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The James T. Callow Folklore Archive
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"Once a dog from a meat market stole a piece of meat and began to
run. On the road, he encountered a small bridge. As he looked down
into the water he saw a larger piece of meat. (Unknown to him, it was
just a reflection of the meat he had in his mouth.) As he opened his
mouth to grab the 'larger piece of meat,' he lost the piece he had.
Moral: Whoever wants more than he or she has loses the little he or
she does have."
Submitter comment: The moral loses much in the translation.
Where learned: GREECE
James Callow Keyword(s): animal fable
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Animal Tale |
Date learned: 00001950CA
HI, LOW, JOLLY PEPPERS./ SLEEPY, SALTY, JOLLY PEPPERS/ UPSTAIRS, DOWN
STAIRS, JOLLY PEPPERS, / SLEEPY, SALTY, JOLLY PEPPERS.
Keyword(s): JOHNSON, KAREN ; SPEED-JUMP
| Subject headings: | Ballad Song Dance Game Music Verse -- Game Verse C750 .560 |
IF DOGS DON'T LIKE YOU, YOU MUST BE A MEAN PERSON.
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
James Callow Keyword(s): PERSONALITY.
| Subject headings: | BELIEF -- Mammal |
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
PEOPLE WITH RED HAIR HAVE FIERY TEMPERS
Where learned: TENNESSEE ; NASHVILLE
James Callow Keyword(s): PERSONALITY
| Subject headings: | BELIEF -- Body part Senses BELIEF -- Color |
WHEN I WAS A CHILD, WE USED TO BELIEVE THAT YOU WOULD NOT BE
HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR YOUR SINS UNTIL YOU REACHED YOUR
TWELFTH BIRTHDAY.
WE USED TO SAY, "AS SOON AS I'M TWELVE, I'M GOING TO THE
ALTAR TO GET SAVED."
Where learned: TENNESSEE ; PEABODY COLLEGE ; NASHVILLE
James Callow Keyword(s): AGE OF REASON
| Subject headings: | 686 Seconds / Twice / Two CUSTOM FESTIVAL -- Private birthday or anniversary BELIEF -- Maturity |
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
IF YOU WERE GETTING HUNT AND SOMETHING WENT WRONG WHILE THE
ROPE WAS AROUND YOUR NECK AND YOU DIDN'T GET HUNG, THEY
WOULDN'T TRY IT AGAIN, BECAUSE YOU WOULD DIE A 1000 TIMES
WHILE THE ROPE WAS AROUND YOUR NECK.
Where learned: TENNESSEE ; CLASS ASSIGNMENT ; PEABODY COLLEGE ; NASHVILLE
Keyword(s): CAPITAL PUNISHMENT PENAL CODE PRISON CRIMINAL
| Subject headings: | BELIEF -- Death Funeral Burial |
Date learned: 03-07-1969
THE BELL WITCH
THE BELL WITCH, OF SUPERNATURAL ORIGIN, IS SAID TO HAVE
EXISTED IN ROBERTSON COUNTY, TENNESSEE ABOUT 75 YEARS
AGO. SHE STARTED OUT WITH GOOD INTENTIONS BUT, AFTER
ATTENDING TWO CHURCH SERVICES AT THE SAME TIME, SHE
TURNED BAD. HER MAIN INTENT SEEMED TO BE TO INFLICT
SUFFERING, PARTICULARLY UPON JOHN BELL. SHE TORMENTED
HIM TO HIS DEATH.
ANDREW JACKSON, AMONG MANY OTHERS, IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE
SEEN THE BELL WITCH.
THE LATE CHARLES BRYAN, FORMER MEMBER OF THE PEABODY
COLLEGE SCHOOL OF MUSIC, WROTE A CANTATA CALLED "THE
BELL WITCH CANTATA."
Where learned: DORM ; NASHVILLE ; TENNESSEE, ASSUMED
James Callow Keyword(s): MUSICAL COMPOSITION ; PRESIDENT ANDREW JACKSON
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Ghost Spirit Phantom Specter PROSE NARRATIVE -- Secular hero PROSE NARRATIVE -- Witch Shaman |
Date learned: 05-09-1969
PEOPLE WITH BLUE EYES ARE TRUE, PEOPLE WITH BROWN ARE NOT.
