Dr. James T. Callow publications
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The James T. Callow Folklore Archive
Your search for SONG returned 218 results.
CAMPSONG SARASPONDA
SARASPONDA, SARASPONDA, SARASPONDA, RET-SET-SET(REPEAT),
AH-DO-RAY-OH, AH-DO-RAY-OH, AH-DO-RAY-BOOM-DAY-RET-SET-SET,
AW-SAY-PAW-SAY-OH. BOOMDA,BOOMDA,BOOMDA, (REPEAT).
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; Mount Clemens
James Callow Keyword(s): NONSENSE SONG
| Subject headings: | Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Daily Life Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Social reunion SPEECH -- Phonology Phonetics |
Date learned: 04-00-1979
AUTOGRAPH
IT'S THE SONGS YOU SING AND THE SMILES YOU WEAR,
THAT PUT THE SUNSHINE EVERYWHERE.
Data entry tech comment:
PUNCTUATION ADDED BY KEYPUNCHER
LINE DIVISION CHANGED BY KEYPUNCHER
Where learned: ALASKA
Keyword(s): ALLITERATION ; COUPLET ; OBSERVATION ; SONG
| Subject headings: | Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Autograph Verse Good wishes (sincere) |
Date learned: 06-25-1947
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY YULE,
TAKE A FRIEND AND GO TO SHULE.
Submitter comment:
YULE IS AT CHRISTMAS TIME, AND SHULE IS A JEWISH HOUSE
OF WORSHIP.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; OAK PARK
Keyword(s): HOLIDAYS ; MOCK EPIC ; PARODY OF SONG ; RELIGIOUS ; RELIGIOUS OR PIOUS MOCK
| Subject headings: | Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Custom Festival C840.642 |
Date learned: 10-03-1971
FOOTBALL GAME SONG
(SUNG) GOD IS ON OUR SIDE.
Data entry tech comment:
Keypunched by R.J.Miller 11/82
Updated by TRD 01/12
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT ; DETROIT ; CAMPUS
Keyword(s): Fan ; Football ; RELIGION ; SONG ; SPORTS
James Callow Keyword(s): MORALE
| Subject headings: | Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- War cries |
Date learned: 11-00-1971
KNOCK KNOCK JOKE
KNOCK, KNOCK
WHO'S THERE?
YULE
YULE WHO?
YULE NEVER KNOW!
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE
James Callow Keyword(s): "YOU'LL NEVER KNOW" WAS A SONG POPULAR IN THE 1940S.
| Subject headings: | RIDDLE -- Riddle Question |
Date learned: 00001960S
Belief: Children's Song
STEP ON A CRACK, BREAK YOUR MOTHER'S BACK. STEP ON A LINE
BREAK YOUR FATHER'S SPINE.
Submitter comment:
INFORMANT USED TO SING THIS WHEN SHE PLAYED HOPSCOTCH ON
THE SIDEWALK.
Data entry tech comment:
Updated on 12-01-2010 / Motifs and Keywords added by TRD
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
Keyword(s): Back ; BELIEF ; CHILDHOOD ; CHILDREN ; Crack ; Father ; GAME ; Line ; MOTHER ; RHYME ; SONG ; Spine ; SUPERSTITION ; VERSE
James Callow Keyword(s): GAME SONG
"I'M A KAPPA BETA GAMMA"
I'M KAPPA BETA GAMMA
KAPPA BETA 'TIL I DIE.
AND IF I COULDN'T BE A KBG,
I'D WANT TO SIT DOWN AND CRY.
I CAME ALL THE WAY TO COLLEGE
JUST TO HAVE A SOCIAL WORLD.
KAPPA BETA CAME TO COLLEGE JUST TO HAVE A PARTY.
I AM A KAPPA BETA GIRL. HEY!
Submitter comment:
THIS IS SUNG TO THE TUNE OF "YANKEE DOODLE."
PLEDGES MUST INSERT A "MAYBE" AFTER EACH TIME THEY SAY
THAT THEY SAY THEY ARE A KAPPA BETA GAMMA. THEY MUST ALSO SAY
"KAPPA BETA GAMMA" INSTEAD OF "KBG."
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
James Callow Keyword(s): SORORITY SONG
| Subject headings: | Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Social reunion |
Date learned: 09-00-1985
"FIGHT SONG"
KBG. KBG.
RAISE YOUR HEAD. STAND UP HIGH. GIVE A CRY.
