JOKE

SAM WAS SITTING IN A BAR ONE DAY WHEN THE MAYOR CAME ON TV.
"HE'S A JERK," SAID SAM.
"DON'T EVER SAY THAT," SAID THE MAN SITTING NEXT TO HIM, "THE
MAYOR'S THE NICEST GUY YOU'D EVER WANT TO MEET."
"DON'T GET EXCITED," SAID SAM, "YOU'D THINK HE WAS A FRIEND OF
YOURS OR SOMETHING."
"FRIEND?" SAID THE MAN, "WHY ME AND THE MAYOR USED TO PLAY
FOOTBALL TOGETHER WHEN WE WERE KIDS."
"LISTEN, WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS," SAID SAM, "I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
KNOW THE MAYOR."
"MY NAME IS CECIL, SAID THE MAN, "AND I'LL PROVE TO YOU THAT
ME AND THE MAYOR ARE BUDDIES."
CECIL TOOK SAM TO THE MAYOR'S OFFICE. WHEN THE SECRETARY TOLD
THEM THE MAYOR WAS IN A MEETING, CECIL TOLD HER TO CALL HIM AND
TELL HIM THAT CECIL WAS HERE. AS SOON AS SHE CALLED HIM, THE
MAYOR CAME RUSHING OUT OF HIS OFFICE AND THREW HIS ARMS AROUND
CECIL. HE TOLD HIM HOW HAPPY HE WAS TO SEE HIM AND MADE HIM
PROMISE TO HAVE LUNCH WITH HIM THE NEXT DAY.
"WELL, NOW WHAT DO YOU SAY?" ASKED CECIL AS THEY WERE LEAVING
THE MAYOR'S OFFICE."
"OKAY," SAID SAM, "YOU PROVED IT." MM
THE NEXT WEEK, SAM WAS IN THE BAR READING THE PAPER AND COMPLAINING
ABOUT STATE TAXES GOING UP WHEN CECIL OVERHEARD HIM.
"HEY, THE GOVERNOR DOES THE BEST HE CAN," SAID CECIL.
"OH, I SUPPOSE YOU KNOW HIM TOO," SAID SAM.
"KNOW HIM?" SAID CECIL, "ME AND HIM ARE ALMOST LIKE BROTHERS."
"BET YOU FIVE BUCKS HE'S NEVER HEARD OF YOU," SAID SAM.
SO CECIL TOOK SAM TO THE GOVERNOR'S MANSION. THE GOVERNOR WAS
SO HAPPY TO SEE CECIL, HE THREW HIS ARMS AROUND HIM AND INSISTED
THAT THE TWO MEN STAY FOR DINNER.
WHEN THEY LEFT, SAM GAVE CECIL THE FIVE BUCKS AND TOLD HIM HOW
IMPRESSED HE WAS. MM
THE NEXT WEEK, SAM WAS SITTING IN THE BAR COMPLAINING ABOUT THE
PRESIDENT. CECIL WALKED UP TO HIM BUT BEFORE HE COULD SAY ANYTHING,
SAM SAID, "DON'T TELL ME, DON'T TELL ME! YOU AND THE PRESIDENT
WENT TO SCHOOL TOGETHER."
"WHY, NO, I MET HIM IN THE ARMY," SAID CECIL, "BOY WE HAD SOME GOOD
TIMES TOGETHER."
"THIS IS TOO MUCH, CECIL," SAID SAM. "THE MAYOR, OK...THE
GOVERNOR, OK...BUT THE PRESIDENT, NO WAY! TEN TO ONE YOU DON'T KNOW
THE PRESIDENT."
SOON SAM AND CECIL WERE ON THEIR WAY TO WASHINGTON. WHEN THEY
GOT TO THE WHITE HOUSE, THE PRESIDENT RAN OUT AND THREW HIS ARMS
AROUND CECIL AND INSISTED THE TWO MEN SPEND THE WEEK-END. AFTER
THEY LEFT THE WHITE HOUSE, SAM GAVE CECIL HIS MONEY AND TOLD HIM
NOTHING WOULD SURPRISE HIM ANYMORE.
"NEXT THING I KNOW," SAID SAM, "YOU'LL BE TELLING ME YOU KNOW THE
POPE."
"KNOW HIM?" SAID CECIL, HE'S PROBABLY THE BEST FRIEND I EVER HAD." MM
SOON SAM AND CECIL WERE HEADED FOR VATICAN CITY. WHEN THEY GOT
THERE, IT WAS A SUNDAY MORNING AND A HUGE CROWD WAS GATHERED OUTSIDE
THE VATICAN.
"LOOK, SAM," SAID CECIL, "I DON'T THINK YOU'RE GOING TO BE ABLE TO
GET PAST ALL THE GUARDS. THE POPE'S DUE TO COME OUT ON THAT
BALCONY IN A FEW MINUTES. YOU STAND UP HERE IN THE FRONT AND
WATCH. IF YOU SEE ME WALK OUT WITH THE POPE, WILL YOU BELIEVE
I KNOW HIM?"
"SURE," SAID SAM, "TO GET THAT FAR YOU'D HAVE TO KNOW HIM."
IN A FEW MINUTES CECIL WALKED OUT ON THE BALCONY WITH HIS ARM
AROUND THE POPE'S SHOULDER. THE CROWD WAS CHEERING AND YELLING.
CECIL RAISED HIS ARM TO WAVE TO SAM, BUT WHEN HE LOOKED DOWN HE
SAW SAM FALL TO THE GROUND. HE EXCUSED HIMSELF TO THE POPE AND RAN
DOWN TO SEE WHAT HAD HAPPENED.
"SAM, SAM! HE SAID, "ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?"
"I THINK SO," SAID SAM OPENING HIS EYES, "I GUESS I MUST HAVE
FAINTED. CECIL, I DIDN'T BELIEVE YOU KNEW THE MAYOR, BUT YOU DID.
I DIDN'T BELIEVE YOU KNEW THE GOVERNOR, BUT YOU DID. I REALLY
DIDN'T BELIEVE YOU KNEW THE PRESIDENT, BUT YOU DID. I HAVE TO
ADMIT I WAS SURPRISED WHEN YOU WALKED OUT ON THE BALCONY WITH YOUR
ARM AROUND THE POPE. BUT WHEN THE CROWD STARTED YELLING,
"WHO'S THAT MAN WITH CECIL?" I JUST COULDN'T TAKE ANYMORE."

Submitter comment: I HEARD THIS JOKE AT A PARTY IN 1980.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DEARBORN

James Callow Keyword(s): HARRY GARRETT

Date learned: 00-00-1980