Where learned: TENNESSEE ; NASHVILLE
James Callow Keyword(s): HONESTY TRUTHFULNESS ; PERSONALITY
| Subject headings: | BELIEF -- Body part Senses Eyes, evil eye BELIEF -- Color |
Date learned: 11-24-1977
BELIEF
IF SOMEONE SWEATS ON THEIR NOSE IT MEANS THAT THEY ARE MEAN
OR EVIL.
Where learned: ALABAMA ; MOBILE
James Callow Keyword(s): PERSONALITY
| Subject headings: | Spirit / Mind / Body BELIEF -- Body part Senses Nose |
Date learned: 02-00-1972
LEGEND OF CHRIST
WHILE OUR LORD WAS BEING CRUCIFIED, TWO BIRDS WHO
WERE FLYING ACROSS CALVARY NOTICED HIM. AS THEY SAW
HIS TORMENT, THEY SWOOPED OVER TO HIS ARMS AND TRIED
TO REMOVE THE NAILS WITH THEIR BEAKS. AFTER THEY
TRIED FOR AWHILE, THEY LEFT, BEING UNABLE TO REMOVE
THEM. THEY AND THEIR OFFSPRING WERE REWARDED
FOR THEIR COMPASSION BECAUSE THE BLOOD FROM
CHRIST'S WRISTS STAINED THEIR BREASTS AND MADE THE
ROBIN EASILY IDENTIFIABLE.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT ; DETROIT
Keyword(s): REASONS FOR ANIMAL CHARACTERISTICS
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Bird |
Date learned: 03-16-1968
IN THE OLD COUNTRY, AT FUNERALS, IT WAS CONSIDERED
RESPECTFUL FOR SOMEONE TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT WITH THE
BODY. SINCE EVERYONE WOULD RATHER "WHOOP IT UP" AT
THE WAKE, INSTEAD OF STAYING WITH THE BODY, THEY
USUALLY GOT A COBBLER, WHO STAYED UP ALL NIGHT
ANYWAY, WORKING ON HIS SHOES, TO DO THE JOB.
ONE NIGHT, A COUPLE PRANKSTERS DECIDED TO PUT A LIVE
PERSON IN THE COFFIN, INSTEAD OF THE BODY. TOWARDS
THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, THE "CORPSE" LIFTED ITS
RIGHT LEG. THE COBBLER, WITHOUT THINKING TWICE,
PUSHED IT BACK IN PLACE. A LITTLE WHILE LATER, AN
ARM WENT UP, AND THE COBBLER, SLIGHTLY ANNOYED,
PUSHED IT BACK. BUT THIS KEPT UP ALL NIGHT, UNTIL
THE COBBLER WAS PRETTY EXASPERATED. THE "CORPSE"
FINALLY PUT ITS HEAD UP AND LOOKED AT THE COBBLER.
AT THIS POINT, IN A FIT OF TEMPER, THE COBBLER PICKED
UP HIS HAMMER AND BASHED THE "CORPSE'S" HEAD IN.
THE MAN NOW REALLY WAS A CORPSE.
Where learned: OHIO ; CLEVELAND
James Callow Keyword(s): BLASON POPULAIRE: COBBLERS ARE FEARLESS ; HUMOR ; IRONY
| Subject headings: | Favorites PROSE NARRATIVE -- Human Being PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 11-22-1967
THE LOPEY HORSE
A FARMER HAD A HORSE THAT HE COULDN'T BREAK FOR
RIDING. THE HORSE WOULD REAR UP AND FALL ON ITS
BACK OR ELSE TURN A FOREWARD SOMMERSAULT WHEN
ANYONE TRIED TO RIDE IT. THE FARMER SAID HE WOULD
GIVE FIVE DOLLARS TO ANYONE THAT COULD BREAK HIM.
ONE SUNDAY, I WENT TO WATCH A BUNCH OF BOYS TRY TO
RIDE IT, BUT NONE OF THEM COULD DO IT. I TOLD THE
FARMER THAT IF HE WOULD LET ME TAKE IT HOME, I WOULD
HAVE IT BROKE IN A WEEKS TIME. HE SAID YES AND I
TOOK IT HOME AND PUT HIM TO PLOWING FOR A WEEK. FROM
THEN ON, WHEN ANYONE TRIED TO RIDE IT, ALL HE HAD TO
SAY WAS 'GET UP.' THE HORSE WOULD THINK IT WAS
STILL IN THE PLOW HARNESS AND COULD BE RIDDEN.
Submitter comment: THIS STORY WAS TOLD AS TRUTH. IT IS NOT A TALL TALE.
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
James Callow Keyword(s): BREAKING IN A HORSE ; PERSONAL NARRATIVE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Human Being PROSE NARRATIVE -- Mammal |
Date learned: 11-08-1968
THE RARIE
ONE TIME THERE WAS THIS MAN WHO LIVED ALL ALONE, AND HE
VERY OFTEN FELT PRETTY LONESOME. MANY FRIENDS OF HIS HAD
SUGGESTED THAT HE GO OUT AND BUY HIMSELF A PET TO KEEP
HIM COMPANY, BUT HE JUST DIDN'T CARE FOR PETS AS A RULE--
UNLESS IT WAS THE ONLY KIND OF ITS SPECIE IN THE WORLD.
THIS MAN USED TO MAKE WEEKLY ROUNDS TO ALL THE PET SHOPS
IN HIS CITY TO SEE IF THEY HAD POSSIBLY COME UP WITH A
PET WHICH WOULD REALLY TICKLE HIS FANCY, BUT HE NEVER
FOUND ONE THAT WAS QUITE RIGHT. HE LOOKED AT YELLOW-AND-
RED ELEPHANTS, PURPLE POLAR BEARS, ORANGE AARDVARKS, AND
EQUALLY STRANGE ANIMALS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD, BUT
HE STILL FELT HE WOULDN'T BE SATISFIED WITH THESE.
AFTER ALL, EVERYONE IN HIS CITY HAD AT LEAST ONE ORANGE
AARDVARK.
THIS FELLA HAD JUST ABOUT GIVEN UP ALL HOPE OF FINDING
WHAT HE WAS LOOKING FOR, WHEN ONE DAY HE HAPPENED TO
WANDER INTO A LITTLE PET SHOP AND IMMEDIATELY SPOTTED
THE MOST ADORABLE LITTLE LUMP OF FUR HE HAD EVER SEEN.
HE KNEW AT THAT INSTANT IT WAS EXACTLY WHAT HE HAD BEEN
LOOKING FOR ALL HIS LIFE. HE ASKED THE PROPRIETOR ABOUT
THIS LITTLE ANIMAL, AND WAS TOLD IT WAS A "RARIE," THE
ONLY ONE OF ITS KIND IN EXISTENCE. THE MAN JUST COULDN'T
RESIST, AND HE BOUGHT IT RIGHT THERE ON THE SPOT, AND
WALKED HOME WITH IT IN A LITTLE CAGE, HAPPIER THAN HE
HAD EVER BEEN IN HIS WHOLE LIFE.