'CAUSE WE'RE GONNA SHOW 'EM THE TOUGH GET GOIN'
WHEN THERE'S SOMETHING TO BE DONE.
SO BEWARE. SAY A PRAYER.
SPREAD THE WORD. KBG EVERYWHERE.
WE'RE GONNA DO IT. WE'RE GONNA DO IT.
AND IT WON'T BE BEST 'TIL IT'S DONE BY A KBG. HEY!
Submitter comment:
THIS IS SUNG TO THE TUNE OF "OVER THERE." PLEDGES MUST SING
"KAPPA BETA GAMMA" INSTEAD OF "KBG".
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
James Callow Keyword(s): SORORITY SONG
| Subject headings: | Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Social reunion |
Date learned: 10-00-1985
"CHAPTER SONG"
KAPPA BETA GAMMA DELTA, TRUE TO YOU WE WILL 'ERE BE.
BLUE AND GOLD
MEMORIES UNTOLD FILL OUR HEARTS WITH SUCH PLEASURES.
FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE MAY YOU BLOOM AND GROW,
BLOOM AND GROW FOREVER.
KAPPA BETA GAMMA DELTA, TRUE TO YOU WE WILL 'ERE BE.
Submitter comment: THIS IS SUNG TO THE TUNE OF "EDELWEISS."
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
James Callow Keyword(s): SORORITY SONG
| Subject headings: | Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Social reunion |
Date learned: 10-00-1985
DOWN, DOWN, BABY DON'T SHAKE THE ROLLER COASTER
SWEET, SWEET, BABY I'LL NEVER LET YOU GO
CAUGHT YOU WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY
DIDN'T DO THE DISHES LAZY, LAZY
JUMPED OUT THE WINDOW CRAZY, CRAZY
SHIMMY SHIMMY COCOA PUFFS
SHIMMY SHIMMY RYE
SHIMMY SHIMMY POW
Submitter comment:
HAND WAVE FOR ROLLER COASTER; CROSS ARMS FOR BABY; SHAME WITH TWO
FINGERS RUBBING; RUB HANDS TOGETHER FOR DISHES; ACT LIKE SLEEPING
FOR LAZY; ARCH WITH HAND FOR JUMPED OUT THE WINDOW; POW IS THE FIST
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; WARREN
James Callow Keyword(s): GESTURES ACCOMPANY SONG
| Subject headings: | Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Dramatic Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Lyrical Verse Lyrical Verse SPEECH -- Gesture |
Date learned: 00-00-1977 ; 11-00-1987
Little Sally Walker
This is a game that little girls play. Girls stand
in a circle, all facing each other, with one girl in the
middle who is called Little Sally Walker. They all sing
this song together and shake their hips while Sally chooses
a partner to dance with and repeat the song again and chooses
another partner until everyone is chosen. This is the end of
the game.
They sing this song:
Little Sally Walker, walking down the street.
She didn't know what to do, so she jumped in front of me.
She said "Go on Girl shake that thing, shake that thing,
STOP!
Go on girl choose your partner, choose your partner, STOP!
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
Keyword(s): game, song
| Subject headings: | Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Singing Dancing Marching Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Game Verse |
Date learned: 00-00-1987
THE SHANTY BOY
"AS I WALKED OUT ONE EVENING, JUST AS THE SUN WENT DOWN.
I CARELESSLY DID RAMBLE TILL I CAME TO SAGINAW TOWN.
I HEARD TWO GIRLS CONVERSING, AS SLOWLY I PASSED THEM BY;
ONE SAID SHE LOVED A FARMER'S SON, AND THE OTHER A SHANTY
BOY.
"THE ONE THAT LOVED THE FARMER'S SON, THESE WORDS I HEARD
HER SAY,
'THE REASON WHY I LOVE HIM IS AT HOME WITH ME HE'LL STAY;
HE'LL STAY AT HOME ALL WINTER, TO THE WOODS HE WILL NOT GO,
AND WHEN THE SPRINGTIME COMES AGAIN, HIS LANDS HE'LL
PLOW AND SOW.'
'I SHALL ALWAYS PRAISE MY SHANTY BOY WHO GOES TO THE
WOODS IN THE FALL,
HE IS BOTH STOUT AND HEARTY AND FIT TO STAND A SQUALL;
WITH PLEASURE I WILL GREET HIM IN THE SPRING WHEN
HE COMES DOWN.
