO REGION. GREENS FOR GEORGIA
A POT OF RICE FOR SOUTH CAROLINA, AND SO ON.

Where learned: ALABAMA ; ANNISTON

Subject headings: