Dr. James T. Callow publications
Browse by
Questions or comments on this site? Please email davidsor@udmercy.edu.
The James T. Callow Folklore Archive
Your search for HUMOR returned 352 results.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HORSES AND MULES. I COME
BEFORE YOU, TO STAND BEHIND YOU, TO TELL YOU
SOMETHING I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT. SO PULL UP A
CHAIR AND SIT ON THE FLOOR. THIS THURSDAY,
WHICH IS LAST FRIDAY, THERE WILL BE A MOMS
CLUB MEETING ONLY FOR DADS.
Submitter comment:
THE INFORMANT COULDN'T REMEMBER THE REST OF
THIS REDUNDANCY.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; BERKELEY
James Callow Keyword(s): HUMOR ; MONOLOGUE ; TANGLETALK
| Subject headings: | SPEECH -- Formula |
Date learned: 00-00-1984
MY GRANDMOTHER LOST HER SHOE IN THE YEAR OF '92.
SHE FOUND IT HANGING ON THE DOOR, IN THE YEAR OF '94.
Where learned: NEW YORK ; BATAVIA
James Callow Keyword(s): HUMOR
| Subject headings: | Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Narrative Verse |
Date learned: 00-00-1910
THIS VERSE WAS TAKEN FROM MY MOTHER'S GRADE SCHOOL AUTOGRAPH BOOK.
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
AND TIED IT TO THE HEATER
AND EVERYTIME IT TURNED AROUND
IT BURNT ITS LITTLE SEATER.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
James Callow Keyword(s): "SEATER" IS A EUPHEMISM FOR BUTTOCKS ; HUMOR
| Subject headings: | Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Autograph Verse |
Date learned: 00-00-1954
DON'T FOOL AROUND NEAR THE GARDEN GATE,
LOVE IS BLIND,
BUT MOTHER AIN'T!!!!
Submitter comment:
MY GRANDMOTHER TOLD ME THIS THE NIGHT I WENT
TO MY SENIOR PROM.
James Callow Keyword(s): CAUTIONARY ; HUMOR
| Subject headings: | 730 Lyrical Verse |
Date learned: 05-00-1984
WHEN WE DRINK, WE GET DRUNK.
WHEN WE GET DRUNK, WE GO TO SLEEP.
WHEN WE GO TO SLEEP, WE COMMIT NO SIN.#
WHEN WE COMMIT NO SIN, WE GO TO HEAVEN
SO LET'S ALL GET DRUNK AND GO TO HEAVEN.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
James Callow Keyword(s): CHAIN OF REASONING ; HUMOR ; SYLLOGISM
| Subject headings: | PROVERB -- Proverbial Apothegm Maxim |
BLACK-AMERICAN BELIEF
IF OVERDUE DURING PREGNANCY, DEFROST REFRIGERATOR
AND LABOR WILL BEGIN.
Submitter comment: HEARD FROM GRANDMOTHER
Where learned: MISSISSIPPI
James Callow Keyword(s): HUMOR
| Subject headings: | BELIEF -- Birth |
Date learned: 09-00-1985
BABY BUMBLEBEE
I'M BRING HOME MY BABY BUMBLEBEE, WON'T MY MOMMY BE
SO PROUD OF ME. I'M BRINGING HOME MY BABY BUMBLEBEE,
OW, IT STUNG ME. I SMUSHING UP MY BABY BUMBLEBEE,
WON'T MY MOMMY BE SO PROUD OF ME, I'M SMUSHING UP MY
BABY BUMBLEBEE, UGH WHAT A MESS! I'M LICKING UP MY
BABY BUMBLEBEE, WON'T MY MOMMY BE SO PROUD OF ME.
I'M SMUSHING UP MY BABY BUMBLEBEE, OH, TUMMY ACHE!
I'M BARFING UP MY BABY BUMBLEBEE, WON'T MY MOMMY BE SO
SO PROUD OF ME. I'M BARFING UP BABY BUMBLEBEE,
ALL BETTER!
Submitter comment: WHEN SMUSHING THE BEE PUT HANDS TOGETHER AND PRETEND TO SMUSH.
Where learned: ILLINOIS ; RIVERSIDE
Keyword(s): HUMOR
| Subject headings: | Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Children |
Date learned: 00001970S ; 00001970S
THIS MAN HAD WENT TO CUT SOME WOOD FOR A FIRE, SO ON THE WAY BACK TO
THE CABIN WITH THE MULE AND DOG, THE MAN STARTED WHIPPING THE MULE
TO GO FASTER, SO THE MULE STOPPED AND TURNED AROUND AND SAID, I'M
GOING AS FAST AS I CAN, AND THE MAN AND DOG STARTED RUNNING, SO THEY
STOPPED ON THIS LOG AND THE MAN SAID TO HIMSELF, I CAN'T BELIEVE
THAT MULE TALKED AND THE DOG SAID, YEH-A, I HEARD HIM. AND THE MAN
STARTED RUNNING TOWARDS HOME. HE GOT HOME AND HIS WIFE AND THE CAT
WAS IN THE KITCHEN, AND THE MAN SAID THE MULE TALKED AND THE DOG
TALKED; THEN THE CAT SAID, "WHAT DID THEY TALK ABOUT?"
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
James Callow Keyword(s): HUMOR
| Subject headings: | Favorites PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 11-19-1987
HOW TO PRESERVE A HUSBAND
BE CAREFUL, IN YOUR SELECTION
DO NOT CHOOSE TOO YOUNG
SOME INSIST ON KEEPING THEM IN A PICKLE,
WHILE OTHERS KEEP THEM IN HOT WATER.
THIS ONLY MAKES THEM SOUR, HARD AND
SOMETIMES BITTER.
EVEN POOR VARIETIES MAY BE MADE SWEET,
TENDER AND GOOD BY GARNISHING THEM WITH
PATIENCE, WELL SWEETENED WITH SMILES AND
FLAVORED WITH KISSES TO TASTE.
WRAP THEM IN A MANTLE OF CHARITY,
KEEP WARM WITH A STEADY FIRE OF DOMESTIC
DEVOTION AND SERVE WITH PEACHES AND CREAM.
WHEN THUS PREPARED THEY WILL KEEP FOR YEARS.
Submitter comment:
THIS "FAVORITE RECIPE" WAS PASSED FROM THE INFORMANT'S
MOTHER TO THE INFORMANT JUST BEFORE HER WEDDING IN
1952. ORIGIN CIRCA 1926 OR BEFORE.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
Keyword(s): RECIPE
James Callow Keyword(s): HUMOR ; METAPHOR ; MOCK RECIPE
| Subject headings: | Favorites BELIEF -- Marriage |
IT'S NOT THE COUGH THAT CARRIES YOU OFF;
IT'S THE COFFIN THEY CARRY YOU OFF IN.
Submitter comment:
TOLD TO THE INFORMANT BY HER FATHER, WHENEVER SHE HAD
A BAD COLD.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
Keyword(s): VIRUS
James Callow Keyword(s): HUMOR ; PUN ON COUGHING, COFFIN
| Subject headings: | PROVERB -- Proverbial Apothegm Maxim |
IT IS NOT THE FALL THAT HURTS;
IT IS THE SUDDEN STOP.
Submitter comment:
TOLD TO THE INFORMANT BY HER
FATHER. NOT SURE OF THE DATE.
Keyword(s): PAIN
James Callow Keyword(s): HUMOR
| Subject headings: | PROVERB -- Proverbial Apothegm Maxim |
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
FROM: PERSONNEL DEPARTMENT DATE: 1/23/87
SUBJECT: STANDARD PROCEDURE?INSTRUCTIONS ON DEATH OF
EMPLOYEE
IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO THE ATTENTION OF THIS OFFICE THAT
MANY EMPLOYEES HAVE BEEN DYING WHILE ON DUTY FOR APPARENTLY
NO GOOD REASON. FURTHERMORE, SOME EMPLOYEES ARE REFUSING
TO FALL OVER AFTER THEY ARE DEAD. THIS, IN SOME CASES, HAS
RESULTED IN MUCH UNEARNED OVERTIME PAYMENTS.
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY, THIS PRACTICE MUST BE DISCONTINUED.
ON OR AFTER THIS DATE, ANY EMPLOYEE FOUND SITTING UP AFTER
HE HAS DIED WILL BE DROPPED FROM THE PAYROLL AT ONCE,
WITHOUT INVESTIGATION UNDER REGULATION NO. 26, SECTION 0,
"NON?PRODUCTIVE LABOR."
WHEN IT CAN BE PROVEN THAT THE EMPLOYEE IS BEING HELD UP BY
A DESK, TYPEWRITER, DRAWING BOARD, TELEPHONE, OR ANY OTHER
APPLIANCE WHICH CAN SUPPORT THE HUMAN BODY, THAT IS THE
PROPERTY OF THE COMPANY, A 90?DAY PERIOD OF GRACE WILL BE
GRANTED.
THE FOLLOWING PROCEDURES WILL BE STRICTLY ADHERED TO:
IF, AFTER SEVERAL HOURS, IT IS NOTED THAT AN EMPLOYEE HAS
NOT MOVED OR OPENED AT LEAST ONE EYE, THE SUPERVISOR WILL
INVESTIGATE. BECAUSE OF THE HIGHLY SENSITIVE NATURE AND
ORIGIN OF SOME EMPLOYEES, AND THE CLOSE RESEMBLANCE BETWEEN
DEATH AND THEIR NORMAL WORKING ATTITUDE, THE INVESTIGATION
WILL BE MADE QUIETLY TO AVOID WAKING THE EMPLOYEE IF HE OR
SHE IS ASLEEP, WHICH IS PERMITTED UNDER THE PRESENT REGIME.
IF SOME DOUBT EXISTS AT TO THE TRUE CONDITION OF THE
EMPLOYEE A PAYCHECK IS TO BE USED AS THE FINAL TEST. IF THE
EMPLOYEE FAILS TO REACH FOR THE CHECK, IT IS REASONABLE TO
ASSUME THAT DEATH HAS OCCURRED. NOTE: IN SOME CASES THE
INSTINCT IS SO STRONGLY DEVELOPED THAT A SPASMODIC CLUTCHING
ACTION MAY OCCUR. DO NOT BE MISLED BY THIS MANIFESTATION.
IN THE EVENT THAT AN EMPLOYEE FAILS TO ABANDON WHATEVER
HE OR SHE IS DOING AT COFFEE TIME, NO INVESTIGATION IS
NECESSARY AS THIS IS CONCLUSIVE PROOF THAT RIGOR MORTIS
HAS ALREADY SET IN.
Submitter comment:
THIS OFFICE MEMO SHOULD BE TYPED ON THE COMPANY LETTERHEAD
USING CURRENT DATE.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
Keyword(s): PERSONNEL
James Callow Keyword(s): HUMOR ; XEROX LORE
| Subject headings: | Favorites CUSTOM FESTIVAL -- Work Commerce Business CUSTOM FESTIVAL -- Entertainment Diversion |
Date learned: 00-00-1970
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
FROM: PERSONNEL
SUBJECT: ABSENTEEISM DATE: 5/25/70
SICKNESS: NO EXCUSE. WE WILL NO LONGER ACCEPT YOUR DOCTOR'S
STATEMENT AS PROOF, AS WE BELIEVE THAT IF YOU ARE WELL
ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO GO TO THE DOCTOR, YOU ARE ABLE AND WELL
ENOUGH TO COME TO WORK.
DEATH (OTHER THAN YOUR OWN): THIS IS NO EXCUSE. THERE IS
NOTHING YOU CAN DO FOR THEM, AND WE ARE SURE THAT SOMEONE
ELSE WITH A LESSER POSITION CAN ATTEND TO THE ARRANGEMENTS.
HOWEVER, IF THE FUNERAL CAN BE HELD IN THE LATE AFTERNOON,
WE WILL BE GLAD TO LET YOU OFF ONE HOUR EARLY PROVIDED THAT
YOUR SHARE OF THE WORK IS AHEAD ENOUGH TO KEEP THE JOB GOING
IN YOUR ABSENCE.
LEAVE OF ABSENCE (FOR AN OPERATION): WE WILL NO LONGER ALLOW
THIS PRACTICE. WE WISH TO DISCOURAGE ANY THOUGHTS THAT YOU
NEED AN OPERATION, AS WE BELIEVE AS LONG AS YOU ARE AN
EMPLOYEE YOU WILL NEED ALL OF WHATEVER YOU HAVE AND YOU
SHOULD NOT CONSIDER HAVING ANYTHING REMOVED. WE HIRED YOU
AS YOU ARE, AND TO HAVE ANYTHING REMOVED WOULD CERTAINLY
MAKE YOU LESS THAN WE BARGAINED FOR.
