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TALE: CLEVER ALICE

THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL NAMED ALICE WHO WAS GETTING MARRIED. SHE
WENT DOWN TO THE CELLAR TO GET SOME WINE AND WAS GONE FOR A VERY
LONG TIME. FINALLY HER FATHER SENT THE MAID DOWN TO FIND OUT
WHAT WAS WRONG. THE MAID SAW ALICE SITTING THE THE CELLAR CRYING
AND ASKED HER WHAT WAS THE MATTER. ALICE SAID, "SEE THAT AXE
STUCK IN THE BEAM IN THE CEILING? ONE DAY OUR SON WILL COME DOWN
HERE, THE AXE WILL FALL DOWN AND CHOP HIS HEAD OFF." THE MAID
SAID, "TRULY YOU ARE CLEVER, ALICE," AND SHE TOO SAT DOWN AND
STARTED CRYING. WELL, PRETTY SOON THE BUTLER WENT DOWN TO FIND
OUT ABOUT THE MAID, THEN THE MOTHER, FATHER, AND FINALLY THE
BRIDEGROOM. THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO ALL OF THEM. THE BRIDE-
GROOM SAID, "TRULY YOU ARE CLEVER, ALICE. LET'S GO UP AND GET
MARRIED RIGHT NOW."
THEY GOT MARRIED AND ALICE TURNED OUT TO BE THE TYPE THAT SAID TO
HERSELF, "SHALL I BAKE OR DUST? I DON'T KNOW, SO I'LL SLEEP FOR
A WHILE." SO SHE WOULD FALL ASLEEP ALL DAY AND NEVER HAVE ANY
WORK DONE WHEN HER HUSBAND CAME HOME. ONE DAY HER HUSBAND TOLD
HER TO GO ROUND UP THE GEESE. WHEN SHE GOT OUTSIDE SHE SAID TO
HERSELF, "SHALL I ROUND UP THE GEESE OR FIX MY HAIR?" SHE SAT
DOWN TO THINK IT OVER AND FELL ASLEEP IN THE HAYLOFT. HER HUSBAND
GOT WORRIED AND WENT TO FIND HER. WHEN HE FOUND HER SLEEPING IN
THE HAYLOFT HE PUT A HAIR NET WITH BELLS ON HER HEAD. WHEN SHE
WOKE UP AND HEARD THE BELLS SHE WENT BACK TO THE HOUSE. SHE
KNOCKED AND ASKED FOR CLEVER ALICE. THE HUSBAND SAID, "YES,
SHE'S ASLEEP IN HER BED." THEN ALICE SAID, "WELL THEN, WHO AM
I?" THE HUSBAND SAID HE DIDN'T KNOW. SO ALICE USED TO GO FROM
DOOR TO DOOR ASKING WHO SHE WAS, AND SHE HAS NEVER BEEN HEARD OF
SINCE.

Submitter comment: MISS DAMIN HEARD THIS TALE FROM HER HUNGARIAN GRANDMOTHER, MRS.
JOSEPHNE (JOSEPHINE?) DAMIN, WHEN SHE WAS A CHILD.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; HUNGARY ; DETROIT

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Ordinary Tale
PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman
CUSTOM FESTIVAL -- Daily Life
BELIEF -- Marriage

Date learned: 01-00-1964

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DRUNK JOKE

Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.

A DRUNK IS WALKING DOWN THE STREET. HE IS HOLDING A CAR STEERING
WHEEL IN HIS HANDS AND HIS COCK IS HANGING OUT. A POLICEMAN ON THE
STREET SEES HIM AND SAYS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT STEERING
WHEEL. THE DRUNK LOOKS AT IT AND SAYS, OH MY GOD, I LOST MY CAR.
THE COP THEN SAYS, WELL WHY IS YOUR COCK HANGING OUT? THE DRUNK
LOOKS DOWN AND SAYS, OH MY GOD I LOST MY WIFE, TOO.

Submitter comment:

I GOT THIS IN HIGH'SCHOOL (ST. JOSEPH S IN WESTCHESTER) FROM ANOTHER
STUDENT. TELLER USUALLY USES ARM MOTION TO INDICATE HOLDING
STEERING WHEEL IN DRIVING POSITION.

Where learned: ILLINOIS ; WESTCHESTER

James Callow Keyword(s): PENIS

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman
SPEECH -- Gesture
Filter - Mature Content

Date learned: 00-00-1968

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POLISH JOKE

Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.

THERE WERE TWO POLLACKS BUILDING A HOUSE. ONE WAS NAILING THE BOARDS
UP WHILE THE OTHER ONE CUT THEM. THE ONE WHO WAS NAILING KEPT CURSING
AND THROWING NAILS AWAY. THE SECOND POLLACK BECAME CURIOUS AND ASKED
HIM WHAT HE WAS DOING. HE SAID THAT SOME OF THE NAILS HAD THE HEAD
ON THE WRONG END AND HE COULDN'T USE THEM SO HE THREW THEM AWAY. THE
OTHER POLLACK REPRIMANDED HIM FOR THROWING THEM AWAY AND TOLD HIM
THAT HE SHOULD SAVE THEM SINCE THEY COULD BE USED ON THE OTHER SIDE
OF THE HOUSE.

Where learned: PENNSYLVANIA ; SAINT CLAIR

James Callow Keyword(s): POSITION DIRECTION

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman
BELIEF -- Poli

Date learned: 00-00-1972

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POLISH JOKE

Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.

WHAT HAS AN IQ OF ONE?
POLAND

Where learned: PENNSYLVANIA ; HAZELTON

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman
BELIEF -- Poli

Date learned: 10-00-1973

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POLISH JOKE

Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE POLLACK WHO BROKE BOTH LEGS WHILE RAKING
LEAVES?
HE FELL OUT OF THE TREE.

Where learned: PENNSYLVANIA ; HAZELTON

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman
BELIEF -- Poli

Date learned: 10-00-1973

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POLISH JOKE

Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.

TWO POLLACKS WENT TO TAKE A VOCATIONAL TEST. AFTER THE TEST, THE
FIRST ONE REMARKED THAT IT WAS A HARD TEST AND HE DIDN'T ANSWER MANY
OF THE QUESTIONS. THE SECOND ONE SAID THAT HE HAD THOUGHT IT WOULD BE
HARD BEFORE HE TOOK IT AND SO HE PICKED THE SMARTEST LOOKING PERSON
AT THE TEST TO SIT NEXT TO AND COPIED ALL HIS ANSWERS.

Submitter comment:

THE JOKE, OF COURSE, HERE IS THAT VOCATIONAL TESTS HAVE NO RIGHT OR
WRONG ANSWER BUT ARE DESIGNED TO TELL WHAT TYPE OF JOB YOU WOULD BE
BEST SUITED FOR.

Where learned: PENNSYLVANIA ; SAINT CLAIR

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman
BELIEF -- Poli

Date learned: 00001960S

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ETHNIC JOKE

Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE FIFTY PEOPLE THAT DROWNED OFF THE COAST
OF FLORIDA? SOME POLE TRIED TO HIJACK A BUS TO CUBA.

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman
BELIEF -- Poli

Date learned: 00-00-1972

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PAT AND MIKE STORY

PAT AND MIKE NEVER WENT TO THE COUNTRY. THEY WERE CITY SLICKERS. THEY
WENT TO THE COUNTRY ONE DAY AND MET A FARMER. THEY HAD NEVER BEEN
SWIMMING AND DECIDED TO TRY IT. THEY ASKED THE FARMER WHERE THEY
COULD GO SWIMMING. THE FARMER SAID TO WALK ABOUT A MILE DOWN THE ROAD
AND THERE WOULD BE A BIG GREEN LAKE. PAT AND MIKE WALKED ABOUT HALF A
MILE AND SAW A BIG GREEN PASTURE. THEY THOUGHT IT WAS THE LAKE. PAT
TOLD MIKE TO GO FIRST AND TELL HIM HOW IT FEELS. MIKE GOT ON THE
FENCE AND DOVE IN AND HIT HIS HEAD. PAT ASKED HOW IT FELT. MIKE SAID
"I DON'T KNOW BUT I THINK YOU BETTER DIVE A LITTLE TO THE RIGHT,
I HIT A SAND BAR."

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; Sterling Heights

James Callow Keyword(s): OUTLANDER

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman
IRIS

Date learned: 11-15-1973

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MARKING THE SPOT

JACK AND JOE WERE FISHING AND FOUND THIS PLACE WHERE FISHING WAS
GOOD. JOE SAID YOU BETTER NOT FORGET THIS PLACE. MARK IT SO WE CAN
COME HERE AGAIN. JACK TOOK A PENCIL AND WROTE AN "F" ALONG SIDE
THE BOAT. WHEN THEY GOT HOME JOE ASKED JACK IF HE MARKED THE PLACE
GOOD. JACK SAID YES I PUT AN "F" ON THAT SIDE OF THE BOAT FOR FISH
SO WE'LL KNOW WHERE THE FISHING IS GOOD. JOE HIT JACK IN THE HEAD
AND SAID, "YOU DUMMY, WE WON'T HAVE THAT BOAT AGAIN."

Where learned: MARYLAND ; BALTIMORE ; TOLD IN

James Callow Keyword(s): POSITION DIRECTION

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman

Date learned: 11-25-1972

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TWO HANDKERCHIEFS

Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.

A LADY WITH A COLD WENT TO A DINNER PARTY AND TOOK WITH HER TWO
HANDKERCHIEFS. ONE SHE TUCKED IN HER BOSOM. AT THE PARTY SHE
STARTED LOOKING LEFT AND RIGHT IN HER BOSOM. SHE SUDDENLY NOTICED
PEOPLE LOOKING AT HER. EMBARRASSED, SHE SAID, "I KNOW I HAD TWO
WHEN I CAME."

Where learned: MARYLAND ; BALTIMORE ; TOLD IN

James Callow Keyword(s): BREASTS

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman

Date learned: 00-00-1972

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POLISH JOKE

Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.

THERE WERE THESE THREE POLOCKS WHO WANTED TO MEASURE A FLAGPOLE.
FIRST, TWO TRIED TO CLIMB THE POLE WITH A TAPE MEASURE BUT ONLY MADE
IT THREE QUARTERS OF THE WAY UP BEFORE THEY SLID DOWN. A MAN CAME
UP TO THEM AND ASKED WHAT THEY WERE DOING. ONE POLOCK SAID, "WE
WANT TO MEASURE HOW TALL THE FLAGPOLE IS." THE MAN SAID, "WHY
DON'T YOU LAY IT DOWN?" ONE OF THE POLOCKS SAID " OH NO, WE DON'T
WANT TO MEASURE HOW LONG IT IS, WE WANT TO MEASURE HOW TALL IT IS."

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; TAYLOR

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman
BELIEF -- Poli

Date learned: 11-00-1977 ; 00-00-1970

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POLISH JOKE

Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.

THERE WERE FOUR AMERICANS AND ONE POLOCK IN AN AIRPLANE. THE PLANE
STARTED TO CRASH BUT THERE WERE ONLY FOUR PARACHUTES. THREE
AMERICANS JUMPED OUT WITH A PARACHUTE EACH. ONE AMERICAN AND ONE
POLOCK WERE LEFT WITH ONE PARACHUTE. THE AMERICAN SAID, "I'LL JUMP
DOWN WITH THE PARACHUTE AND WHEN I LAND I'LL SHINE A FLASHLIGHT UP
TO YOU AND YOU CAN CLIMB DOWN THE BEAM." THE POLOCK SAID, "HOW
DUMB DO YOU THINK I AM? I KNOW THAT WHEN I GET HALFWAY DOWN, YOU
ARE GONNA TURN OFF THE LIGHT."

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; TAYLOR

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman
BELIEF -- Poli

Date learned: 11-00-1977 ; 00-00-1972

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POLISH JOKE

Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.

HOW MANY POLOCKS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB? 52: ONE TO
HOLD THE LADDER, ONE TO HOLD THE LIGHT BULB AND 50 TO TURN THE HOUSE
AROUND.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; TAYLOR

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman
BELIEF -- Poli
RIDDLE -- Riddle Question

Date learned: 11-00-1977 ; 00-00-1970

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ETHNIC JOKE

Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.

THERE WAS AN ITALIAN, AN AMERICAN AND A POLOCK IN THE DESERT. THE
ITALIAN WAS CARRYING A BOTTLE OF WINE, THE AMERICAN A LOAF OF BREAD,
AND THE POLOCK WAS CARRYING A CAR DOOR. WHILE THEY WERE WALKING,
THEY BECAME HUNGRY AND THIRSTY, SO THEY SAT DOWN AND THE ITALIAN
OPENED HIS BOTTLE OF WINE AND SPLIT IT THREE WAYS. THE AMERICAN
TOOK OUT HIS LOAF OF BREAD AND SPLIT IT THREE WAYS. THE ITALIAN AND
THE AMERICAN LOOKED AT THE POLOCK AND ASKED WHY HE WAS CARRYING A
CAR DOOR. THE POLOCK SAID, "IN CASE IT GETS HOT, I CAN ROLL DOWN
THE WINDOW."

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; TAYLOR

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman
BELIEF -- Poli

Date learned: 11-00-1977 ; 00-00-1971

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URBAN BELIEF TALE

A KID ABOUT FIVE YEARS OLD WAS GIVING HIS HAMSTER A SPONGE BATH. BUT
IT FELL IN THE WATER AND GOT COMPLETELY DRENCHED. HE DECIDED TO DRY
IT OFF BY PUTTING IT IN THE MICROWAVE OVEN FOR FIFTEEN SECONDS. AND
IT EXPLODED.

Submitter comment: JULIE BELIEVED THIS STORY THE FIRST TIME SHE HEARD IT IN MIDLAND,
MICHIGAN IN 1976. WHEN SHE HEARD IT AGAIN SHE BEGAN TO WONDER ABOUT
THE TRUTH OF IT. SHE'S HEARD IT SEVERAL TIMES SINCE THEN, IN MIDLAND
AND AT UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT. NOW SHE DOESN'T REALLY BELIEVE IT,
SAYING THAT IT MIGHT BE TRUE BUT SHE THINKS IT'S JUST A STORY. WHEN
WE WERE DISCUSSING THIS MY SISTER, CAROL DURAND, MENTIONED HEARING
THE SAME STORY AT UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT INVOLVING A DUMB WOMAN FROM
GROSSE POINTE AND HER PET POODLE. SHE ALSO BELIEVED IT THE FIRST
TIME BUT AFTER HEARING IT FROM SEVERAL PEOPLE, QUESTIONED THE TRUTH
OF THE STORY.
MODERN FOLKLORE: MICROWAVE OVEN

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT ; DETROIT ; CAMPUS

Subject headings: Favorites
PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman

Date learned: 00-00-1976

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POLISH JOKE

Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.

IN 1975 MAYOR YOUNG DECLARED WAR ON THE RATS IN DETROIT.
HE ORDERED THE HEALTH INSPECTOR TO SEND NINE POLISH EXTERMINATORS
DOWN INTO THE SEWERS TO WIPE OUT THE RODENTS. A MONTH LATER
ONLY SIX OF THE NINE POLES CAME BACK. "WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OTHER
THREE MEN?" DEMANDED THE MAYOR. "THEY DEFECTED TO THE ENEMY,"
REPLIED THE INSPECTOR, "AND OUT OF THE SIX THAT RETURNED, TWO
BROUGHT BACK WAR BRIDES."

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; SOUTHFIELD

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman
BELIEF -- Poli

Date learned: 00-00-1976

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THE FALLEN SIGN

Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.

ONE TOWN HAD SUCH A CRITICAL HOUSING SHORTAGE THAT THE
HEAD OF A HOUSE OF ILL REPUTE HAD HER GIRLS PEDELING
THEIR WARES IN EVERY AVAILABLE SPOT. FINALLY, BUSINESS
WAS SO GOOD ONE NIGHT THAT A GIRL HAD TO TAKE A CUSTOMER
ON THE ROOF. A DRUNK HAPPENED TO BE WALKING BY AS THE
COUPLE ROLLED OFF THE ROOF AND FELL TO THE GROUND. THE
DRUNK RUSHED INSIDE, WHERE THE MATRON REFUSED HIM ADMITTANCE
BECAUSE HE WAS DRUNK. HE REPLIED: "MA'M I DIDN'T WANT TO COME IN,
I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT YOUR SIGN FELL DOWN."

Where learned: LOCATION NOT RECORDED BY COLLECTOR

Keyword(s): DRUNK ; HUMOR ; OBSCENE ; SEX

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman

Date learned: DATE NOT RECORDED BY COLLECTOR

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NO TITLE SUPPLIED

A COLORED BARKEEP IN MISSISSIPPI WAS BEING ANNOYED BY AN
OBVIOUSLY RACIST DRUNK WHO KEPT SAYING, "GIVE ME ANOTHER
DRINK, NIGGER." AFTER MUCH PATIENCE THE BARTENDER SAID. "WHY DON'T
WE SWITCH PLACES, HONKEY?" THE DRUNK ACCEPTED AND THE BLACK ORDERED
"GIVE ME A DOUBLE, WHITEY ." THE DRUNK RETORTED,
"WE DON'T SERVE NIGGERS AT THIS BAR."

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; WESTLAND

Keyword(s): BAR ; DIOLOGUE ; DRINKING ; HUMOR ; INSULT ; SLANG

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman

Date learned: 12-02-1971

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DRUNK JOKE

THE ONE DRUNK SAYS TO THE OTHER DRUNK, "WE MUST BE
GETTING NEAR A TOWN." THE OTHER DRUNK SAYS, "HOW CAN
YOU TELL?" THE FIRST DRUNK SAYS, "BECAUSE WE'RE
HITTING A LOT OF PEDESTRIANS."

Data entry tech comment: ITEM PUNCHED AS IT APPEARED ON CARD

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Keyword(s): ABSURD ; ACCIDENT ; AUTOMOBILE ; DIOLOGUE ; DRINKING ; DRUNKS ; HUMOR

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman

Date learned: 09-16-1969

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WWI STORIES

MRS JOHN MCINTYRE'S SON COULD NOT GET IN TO THE ARMY IN WORLD WAR I
SHE SAID THAT HE WAS MENTALLY AND MORALLY UNFIT FOR MILITARY DUTY
WHAT SHE MEANT WAS MEDICALLY AND MORALLY

Submitter comment: THIS WAS FIRST HEARD IN BAD AX MICHIGAN

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FARMINGTON

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman

Date learned: CA02001980

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