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CATCH JOKE
THIS IS A FAIRY STORY AND A RIDDLE.
ONCE THERE WAS A GREAT KING WHO HAD TWO UNMARRIED
DAUGHTERS. A BRAVE KNIGHT CAME TO CALL ON THE KING AND
WAS IMMEDIATELY OFFERED THE CHANCE TO MARRY INTO THE ROYAL
FAMILY. NOW ONE DAUGHTER WAS TERRIBLY HOMELY, BUT SHE WAS
A TERRIFIC HOMEMAKER AND A GREAT COOK. SHE WAS, EXCEPT
FOR HER LOOKS, A PERFECT MATE. THE OTHER DAUGHTER WAS
BEAUTIFUL-- BUT HELPLESS. SHE COULD NEITHER COOK NOR
KEEP HOUSE. AFTER LENGTHY DELIBERATION, THE FOUR OF THEM--
THE KING, THE TWO DAUGHTERS, AND THE BRAVE KNIGHT--
GATHERED TO HEAR THE DECISION. WHOM DID HE CHOOSE?
(AT THIS POINT THE LISTENER GUESSES ONE DAUGHTER OR
THE OTHER.) WRONG! HE CHOSE THE KING. I TOLD YOU IT
WAS A FAIRY STORY.
Submitter comment:
I WAS TOLD THIS JOKE ON MY JOB AT DETROIT BANK AND TRUST
COMPANY IN 1977. THE JOKE, OF COURSE, IS IN THE DOUBLE-
ENTENDRE OF THE MEANING OF THE WORD "FAIRY", WHICH IS
USED HERE AS A DERISIVE TERM FOR HOMOSEXUALS.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
James Callow Keyword(s): CATCH TALE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote PROSE NARRATIVE -- Formula tale SPEECH -- Formula RIDDLE -- Riddle Question |
THE SPOILED YOUNGEST CHILD
I WAS THE YOUNGEST OF A FAMILY OF TWELVE AND VERY SPOILED, I
ADMIT IT. BEING THE BABY I COULD DO NO WRONG. AS A LITTLE BOY
MY IDOL WAS GOOSE GOSLIN, A BASEBALL PITCHER FOR THE TIGERS
AND I USED TO LOVE IMITATING THE WAY HE PITCHED. AT A BIG FAMILY
DINNER PARTY WHERE ALL THE RELATIVES WERE GATHERED MY BROTHERS
STARTED HARANGUING ME AND TEASING ME TO DEMONSTRATE MY IDOL.
OF COURSE, BEING THE INNOCENT NAIVE LITTLE BOY I DIDN'T REALIZE
WHEN I WAS BEING MADE FUN OF. SO I STOOD AT THE END OF THE TABLE
VERY SERIOUSLY, WENT THROUGH GOOSE'S BIG WIND UP AND INSTEAD
OF HANGING ON TO THE BALL I LET IT FLY. IT WENT SAILING OVER
EVERYONE'S HEADS BY MY BROTHER TONY AT THE END OF THE TABLE
WHERE IT FINALLY LANDED--CRASH--INTO A GLASS CUPBOARD AT THE
OPPOSITE END OF THE ROOM WHERE IT MANAGED TO BREAK ALL THE
GLASSES AND DISHES WITHIN. AFTER THE INITIAL SHOCK, MY VERY
GERMAN FATHER SHOUTED DISGUSTEDLY ACROSS THE ROOM, "NAAACH,
TONY WHY DIDN'T YOU CATCH THAT?" AGAIN THE BABY OF THE
FAMILY WAS NOT TO BLAME AND TONY WAS AGAIN THE SCAPEGOAT!
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
SERVING THE DEAF
BRUCE HOGAN WAS THE PROCESS SERVER FOR YOUR GRANDFATHER, HOWARD
PHILIPPART, WHO REPRESENTED ALL THE DEAF MUTES IN THE STATE OF
MICHIGAN. BRUCE SERVED A NUMBER OF DEAF MUTES AND HE WOULD
CARRY A PAD AND PAPER WITH HIM TO COMMUNICATE TO THEM WITH
NOTES. ONE DAY, HE WENT TO THE DOOR OF A DEAF CLIENT, RANG THE
BELL, ACTIVATED A LIGHT INSIDE THE HOUSE AND WAITED. EVENTUALLY,
THE DOOR WAS ANSWERED BY A WOMAN WITH A PAD AND PAPER. THE
CONVERSATION WENT LIKE THIS:
IS MR. JONES AT HOME?
NO, HE IS NOT.
WILL MR. JONES BE HOME TONIGHT?
NO, HE WON'T.
DOES MR. JONES EVER COME HOME?
I DON'T KNOW IF HE DOES OR NOT.
WHEN HE COMES IN PLEASE WRITE ME.
MAYBE I WILL, MAYBE I WON'T.
PUTTING HIS PAD AWAY MR. HOGAN FRUSTRATEDLY TURNED AND ABSENT
MINDEDLY SAID GOOD BYE. SHE ANSWERED WITH A VERBAL GOODBYE
AND A GUFFAW AS SHE CLOSED THE DOOR.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 00-00-1940
THE THREE DREAMS
THERE WERE THREE MEN TRAVELLING THROUGH THE SOUTH LOOKING FOR
WORK. THEY CAME UPON A FARM WHERE A FARMER'S WIFE OFFERED THEM
A SWEET POTATO PIE TO CHOP SOME WOOD. AFTER THEY HAD FINISHED
WORKING THEY WERE ALL VERY HUNGRY. THEY DECIDED THAT THEY
WOULD ALL GO TO SLEEP AND THE NEXT MORNING WHOEVER HAD HAD THE
BEST DREAM WOULD HAVE THE WHOLE PIE TO HIMSELF. THE NEXT DAY
THEY BEGAN TO RELATE THEIR DREAMS. THE FIRST MAN SAID THAT HE
WAS TOO TIRED AND HUNGRY TO DREAM ABOUT ANYTHING. THE SECOND
MAN SAID THAT HE HAD DREAMED ABOUT BEING RICH AND HAVING ALL
THAT HE WANTED TO EAT. THE THIRD MAN SAID THAT HE COULDN'T
SLEEP SO HE GOT UP AND ATE THE PIE.
Submitter comment:
THIS TYPE OF STORY IS COMMON AMONG SOUTHERN NEGROES. THE OBJECT
OF THE VICTUAL VARIES ACCORDING TO REGION. GREENS FOR GEORGIA
A POT OF RICE FOR SOUTH CAROLINA, AND SO ON.
Where learned: ALABAMA ; ANNISTON
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
HELEN KELLER JOKE
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE NEW HELEN KELLER DOLLS?
YOU WIND THEM UP AND THEY WALK INTO WALLS.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; BIRMINGHAM
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 00-00-1983
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU THROW A LEOPARD INTO A POT
OF BOILING WATER? YOU WOULD GET A POT OF STEW!
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; WARREN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 10-00-1983
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WHY DID THEY STOP THE LEPER HOCKEY GAME IN THE SECOND
HALF? BECAUSE THERE WAS A FACE OFF IN THE CORNER!
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; WARREN
James Callow Keyword(s): PUN ; SICK JOKE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 10-00-1983
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A FAMILY HAD A BABY WITH ONLY ONE LEG. WHAT DID
THEY CALL HER. ILENE!
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; WARREN
James Callow Keyword(s): I LEAN ; PUN ; SICK JOKE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 10-00-1983
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A FAMILY HAD A BOY WITH NO LEGS, WHAT DID THEY CALL HIM?
THEY CALLED HIM NEAL.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; WARREN
James Callow Keyword(s): KNEEL ; PUN ; SICK JOKE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 10-00-1983
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WHAT DO YOU SAY TO A QUADRAPLEGIC IN A SWIMMING POOL?
YOU WOULD SAY, "HELLO BOB!"