DEATH (YOUR OWN): THIS WILL BE ACCEPTED AS AN EXCUSE, BUT
WE WOULD LIKE A TWO WEEK NOTICE. WE FEEL IT IS YOUR DUTY
TO TEACH SOMEONE ELSE YOUR JOB.
ALSO, ENTIRELY TOO MUCH TIME IS BEING SPENT IN THE REST
ROOM. IN THE FUTURE, WE WILL ALLOW THE PRACTICE OF GOING
IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER. FOR INSTANCE, THOSE WHOSE NAMES
BEGIN WITH "A" WILL GO FROM 8:00 TO 8:10 A.M., "B" WILL
GO FROM 8:15 TO 8:30 A.M. AND SO ON. IF YOU ARE UNABLE
TO GO AT YOUR TIME, IT WILL BE NECESSARY TO WAIT UNTIL
THE NEXT DAY WHEN YOUR TURN COMES AGAIN.
Submitter comment:
THIS SHOULD BE TYPED ON COMPANY LETTERHEAD, USING THE
CURRENT DATE.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
Keyword(s): PERSONNEL ; POLICY
James Callow Keyword(s): HUMOR ; XEROX LORE
| Subject headings: | Favorites CUSTOM FESTIVAL -- Work Commerce Business CUSTOM FESTIVAL -- Entertainment Diversion |
Date learned: 00-00-1970
RUSH JOB CALENDAR
NEG FRI FRI THU WED TUE MON
8 7 6 5 4 3 2
16 15 14 13 12 11 9
23 22 21 20 19 18 17
31 30 29 28 27 26 24
38 37 36 35 34 33 32
1. EVERY JOB IS IN A RUSH. EVERYONE WANTS HIS JOB YESTERDAY.
WITH THIS CALENDAR, A CUSTOMER CAN ORDER HIS WORK ON THE 7TH
AND HAVE IT DELIVERED ON THE 3RD.
2. ALL CUSTOMERS WANT THEIR JOBS ON FRIDAY...SO THERE ARE
TWO FRIDAYS IN EACH WEEK.
3. THERE ARE SEVEN EXTRA DAYS AT THE END OF THE MONTH FOR
THOSE END OF THE MONTH JOBS.
4. THERE WILL BE NO FIRST OF THE MONTH BILLS TO BE PAID,
AS THERE ISN'T ANY "FIRST." THE "TENTH" AND "TWENTY-FIFTH"
ALSO HAVE BEEN OMITTED -- IN CASE YOU HAVE BEEN ASKED TO PAY
ON ONE OF THESE DAYS.
5. THERE AR NO BOTHERSOME NON-PRODUCTIVE SATURDAYS AND
SUNDAYS. NO TIME AND ONE?HALF OR DOUBLE TIME TO PAY.
6. THERE'S A NEW DAY EACH WEEK CALLED--NEGOTIATION DAY.
Submitter comment: SHOULD BE PRINTED IN CALENDAR FORM WITH DIRECTION UNDER IT.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
Keyword(s): CALENDAR
James Callow Keyword(s): CALENDAR ; HUMOR ; XEROX LORE
| Subject headings: | Favorites CUSTOM FESTIVAL -- Work Commerce Business CUSTOM FESTIVAL -- Entertainment Diversion |
Date learned: 00001970S
NOTICE
THIS DEPARTMENT REQUIRES NO PHYSICAL FITNESS PROGRAM:
EVERYONE GETS ENOUGH EXERCISE JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS,
FLYING OFF THE HANDLE, RUNNING DOWN THE BOSS, KNIFING
FRIENDS IN THE BACK, DODGING RESPONSIBILITY AND PUSHING
THEIR LUCK.
Submitter comment: PRESENTED AS A NOTICE TO EMPLOYEES.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
James Callow Keyword(s): HUMOR ; XEROX LORE
| Subject headings: | Favorites CUSTOM FESTIVAL -- Work Commerce Business CUSTOM FESTIVAL -- Entertainment Diversion |
Date learned: 00001980S
MY SISTER IN LAW, WHO IS A NURSE AT PONTIAC OSTEOPATHIC
HOSPITAL, TOLD ME THAT A NURSE WHO WORKS ON THE OBSTETRICS
FLOOR TOLD HER ABOUT THIS STORY. SHE SAID THAT A
WOMAN (SHE CALLED HER MS. BROWN BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T
REMEMBER WHAT THE WOMAN'S NAME WAS) CAME IN TO THE HOSPITAL
TO HAVE HER BABY. LATER, WHEN THE NURSE BROUGHT THE BABY
INTO THE MOTHER'S ROOM SHE ASKED MS. BROWN WHAT SHE WAS
GOING TO NAME HER LITTLE GIRL. MS. BROWN REPLIED THAT THE
BABY'S NAME WAS F-MOLLY (SAID
PHONETICALLY). THE NURSE
ASKED MS. BROWN HOW SHE SPELLED THE NAME; MS. BROWN SAID
JUST LIKE ON THE CARD IN THE CRIB, FEMALE. SHE THOUGHT THAT
THE HOSPITAL ASSIGNED NAMES TO THE BABIES. SHE KEPT THE NAME
FEMALE, PRONOUNCED F-MOLLY BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT IT SOUNDED
BEAUTIFUL.
Submitter comment:
MY SISTER IN LAW SWEARS THAT THIS HAPPENED AT PONTIAC
OSTEOPATHIC HOSPITAL. SHE SAID THERE ARE SO MANY POOR,
ILLITERATE PEOPLE THAT COME IN FOR TREATMENT AT THE HOSPITAL
THAT THINGS LIKE THAT HAPPEN ALL THE TIME.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; PONTIAC
James Callow Keyword(s): HUMOR
| Subject headings: | SPEECH -- Proper Name |
Date learned: 00001980S
MY SISTER IN LAW, WHO IS A NURSE AT PONTIAC OSTEOPATHIC
HOSPITAL, TOLD ME THIS STORY. SHE HEARD IT FROM A DOCTOR OR
NURSE WHO WORKS IN THE OBSTETRICS FLOOR AT THE HOSPITAL.
THE DOCTOR OR NURSE TOLD MY SISTER IN LAW ABOUT A PAIR OF
TWIN GIRLS THAT WERE BORN NOT TOO LONG AGO. WHEN THE NURSE
WENT TO THE MOTHER'S ROOM TO ASK THE PARENTS WHAT THEY WERE
GOING TO NAME THEIR DAUGHTERS, THE MOTHER REPLIED THAT SHE
PICKED OUT TWO BEAUTIFUL NAMES, (SAID PHONETICALLY)
SA-PHILLY-US AND GO-NORE-REA. THE NURSE ASKED THE WOMAN HOW
TO SPELL THE NAMES AND SHE REPLIED, S-Y-P-H-I-L-I-S AND
G-O-N-O-R-R-H-E-A
Submitter comment:
MY SISTER IN LAW SWEARS THAT THIS IS TRUE AND IT DID HAPPEN
AT PONTIAC OSTEOPATHIC HOSPITAL.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; PONTIAC
Keyword(s): GONORRHEA ; HUMOR ; SYPHILIS
| Subject headings: | Favorites SPEECH -- Proper Name |
Date learned: 00001980S
MY MOTHER WORKED FOR THE DETROIT PUBLIC SCHOOLS IN THE
EARLY 1920'S. SHE TAUGHT A LOT OF POOR BLACK CHILDREN. SHE
ALWAYS LAUGHED ABOUT THE NAMES SOME OF THE CHILDREN WERE
GIVEN, TWO IN PARTICULAR. SHE SAID THERE WERE TWO SISTERS'
NAMED SYPHILIS AND GONORRHEA, BUT THEY PRONOUNCED THEIR
NAMES SA-PHILLY-US AND GO-NORE-REA.
Submitter comment: INFORMANT SAYS SHE HEARD THIS MANY TIMES FROM HER MOTHER.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
Keyword(s): GONORRHEA ; SYPHILIS
James Callow Keyword(s): HUMOR
| Subject headings: | Favorites SPEECH -- Proper Name |
Date learned: 00001920S
NEVER MARRY A POOR MAN IF A RICH ONE WILL DO.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
James Callow Keyword(s): HUMOR
| Subject headings: | BELIEF -- Marriage PROVERB -- Proverbial Apothegm Maxim |
THERE ARE NO SPOTS ON YOUR SUGAR, MOTHER.
YOU'RE PUTTING YOUR DICE IN YOUR TEA.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
James Callow Keyword(s): HUMOR
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |