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POLITICAL-BIBLICAL ALLEGORY-VARIANT
IN 1956, DURING THE ADMINISTRATION OF PRESIDENT
EISENHOWER, I OVERHEARD THE FOLLOWING POLITICAL ASSESSMENTS
BY A SOUTHERN, WHITE OWNER OF A SMALL, NOT VERY
PROSPEROUS (GREASY SPOON) RESTAURANT:
FIVE THOUSAND YEARS AGO, MOSES SAID TO THE CHILDREN OF
ISREAL, "PICK UP YOUR SHOVELS, MOUNT YOUR ASSES AND
CAMELS AND I WILL LEAD YOU TO THE PROMISED LAND."
FIVE THOUSAND YEARS LATER FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT SAID:
"LAY DOWN YOUR SHOVELS, SIT ON YOUR ASSES, LIGHT UP
A CAMEL, THIS IS THE PROMISED LAND." NOW THE REPUBLICANS
ARE SAYING, "STEALING YOUR SHOVELS, KICKING YOUR ASSES,
RAISING THE PRICE OF CAMELS AND STEALING THE PROMISED
LAND."
Submitter comment:
THIS UTTERANCE CAME, OF COURSE, DURING A PERIOD OF
ECONOMIC RECESSION AND WAS TOLD SO THAT EVERYONE IN THE
RESTAURANT WOULD HEAR. THE PROPRIETOR ENJOYED THE
STORY MUCH MORE THAN THE CUSTOMERS.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; ROSEVILLE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
BY GOD WE LIVE, BY GOD WE DIE
THERE WAS THIS LITTLE BOY WHO HAD A BAD HABIT. HE
ALWAYS SAID "BY GOD." HIS MINISTER WAS RATHER UPSET
AT THIS, BECAUSE THE BOY WOULD YELL THIS OUT AT THE
MOST EMBARRASSING TIMES. ONE DAY THE MINISTER MADE A
DEAL WITH THE BOY. THE MINISTER KNEW THAT THE BOY WAS
JUST MAD ABOUT APPLE PIE, SO HE THOUGHT THAT HE WOULD
HAVE NO PROBLEMS IN MAKING A GOOD DEAL WITH THE LAD.
THE BOY WAS MADE TO PROMISE THAT THE NEXT TIME HE SAID
"BY GOD" HE WOULD HAVE TO GIVE THE MINISTER AN APPLE
PIE. THE BOY MADE THE MINISTER PROMISE THAT NEXT TIME
HE SAID "BY GOD," HE WOULD HAVE TO GIVE THE BOY AN
APPLE PIE.
WELL, NEXT SUNDAY THE MINISTER WAS, AS USUAL, MAKING
HIS SERMON. IT WAS ALL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE AND AT THE
END THE MINISTER YELLED OUT IN A VERY EMOTIONAL
MANNER, "BY GOD WE LIVE, BY GOD WE DIE." AND THE BOY
JUMPED UP AND SAID, "BY GOD YOU OWE ME AN APPLE PIE."
Submitter comment:
I DO NOT KNOW WHERE I FIRST HEARD THIS JOKE, BUT IT
ALWAYS HAS REMAINED WITH ME. I THINK THAT I HEARD
IT ABOUT FIVE OR SIX YEARS AGO.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 04-16-1965
FINGERS IN THE BUTTER
THESE TWO PEOPLE WERE IN AN ATTIC; IT WAS DARK, LONELY,
AND COLD. THEY WERE HUNGRY, SO THEY DECIDED TO GO
DOWNSTAIRS TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT. THEY WAS NOTHING
IN THE KITCHEN, SO THEY WENT DOWN IN THE BASEMENT TO GO
TO THE FRUITCELLAR. IT WAS DARK DOWN THERE. THERE
WERE COBWEBS AND IT WAS VERY SPOOKY. THE ONLY LIGHT
DOWN THERE WAS A CRACK OF LIGHT FROM THE MOON COMING
THROUGH THE WINDOW. THEY FOUND NOTHING BUT A BARREL IN
THE BASEMENT AND IT WAS FULL OF BUTTER. AS THEY LOOKED
AT THE BUTTER, ONE FINGER CAME UP OUT OF IT AND MOVED.