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; WARREN
James Callow Keyword(s): SICK JOKE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 10-00-1983
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WHAT DO YOU SAY TO A ONELEGGED HITCH
HIKER? YOU WOULD SAY, "HOP IN!"
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; WARREN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 10-00-1983
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THERE WAS A LEPER IN MCDONALD'S EATING, WHEN THIS
MAN COMES UP AND STARTS EATING IN THE BOOTH NEXT TO HIM.
AFTER A COUPLE OF MINUTES THE MAN THROWS UP. THE LEPER
SAYS, "I AM SORRY IF MY APPEARANCE DISTURBS YOU, BUT I
WAS BORN THIS WAY." THE OTHER GUY SAYS, "THAT'S OKAY."
AFTER A COUPLE OF MINUTES THE GUY THROWS UP AGAIN.
THE LEPER SAYS, "I AM SORRY. I WILL MOVE TO A DIFFERENT TABLE."
THE OTHER GUY SAYS, "NO, IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S THE GUY BEHIND
YOU DIPPING HIS CHICKEN MCNUGGETS IN YOUR NECK!"
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; ROSEVILLE
James Callow Keyword(s): SICK JOKE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 10-00-1983
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DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE NEW GERMAN MICROWAVE? THE
OVEN SEATS TWELVE!
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; ROSEVILLE
James Callow Keyword(s): HOLOCAUST
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 10-00-1983
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WHAT HAS 50,OOO LEGS,BUT CAN'T WALK? JERRY'S
KIDS!
Submitter comment:
THIS JOKE REFERS TO JERRY LEWIS AND HIS ANNUAL TELETHONE. HE
REFERS TO THE CHILDREN WITH MUSCULAR DESTROPHY AS HIS KIDS.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; ROSEVILLE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 10-00-1983
JOKE
I HAVE A DIRTY JOKE FOR YOU. I FELL IN THE MUD YESTERDAY.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 01-10-0198
DOCTOR'S JOKE
A DOCTOR COMES OUT OF A WARD AFTER CHECKING A PATIENT
WITH A RECTAL THERMOMETER.
THE DOCTOR PASSES BY THE NURSE'S DESK.
THE NURSE INTERRUPTS THE DOCTOR.
DOCTOR! SHE EXCLAIMS, WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR EAR?
DOCTOR REPLIES, "DAMN IT, SOME ASSHOLE MUST HAVE MY PEN!"
Submitter comment:
I TELL THIS TO MY BROTHER WHO IS A DOCTOR AND HE GETS A
KICK OUT OF IT.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 06-00-1974
DOCTOR'S LAUGH
JOE: DOC, I DON'T FEEL SO WELL!
DOC: THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU JOE.
YOUR PULSE IS AS STEADY AS A CLOCK.
JOE: YOU'VE GOT YOUR HAND ON MY WRIST WATCH DOC!
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 07-00-1982
HOSPITAL HUFF
NURSE: YOUR COUGH SOUNDS BETTER THIS MORNING.
PATIENT: IT SHOULD. I'VE BEEN PRACTICING ALL NIGHT.
Submitter comment: PICKED IT UP WHILE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR A WEEK.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 07-00-1982
FRIDAY THE 13TH SUPERSTITION
IF YOU EAT A POUND OF GARLIC IN FRONT OF A CRACKED
MIRROR ON FRIDAY THE 13TH, YOU'LL HAVE SEVEN YEARS
OF BAD BREATH!
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
BIRTH CONTROL METHOD
MAN GOES TO THE DOCTOR TO ASK FOR BIRTH CONTROL METHODS,
OTHER THAN THE PILL, VASECTOMY, DIAPHRAGM, ETC.
DOC: EAT AN APPLE
MAN: BEFORE SEX OR AFTER SEX?
DOC: INSTEAD OF IT...GET THE RYTHM?
Submitter comment: A PRIEST COULD TAKE THE PLACE OF THE DOCTOR IN THIS JOKE
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |