O'LEARY'S BAR

TWAS A COLD WINTER'S EVENING, THE GUESTS WERE ALL LEAVING,
O'LEARY WAS CLOSING THE BAR.
WHEN HE TURNED AND HE SAID TO THE LADY IN RED,
GET OUT, YOU CAN'T STAY ANY MORE.
SHE WEPT A SAD TEAR IN HER BUCKET OF BEER,
AS SHE THOUGHT OF THE COLD NIGHT AHEAD,
WHEN A DAPPER PHI KAPPER STEPPED OUT OF THE CRAPPER,
AND THESE ARE THE WORDS THAT HE SAID.
"HER MOTHER NEVER TOLD HER THE THINGS A YOUNG GIRL SHOULD KNOW,
ABOUT THE WAYS OF COLLEGE MEN, AND HOW THEY COME AND GO--
MOSTLY COME.
NOW AGE HAS TAKEN HER BEAUTY, AND SIN HAS LEFT ITS SAD SCAR,
SO REMEMBER YOUR MOTHERS BOYS, AND LET HER SLEEP UNDER THE BAR."
NEXT TO THE GIN, IN SOUTHERN COMFORT, WITH HIRAM WALKER,
AND THERE WAS GRANNY SWINGING ON THE OUTHOUSE DOOR,
WITHOUT HER NIGHTY, AND GRAMPA YELLING MORE, MORE, MORE.
SHE WORE PAJAMAS.

Submitter comment: SLANG: CRAPPER FOR RESTROOM

Where learned: UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT

James Callow Keyword(s): PUNS ON WHISKEY NAMES

Date learned: 00-00-1979