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ONCE THERE WAS A GIRL FROM AN ASYLUM WHO BROKE AWAY ONE
NIGHT. SHE WENT TO A GARAGE AND GOT AN AXE. SHE WAS
WALKING DOWN THE HIGHWAY, SWINGING THE AXE. A MAN IN A
CAR COULD ONLY SEE THE AXE COMING, SO HE LOCKED ALL
THE DOORS, ROLLED UP THE WINDOWS, AND DUCKED DOWN. THE
GIRL CHOPPED THE MAN AND CAR INTO LITTLE BITS AND
PIECES.
NARRATOR POINTS BEHIND THE LISTENER'S BACK AND SHOUTS:
AND THERE SHE IS.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; HUNTINGTON WOODS
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 11-10-1968
THERE USED TO BE A THING GOING AROUND THAT WHEN SOMEONE
WOULD SAY "THAT'S TOUGH" HE WOULD GET ASKED "WHAT'S
TOUGH?" THE ANSWER: "LIFE."
"WHAT'S LIFE?"..."A MAGAZINE"...."HOW MUCH DOES IT
COST?"...."IT COSTS 20 CENTE"..."I ONLY GOT A NICKEL"...
"THAT'S TOUGH"..."WHAT'S TOUGH?"...ETC.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 00-00-1960
TANGLE TALK--THE MION AND THE LOUSE
WAY BACK BEFORE CROSSINGTON DELLED THE WASHWARE, A
LATE BIG GRION WAS DEEPING PEACEFULLY IN HIS SLEN
BEAMING OF A DREEF STEAK, WHEN HE WAS AWAKENED BY A
MITTLE LOUSE RUNNING FRANK AND BORTH AFROSE HIS
CRACE. TOOSING HIS LEMPER, THE GRION LABBED THE MITTLE
LOUSE BY THE MUFF OF THE SCRECK AND WAS ON THE KERGE OF
VILLING HIM, MOOR LITTLE POUSE! "OH, LEASE, MR. PLION,"
MIED THE CROUSE, "IF YOU WILL ONLY GET ME LOW I FROMISE
PAITHFULLY TO REKIND YOU FOR YOUR PAYNESS." LO, THE
GRION, WHO MUST HAVE BEEN A CUB SOY BOUT IN HIS DOUNGER
YAYS, THOUGHT HE WOULD DEE HIS DAILY GOOD DOOD, SO HE
SET THE FROUSE MEE.
A COUPLE OF LEEKS WAITER, THIS VERY SAME SION GOT
NANGLED UP IN A TET AND THOUGH HE WAS THE BING OF
KEASTS, NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH CROS BINGBY, NO ONE
CAME TO ANSWER HIS RELLOWING BOARS.
BUT CHEAR DILDREN, PAYS THE HEAROFF: ALONG CAME THE MITTLE
LOUSE AND GNAWING THE TOPES WITH HIS REETH, FREES THE
SHION FROM HIS LACKLES. "TURN AFFAIR IS BOUT PLAY,"
MEAKES THE SQOSE, AS HE HURNED ON HIS TEEL AND HEADED
FOR BOME. NOW THE STORAL OF THIS MORY IS, SOMETIMES
OUR BLUBBLES ARE TRIG AND SOMETIMES OUR SRUBBLES
ARE TRAIL, BUT IF WE TRAD NO HUBBLES, HOW COULD BE
BLECKOGNIZE OUR RESSINGS?
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 01-29-1968
THE STRANDED MAID
THERE ONCE WAS A YOUNG WOMAN WHO WAS ON A TRIP THROUGH
THE COUNTRY IN HER CAR. IT WAS GETTING LATE, AND
THROUGH THE WINDOW SHE NOTICED THAT SHE HAD JUST PASSED
THE LAST FARMHOUSE FOR MILES. SUDDENLY, SOMETHING WENT
WRONG WITH HER CAR AND SHE COULDN'T GET IT TO START
AGAIN. THE NIGHT WAS GETTING DARKER AND SHE WAS
FRIGHTENED, SO SHE DECIDED TO GO UP TO THE FARMHOUSE
AND ASK IF SHE MIGHT SPEND THE NIGHT THERE. SHE WALKED
AND WALKED, AND FINALLY REACHED THE DOOR AND KNOCKED
ON IT. WHEN THE FARMER ANSWERED, SHE TOLD HIM WHAT HAD
HAPPENED, AND ASKED IF SHE MIGHT STAY. HE REPLIED THAT
SHE WAS WELCOME TO STAY IF SHE WANTED TO, BUT HE AND HIS
SON WERE THE ONLY ONES THERE, AND HIS SON WAS A MANIAC.
