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SHAGGY DOG STORY

MAN WITH BOXER IN BAR, BRAGGING ABOUT HIS FIGHTING DOG.
OTHER MAN WITH SHAGGY DOG COMES IN. SHAGGY DOG BITES
BOXER'S HEAD OFF. SECOND MAN SAYS A FRIEND OF HIS FROM
AFRICA SENT HIM THE DOG AND BEFORE HE TRIMMED THAT LONG
HAIR OFF ITS NECK IT LOOKED LIKE HELL.

Where learned: BUFFALO ; NEW YORK

Keyword(s): LION

Subject headings: 6677 Formula Tale

Date learned: 10-05-1971

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SHAGGY DOG STORY

A MAN WALKS INTO A RESTAURANT AND TELLS THE WAITER THAT HIS
DOG CAN TALK.
WAITER: I DON'T BELIEVE YOUR DOG CAN TALK. BUT IF HE CAN,
I'LL BUY YOU AND YOUR DOG A FREE MEAL.
THE MAN TURNED TO HIS DOG AND ASKS, "WHAT'S THE TOP OF A
BUILDING CALLED?"
DOG: R-R-ROOF!
WAITER: NOW, LET ME ASK HIM SOMETHING, WHO IS THE GREATEST
BASEBALL PLAYER WHO EVER LIVED?
DOG: R-R-ROOF!
WAITER: JUST AS I THOUGHT. HE CAN'T TALK. GET OUT OF HERE.
THE WAITER TOSSES THE MAN AND HIS DOG OUT ONTO THE STREET.
OUT ON THE SIDEWALK THE DOG LOOKS UP AT THE MAN AND ASKS,
"DO YOU THINK I SHOULD HAVE SAID 'MICKEY MANTLE'?

Data entry tech comment: REFERENCE TO FAMOUS BASEBALL PLAYER, BABE RUTH.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; GROSSE POINTE WOODS

Subject headings: 6677 Formula Tale

Date learned: NOT GIVEN

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(THE GIRL WITH THE RIBBON AROUND HER NECK)

THERE ONCE WAS A GIRL WHO ALWAYS WORE A RIBBON AROUND HER
NECK. EVERYONE WOULD ALWAYS ASK HER WHY SHE WORE IT.
BUT SHE WOULD NEVER TELL. SO WHEN SHE DIED SOMEONE
REMOVED THE RIBBON AND HER HEAD FELL OFF.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; WARREN

Subject headings: 6677 Formula Tale

Date learned: NOT GIVEN

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THE GIRL WITH THE RIBBON AROUND HER NECK

A YOUNG GIRL WAS BEING COURTED AND HER YOUNG MAN KEPT
ASKING HER TO REMOVE THE CHOKER RIBBON SHE WORE AROUND
HER NECK. FOR AS LONG AS HE HAD KNOWN HER, SHE HAD
ALWAYS WORN THE SAME RIBBON AND HE HAD GROWN QUITE TIRED
OF IT. THEY WERE MARRIED ANYWAY, IN SPITE OF HER REFUSAL
TO REMOVE THE RIBBON. ON THE HONEYMOON HE ASKED HER FOR
THE ONE GREAT FAVOR TO HIM, OF REMOVING THE RIBBON. SHE
RELUCTANTLY AGREED, REMOVED THE RIBBON AND HER HEAD
FELL OFF.

Where learned: ILLINOIS ; CHICAGO

Subject headings: 6677 Formula Tale

Date learned: 02-00-1971

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(THE MICROBES)

THERE WERE THESE TWO GERM CELLS IN THE BLOODSTREAM OF A
HORSE, ONE ALWAYS IN THE VEINS AND ONE ALWAYS IN THE
ARTERIES. ONE DAY THEY MET, BY CHANCE, IN THE HORSE'S
HEART. THEY GOT TO DISCUSSING THEIR BORING EXISTENCE
UNTIL THEY HAPPENED ON THE IDEA OF EXCHANGING ROUTES.
SO THEY DID AND SOON THE HORSE DIED.
THIS ONLY GOES TO SHOW THAT YOU CAN'T CHANGE STREAMS IN
THE MIDDLE OF A HORSE.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; JACKSON