BOTH OF THEM RAN OUT OF THE HOUSE. THEN THEY STOPPED
AND SAID TO THEMSELVES, "THIS IS SILLY. NOTHING LIKE
THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED." SO THEY WENT DOWN AGAIN
TO LOOK AGAIN, FOR IT MUST HAVE BEEN THE MOONLIGHT
PLAYING TRICKS ON THEM. NOBODY HAD BEEN IN THE CELLAR
FOR AGES. THIS TIME THEY SAW THREE FINGERS IN THE
BUTTER. THIS TIME THEY RAN FASTER THAN THEY EVER HAD
IN THEIR WHOLE LIFE. THEY STOPPED AGAIN AND SAID TO
EACH OTHER, "NO, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. WE WON'T SEE IT
THIS TIME." THE GIRL SAID THAT SHE WOULD GO DOWN AND
LOOK AND THEN COME BACK UP AND HE COULD GO DOWN AND
LOOK AND THEY WOULD COMPARE WHAT THEY SAW. SHE WENT
DOWN IN THE BASEMENT AND HE WAITED FOR QUITE A WHILE,
BUT SHE DID NOT COME UP, SO HE WENT DOWN TO SEE WHAT
HAD HAPPENED. HE DIDN'T SEE HER DOWN THERE, BUT SAW
FOUR HANDS IN THE BUTTER. WHAT DO YOU THINK
HAPPENED TO HER?
Submitter comment:
THE INFORMANT DOES NOT REMEMBER WHERE SHE LEARNED THIS
BUT THINKS IT WAS ABOUT 1963.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 05-12-1965
PILOT TO TOWER
T=TOWER
P=PILOT
THIS PILOT WAS FLYING INTO AN AIRPORT WITH AN HOUR'S
WORTH OF FUEL LEFT. HE RADIOED THE T: "P TO T, P TO T,
REQUEST PERMISSION TO LAND." "T TO P, T TO P, CANNOT
TAKE YOU AT THIS TIME, CIRCLE AIRPORT AND CALL IN
HALF HOUR." HALF HOUR LATER: "P TO T, P TO T, HALF HOUR
FUEL SUPPLY LEFT; REQUEST PERMISSION TO LAND." THEN,
"T TO P, T TO P, KEEP CIRCLING, REPORT BACK IN 15
MINUTES." FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER: "P TO T, P TO T,
REQUEST PERMISSION TO LAND; 15 MINUTES OF FUEL SUPPLY
LEFT." THEN, "T TO P, T TO P, CIRCLE FOR 10 MINUTES
AND REPORT BACK." TEN MINUTES LATER: "P TO T, P TO T,
REQUEST PERMISSION TO LAND." "T TO P, T TO P, DISCONTINUE
CIRCLING, TAKE OFF IN WESTERLY DIRECTION AND REPORT
BACK IN 3 MINUTES." THREE MINUTES LATER: "P TO T,
T TO P, REPORTING BACK AS ORDERED. "T TO P, T TO P,
REPEAT AFTER ME: "THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD, ETC."
Submitter comment:
THE INFORMANT HEARD THIS ON THE UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT
CAMPUS.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 04-08-1965
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POLLOCK JOKE
DID YOU HEAR WHO WON THE POLISH BEAUTY CONTEST?
NO ONE.
Submitter comment:
I HEARD THIS ON CAMPUS AT THE UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT.
Where learned: ROYAL OAK ; MICHIGAN, ASSUMED
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 04-16-1965
CONFUCIUS SAY JOKE
CONFUCIUS SAY: PANTIES MAY NOT BE THE BEST THING IN
THE WORLD, BUT THEY'RE SURE NEXT TO IT.
Submitter comment: HE LEARNED THIS FROM A FRIEND.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 11-03-1967
CONFUCIUS SAY JOKE
CONFUCIUS SAY: WOMEN WHO PUT MAN IN GOD HOUSE,
OFTEN FIND HIM IN CAT HOUSE.
Data entry tech comment: HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 11-03-1967
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CONFUCIUS SAY JOKE
CONFUCIUS SAY: MAN WHO GET LITTLE ASS, SUFFER
FROM RARE HAWAIIAN DISEASE--LACK-A-NUKI.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 11-03-1967
CONFUCIUS SAY JOKE
CONFUCIUS SAY: MAN WHO FISH IN OTHER MAN'S
WELL, OFTEN CATCHES CRAP.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 11-03-1967
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POLLOCK JOKE
WHAT DO YOU HEAR WHEN YOU DROP ONE HANDFULL OF SHIT?
WOP!
WHAT DO YOU HEAR WHEN YOU DROP TWO HANDSFUL OF SHIT?
POLLOCK!
Submitter comment:
HEARD THIS ON CAMPUS AT THE UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT.
Where learned: ROYAL OAK ; MICHIGAN, ASSUMED
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 04-16-1965
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POLLOCK JOKE
WHAT IS THE BEST THING THAT EVER CAME OUT OF
HAMTRAMCK?
AN EMPTY BUS.
Submitter comment:
HEARD ON CAMPUS, UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT.
Where learned: ROYAL OAK ; MICHIGAN, ASSUMED
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 04-16-1965
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POLLACK JOKE
WHAT'S THE MOST DANGEROUS JOB IN THE WORLD?
RIDING SHOTGUN ON A LOADED GARBAGE TRUCK IN HAMTRAMCK.
Submitter comment:
INFORMANT HEARD THIS ON CAMPUS, UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 04-08-1965
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POLLACK JOKE
WHY DON'T THEY ALLOW DOGS IN HAMTRAMCK.
BECAUSE DOG PEE ON POLES.
Submitter comment:
HEARD THIS AT UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT CAMPUS.
INFORMANT HEARD THIS ON CAMPUS, UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
James Callow Keyword(s): URINATION
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 04-08-1965
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POLLACK JOKE
WHAT DO THEY DO WITH IDIOT POLLACKS?
THEY SEND THEM TO TEACH SCHOOL IN ITALY.
Submitter comment:
INFORMANT THINKS HE HEARD THIS AT UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT
CAMPUS.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 04-08-1965
THERE WERE THESE THREE LITTLE MICE, TWO BOY MICE AND A
GIRL MOUSE. THEY CRAWLED INTO A COOKIE JAR AND STARTED
EATING AWAY AT THE COOKIES. WHEN THEY HAD EATEN QUITE
FAR DOWN, THE GIRL MOUSE BEGAN TO WORRY HOW SHE WAS GOING
TO GET OUT OF THE JAR. SO SHE ASKED ONE OF THE LITTLE
BOY MICE IF HE WOULD HELP HER. "SURE, I'LL HELP YOU,
BUT ONLY IF YOU SLEEP WITH ME TONIGHT." "OH, NO," SHE
SAID, "I COULDN'T DO THAT." "OKAY, I WON'T HELP YOU."
THE MORE SHE THOUGHT ABOUT IT, THE MORE WORRIED SHE GOT.
SO SHE AGREED TO SLEEP WITH HIM. THE NEXT MORNING WHEN
SHE AWOKE, HE WAS GONE. BEING VERY UPSET AND HUNGRY,
SHE BEGAN EATING AT THE COOKIES AGAIN. NOW SHE WAS
ALMOST AT THE BOTTOM AND SHE THOUGHT, "OH, I'LL NEVER
GET OUT." SO SHE ASKED THE OTHER LITTLE BOY MOUSE IF HE
WOULD HELP HER. "SURE, I'LL HELP YOU IF YOU SLEEP WITH
ME TONIGHT." "OH, NO," SHE SAID, "I COULDN'T DO THAT,
AND BESIDES THE OTHER MOUSE TOLD ME THAT AND HE RAN
AWAY." BUT THE MORE SHE THOUGHT, THE MORE WORRIED SHE
SHE GOT AND SHE FINALLY AGREED TO SLEEP WITH HIM. THE
NEXT MORNING WHEN SHE AWOKE, HE WAS GONE TOO. DO YOU
WANT TO KNOW HOW SHE GOT OUT OF THE JAR? SLEEP WITH
ME TONIGHT AND I'LL TELL YOU.
Submitter comment:
THIS STORY WAS TOLD TO THE INFORMANT BY A GIRL WITH
WHOM SHE USED TO ROOM.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 04-23-1965
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THE BOY WHO RAN AWAY
AN EIGHT YEAR OLD BOY RAN AWAY FROM HOME AND WENT TO THE
PLANE STATION TO BUY A PLANE TICKET. HE ASKED THE LADY
FOR A TICKET TO TIJUANA, MEXICO. THE LADY SAID, "LITTLE
BOY, YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO TIJUANA." THE BOY REPLIED,
"I KNOW WHAT I WANT, I WANT WHAT I WANT AND I'VE GOT
THE MONEY TO PAY FOR IT." SO THE BOY GOT OFF THE PLANE
IN TIJUANA AND GOT INTO A CAB. THE LITTLE BOY SAID,
"TAKE ME TO THE DIRTIEST WHORE HOUSE IN THE CITY."
THE CAB DRIVER ANSWERED, "LITTLE BOY, YU DON'T WANT
TO GO TO THE DIRTIEST WHORE HOUSE IN THE CITY."
THE BOY ANSWERED, "I KNOW WHAT I WANT, I WANT WHAT I
WANT AND I'VE GOT THE MONEY TO PAY FOR IT."
THE LITTLE BOY WALKED INTO THE DIRTIEST WHORE HOUSE IN
THE CITY AND ASKED THE MADAME FOR THE GRUBBIEST WHORE
SHE HAD. SHE REPLIED, "LITTLE BOY, YOU DON'T WANT
THE GRUBBIEST WHORE THAT I HAVE." THE BOY ANSWERED
"I KNOW WHAT I WANT, I WANT WHAT I WANT AND I'VE GOT
THE MONEY TO PAY FOR IT."
SO THE LITTLE BOY FINALLY GOT HOME AND A FRIEND OF
HIS ASKED HIM WHY HE DID ALL THIS. THE BOY ANSWERED,
"I WANTED TO GET SYPHILIS. I GAVE IT TO THE BABY
SITTER AND SHE GAVE IT TO MY FATHER. MY FATHER GAVE
IT TO MY MOTHER AND SHE GAVE IT TO THE MILKMAN AND
THAT WAS THE MOTHER-FUCKER I WANTED TO GET."
Submitter comment:
THE INFORMANT HEARD THIS AT THE UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT
STUDENT UNION ABOUT TWO MONTHS AGO.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale Filter - Mature Content |
Date learned: 01-00-1965
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POLLACK JOKE
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE DEFINITION OF GROSS IGNORANCE IS?
IT'S A HUNDRED AND FOURTY-FOUR POLLACKS.
Submitter comment:
INFORMANT HEARD THIS JOKE ON CAMPUS, UNIVERSITY OF
DETROIT. SHE DID NOT KNOW WHEN.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 03-00-1965
GRACE BEFORE MEALS
GOOD FOOD, GOOD GOD; LET'S EAT!
Submitter comment: INFORMANT HEARD THIS FROM HIS FATHER.
Data entry tech comment: I HEARD IT: GOOD FOOD, GOOD MEAT, GOOD GOD, LET'S EAT!
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 04-11-1965
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POLLACK JOKE
HOW DO YOU TAKE A CENSUS IN HAMTRAMCK?
YOU FLOOD THE BASEMENTS.
Submitter comment:
INFORMANT HEARD THIS ON UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT CAMPUS.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 04-08-1965
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VARIANT OF POLITICAL-BIBLICAL ALLEGORY
THE INFORMANT IS A FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SOPHOMORE IN A
DETROIT COLLEGE PREP SCHOOL. HE RELATED THE STORY TO
ME WHEN WE WERE ON THE SUBJECT OF CHANGING ATTITUDES
TOWARD HISTORICAL LEADERS. HE HEARD HIS FATHER
TELLING THE STORY:
FIVE THOUSAND YEARS AGO MOSES SAID TO THE CHILDREN OF
ISREAL, "PICK UP YOUR SHOVELS, MOUNT YOUR ASSES AND
CAMELS AND I WILL LEAD YOU TO THE PROMISED LAND."
FIVE THOUSAND YEARS LATER FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT SAID,
"LAY DOWN YOUR SHOVELS, SIT ON YOUR ASSES, LIGHT UP
A CAMEL, THIS IS THE PROMISED LAND." NOW, LYNDON
B. JOHNSON IS STEALING YOUR SHOVELS, KICKING YOUR
ASSES, RAISING THE PRICE OF CAMELS, AND GIVING AWAY
THE PROMISED LAND TO THE NIGGERS."
Submitter comment:
THIRTEEN YEARS AGO I HEARD THIS STORY FROM A
SOUTHERN WHITE RESTAURANT OWNER, EXCEPT AT THAT TIME
THE REPUBLICANS WERE THE ONES CASTIGATED INSTEAD
OF LYNDON B. JOHNSON (PRESIDENT).
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale |
Date learned: 03-09-1967