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RASTUS STORY
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
THIS COLORED BOY CAME UP TO RASTUS WITH AN OFFICIAL-
LOOKING PAPER AND ASKED HIM WHAT THIS HERE
SUBPOENA WAS. RASTUS LOOKED AT THE PAPER AND SAYS,
"LES' SEE HERE. WE OUGHTA BE ABLE TO FIGGER IT OUT BY
ANALYSATION. WE GOT 'SUB' AND WE ALL KNOW THAT'S
THE LATIN FOR BELOW. WE ALSO GOT POENA AND THAT'S THE
GREEK FOR PENIS. BROTHER, IT LOOK LIKE DEY GOT YOU
BY THE BALLS!
Where learned: NEW YEARS EVE PARTY
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 12-31-1966
OBEDIANCE
I HAD TWELVE BOTTLES OF WHISKEY IN MY CELLAR, AND MY WIFE
TOLD ME TO EMPTY THE CONTENTS DOWN THE SINK--OR ELSE.
SO I SAID I WOULD, AND PROCEEDED WITH THE UNPLEASANT
TASK.
I WITHDREW THE CORK FROM THE FIRST BOTTLE AND POURED THE
CONTENTS DOWN THE SINK, WITH THE EXCEPTION OF ONE
GLASS, WHICH I DRANK. I EXTRACTED THE CORK FROM THE
SECOND BOTTLE AND DID LIKEWISE. WITH THE EXCEPTION OF ONE
GLASS, WHICH I DRANK. THEN I WITHDREW THE CORK FROM THE
THIRD BOTTLE AND EMPTIED THE GOOD, OLD BOOZE DOWN THE
SINK, WITH THE EXCEPTION OF ONE GLASS, WHICH I DRANK.
I PULLED THE CORK FROM THE FOURTH SINK, AND POURED THE
BOTTLE IN THE GLASS WHICH I DRANK. I PULLED THE SINK
OUT OF THE GLASS AND POURED THE CORK DOWN THE BOTTLE.
I PULLED THE NEXT CORK OUT OF MY THROAT, AND POURED
THE SINK DOWN THE BOTTLE AND DRANK THE GLASS. THEN
I CORKED THE SINK WITH THE GLASS, BOTTLED THE DRINK,
AND DRANK THE POUR.
I NOW HAD EVERYTHING EMPTIED, SO I STEADIED THE
HOUSE WITH ONE HAND AND COUNTED THE BOTTLES CORKS AND
GLASSES WITH THE OTHER HAND, WHICH WERE 29. TO BE
SURE, I COUNTED THEM AGAIN WHEN THEY CAME BY, AND THIS
TIME I HAD 24. WHEN THE HOUSE CAME BY I COUNTED THEM
AGAIN THE THIRD TIME, AND FINALLY I HAD THE HOUSES,
BOTTLES, AND CORKS COUNTED, WITH THE EXCEPTION OF
ONE HOUSE, WHICH I DRANK.
Where learned: WHITEHEAD AND KALES ; MILL STREET PLANT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 03-21-1967
DRUNK JOKE
A DRUNK WAS STANDING IN FRONT OF A PEANUT MACHINE,
PUTTING IN DIME AFTER DIME. FINALLY, THE BARTENDER
CAME UP AND SAID, "DON'T YOU THINK YOU SHOULD QUIT?"
"WHAT," YELLED THE DRUNK, "IN THE MIDDLE OF A
WINNING STREAK?"
Where learned: DETROIT ; MICHIGAN, ASSUMED
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 10-00-1967
HELP NEEDED
AT THE SIDE OF A ROAD, A WOMAN LOOKED HELPLESSLY AT A
FLAT TIRE. A PASSERBY STOPPED TO HELP HER. AFTER THE
TIRE WAS CHANGED, THE WOMAN SAID, "PLEASE LET THE JACK
DOWN EASY. MY HUSBAND IS SLEEPING IN THE BACK SEAT."
Submitter comment:
HE HEARD THIS FROM SOME MEN IN THE OFFICE WHERE HE
USED TO WORK.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 10-31-1967
JUDGMENT
DON'T YOU TRUST YOUR WIFE'S JUDGMENT?
WHY SHOULD I? LOOK WHO SHE MARRIED.
Submitter comment:
HE HEARD THIS FROM SOME MEN IN THE OFFICE WHERE HE USED
TO WORK.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 10-31-1967
WHO KNOWS
THE HUSBAND ANSWERED THE PHONE AND SAID, "I DON'T KNOW,
CALL UP THE WEATHER BUREAU ," AND HUNG UP.
"WHO WAS THAT?" ASKED HIS WIFE. "I DON'T KNOW. SOME
NUT WANTED TO KNOW IF THE COAST WAS CLEAR."
Submitter comment: HE HEARD THIS IN THE OFFICE THAT HE WORKED IN.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 10-31-1967
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POLISH JOKE
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
THREE SCIENTISTS, A GERMAN, AN ENGLISHMAN, AND A POLACK
WERE BRAGGING OF THEIR ACHIEVEMENTS. THE GERMAN SAID,
"WE WILL BE ON VENUS BY 1971." THE ENGLISHMAN SAID, "HO,
HO, WE'LL BE ON THE MOON BY 1970." THE POLACK LAUGHED
AND SAID, "FOOEY, WE'LL BE ON THE SUN BY THE END OF
THE MONTH."
"BUT YOU'LL BE BURNT TO DEATH IF YOU FLY TO THE SUN,"
SAID THE ENGLISHMAN AND THE GERMAN.