Subject headings: 6677 Formula Tale

Date learned: NOT GIVEN

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THE GIFT

ONCE, IN A FAR AWAY PLACE A TRIBE OF PEOPLE LIVED. THE KING OF
THE PEOPLE LIVED IN A LARGE GRASS HUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE
VILLAGE. THE KING HAD A LARGE THRONE MADE OF BRONZE AND IVORY
WEIGHING MANY TONS. A NEIGHBORING TRIBE WISHING TO MAKE FRIENDS
PRESENTED THE KING WITH A NEW THRONE MADE OF GOLD AND SILVER.
NOW, THIS NEW THRONE WAS MUCH NICER THAN THE OLD ONE, SO THE
KING BEGAN USING HIS NEW THRONE. MEANWHILE, THE OLD THRONE WAS
PUT INTO THE ATTIC . ONE DAY A LARGE ELEPHANT STAMPEDED BY,
SHAKING THE GROUND WITH IT'S STEPS. THE KING WAS SITTING ON HIS
THRONE AT THE TIME AND GOT UP TO SEE WHAT THE COMMOTION WAS ALL
ABOUT. AS HE GOT UP, THE OLD THRONE FELL THROUGH THE CEILING AND
CRUSHED HIM. THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS..."KING'S WHO LIVE IN GRASS
HOUSES SHOULDN'T STOW THRONES."

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Subject headings: 6677 Formula Tale

Date learned: 10-00-1972

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(A BENNY SHAVED IS A BENNY URNED)

THERE WAS ONCE A MAN CALLED BENNY, WHO FOUND AN OLD LAMP
AND RUBBED IT. A GENIE APPEARED AND GRANTED HIM A WISH
ON ONE CONDITION: THAT HE NEVER SHAVE AGAIN FOR THE REST
OF HIS LIFE. SO BENNY PROMISED NOT TO SHAVE, AND THE GENIE
SAID THAT IF HE WERE TO SHAVE, HE WOULD BE TURNED INTO AN
URN. THIRTY YEARS LATER THE BEARD WAS PRETTY LONG AND THE
GENIE HAD GRANTED HIS WISH OF RICHES AND THINKING THAT THE
GENIE FORGOT ABOUT THE AGREEMENT, BENNY SHAVED AND WAS
INSTANTLY TURNED INTO AN URN. THIS JUST GOES TO SHOW:
"A BENNY SHAVED IS A BENNY URNED."

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Keyword(s): EARNED

Subject headings: 6677 Formula Tale

Date learned: 10-05-1970

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THE COWARDLY COUNT

ONE TIME THERE WERE TWO COUNTRIES CARRYING ON A BLOODY WAR.
INTELLIGENCE REPORTS FROM THE SECRET SERVICE TOLD THE
GENERALS OF THE ONE COUNTRY THAT THEIR ENEMIES HAD A
SECRET WEAPON THAT THEY WERE PLANNING TO USE. IN ORDER TO
FIND OUT THIS SECRET WEAPON, THEYCAPTURED ONE OF THE ENEMIES'
HIGH RANKING COUNTS WHO HAD INFORMATION ON THIS WEAPON.
INTERROGATING HIM FOR HOURS, THEY COULD GET NO INFORMATION.
FINALLY, THEY THREATENED THE COUNT BY PUTTING HIM ON THE
CHOPPING BLOCK. THE EXECUTIONER HAD HIS AX READY TO BEHEAD
THE COUNT WHEN THE CHIEF INTERROGATOR GAVE THE LAST CHANCE
TO TELL THEM THE VALUABLE INFORMATION. AS THE COUNT REFUSED
AGAIN, THE SIGNAL WAS GIVEN FOR THE EXECUTIONER TO CUT OFF
THE COUNT'S HEAD. AS THE AX WAS COMING DOWN, THE COUNT
CHANGED HIS MIND AND CALLED OUT, "WAIT, WAIT. I'LL TELL YOU
EVERYTHING!" BUT BEFORE THE ORDER COULD BE REVERSED, SWISH,
THE HEAD WENT ROLLING OFF THE CHOPPING BLOCK. THE MORAL
OF THE STORY: DON'T HATCHET YOUR COUNTS BEFORE THEY CHICKEN.

Submitter comment: I HEARD THIS SEVERAL YEARS AGO, BUT DON'T REMEMBER FROM WHOM.

