THE NEWLY WED COUPLE

A MAN AND A WOMAN HAD BEEN MARRIED FOR A WHILE, AND THEY
WERE JUST ABOUT TO THE POINT WHERE THE HONEYMOON WAS OVER. IN THE
COURSE OF THEIR MARRIAGE THE HUSBAND HAD PICKED UP ONE HABIT THAT
REALLY ANNOYED THE WIFE AND THE WIFE HAD ONE THING THAT THE HUSBAND
COULD NOT STAND. THE HUSBAND'S WAS THAT HE WOULD SMOKE THESE BIG
BLACK CIGARS AND THE WIFE'S WAS AN UGLY POODLE THAT SHE HAD MANICURED
AND CUT AND SO FORTH. ONE TIME THEY WENT ON A VACATION TOGETHER AND
SINCE IT WAS COLD OUT THEY HAD TO KEEP THE WINDOWS ROLLED UP. THE
HUSBAND WAS SMOKING AWAY AND THE WIFE SAID, IF YOU DON'T PUT OUT THAT
CIGAR I'M GOING TO TAKE IT AND THROW IT OUT THE WINDOW. THE HUSBAND
SAID, IF YOU DO THAT I'LL TAKE THAT DOG OUT OF THE BACK SEAT AND
THROW HIM OUT THE WINDOW. WELL, THEY DROVE ON IN SILENCE FOR ABOUT
30 MILES UNTIL THE WIFE COULDN'T TAKE IT ANY LONGER, AND SHE REACHED
OVER, GRABBED THE CIGAR, AND THREW IT OUT THE WINDOW. THE HUSBAND
THEN REACHED BACK AND GRABBED THE DOG OUT OF THE BACK SEAT AND THREW
IT OUT THE WINDOW. THEY DROVE ON AND COMPLETED THEIR VACATION IN
SILENCE. ABOUT TWO MONTHS LATER THEY WERE SITTING AT HOME, STILL
NOT TALKING TO EACH OTHER, WHEN THEY HEARD A SCRATCHING AT THE DOOR.
THEY WENT TO THE DOOR AND OPENED IT AND SURE ENOUGH THERE WAS THE
POODLE AND HE HAD SOMETHING IN HIS MOUTH, WHAT DO YOU THINK IT WAS?
RIGHT, IT WAS THE ICE CUBE.

THE ICE CUBE STORY
THERE WAS THIS GUY BY THE NAME OF SAM, AND SAM HAD A JOB DELIVERING
ICE CUBES. SAM HAD BEEN DOING THIS JOB FOR 20 YEARS OR SO AND WAS
PRETTY HAPPY WITH IT. ONE DAY THE ICE CUBE COMPANY GOT AN ORDER FROM
THE HOTEL IN TOWN FOR 1000 ICE CUBES AND SAM WENT OUT TO THE ICE
HOUSE AND COUNTED OUT THE CUBES AND LOADED THEM ON HIS TRUCK. THEN
HE STARTED OUT FOR THE HOTEL. ON THE WAY THERE A BUS RAN INTO HIS
TRUCK AND SCATTERED THE ICE CUBES ALL OVER THE STREET. POOR SAM
GOT OUT AND PICKED UP ALL THE CUBES AND COUNTED THEM. HE WAS
RELIEVED TO FIND THAT ALL 1000 CUBES WERE THERE, AND SINCE THE
TRUCK WAS STILL DRIVABLE, HE GOT BACK IN AND CONTINUED ON HIS WAY
TO THE HOTEL. WELL, JUST AS HE WAS ABOUT THERE, IN FACT, WITHIN
A BLOCK OF THE PLACE ANOTHER DELIVERY TRUCK HIT HIM. WELL, SAM GOT
OUT AND AGAIN BEGAN TO COUNT THE CUBES. THIS TIME WHEN HE FINISHED
THERE WERE ONLY 999. SAM THOUGHT TO HIMSELF, IT'S BEEN A TOUGH DAY.
I COULD EASILY HAVE MISCOUNTED. BESIDES, WHO'S GOING TO MISS ONE
ICE CUBE IN A THOUSAND. SO HE DELIVERED THE CUBES AND WENT HOME
AND THOUGHT NO MORE ABOUT IT. THE NEXT MORNING, EARLY, HE GOT A
PHONE CALL FROM HIS BOSS AT THE CUBE COMPANY, AND HE SAID, SAM,
THERE'S SOMETHING WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT, CAN YOU COME DOWN RIGHT
AWAY. SAM SAID, SURE, I'LL BE RIGHT OVER, AND HE DROVE DOWN TO THE
COMPANY NOT PARTICULARLY WORRIED SINCE AS I'VE SAID HE WORKED
THERE FOR 20 YEARS. WELL, HE WALKED IN TO THE BOSS'S OFFICE AND THE
BOSS SAID, SAM, YESTERDAY YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DELIVER A THOUSAND
ICE CUBES
TO THE HOTEL AND YOU ONLY DELIVERED 999. I'M SORRY, YOU'RE FIRED.

BRICK STORY
A BRICKLAYER WAS DESIGNING A BUILDING AND HE DETERMINES THAT IT
WILL REQUIRE EXACTLY 1000 BRICKS TO BUILD. SO HE GOES TO THE BRICK
COMPANY AND ASKS THE SALESMAN FOR EXACTLY 1000 BRICKS. THE SALESMAN
SAYS HE DOESN'T KNOW IF HE HAS THAT MANY BRICKS AND SAYS HE'LL GO
AND CHECK. HE WENT OFF TO COUNT THEM AND COMES BACK AND SAYS, I'VE
ONLY GOT 999. THE BRICKLAYER SAYS, WELL I NEED A THOUSAND FOR THIS
BUILDING, I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE. THE SALESMAN DIDN'T
WANT TO LOSE A BIG SALE SO HE SAYS, JUST A MINUTE, MAYBE I COUNTED
WRONG. LET ME TRY IT AGAIN. SO HE WENT BACK AND COUNTED THEM AGAIN
AND THIS TIME HE CAME OUT AND SAID, I DID MISCOUNT, THERE ARE EXACTLY
ONE THOUSAND HERE . THE BRICKLAYER SAYS, WELL NOW, IF YOU MISCOUNTED
ONCE HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE YOU THIS TIME? WHY DON'T YOU
GO COUNT THEM AGAIN. THE SALESMAN DID THAT AND CAME BACK AND SAID,
YOU WERE RIGHT. I DID MISCOUNT LAST TIME. THERE ARE REALLY 1001.
WELL I DON'T NEED 1001, I ONLY NEED A THOUSAND. ALRIGHT, I'LL SELL
YOU A THOUSAND THEN. SO THE BRICKLAYER BUYS HIS THOUSAND BRICKS,
LOADS THEM ON HIS TRUCK AND DRIVES OFF TO BUILD HIS BUILDING. WHEN
HE FINISHED IT, HE PUT THE LAST BRICK IN PLACE AND LOOKED DOWN AND
THERE WAS ONE MORE BRICK. SO HE CHECKED THE BUILDING TO MAKE SURE
HE HADN'T FORGOTTEN ANY AND THEN TOOK THE LAST BRICK AND THREW IT
WAY UP IN THE AIR AND WALKED AWAY.

Submitter comment: THIS JOKE HAS TO BE TOLD TOGETHER WITH EITHER SEQUENCE NUMBER 701604
-16 OR 701604-5, ONE OF THOSE IS TOLD FIRST AND THEN THIS ONE
FOLLOWS ONE OR TWO STORIES LATER. IN THE CASE OF 701604-5 THE DOG
HAS, OF COURSE, A BRICK IN HIS MOUTH.
{HERE ARE STORIES NO. 16 AND 5.}

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Date learned: 11-00-1973