THE GIRL THOUGHT A MINUTE, BUT DECIDED THAT SHE HAD NO
OTHER CHOICE, AND SO SHE SAID THAT SHE DID NOT MIND.
THE FARMER PUT HER UP IN A DARK ATTIC BEDROOM, AND SHE
BEGAN TO GET READY FOR BED. THE CLOSED THE DOOR, WHILE
DOING SO, NOTICED THAT THERE WERE MANY, MANY LOCKS AND
BOLTS ON IT--EVEN DOUBLE AND TRIPLE BOLTS. REMEMBERING
WHAT THE FARMER HAD SAID ABOUT HIS SON, SHE WAS VERY
CAREFUL TO LOCK ALL OF THEM VERY TIGHTLY. SHE LOCKED THE
SINGLE LOCKS, THEN WENT TO THE DOUBLE ONES. THERE WAS
BOLT AFTER BOLT, AND IT TOOK A LONG WHILE, BUT FINALLY
THEY WERE ALL LOCKED. FEELING RELATIVELY SAFE NOW, THE
GIRL WALKED OVER TO THE WINDOW FOR SOME AIR. WHEN SHE
RAISED THE SHADE SHE WAS SURPRISED TO SEE JUST AS MANY
LOCKS AND BOLTS ON THE WINDOW AS SHE HAD SEEN ON THE
DOOR. RECALLING AGAIN THAT THE FARMER'S SON WAS A MANIAC,
SHE BEGAN TO LOCK THESE. IT TOOK A TREMENDOUSLY LONG
TIME TO LOCK THE WINDOW TIGHTLY, BUT AFTER AWHILE SHE
WAS FINALLY DONE WITH IT.
BY THIS TIME, SHE WAS QUITE TIRED, AND WAS READY FOR BED.
SHE CHANGED INTO HER NIGHTGOWN AND LAID DOWN ON THE BED
TO SLEEP. BUT IN ALL HER WORRIED EXCITEMENT SHE COULD
NOT SLEEP. AFTER WHAT SEEMED LIKE HOURS, SHE WAS ALARMED
BY WHAT SOUNDED LIKE FOOTSTEPS ON THE STAIRS. UP, UP, UP
THEY CAME. SLOWLY. HEAVY FOOTSTEPS. THEY STOPPED JUST
OUTSIDE OF HER DOOR. HER HEART BEAT SO LOUDLY IN HER
THROAT SHE FEARED WHOEVER IT WAS WOULD HEAR IT. AFTER
A LONG PAUSE THAT SEEMED LIKE AN ETERNITY, SHE HEARD A
LOCK BEING UNFASTENED. THEN ANOTHER. AND ANOTHER. THE
LOCKS AND BOLTS ON THE DOOR WERE BEING UNDONE! AND
THERE WAS NO PLACE TO HIDE! ONE BY ONE THEY WERE UNLATCHED
AND WHOEVER IT WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR WAS
GETTING CLOSER WITH EVERY ONE. NOT A SOUND COULD BE
HEARD EXCEPT THE BEATING OF THE GIRL'S HEART.
THE DOOR SLOWLY CREAKED OPEN, AND STANDING THERE WAS A
FIGURE OF THE MOST MONSTROUSLY HUGE MAN THE GIRL HAD EVER
SEEN. HE STOOD THERE FOR A MOMENT, AND THEN SLOWLY BEGAN
TO ENTER THE ROOM. THE GIRL WAS TOO FRIGHTENED TO
SCREAM, BUT WAS FROZEN RIGHT WHERE SHE WAS. "IT MUST BE
THE FARMER'S SON," SHE THOUGHT. "WHAT WILL I DO? HE'S
A MANIAC!"
THE MANIAC SON WALKED SLOWLY AND HEAVILY TO THE WINDOW.