HIS MONEY ON ME HE'LL SPEND IT FREE WHEN YOUR MOSSBACK
HE HAS NONE.'
HOW CAN YOU PRAISE YOUR SHANTY BOY WHO TO THE WOODS
DOES GO?
HE'S ORDERED OUT BEFORE DAYLIGHT TO FACE THE FROST AND SNOW,
WHILE HAPPY AND CONTENTED MY FARMER'S SON WILL LIE,
SOFT TALES OF LOVE HE'LL TELL TO ME WHILE THE STORMS
ARE BLOWING BY.'
'I NEVER CAN STAND THAT SOFT TALK,' THE OTHER GIRL DID SAY,
'THE MOST OF THEM THEY ARE SO GREEN THE COWS COULD EAT
THEM FOR HAY;
HOW EASY IT IS TO KNOW THEM WHEN THEY COME INTO TOWN,
THE SMALL BOY SHOUTING AFTER THEM, "MOSSBACK, HOW COME
YOU DOWN?'
'WHAT I'VE SAID UNKIND OF YOUR SHANTY BOY, I DO NOT
MEAN IT SO,
AND IF EVER I MEET WITH ONE OF THEM ALONG WITH HIM
I'LL GO,
AND LEAVE MY MOSSBACK FARMERS' SON TO PLOUGH AND PLANT
HIS FARM.
WHILE MY SHANTY BOY SO BOLD AND FREE WILL SAVE ME FROM
ALL HARM.
Submitter comment:
THIS SONG COMES FROM NOT AN EDUCATED PERSON BUT FROM
THE HEART OF A LUMBERING CREW. IT FITS THE MENTALITY
OF THE AVERAGE LOGGING CREW.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; SAGINAW
Keyword(s): LOGGING SONGS ; SHANTY BOY
James Callow Keyword(s): CONTRASTED OCCUPATIONS
| Subject headings: | Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Ballad Epic |
Date learned: 03-04-1990
Old Mary Mack Mack
All dressed in black black
With silver buttons buttons
All down her back back
She asked her mother mother
For fifty cents cents
To see the elephant jump the fence fence
He jumped so high high
He touched the sky sky
He never came back back
To the Fourth of July lie lie.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
Keyword(s): SONG
| Subject headings: | Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Ballad Epic Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Children |
Date learned: 00001970S
Old Mary Mack
There's a children's song entitled 'Old Mary Mack' and it goes
like this:
Old Mary Mack Mack Mack
All dressed in black black black
With silver buttons buttons buttons
All down her back back back
She went to the store store store
With fifteen cents cents cents.
Submitter comment: This was sort of one of those patty cake chants.
Where learned: MISSISSIPPI ; Louise
Keyword(s): Children's songs
| Subject headings: | Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Game Verse Game Verse |
Date learned: 00-00-1970
Ten Red Balloons
Ten red balloons waving in the air,
One went pop and nine were there.
Nine red balloons waving in the air,
One went pop and eight were there.
Eight red balloons waving in the air,
One went pop and seven were there.
Seven red balloons waving in the air,
One went pop and six were there.
Six red balloons waving in the air,
One went pop and five were there.
Five red balloons waving in the air,
One went pop and four were there.
Four red balloons waving in the air,
One went pop and three were there.
Three red balloons waving in the air,
One went pop and two were there.
Two red balloons waving in the air,
One went pop and one was there.
One red balloon waving in the air,
One went pop and none were there.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
James Callow Keyword(s): CHAIN SONG
| Subject headings: | Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Children |
THE RARIE
ONE TIME THERE WAS THIS MAN WHO LIVED ALL ALONE, AND HE
VERY OFTEN FELT PRETTY LONESOME. MANY FRIENDS OF HIS HAD
SUGGESTED THAT HE GO OUT AND BUY HIMSELF A PET TO KEEP
HIM COMPANY, BUT HE JUST DIDN'T CARE FOR PETS AS A RULE--
UNLESS IT WAS THE ONLY KIND OF ITS SPECIE IN THE WORLD.
THIS MAN USED TO MAKE WEEKLY ROUNDS TO ALL THE PET SHOPS
IN HIS CITY TO SEE IF THEY HAD POSSIBLY COME UP WITH A
PET WHICH WOULD REALLY TICKLE HIS FANCY, BUT HE NEVER
FOUND ONE THAT WAS QUITE RIGHT. HE LOOKED AT YELLOW-AND-
RED ELEPHANTS, PURPLE POLAR BEARS, ORANGE AARDVARKS, AND
EQUALLY STRANGE ANIMALS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD, BUT
HE STILL FELT HE WOULDN'T BE SATISFIED WITH THESE.
AFTER ALL, EVERYONE IN HIS CITY HAD AT LEAST ONE ORANGE
AARDVARK.
THIS FELLA HAD JUST ABOUT GIVEN UP ALL HOPE OF FINDING
WHAT HE WAS LOOKING FOR, WHEN ONE DAY HE HAPPENED TO
WANDER INTO A LITTLE PET SHOP AND IMMEDIATELY SPOTTED
THE MOST ADORABLE LITTLE LUMP OF FUR HE HAD EVER SEEN.
HE KNEW AT THAT INSTANT IT WAS EXACTLY WHAT HE HAD BEEN
LOOKING FOR ALL HIS LIFE. HE ASKED THE PROPRIETOR ABOUT
THIS LITTLE ANIMAL, AND WAS TOLD IT WAS A "RARIE," THE
ONLY ONE OF ITS KIND IN EXISTENCE. THE MAN JUST COULDN'T
RESIST, AND HE BOUGHT IT RIGHT THERE ON THE SPOT, AND
WALKED HOME WITH IT IN A LITTLE CAGE, HAPPIER THAN HE
HAD EVER BEEN IN HIS WHOLE LIFE.
WELL, SIR, THIS HERE FELLA REALLY LOVED HIS NEW PET. HE
DIDN'T MIND AT ALL HAVING TO WALK 37 MILES EACH WEEK IN
ORDER TO BUY THE LITTLE FELLA FOOD! AFTER ALL, RARIE-
FOOD ISN'T TOO EASY TO COME BY THESE DAYS--ESPECIALLY
IN THE OFF-SEASON. HE BECAME SO ATTACHED TO IT, YOU
WOULD THINK IT WAS HIS CHILD. HE FED IT, BATHED IT, AND
EXERCISED IT DAILY, AS HE PROUDLY WATCHED IT GROW, AND
GROW, AND GROW, AND GROW. THIS SEEMED TO BE THE ONLY
REAL PROBLEM WITH HAVING A PET SUCH AS THIS. WHEN WELL
CARED FOR, RARIES GROW TO AN ENORMOUS SIZE! AFTER ABOUT A
MONTH, THE MAN FOUND IT NECESSARY TO MOVE OUT OF HIS
APARTMENT AND BUY A SMALL HOUSE SO THAT HIS PET WOULD
HAVE ROOM TO ROMP AND FROLIC (RARIES NEED LOTS OF ROOM
TO ROMP AND FROLIC AND THEY GET CLAUSTROPHOBIA VERY
EASILY). SURE ENOUGH, A COUPLE MONTHS LATER THE MAN
HAD TO MOVE OUT OF HIS LITTLE HOUSE AND INTO A BIG
HOUSE, JUST SO HIS PET COULD ROMP AND FROLIC TO ITS HEART'S
DESIRE. OF COURSE, THE MAN DIDN'T MIND HAVING TO MAKE
THE MOVE--HE LOVED THAT PET LIKE A CHILD. BUT IT WASN'T
LONG BEFORE THE MAN REALIZED THAT EVEN HIS NICE, BIG HOUSE
STILL WASN'T BIG ENOUGH, AND SO HE BOUGHT A SMALL RANCH,
JUST SO HIS PET WOULD HAVE ROOM TO ROMP AND FROLIC, WITH
ALWAYS THE HOPE IN MIND THAT HIS RARIE WOULD SOON BECOME
FULL GROWN AND WOULDN'T REQUIRE MORE ROOM THAN HE ALREADY
HAD.
THIS, HOWEVER, WAS NOT QUITE THE CASE. NO SOONER THAN
THEY HAD FINALLY SETTLED ON THEIR NICE, LITTLE RANCH, THE
MAN REALIZED THAT WITHIN A FEW MONTHS HIS RARIE WOULD NEED
MORE ROOM YET, JUST SO HIS PET WOULD HAVE THE ROOM TO ROMP
AND FROLIC.
THE MAN WAS GETTING DESPERATE. HE HAD VISIONS OF HIS
WONDERFUL LITTLE PET BECOMING ALTOGETHER TOO BIG TO
MAINTAIN. AS A LAST RESORT, HE WENT OUT AND BOUGHT THE
BIGGEST RANCH HE COULD FIND, KNOWING THAT THIS WAS THE
LAST MOVE HE WAS ABLE TO MAKE FOR THE SAKE OF HIS PET.
SURE, HE LOVED THE ANIMAL AND HAD GROWN VERY ATTACHED TO
IT, BUT HE KNEW THERE WAS A LIMIT.
AFTER THE MAN AND HIS RARIE HAD LIVED ON THE BIG RANCH
FOR ABOUT A YEAR, DURING WHICH HIS LITTLE COMPANION
CONTINUED GROWING AT A FANTASTIC RATE, HE KNEW THEY WOULD
HAVE TO PART, AS MUCH AS IT HURT BOTH OF THEM. ONE WINTER
EVENING THE MAN PRETENDED HE WAS GOING TO TAKE HIS PET
FOR A WALK IN THE WOODS, AND WITH A TEAR IN HIS EYE, THE
MAN STARTED WALKING WITH THE RARIE FOLLOWING ON A LEASH.
THEY WALKED QUIETLY UNTIL ALMOST DAYBREAK, AND THE MAN THEN
TIED THE LEASH TO A LARGE TREE, BID THE RARIE A SAD
FAREWELL, AND QUICKLY WENT BACK TO HIS HOUSE BEFORE HE
HAD A LAST MINUTE CHANGE OF HEART.
WHEN HE FINALLY GOT BACK TO HIS HOUSE, WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE
HE SAW SITTING ALONGSIDE (AND TOWERING OVER) HIS HOUSE?
WHY, IF IT WASN'T HIS ONE AND ONLY PET RARIE, JUST AS
HAPPY AND PLAYFUL AS COULD BE, WAITING PATIENTLY FOR ITS
MASTER TO RETURN AND FEED IT. THE MAN COULDN'T BELIEVE
HIS EYES! HE WAS SO HAPPY TO SEE IT AGAIN. AT THIS
MOMENT, THE MAN DECIDED TO AT LEAST KEEP THE RARIE UNTIL
THE SPRING, BUT WHEN THE FIRST THAW COMES, HE WOULD ONCE
AGAIN HAVE TO GET RID OF HIS WONDERFUL PET.
AFTER A LONG, COLD, CRAMPED WINTER, THE FIRST THAW SET IN
AND ONCE AGAIN THE MAN SET OUT TO DISPOSE OF HIS PET,
WHICH, BY NOW, HAD EVEN OUTGROWN THE BIG RANCH. THERE
WAS NO WAY OUT, SO THE MAN GOT A LARGE TRUCK, AND PUT THE
RARIE INTO IT AND DROVE TO A VERY HIGH CLIFF NOT FAR FROM
HIS RANCH. HE BACKED THE DUMPTRUCK TO THE EDGE OF THE
CLIFF AND ACTIVATED THE MECHANISM CAUSING THE RARIE TO
START TO SLIDE OUT AND OVER THE EDGE. THE RARIE DIDN'T
KNOW WHAT WAS HAPPENING WHEN IT LOOKED OUT AND SAW NOTHING
BELOW IT FOR HUNDREDS OF FEET. WITH A VERY INQUISITIVE
LOOK ON ITS FACE, IT TURNED AROUND TO THE MAN. "HEY!"
IT EXCLAIMED, "IT"S A LONG WAY TO TIP A RARIE!'
Where learned: ILLINOIS ; CHICAGO
Keyword(s): SONG: IT'S A LONG WAY TO TIPPERARY
| Subject headings: | 6677 Formula Tale |
Date learned: 00-00-1965
WINDOW IN THE DOGGIE JOKE
THERE WAS AN ECCENTRIC OLD LADY WHO HAD A LITTLE DOG
THAT SHE LOVED VERY MUCH AND JUST DOTED ON. THE DOG WAS
GETTING OLD AND HADN'T BEEN FELLING WELL, SO THE LADY TOOK
IT TO THE VET. THE DOCTOR TOLD HER THAT THE DOG HAD A
WEAK HEART AND WOULDN'T BE AROUND MUCH LONGER. HE SAID
HE JUST HAD A DOG WHO DIED AND SUGGESTED A HEART TRANSPLANT.