"NO, WE WON'T," SAID THE POLACK, "WE'LL GO AT NIGHT."
Where learned: MICHIGAN, ASSUMED ; LIVONIA
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 00001967 SUMMER
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MORON
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
DO YOU KNOW WHY THE LITTLE MORON TOOK SOME HAY TO BED
WITH HIM? BECAUSE HE WANTED TO FEEL HIS NIGHTMARE!
Submitter comment:
DOESN'T REMEMBER (ORIGIN) WHAT DID THE LITTLE MORON DO WHEN HE WAS TOLD HE WAS DYING? HE MOVED INTO THE LIVING ROOM!
DOESN'T REMEMBER (ORIGIN) DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE LITTLE MORON WHO STAYED UP ALL NIGHT, TO STUDY FOR HIS BLOOD TEST!
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 11-01-1967
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POLISH JOKE
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE POLACK WHO STAYED UP ALL NIGHT
PRACTICING FOR HIS URINE TEST?
Submitter comment:
INFORMANT LEARNED IT FROM A FRIEND.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; LIVONIA
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 00001967 FALL
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IRISH WAKE STORY
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
MCCARTHY ACCOMPANIED SOME FRIENDS TO VIEW THE BODY OF MIKE
CLANCY. AT THAT TIME, THE BODY WAS ALWAYS LAID OUT AT
HOME, SO AFTER PAYING THEIR RESPECTS IN THE LIVING ROOM,
THEY WENT TO THE KITCHEN FOR A DROP OR TWO. THEY SOON
WERE IN THE BASEMENT WHERE A FEW BARRELS WERE ON TAP
AND BEFORE LONG THEY WERE WELL UNDER THE INFLUENCE.
STORIES WERE TOLD, SONGS WERE SUNG, ROASTS TO THE
DECEASED WERE DRUNK WELL INTO THE MORNING.
HALLAHAN WIPED AWAY THE FOAM AND LAMENTING SAID,
"SURE, AND IT'S TOO BAD WE HAVE TO BURY CLANCY IN THE
MORNING." MC CARTHY, BY NOW NOT REALIZING WHAT THE
OCCASION WAS, SHOUTED WITH JOY, "LET'S NOT BURY CLANCY
AT ALL-AT ALL. LET'S STUFF HIM AND KEEP THE PARTY
GOING!"
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman CUSTOM FESTIVAL -- Death Funeral Burial |
Date learned: 00-00-1964
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MORON
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
DID YOU HEAR OF THE LITTLE MORON WHO TOOK SOME SUGAR
AND CREAM WITH HIM TO THE MOVIE, BECAUSE HE HEARD THERE
WAS GOING TO BE A SERIAL?
Submitter comment:
FROM HIS BROTHER.
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 11-01-1967
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MORON
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
THEN THERE IS THE LITTLE MORON WHO PLACED A CHAIR IN
THE COFFIN FOR RIGOR MORTIS TO SET IN!
Submitter comment:
FROM HIS BROTHER.
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 11-01-1967
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MORON
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
DO YOU KNOW WHY THE LITTLE MORON TOOK HIS CLOCK TO BED
WITH HIM? BECAUSE IT WAS FAST!
Submitter comment:
(HEARD) AT WORK
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 12-01-1967
MORON
WHY DID THE LITTLE MORON LOCK HIS PAPA IN THE ICEBOX?
BECAUSE HE WANTED COLD POP!
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 12-01-1967
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MORON
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
DID YOU HEAR OF THE MORON WHO TOOK HIS NOSE APART TO SEE
WHAT MADE IT RUN?
Submitter comment:
DOESN'T REMEMBER (ORIGIN)
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 12-01-1967
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MORON
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
LITTLE MORON'S WIFE SENT HIM DOWN TOWN AFTER A BUCKET
OF ICE. HE CAME BACK WITH A PAIL OF WATER. "I GOT THIS
FOR HALF PRICE, BECAUSE IT WAS MELTED."
Submitter comment:
DOEN'T KNOW (ORIGIN)
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 11-11-1967
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MORON
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
LITTLE MORON TOOK TWO SLICES OF BREAD AND WENT DOWN AND
SAT ON THE STREET CORNER WAITING FOR THE TRAFFIC JAM.
A BIG TRUCK CAME ALONG AND GAVE HIM A JAR.
Submitter comment:
DOESN'T KNOW (ORIGIN)
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 11-11-1967
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MORON
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
WHY DID THE LITTLE MORON GO TO THE LUMBER YARD? TO LOOK
FOR HIS DRAFT BOARD!
Submitter comment:
DOESN'T REMEMBER (ORIGIN)
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 11-11-1967
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MORON
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
THEN THERE WAS THE LITTLE MORON WHO BROKE HIS LEG WHEN
HE THREW HIS CIGARETTE BUTT DOWN THE MANHOLE AND TRIED
TO STEP ON IT.
Submitter comment:
DOESN'T REMEMBER (ORIGIN)
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 11-11-1967
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MORON
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
TWO LITTLE MORONS WERE HUNTING. THE FIRST ONE SHOT A DUCK,
AND WHEN IT FELL AT HIS FEET, HE FELT SO BAD THAT THE
LITTLE DUCK HAD DIED, WHEN HE SHOT IT. THE OTHER SAID,
"OH, DON'T FEEL SO BAD. THE FALL WOULD HAVE KILLED IT
ANYWAY."
Submitter comment:
DOESN'T REMEMBER (ORIGIN)
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 11-03-1967