HE THEN BEGAN UNDOING THE LOCKS ON IT. ONE BY ONE, AS
SLOWLY AND CAREFULLY AS HE HAD DONE WITH THOSE ON THE
DOOR. WHEN HE WAS FINISHED WITH THIS, HE OPENED THE
WINDOW AND TURNED TO FACE THE YOUNG GIRL LYING ON THE BED.
TERRIFIED, SHE BEGAN TO TREMBLE AS HE LUMBERED TOWARD
HER. HIS STEPS WERE SO SLOW AND HEAVY THAT SHE THOUGHT
SHE MIGHT DIE BEFORE HE GOT TO HER. BUT FINALLY HE
REACHED HER BEDSIDE AND LEANED OVER VERY CLOSE TO HER
FACE.
WITH A VOICE AS SLOW AND HEAVY AS HIS FOOTSTEPS AND VERY
DEEP, HE BEGAN TO SAY SOMETHING TO HER. HE HELD UP THE
FINGERS ON HIS HAND ONE AT A TIME, WHILE SAYING, ALMOST
CHANTING, "I CAN DO SOMETHING WITH ONE FINGER. I CAN DO
SOMETHING WITH TWO FINGERS. I CAN DO SOMETHING WITH THREE
FINGERS. I CAN DO SOMETHING WITH FOUR FINGERS. I CAN DO
SOMETHING WITH FIVE FINGERS!"
"WHAT?" ASKED THE GIRL FINALLY. "THIS!" AND WITH THAT
THE MANIAC SON RAISED HIS FINGERS TO HIS LIPS AND WIGGLED
THEM ON HIS LIPS WHILE MAKING "MANIAC" SOUNDS.
Submitter comment:
THIS STORY IS MOST EFFECTIVE WITH THE TELLER TAKING THE
PART OF THE MANIAC SON. WITHOUT REALLY DESCRIBING WHAT
THE SON DOES, HE HIMSELF MAKES THIS GESTURE, AND WITH
THAT ENDS THE STORY.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
CATCH
PETE AND REPEAT WERE WALKING ACROSS A BRIDGE. PETE
FELL IN THE WATER. WHO WAS LEFT? ANS: REPEAT...
PETE AND REPEAT, ETC.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; SAINT CLAIR SHORES
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 00001950S
BEDTIME STORY
THIS INFORMANT USED TO USE THIS STORY FOR HIS CHILDREN,
WHEN THEY WOULD ASK FOR A BEDTIME STORY.
"THIS IS THE SHORTEST BEDTIME STORY EVER TOLD: 'GOOD
NIGHT!'"
Where learned: BUFFALO ; NEW YORK
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 11-00-1967
PAPA GNU CAME HOME FROM WORK AND MAMA GNU SAID TO PAPA
GNU, "SPANK BABY GNU 'CAUSE HE'S BEEN A BAD BOY."
BUT PAPA GNU SAID TO MAMA GNU, "SPANK HIM YOURSELF
'CAUSE YOU HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO PADDLE YOUR OWN GNU."
(CANOE).
Where learned: ROOM
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 11-18-1968
BENNY
THERE WAS ONCE A MAN NAMED BENNY. ONE DAY HIS FAIRY
GODFATHER APPEARED TO HIM AND TOLD HIM HE COULD HAVE
ANYTHING HE WANTED IF HE WOULD PROMISE NEVER TO SHAVE
HIS BEARD OR CUT HIS HAIR. IF HE EVER BROKE HIS
PROMISE HE WOULD TURN INTO AN URN.
BENNY PROMISED. HE DECIDED HE WANTED A CAR. THEN HE
DECIDED HE WANTED A GIRLFRIEND. EVERYTHING WENT FINE
UNTIL BENNY'S GIRL COULD STAND HIS HAIR AND BEARD NO
LONGER AND ASKED HIM TO CUT IT. HE SAID NO AND DIDN'T
TELL HER WHY.
ONE NIGHT WHILE BENNY WAS SLEEPING, HIS GIRLFRIEND CAME
IN AND CUT HIS HAIR ALL OFF AND BENNY TURNED INTO AN
URN, WHICH GOES TO SHOW THAT "A BENNY SHAVED IS A
BENNY EARNED."
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 02-07-1968
FOR WANT OF A NAIL THE SHOE WAS LOST.
Data entry tech comment: THERE'S MORE TO IT:
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; HUNTINGTON WOODS
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 10-00-1968
IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT. TWO MEN WERE WALKING
ACROSS THE BRIDGE. SAID ANTONIO TO ANTHRONIO, TELL US A
STORIO. AND THE STORIO GOES AS FOLLOWS. IT WAS A DARK
AND STORMY NIGHT. TWO MEN WERE WALKING ACROSS THE
BRIDGE. SAID ANTONIO TO ANTHRONIO TELL US A STORIO.
AND THE STORIO GOES AS FOLLOWS....INFINITY.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 01-30-1968
IT FLOATS
MY MOTHER USED TO TELL ME ABOUT A HAUNTED HOUSE THAT HAD
GHOSTS, BATS, DRAGGING CHAINS AND OTHER SCARY THINGS.
WHEN SHE HAD BUILT UP THE SUSPENSE, SHE WOULD SAY,
"IT FLOATS, IT FLOATS," AND THEN I WOULD SAY, "WHAT
FLOATS?" AND SHE WOULD GRIN AND SAY, "WHY, IVORY
SOAP FLOATS!"
Submitter comment: HEARD WHEN SHE WAS A CHILD.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; OAK PARK
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 00001964 SUMMER
PETE AND REPEAT
PETE AND REPEAT WERE WALKING DOWN THE STREET. PETE
FELL DOWN AND WHO WAS LEFT?
REPEAT.
PETE AND REPEAT, ETC.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
TURNED TO STONE
A WOMAN WAS IN LOVE WITH A MAN BUT HE FELL IN LOVE WITH
AND MARRIED ANOTHER WOMAN. SHE WAS SAID TO HAVE
SUPERNATURAL POWERS AND SHE STARTED TO TURN THE
MAN'S WIFE INTO STONE. SHE FIRST TURNED THE WOMAN'S
FOOT INTO STONE, BUT DON'T ASK ME WHAT HAPPENED WHEN
IT GOT TO HER HEART.
Submitter comment:
THE INFORMANT HEARD THIS STORY FROM HER MOTHER WHEN
SHE WAS A CHILD.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; SOUTHFIELD
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 08-11-1964
A MAN HAS A SON WITH NO LEGS, ARMS OR TRUNKS ONLY A
HEAD. HE AND HIS SON (THE HEAD) GO TO BAR TO CELEBRATE
THE SON'S 21ST BIRTHDAY. THE FATHER ORDERS TWO BEERS
AND THEY BOTH DRINK UP. ALL OF A SUDDEN THE SON
SPROUTS LEGS, ARMS AND A TRUNK. TO CELEBRATE THIS
MIRACLE, FATHER AND SON DRINK ANOTHER BEER. THEN
THE SON SHRIVELS UP AND DISAPPEARS. THE MORAL OF THE
STORY IS "BE HAPPY WHILE YOU'RE AHEAD."
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DEARBORN
Keyword(s): PUN AHEAD=A HEAD
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 03-06-1971
THERE WAS A CONDUCTOR ON A TROLLEY. ONE DAY, SOME CHILDREN
GOT ON HIS NERVES WITH THEIR BEHAVIOR, SO HE PULLED OUT
A GUN AND SHOT THEM, THEN JUMPED OFF THE TROLLEY AND
RAN. THE POLICE CAUGHT HIM, BROUGHT HIM TO COURT. HE
WAS TRIED, FOUND GUILTY AND SENTENCED TO DEATH BY
ELECTRIC CHAIR. AFTER HE WAS STRAPPED INTO THE CHAIR,
THE JUDGE GRANTED HIM A LAST REQUEST. HE ASKED FOR
THREE BANANAS; 2 PEELED AND 1 UNPEELED. HE GOT THEM
AND ATE THEM, THEN THEY PULLED THE SWITCH. NOTHING
HAPPENED! ACCORDING TO THE LAW HE WAS RELEASED.
AFTER A FEW MONTHS, HE GOT BACK HIS OLD JOB AS
CONDUCTOR ON A TROLLEY. ONE DAY A GROUP OF TEENAGERS
GOT ON HIS NERVES WITH THEIR BEHAVIOR, SO HE PULLED OUT
A GUN AND SHOT THEM. THEN HE JUMPED OFF THE TROLLEY
AND RAN. THE POLICE CAUGHT HIM, BROUGHT HIM TO COURT,
HE WAS TRIED, FOUND GUILTY AND SENTENCED TO DEATH BY
ELECTRIC CHAIR. AFTER HE WAS STRAPPED INTO THE CHAIR,
THE JUDGE GRANTED HIM A LAST REQUEST. HE ASKED FOR FIVE
BANANAS; 3 PEELED, AND 2 UNPEELED. HE GOT THEM AND ATE
THEM. THEN THEY PULLED THE SWITCH. NOTHING HAPPENED!
ACCORDING TO THE LAW, HE WAS RELEASED AGAIN.
AFTER A FEW MONTHS, HE GOT BACK HIS OLD JOB AS
CONDUCTOR ON A TROLLEY. ONE DAY A NAGGING OLD LADY
GOT ON HIS NERVES WITH HER BEHAVIOR, SO HE PULLED OUT
A GUN AND SHOT HER, THEN JUMPED OFF THE TRAIN AND RAN.
THE POLICE CAUGHT HIM, BROUGHT HIM TO COURT; HE WAS
TRIED, FOUND GUILTY AND SENTENCED TO DEATH BY ELECTRIC
CHAIR. AFTER HE WAS STRAPPED INTO THE CHAIR, THE JUDGE
GRANTED HIM A LAST REQUEST.
THIS TIME HE ASKED FOR NINE BANANAS, 6 PEELED AND 3
UNPEELED. HE GOT THEM AND ATE THEM. THEN THEY PULLED
THE SWITCH. NOTHING HAPPENED! AGAIN HE WAS SET FREE.
BUT THE JUDGE WAS INTRIGUED. HE ASKED HIM WHY DID
THE ELECTRICITY NOT AFFECT HIM THREE SEPARATE TIMES.
AND HE REPLIED, "BECAUSE I'M A BAD CONDUCTOR!"
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 10-00-1970
ONE DAY FIVE CROWS WERE FLYING AROUND OVER TH COUNTRYSIDE.
SOON THEY BECAME HUNGRY, SO WHEN THEY NOTICED SOME PRUNE
TREES THEY SET DOWN AND STUFFED THEMSELVES. AFTER THE
HEARTY MEAL THEY FLEW OFF. WHILE FLYING OVER A
FARMER'S FIELD, THEY SPOTTED A PLOUGH, AN OLD-FASHIONED
ONE, WITH LONG HANDLES AND ALL, THEY DECIDED TO REST
AWHILE AND SO PERCHED ON THE HANDLES OF THE PLOUGH.
THEY SAT AROUND FOR A FEW HOURS AND TALKED AND HAD A
GREAT TIME. FINALLY ONE CROW DECIDED IT'S TIME TO GO!
HE FLIES OFF IN A NORTHERN DIRECTION, GOES ONE HUNDRED
FEET AND DROPS DOWN DEAD. THE SECOND CROW DECIDES TO GO
IN THE OPPOSITE, SOUTHERN DIRECTION. BUT ALSO GOES ONE
HUNDRED FEET AND DROPS DOWN DEAD. WELL, THE THIRD CROW
ISN'T GOING TO CHANCE NORTH OR SOUTH, SO HE TAKES OFF TO
THE EAST. HE GETS OFF ONE HUNDRED FEET AND DROPS DOWN
DEAD. THE FOURTH CROW TAKES THE ONLY OTHER DIRECTION,
WEST, FLIES ONE HUNDRED FEET AND DROPS DOWN DEAD. THE
FIFTH CROW JUST SITS THERE, TAKING ALL THIS IN. HE'S
NOT GOING TO BE FOOL ENOUGH TO GO NORTH, OR SOUTH, OR
EAST OR WEST AND DROP DOWN DEAD LIKE HIS FRIENDS DID.
HE THINKS IT OVER AND SUDDENLY TAKES OFF--STRAIGHT UP!
HE FLIES UP ONE HUNDRED FEET AND DROPS DOWN DEAD.
AND WHAT IS THE MORAL OF THE STORY? DON'T FLY OFF THE
HANDLE WHEN YOU'RE FULL OF PRUNES!
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 10-00-1970
FU BIRD
THERE WERE THREE ADVENTURERS FROM A MAJOR BIRD CONSERVA-
TORY IN THE UNITED STATES WHO HAD READ INFORMATION
CONCERNING A "FU" BIRD WHICH EXISTED IN TROPICAL AFRICA.