Where learned: NOT GIVEN

Keyword(s): COWARD

Subject headings: 6677 Formula Tale

Date learned: NOT GIVEN

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SHAGGY DOG STORY (WITH A MORAL)

A COUNT IN THE DAYS OF OLD WAS ACCUSED OF STEALING FROM
THE KING AND SENTENCED TO BE BEHEADED FOR HIS CRIME. HE
IS TAKEN UP TO THE HIGHEST TOWER IN THE CASTLE OF THE KING
AND HIS HEAD IS SET ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK. THE AXMAN TURNS
TO HIM AND SAYS, "WILL YOU ADMIT THAT YOU DID THE STEALING
BEFORE I MUST BEHEAD YOU?" AND THE COUNT DENIES IT. AGAIN,
AFTER A FEW SECONDS, THE AXMAN PLEADS, "TELL THAT YOU DID
THE STEALING AND YOU WILL BE RELEASED." AGAIN, THE COUNT
REFUSES TO TELL AND THE AXMAN PREPARED TO LIFT THE BLADE.
JUST AS THE AX GOES DOWN, THE COUNT SCREAMS OUT, "I DID IT."
BUT IT IS TOO LATE TO RECALL THE AX, AND HE IS BEHEADED.
THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS AS FOLLOWS: "DON'T HATCHET
YOUR COUNTS BEFORE THEY CHICKEN."

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; SAGINAW

Keyword(s): FEAR

Subject headings: 6677 Formula Tale

Date learned: 03-27-1971

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(PROVERB)

THERE ONCE WAS A KING WHO HAD A COUNT SUSPECTED OF WITH-
HOLDING HIS PAYMENTS TO THE KING. THE KING THREATENED
HIM WITH THE AWE {AXE} IF HE WOULDN'T CONFESS TO WITHHOLDING.
THEN ONE DAY HE WAS DETERMINED TO GO THROUGH WITH IT. HE
HAD THE COUNT DRAGGED UP TO THE BLOCK AND STRAPPED IN.
"I'LL GIVE YOU ONE LAST CHANCE," SAID THE KING, BUT THE
COUNT SAID NOTHING.
THE KING TOLD THE HEADSMAN TO READY HIS AXE. AS THE AXE
WAS RAISED OVER THE COUNT'S NECK, THE KING SAID: "I'LL
GIVE YOU ONE MORE CHANCE." BUT THE COUNT STILL SAID
NOTHING. THE KING TOLD THE HEADSMAN TO CHOP. AS THE
BLADE WAS COMING DOWN, THE COUNT YELLED: "WAIT!" BUT IT
WAS TOO LATE.
THIS ONLY GOES TO SHOW THAT YOU SHOULDN'T HATCHET YOUR
COUNTS BEFORE THEY CHICKEN.

Where learned: UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT

Keyword(s): FEAR

Subject headings: 6677 Formula Tale

Date learned: 11-02-1970

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(PROVERB)

SOME GUY WHO WAS A GREAT TRACK STAR IN GREEK TIMES
STARTED TO BRAG HOW GREAT HE WAS. COME THE DAY OF THE
ATHENS-SPARTA MARATHON, AND HE WAS UP FOR IT. HIS
TRADE MARK BESIDES WINNING, WAS HIS CLOTHES, BECAUSE
HE WAS POOR. HE SAVED UP AND FOR THE BIG RACE HE
BOUGHT SHEEP WAX TO POLISH UP HIS CLOTHES SO THEY
LOOKED EXPENSIVE. THE RACE BEGINS. HE RAN AS HARD
AND AS LONG AS HE COULD. ALAS AND ALACK HE WAS
BEATEN.
MORAL: DON'T GLOSS YOUR BRITHCES AFORE YOU RUN IN
THEM.

Where learned: UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT

Keyword(s): DON'T CROSS YOUR BRIDGES BEFORE YOU COME TO THEM.

Subject headings: 6677 Formula Tale

Date learned: 10-20-1970

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(SHAGGY DOG) TALE

THERE WAS ONCE A BABY BORN WITH ONLY A HEAD. AS HE GREW
UP HE WAS VERY SAD AND KEPT WISHING THAT HE HAD A BODY
LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. ONE DAY HIS FAIRY GODMOTHER CAME
AND TOLD HIM THAT HE COULD HAVE ONE WISH. THE BOY THEN
WISHED FOR A BODY, WHICH THE FAIRY GODMOTHER GAVE HIM.
HE BECAME VERY EXCITED, RAN OUTDOORS TO PLAY WITH HIS
FRIENDS, RAN INTO THE STREET AND GOT KILLED BY A
PASSING AUTOMOBILE.
THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS: QUIT WHILE YOU'RE AHEAD.
(A HEAD).