THE LADY CONSENTED AND THE DOCTOR WAS REALLY EXCITED
BECAUSE THIS WAS A FIRST--A HEART TRANSPLANT IN A DOG. THE
LADY WAS WATCHING THE DELICATE OPERATION AND THE SKILLFUL
DOCTOR ASKED THAT SINCE HE WAS ALREADY OPERATING, COULD
HE PUT A WINDOW IN THE DOG SO THEY COULD WATCH THE NEW
HEART WORK. THE LADY BEGAN TO WORRY ABOUT MONEY, BUT
CONSENTED ANYWAY.
FINALLY SHE GOT SO WORRIED ABOUT THE COST OF THE OPERATION
AND EVERYTHING THAT SHE THOUGHT SHE {HAD} BETTER INQUIRE
ABOUT IT. SHE ASKED THE DOCTOR, "HOW MUCH IS THAT WINDOW
IN THE DOGGIE?"
Where learned: INDIANA ; University of Notre Dame
Keyword(s): SONG: HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGIE IN THE WINDOW.
James Callow Keyword(s): HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGIE IN THE WINDOW?
| Subject headings: | 6677 Formula Tale |
Date learned: 03-28-1971
THE RARIE
ONE TIME THERE WAS THIS MAN WHO LIVED ALL ALONE, AND HE
VERY OFTEN FELT PRETTY LONESOME. MANY FRIENDS OF HIS HAD
SUGGESTED THAT HE GO OUT AND BUY HIMSELF A PET TO KEEP
HIM COMPANY, BUT HE JUST DIDN'T CARE FOR PETS AS A RULE--
UNLESS IT WAS THE ONLY KIND OF ITS SPECIE IN THE WORLD.
THIS MAN USED TO MAKE WEEKLY ROUNDS TO ALL THE PET SHOPS
IN HIS CITY TO SEE IF THEY HAD POSSIBLY COME UP WITH A
PET WHICH WOULD REALLY TICKLE HIS FANCY, BUT HE NEVER
FOUND ONE THAT WAS QUITE RIGHT. HE LOOKED AT YELLOW-AND-
RED ELEPHANTS, PURPLE POLAR BEARS, ORANGE AARDVARKS, AND
EQUALLY STRANGE ANIMALS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD, BUT
HE STILL FELT HE WOULDN'T BE SATISFIED WITH THESE.
AFTER ALL, EVERYONE IN HIS CITY HAD AT LEAST ONE ORANGE
AARDVARK.
THIS FELLA HAD JUST ABOUT GIVEN UP ALL HOPE OF FINDING
WHAT HE WAS LOOKING FOR, WHEN ONE DAY HE HAPPENED TO
WANDER INTO A LITTLE PET SHOP AND IMMEDIATELY SPOTTED
THE MOST ADORABLE LITTLE LUMP OF FUR HE HAD EVER SEEN.
HE KNEW AT THAT INSTANT IT WAS EXACTLY WHAT HE HAD BEEN
LOOKING FOR ALL HIS LIFE. HE ASKED THE PROPRIETOR ABOUT
THIS LITTLE ANIMAL, AND WAS TOLD IT WAS A "RARIE," THE
ONLY ONE OF ITS KIND IN EXISTENCE. THE MAN JUST COULDN'T
RESIST, AND HE BOUGHT IT RIGHT THERE ON THE SPOT, AND
WALKED HOME WITH IT IN A LITTLE CAGE, HAPPIER THAN HE
HAD EVER BEEN IN HIS WHOLE LIFE.