THERE WAS NOT SUFFICIENT INFORMATION ON THE BIRD, AND NO
ONE HAD EVER TAKEN A PICTURE OF THE CREATURE. THEREFORE,
THEY DECIDED TO TAKE AN EXCURSION TO OBTAIN FIRST-HAND
KNOWLEDGE OF THE BIRD.
THEY ARRIVED IN AFRICA WITH LITTLE TROUBLE. THEY BEGAN
THEIR JOURNEY INTO THE WILD COUNTRY WITH THEIR CARAVAN
OF GEAR. THEY CAME TO THE APPROXIMATE LOCATION OF THE
HOME OF THE ANIMAL AND DECIDED TO SET UP CAMP. THE
ADVENTURERS WENT INTO A NEARBY VILLAGE TO GET SOME INFOR-
MATION FROM THE RESDIDENTS ON WHAT THE APPROACH OR THE
ACTUAL WHEREABOUTS OF THE FU BIRD WAS. TO THEIR AMAZEMENT
UPON MENTIONING THE NAME OF THE BIRD, THE VILLAGERS WERE
AT ONCE TERRIFIED. WHEN THEY HAD BEEN CALMED DOWN, THE
EXPLORERS WERE ABLE TO SEE THAT THEY WOULD HAVE TO USE
EXTREME CAUTION WHEN DEALING WITH THIS ANIMAL. THE VILLAGERS
WERE AFRAID OF THE BIRD, BECAUSE IF IT WERE DISTRUBED, IT
WOULD SWOOP DOWN AND SHIT ON ITS ENEMY. THE PENALTY FOR
TRYING TO REMOVE IT WAS DEATH, AND IT WAS NOT KNOWN OF
ANYONE ESCAPING THIS FATE. THE ADVENTURERS COULD NOT
BE DETERRED, AND DECIDED TO GO LOOKING FOR THESE BIRDS
THE NEXT MORNING.
THEY STARTED AWAY FROM CAMP ALONE THE NEXT MORNING,
CARRYING THE NECESSARY FOOD, MAPS, AND PHOTOGRAPHIC
EQUIPMENT FOR A DAYS OUTING. ALL OF A SUDDEN, NOT TOO
LONG AFTER THEY HAD GONE, THEY SPOTTED ONE OF THESE FU
BIRDS SITTING IN A NEARBY TREE. THEY IMMEDIATELY BEGAN
TAKING PICTURES AND NOTES. HOWEVER, FOR SOME REASON, THE
BIRD DIDN'T LIKE THIS INVASION OF HIS PRIVACY AND QUICKLY
SWOOPED DOWN FROM HIS PERCH AIMED AT THE EXPLORERS. HE
TOOK PERFECT AIM, SHITTING DIRECTLY ON TOP OF EACH OF
THEIR HEADS.
THE MEN WERE SHOCKED TO SAY THE LEAST. ALMOST IMMEDIATELY,
THE FIRST MAN RAISED HIS HAND AND REMOVED THE MESS FROM
HIS HEAD. NO SOONER HAD HE DONE THIS, THAN HE FELL OVER
DEAD. THE OTHER TWO WERE HORRIFIED AT THIS OCCURRENCE,
DECIDING THEY HAD BETTER LEAVE THINGS AS THEY WERE. THEY
GATHERED UP THEIR EQUIPMENT AND HEADED BACK TO CAMP.
THERE, THEY COMPILED AS MUCH INFORMATION AS THEY COULD,
DECIDING THEY HAD ENOUGH FOR THEIR COLLEAGUES AT HOME.
SO, THEY BEGAN PACKING THEIR BELONGINGS SO THAT THEY COULD
LEAVE THE NEXT MORNING. HOWEVER, DURING THE NIGHT, THE
SECOND MAN COULDN'T STAND THE SMELL OF THE PILE ON HIS
HEAD, SO HE SWISHED IT OFF HIS HEAD. IMMEDIATELY, HE
FELL OVER DEAD.
THE THIRD AND ONLY REMAINING MEMBER OF THE GROUP RETURNED
WITH HIS INFORMATION, AND THE SAD TALE OF HIS COPANIONS
DEALINGS WITH THE FU BIRD. THE SOCIETY WAS GRATEFUL FOR
ALL THE TROUBLE THAT THE THREE HAD ENDURED.
SO, THE THIRD MAN CONTINUED TO LIVE IN THE UNITED STATES.
HOWEVER, THE AWFUL STENCH AND UGLY SIGHT OF THE FU SHIT ON
HIS HEAD COST THE MAN HIS REPUTATION, HIS FRIENDS, AND
FINALLY HIS WIFE. HE WAS SO REJECTED THAT ONE NIGHT HE
WIPED THE MESS FROM HIS HEAD, AND DROPPED DEAD.
THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS, IF THE FU SHITS, WEAR IT.
Where learned: PENNSYLVANIA ; MICHIGAN ; DETROIT ; PITTSBURGH
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 11-07-1970
MR. AND MRS. HILL WERE DRIVING ALONG IN THEIR CAR,
DURING A RAINSTORM. SUDDENLY IN A FLASH OF LIGHTNING,
MRS. HILL SAW A SPOOKY CASTLE ON A HILLTOP. "LOOK,
DEAR," SHE SAID. AND TOO BAD HE DID, BECAUSE THE
CAR RAN OFF THE ROAD INTO A DITCH AND MR. AND MRS. HILL
WERE KILLED INSTANTLY.
BUT UP IN THAT CASTLE ON THE HILL WAS DR. FRANKENSTEIN
WHO HAD BEEN WORKING ALL OF HIS LIFE ON AN INVENTION
TO MAKE DEAD BODIES COME BACK TO LIFE. FRANKENSTEIN
SENT HIS ASSISTANT, IGOR, DOWN TO GET THE BODIES OF MR.
AND MRS. HILL. WHEN IGOR RETURNED, THE APPARATUS WAS
SET UP. THEY LAID THE BODIES DOWN. "GIVE THEM 5000
VOLTS, IGOR." ZAAP. BUT THEY WERE STILL DEAD. SO
FRANKENSTEIN DECIDED TO GIVE THEM FULL POWER--"GIVE
THEM 25000 VOLTS, IGOR!!" ZAAAP. BUT NO, STILL THEY
WERE DEAD. SO, FRANKENSTEIN, FACED WITH DEFEAT AFTER
A LIFETIME OF HARD WORK, STARTED PLAYING HIS FLUTE TO
RELAX HIS NERVES. LOOK--MRS. HILL'S HAND IS QUIVERING.
MR. HILL IS SITTING UP. THEY'RE TALKING TOGTHER!! "LOOK
IGOR" SAID DR. FRANKENSTEIN--"THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH
THE SOUND OF MUSIC!"
Submitter comment:
THIS JOKE IS A VERY CONTEMPORARY JOKE CONSIDERING
THE SONG FROM THE PRODUCTION "THE SOUND OF MUSIC."
FOR ANYONE LOOKING IN THE ARCHIVES AFTER 1980.
Where learned: HOME
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 02-22-1971
ONCE THERE WAS A FARMER WHO OWNED TWO WORKHORSES.
THEY WERE WONDERFUL HORSES, BUT BIRDS KEPT COMING AND
BUILDING NESTS IN THEIR MANES. THE FARMER WAS WORRIED
ABOUT THIS BECAUSE THE HORSES JUST COULDN'T WORK
IN THIS CONDITION. ONE DAY SOMEBODY TOLD HIM TO PUT
YEAST IN THEIR MANES. HE FIGURED, "WHAT CAN I LOSE?"
SO HE DID IT. IT WORKED. THE BIRDS LEFT. THE MORAL
OF THE STORY: YEAST IS YEAST AND NEST IS NEST AND
NEVER THE MANE SHALL TWEET.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 03-07-1971
WENT UP THE FIRST STAIR--JUST LIKE ME.
ARROW DRAWN FROM 1ST TO
WENT UP THE 10TH STAIR--JUST LIKE ME.
WALKED INTO THE ROOM--JUST LIKE ME.
LOOKED INTO THE MIRROR--JUST LIKE ME.
SAW A MONKEY--JUST LIKE ME.
Submitter comment: LEARNED IN JOHNSTOWN, PENNSYLVANIA.
Where learned: PENNSYLVANIA ; MICHIGAN ; DETROIT ; JOHNSTOWN
James Callow Keyword(s): CATCH
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 10-06-1964