Where learned: UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT

Subject headings: 6677 Formula Tale

Date learned: 09-00-1969

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(POPULAR SAYING)

MABEL AND HENRY WERE WALKING ACROSS A RAILROAD TRACK AND
HENRY GOT HIS FOOT STUCK. MABEL SAID, "HENRY PULL YOUR
FOOT OUT." HENRY SAID, "I CAN'T. IT'S STUCK."
"HENRY PULL YOUR FOOT OUT." "I CAN'T, IT'S STUCK."
HERE COMES A TRAIN, 90 MILES AN HOUR. BAM. POOR HENRY.
HIS HEAD IS OVER HERE. HIS ARM IS OVER THERE. HIS LEG
IS IN THE CORNFIELD. MABEL STANDS THERE AND SAYS, "FOR
PETE'S SAKE, HENRY, PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER."

Submitter comment: TO BE TOLD WITH THE TONGUE IN FRONT OF THE BOTTOM
TEETH.

Where learned: MICHIGAN

Subject headings: 6677 Formula Tale

Date learned: 00001950 S

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THE PORPOISES

SEEMS THAT THERE WAS THIS ZOOLOGIST WHO WAS DEEPLY INVOLVED
IN THE STUDY OF KEEPING PORPOISES ALIVE INDEFINITELY.
SEEING AS THAT THE SEA-GULL IS THEIR MAIN FOOD, HE RAISED
THEM, IN HUNDREDS, ON A FARM NEAR THE LABORATORY. SO
EVERY DAY, HE WOULD TAKE A LOAD OF THESE BIRDS FROM THE
FARM, DOWN THE ROAD PAST THE ZOO, TO HIS LAB. WELL, ONE
DAY, AS HE WAS PASSING THE ZOO, A LION, WHO HAD ESCAPED
EARLIER, RAN OUT IN FRONT OF HIS TRUCK. HE COULDN'T
STOP, SO HE HIT IT BROADSIDE. WELL, IT WAS JUST HIS LUCK
THAT A STATE TROOPER WAS PASSING BY AT THAT POINT. THE
OFFICER GOT OUT, SURVEYED THE MESS, AND DECIDED TO TAKE
THE ZOOLOGIST BACK TO THE STATION. WHEN ASKED WHAT THE
CHARGE WAS, HE REPLIED, "YOU ARE GUILTY OF TRANSPORTING
YOUNG GULLS ACROSS A STATE LION FOR IMMORTAL PURPOISES."

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Keyword(s): TRANSPORTING YOUNG GIRLS ACROSS A STATE LINE FOR IMMORAL

Subject headings: 6677 Formula Tale

Date learned: 00-00-1967

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(TALE WITH A PUN ON THE WORD COFFIN)

DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THE TIME I WAS A PALLBEARER FOR
MY GIRLFRIEND'S GRANDFATHER? IT WAS IN SCRANTON LAST
WINTER. WE HAD HAD A BAD STORM THE DAY BEFORE AND ICE
WAS EVERYWHERE. OUR INSTRUCTIONS WERE THAT DUE TO THE
ICE, IF ANYONE OF US FELT WE WERE SLIPPING, WE SHOULD
LET GO OF THE COFFIN AND THE OTHER GUYS WOULD TAKE UP
THE LOAD. WELL, THIS CHURCH WAS LOCATED UP ON A HILL AND
HAD A REAL LONG SIDEWALK WITH A COUPLE OF SETS OF STEPS.
ANYWAY, WE WERE COMING OUT AND SURE ENOUGH, I DIDN'T
TAKE MORE THAN ABOUT THREE STEPS WHEN I STARTED SLIDING, SO
AS INSTRUCTED, I LET GO. WELL, I GUESS THE REST OF THE
GUYS WERE SLIPPING, TOO, BECAUSE THEY ALL LET GO AND AWAY
WENT THE COFFIN SAILING DOWN THE SIDEWALK. YOU COULDN'T
BELIEVE THE CONFUSION! ABOUT THREE WOMEN FAINTED, THEN
THE GRANDMOTHER FAINTED AND THE COFFIN WAS STILL SAILING
THEN A COUPLE MORE WOMEN FAINTED. THE COFFIN WENT ALL
THE WAY DOWN THE SIDEWALK THEN OUT INTO THE ROAD AND
THE CARS WERE SWERVING EVERYWHERE BUT THE COFFIN KEPT
ON GOING. WHEN IT HIT THE OTHER CURB THE TOP OF THE
COFFIN POPPED OPEN AND IT WAS HEADED RIGHT FOR THE DOOR
OF THE DRUGSTORE. THE COFFIN SAILED RIGHT INTO THE
STORE, RIGHT UP TO THE COUNTER, AND AS IT HIT THE COUNTER,
THE GRANDFATHER SAT UP AND SAID, "YOU GOT ANYTHING TO
STOP THIS COFFIN?"

Where learned: PENNSYLVANIA ; SCRANTON

Keyword(s): COUGHING

Subject headings: 6677 Formula Tale

Date learned: 00-00-1970

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PUN ON STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE

THERE WAS AN INDIAN CHIEF NAMED SHORTCAKE. THE CHIEF
WAS A BACHELOR, AND ONE DAY HE DECIDED TO GET MARRIED.
WELL, HE GOT MARRIED AND DIED ON HIS WEDDING NIGHT.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THEN? SQUAW BURY SHORTCAKE.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; CAMP OHIYESA ; CLARKSON

Subject headings: 6677 Formula Tale

Date learned: NOT GIVEN

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BED RIDDLE

LAST NIGHT I SLEPT IN A BED THAT WAS TOO SHORT, BUT I
ADDED TWO FEET WHEN I GOT IN.

Submitter comment: INFORMANT HEARD THIS RIDDLE FROM A MAN AT WORK AT
KELSY-HAYES IN ROMULUS {MICHIGAN}.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Subject headings: 6677 Formula Tale

Date learned: 02-15-1971

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BEETHOVEN JOKE

TWO COLLEGE STUDENTS IN GERMANY READ THAT BEETHOVEN'S
GRAVE HAD BEEN LOCATED, FINALLY. THEY DECIDED TO SEE
IT. WHEN THEY GOT THERE, THEY DECIDED TO DIG UP THE
GRAVE AND SEE WHAT BEETHOVEN LOOKED LIKE. WHEN THEY
OPENED THE TOP OF THE COFFIN, THERE WAS BEETHOVEN,
FURIOUSLY WRITING ON A SLATE, AND ERASING, AND WRITING
SOME MORE, AND ERASING. HE CONTINUED IN THIS MANNER
UNTIL THEY INTERRUPTED HIM AND ASKED WHAT HE WAS
DOING. HE REPLIED, "I'M DECOMPOSING!"

Where learned: UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT

Keyword(s): COMPOSING

Subject headings: 6677 Formula Tale

Date learned: 02-26-1971

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MATH JOKE

THERE WAS ONCE A ZOOKEEPER WHO ACQUIRED A PAIR OF
ADDERS (SNAKES). SINCE THE LIFE OF A SNAKE IS
RELATIVELY SHORT, HE WANTED THESE SNAKES TO REPRODUCE.
HE SOON TRIED EVERY POSSIBLE METHOD, BUT THE SNAKES
REFUSED TO MATE. ONE DAY, AN ENGINEER HAPPENED TO
BUMP INTO THE ZOOKEEPER, AND SOON LEARNED OF THE
ZOOKEEPER'S PROBLEM. HE TOLD THE ZOOKEEPER, "THE
ONLY WAY YOU WILL GET RESULTS, IS TO GO INTO THE WOODS,
CHOP DOWN SOME SMALL TREES, AND BUILD A TABLE WITH THEM.
THEN PUT THE ADDERS ON THIS TABLE." THE ZOOKEEPER
DID AS HE WAS TOLD, AND SURE ENOUGH! THE ADDERS WENT
WILD! THE NEXT TIME THE ZOOKEEPER SAW THE ENGINEER
HE ASKED HIM THE SECRET BEHIND MAKING THESE ADDERS
REPRODUCE. "SIMPLE," REPLIED THE ENGINEER. "IF
YOU WANT TO MAKE ADDERS MULTIPLY, BUILT THEM A TABLE
OF LOGS!"

Where learned: COLLECTORS HOME ; SOCIAL VISIT

Subject headings: 6677 Formula Tale

Date learned: 04-07-1971

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THE MUMMY

PROFESSOR IN EGYPT DIGGING FOR RELICS, BUMPS INTO
BURIED PYRAMID. SOMEHOW HE FINDS HIS WAY IN,
DISCOVERS RICHES GALORE AND IN THE MIDST A HUGE
MUMMY CASE. PROFESSOR OPENS CASE AND THE LIGHT
BRINGS THE TAPED, HULKING MONSTER TO LIFE AND IT
PROMPTLY PURSUES THE PROFESSOR ALL OVER THE WORLD
WITH AN INCESSANT "STEP, DRAG!" PROFESSOR, THOUGH,
QUITE CLEVERLY ENTERS A DRUG STORE, PUTS PENNY
INTO SCALE, AND GETS A WEIGH {AWAY}.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Subject headings: 6677 Formula Tale

Date learned: 11-00-1969

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