WELL, SIR, THIS HERE FELLA REALLY LOVED HIS NEW PET. HE
DIDN'T MIND AT ALL HAVING TO WALK 37 MILES EACH WEEK IN
ORDER TO BUY THE LITTLE FELLA FOOD! AFTER ALL, RARIE-
FOOD ISN'T TOO EASY TO COME BY THESE DAYS--ESPECIALLY
IN THE OFF-SEASON. HE BECAME SO ATTACHED TO IT, YOU
WOULD THINK IT WAS HIS CHILD. HE FED IT, BATHED IT, AND
EXERCISED IT DAILY, AS HE PROUDLY WATCHED IT GROW, AND
GROW, AND GROW, AND GROW. THIS SEEMED TO BE THE ONLY
REAL PROBLEM WITH HAVING A PET SUCH AS THIS. WHEN WELL
CARED FOR, RARIES GROW TO AN ENORMOUS SIZE! AFTER ABOUT A
MONTH, THE MAN FOUND IT NECESSARY TO MOVE OUT OF HIS
APARTMENT AND BUY A SMALL HOUSE SO THAT HIS PET WOULD
HAVE ROOM TO ROMP AND FROLIC (RARIES NEED LOTS OF ROOM
TO ROMP AND FROLIC AND THEY GET CLAUSTROPHOBIA VERY
EASILY). SURE ENOUGH, A COUPLE MONTHS LATER THE MAN
HAD TO MOVE OUT OF HIS LITTLE HOUSE AND INTO A BIG
HOUSE, JUST SO HIS PET COULD ROMP AND FROLIC TO ITS HEART'S
DESIRE. OF COURSE, THE MAN DIDN'T MIND HAVING TO MAKE
THE MOVE--HE LOVED THAT PET LIKE A CHILD. BUT IT WASN'T
LONG BEFORE THE MAN REALIZED THAT EVEN HIS NICE, BIG HOUSE
STILL WASN'T BIG ENOUGH, AND SO HE BOUGHT A SMALL RANCH,
JUST SO HIS PET WOULD HAVE ROOM TO ROMP AND FROLIC, WITH
ALWAYS THE HOPE IN MIND THAT HIS RARIE WOULD SOON BECOME
FULL GROWN AND WOULDN'T REQUIRE MORE ROOM THAN HE ALREADY
HAD.
THIS, HOWEVER, WAS NOT QUITE THE CASE. NO SOONER THAN
THEY HAD FINALLY SETTLED ON THEIR NICE, LITTLE RANCH, THE
MAN REALIZED THAT WITHIN A FEW MONTHS HIS RARIE WOULD NEED
MORE ROOM YET, JUST SO HIS PET WOULD HAVE THE ROOM TO ROMP
AND FROLIC.
THE MAN WAS GETTING DESPERATE. HE HAD VISIONS OF HIS
WONDERFUL LITTLE PET BECOMING ALTOGETHER TOO BIG TO
MAINTAIN. AS A LAST RESORT, HE WENT OUT AND BOUGHT THE
BIGGEST RANCH HE COULD FIND, KNOWING THAT THIS WAS THE
LAST MOVE HE WAS ABLE TO MAKE FOR THE SAKE OF HIS PET.
SURE, HE LOVED THE ANIMAL AND HAD GROWN VERY ATTACHED TO
IT, BUT HE KNEW THERE WAS A LIMIT.
AFTER THE MAN AND HIS RARIE HAD LIVED ON THE BIG RANCH
FOR ABOUT A YEAR, DURING WHICH HIS LITTLE COMPANION
CONTINUED GROWING AT A FANTASTIC RATE, HE KNEW THEY WOULD
HAVE TO PART, AS MUCH AS IT HURT BOTH OF THEM. ONE WINTER
EVENING THE MAN PRETENDED HE WAS GOING TO TAKE HIS PET
FOR A WALK IN THE WOODS, AND WITH A TEAR IN HIS EYE, THE
MAN STARTED WALKING WITH THE RARIE FOLLOWING ON A LEASH.
THEY WALKED QUIETLY UNTIL ALMOST DAYBREAK, AND THE MAN THEN
TIED THE LEASH TO A LARGE TREE, BID THE RARIE A SAD
FAREWELL, AND QUICKLY WENT BACK TO HIS HOUSE BEFORE HE
HAD A LAST MINUTE CHANGE OF HEART.
WHEN HE FINALLY GOT BACK TO HIS HOUSE, WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE
HE SAW SITTING ALONGSIDE (AND TOWERING OVER) HIS HOUSE?
WHY, IF IT WASN'T HIS ONE AND ONLY PET RARIE, JUST AS
HAPPY AND PLAYFUL AS COULD BE, WAITING PATIENTLY FOR ITS
MASTER TO RETURN AND FEED IT. THE MAN COULDN'T BELIEVE
HIS EYES! HE WAS SO HAPPY TO SEE IT AGAIN. AT THIS
MOMENT, THE MAN DECIDED TO AT LEAST KEEP THE RARIE UNTIL
THE SPRING, BUT WHEN THE FIRST THAW COMES, HE WOULD ONCE
AGAIN HAVE TO GET RID OF HIS WONDERFUL PET.
