Stagolee

I was born in Mississippi
Raised in Tennessee
I'm a bad mother-fucker
By the name of Stagolee.

It was back in '32
When times were hard
Had a .38 special
And a marked deck of cards.

I wore an old blue suit
And a fucked-up hat
Had a hot rod Ford
With no payments on that.

I went to a pool room
To get in a game,
And these bad mother-fuckers
Tried to know my name.

I kicked out the windows
Broke down the doors,
Fucked all the pretty women
And left all the whores.

I went on down to Vampire St.
Where all these bad mother-fuckers tend to meet.
I swam through the piss
I waded through the mud,
Till I got to this place
Called the Bucket O' Blood.

I said, "Bartender, bartender,
Get me something to eat."
He gave me a muddy glass of water
And a ragged piece of meat.

I said, "Bartender,
Don't you know who I am?"
He said, "No, and frankly
I don't give a goddamn."

I said, "I'm Stagolee
From across the way
And I kick a bad fucker's ass
Each and every single day."

I didn't like what
The bartender said
So I laid three holes
In his mother-fuckin' head.

About that time,
A pretty little whore
Came walkin' across the floor.
She said, "Staga,
Could you tell me
Where the bartender is, please?"
I said, "Sure babe,
He's behind the bar
With his mind at ease."

She said, "Staga,
You don't mean dead?"
I said, "Count the holes
In that mother-fucker's head."

Then another pretty little whore
Came walkin' across the floor
She said, "Staga,
It's twenty past eight
Let's you and me go upstairs
And let's get something straight."

So I went upstairs
And I began to tussle
Gave her fourteen inches
Before she could move a muscle.

I came downstairs
And they was doin' it on the tables
And doin' it on the floors
When everything got quiet as sin
And a cat named
Mr. Billy de Lyons walked in.

He said, "Who shot the bartender?
Who shot him dead?
I mean I wanna know
Who is the one
Who laid the three holes
In that mother-fucker's head?"

I said, "By God, I did."
He said, "Staga,
You was the best
When you shot the bartender,
But you'd rather hang your balls
On a shit-house door
Than fuck with my whore."

I done had Billy
Dead in my sights
When some nasty mother-fucker
Cut out them lights.

Lights went on
Billy laid at rest
With three of them .38 holes
Carved deep in his chest.

So I jumped on the table
Began to scream and shout,
"It's gonna take ten of the baddest mother-fuckers
To throw me out
'cause I'm Stagolee
From across the way,
And I kick a bad fucker's ass
Each and every single day."

Submitter comment:

Informant is my roommate, and he heard this from someone in his home town.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; MUSKEGON ; heard in Detroit from collector's roommate