TALL TALE: JOHN MUSKOVICH (PRONOUNCED MUS-KOH'-VICH)

DID I EVER TELL YOU THE STORY OF THE GREATEST AMERICAN--JOHN
MUSKOVICH? ONE DAY JOHN WAS SITTING AT THE LOCAL BAR IN MINOOKA,
PENNSYLVANIA WHEN THE GOVERNOR OF PENNSYLVANIA, MILTON SCHAPP, WAS
ON TELEVISION. JOHN TURNED TO HIS BUDDY AND SAYS, "HEY, THERE'S
MY BUDDY MILTY; ME AND MILT HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR A LONG TIME."
HIS BUDDY RESPONDS, "ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU ARE FRIENDS WITH THE
GOVERNOR OF OUR ILLUSTRIOUS STATE?" TO WHICH JOHN REPLIES,
"YEAH." HIS BUDDY SAYS, "WELL, I'LL BET YOU TEN DOLLARS THAT YOU
DON'T REALLY KNOW THE GOVERNOR." SO THAT AFTERNOON THE TWO GUYS
GOT INTO THE CAR AND WENT OFF TO HARRISBURG. SOON AFTER THEY
WALKED INTO THE CAPITAL BUILDING, NONE OTHER THAN MILTON SCHAPP
CAME WALKING DOWN THE HALL. AS SOON AS SCHAPP SAW JOHN HE SAYS,
"JOHN MUSKOVICH, HOW YA DOIN'. LONG TIME . . . ." SO JOHN WON
THE TEN DOLLARS.
THE NEXT DAY JOHN AND HIS BUDDY WRE BACK IN MINOOKA WATCHING THE
TELEVISION WHEN PRESIDENT NIXON CAME ON. JOHN IMMEDIATELY SAYS,
"HEY, THERE'S MY BUDDY TRICKY DICK." HIS BUDDY SAYS, "WAIT A
MINUTE. YESTERDAY YOU SAID YOU KNEW THE GOVERNOR, NOW YOU SAY
YOU KNOW THE PRESIDENT. I'LL BET YOU $100 THAT YOU DON'T KNOW
THE PRESIDENT." AND THE NEXT MORNING THE TWO WERE OFF TO WASHING-
TON, D.C. THEY WERE WALKING OUTSIDE OF THE WHITE HOUSE AND PAT
NIXON JUST HAPPENED TO BE OUT ON THE LAWNS AND SHE IMMEDIATELY
SPOTS JOHN AND SAYS, "JOHN MUSKOVICH! HOW ARE YOU? IT'S BEEN A
LONG TIME. DICK WILL BE SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU." AND JOHN WON THE
$100.
ABOUT A WEEK LATER BACK AT THE MINOOKA BAR, THE TWO MEN WERE TALK-
ING AND JOHN'S BUDDY SAID, "LAST WEEK YOU SAID YOU KNEW THE GOVER-
NOR AND THEN THE PRESIDENT; I BET THE NEXT THING YOU'LL SAY IS
THAT YOU KNOW THE POPE!" TO WHICH JOHN REPLIES, "HEY, ME AND PAUL
BEEN FRIENDS FOR A LONG TIME." HIS BUDDY SAYS, "OKAY, I'LL BET
YOU $1,000 YOU DON'T KNOW THE POPE." AND THE NEXT DAY THE TWO ARE
ON A PLANE HEADED FOR THE VATICAN. WHEN THEY GET THERE IT JUST
HAPPENED THAT THE POPE WAS HAVING AN AUDIENCE WITH THE PUBLIC THAT
AFTERNOON. JOHN DECIDED TO LEAVE HIS BUDDY IN THE CROWD AND
HEADED IN TO SEE THE POPE HIMSELF. JUST AFTER JOHN WALKS OUT ON
THE BALCONY WITH THE POPE, THERE'S A BIG COMMOTION IN THE CROWD AND
JOHN SEES THAT HIS BUDDY HAD PASSED OUT. JOHN COMES RUNNING DOWN
AND GETS OVER TO HIS BUDDY AND SAYS, "HEY, WHAT HAPPENED?" HIS
BUDDY REPLIES,"THERE WERE THESE TWO NUNS NEXT TO ME AND ONE SAID
TO THE OTHER, 'WHO'S THAT UP THERE WITH JOHN MUSKOVICH?'"

Where learned: PENNSYLVANIA ; SCRANTON

Date learned: 00-00-1970