AFTER A LONG, COLD, CRAMPED WINTER, THE FIRST THAW SET IN
AND ONCE AGAIN THE MAN SET OUT TO DISPOSE OF HIS PET,
WHICH, BY NOW, HAD EVEN OUTGROWN THE BIG RANCH. THERE
WAS NO WAY OUT, SO THE MAN GOT A LARGE TRUCK, AND PUT THE
RARIE INTO IT AND DROVE TO A VERY HIGH CLIFF NOT FAR FROM
HIS RANCH. HE BACKED THE DUMPTRUCK TO THE EDGE OF THE
CLIFF AND ACTIVATED THE MECHANISM CAUSING THE RARIE TO
START TO SLIDE OUT AND OVER THE EDGE. THE RARIE DIDN'T
KNOW WHAT WAS HAPPENING WHEN IT LOOKED OUT AND SAW NOTHING
BELOW IT FOR HUNDREDS OF FEET. WITH A VERY INQUISITIVE
LOOK ON ITS FACE, IT TURNED AROUND TO THE MAN. "HEY!"
IT EXCLAIMED, "IT"S A LONG WAY TO TIP A RARIE!'
Where learned: ILLINOIS ; CHICAGO
Keyword(s): SONG: IT'S A LONG WAY TO TIPPERARY
| Subject headings: | 6677 Formula Tale |
Date learned: 00-00-1965
( PUNCH LINE FROM A SONG)
THERE ONCE WAS A FAMOUS SKIN DIVER NAMED OSEE WHO WAS
ASKED TO TEST A NEW UNDERWATER FLASHLIGHT, INVENTED BY
A PROFESSOR DAWNSEARLY. TO CONDUCT THE TEST, THE
SKINDIVER, THE PROFESSOR AND SOME PROFESSIONAL TEST
CONDUCTORS TOOK A SHIP TO THE NEAREST MURKY WATERS.
OSEE SUBMERGED IN A DIVING SUIT EQUIPPED WITH AN
INTERCOM. HE TOLD THE MAN ON BOARD THAT HE WAS TURNING
ON THE FLASHLIGHT. THEN, THROUGH THE INTERCOM THEY
ASKED THE FATAL QUESTION: "OSEE, CAN YOU SEE BY THE
DAWNSEARLY LIGHT?"
Where learned: UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT
Keyword(s): NATIONAL ANTHEM SONG: OH, SAY, CAN YOU SEE, BY THE DAWN'S EARLY LIGHT.
| Subject headings: | 6677 Formula Tale |
Date learned: 11-02-1970
WINDOW IN THE DOGGIE JOKE
THERE WAS AN ECCENTRIC OLD LADY WHO HAD A LITTLE DOG
THAT SHE LOVED VERY MUCH AND JUST DOTED ON. THE DOG WAS
GETTING OLD AND HADN'T BEEN FELLING WELL, SO THE LADY TOOK
IT TO THE VET. THE DOCTOR TOLD HER THAT THE DOG HAD A
WEAK HEART AND WOULDN'T BE AROUND MUCH LONGER. HE SAID
HE JUST HAD A DOG WHO DIED AND SUGGESTED A HEART TRANSPLANT.
THE LADY CONSENTED AND THE DOCTOR WAS REALLY EXCITED
BECAUSE THIS WAS A FIRST--A HEART TRANSPLANT IN A DOG. THE
LADY WAS WATCHING THE DELICATE OPERATION AND THE SKILLFUL
DOCTOR ASKED THAT SINCE HE WAS ALREADY OPERATING, COULD
HE PUT A WINDOW IN THE DOG SO THEY COULD WATCH THE NEW
HEART WORK. THE LADY BEGAN TO WORRY ABOUT MONEY, BUT
CONSENTED ANYWAY.
FINALLY SHE GOT SO WORRIED ABOUT THE COST OF THE OPERATION
AND EVERYTHING THAT SHE THOUGHT SHE {HAD} BETTER INQUIRE
ABOUT IT. SHE ASKED THE DOCTOR, "HOW MUCH IS THAT WINDOW
IN THE DOGGIE?"
Where learned: INDIANA ; University of Notre Dame
Keyword(s): SONG: HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGIE IN THE WINDOW.
James Callow Keyword(s): HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGIE IN THE WINDOW?
| Subject headings: | 6677 Formula Tale |
Date learned: 03-28-1971