WELL, SIR, THIS HERE FELLA REALLY LOVED HIS NEW PET. HE
DIDN'T MIND AT ALL HAVING TO WALK 37 MILES EACH WEEK IN
ORDER TO BUY THE LITTLE FELLA FOOD! AFTER ALL, RARIE-
FOOD ISN'T TOO EASY TO COME BY THESE DAYS--ESPECIALLY
IN THE OFF-SEASON. HE BECAME SO ATTACHED TO IT, YOU
WOULD THINK IT WAS HIS CHILD. HE FED IT, BATHED IT, AND
EXERCISED IT DAILY, AS HE PROUDLY WATCHED IT GROW, AND
GROW, AND GROW, AND GROW. THIS SEEMED TO BE THE ONLY
REAL PROBLEM WITH HAVING A PET SUCH AS THIS. WHEN WELL
CARED FOR, RARIES GROW TO AN ENORMOUS SIZE! AFTER ABOUT A
MONTH, THE MAN FOUND IT NECESSARY TO MOVE OUT OF HIS
APARTMENT AND BUY A SMALL HOUSE SO THAT HIS PET WOULD
HAVE ROOM TO ROMP AND FROLIC (RARIES NEED LOTS OF ROOM
TO ROMP AND FROLIC AND THEY GET CLAUSTROPHOBIA VERY
EASILY). SURE ENOUGH, A COUPLE MONTHS LATER THE MAN
HAD TO MOVE OUT OF HIS LITTLE HOUSE AND INTO A BIG
HOUSE, JUST SO HIS PET COULD ROMP AND FROLIC TO ITS HEART'S
DESIRE. OF COURSE, THE MAN DIDN'T MIND HAVING TO MAKE
THE MOVE--HE LOVED THAT PET LIKE A CHILD. BUT IT WASN'T
LONG BEFORE THE MAN REALIZED THAT EVEN HIS NICE, BIG HOUSE
STILL WASN'T BIG ENOUGH, AND SO HE BOUGHT A SMALL RANCH,
JUST SO HIS PET WOULD HAVE ROOM TO ROMP AND FROLIC, WITH
ALWAYS THE HOPE IN MIND THAT HIS RARIE WOULD SOON BECOME
FULL GROWN AND WOULDN'T REQUIRE MORE ROOM THAN HE ALREADY
HAD.
THIS, HOWEVER, WAS NOT QUITE THE CASE. NO SOONER THAN
THEY HAD FINALLY SETTLED ON THEIR NICE, LITTLE RANCH, THE
MAN REALIZED THAT WITHIN A FEW MONTHS HIS RARIE WOULD NEED
MORE ROOM YET, JUST SO HIS PET WOULD HAVE THE ROOM TO ROMP
AND FROLIC.
THE MAN WAS GETTING DESPERATE. HE HAD VISIONS OF HIS
WONDERFUL LITTLE PET BECOMING ALTOGETHER TOO BIG TO
MAINTAIN. AS A LAST RESORT, HE WENT OUT AND BOUGHT THE
BIGGEST RANCH HE COULD FIND, KNOWING THAT THIS WAS THE
LAST MOVE HE WAS ABLE TO MAKE FOR THE SAKE OF HIS PET.
SURE, HE LOVED THE ANIMAL AND HAD GROWN VERY ATTACHED TO
IT, BUT HE KNEW THERE WAS A LIMIT.
AFTER THE MAN AND HIS RARIE HAD LIVED ON THE BIG RANCH
FOR ABOUT A YEAR, DURING WHICH HIS LITTLE COMPANION
CONTINUED GROWING AT A FANTASTIC RATE, HE KNEW THEY WOULD
HAVE TO PART, AS MUCH AS IT HURT BOTH OF THEM. ONE WINTER
EVENING THE MAN PRETENDED HE WAS GOING TO TAKE HIS PET
FOR A WALK IN THE WOODS, AND WITH A TEAR IN HIS EYE, THE
MAN STARTED WALKING WITH THE RARIE FOLLOWING ON A LEASH.
THEY WALKED QUIETLY UNTIL ALMOST DAYBREAK, AND THE MAN THEN
TIED THE LEASH TO A LARGE TREE, BID THE RARIE A SAD
FAREWELL, AND QUICKLY WENT BACK TO HIS HOUSE BEFORE HE
HAD A LAST MINUTE CHANGE OF HEART.
WHEN HE FINALLY GOT BACK TO HIS HOUSE, WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE
HE SAW SITTING ALONGSIDE (AND TOWERING OVER) HIS HOUSE?
WHY, IF IT WASN'T HIS ONE AND ONLY PET RARIE, JUST AS
HAPPY AND PLAYFUL AS COULD BE, WAITING PATIENTLY FOR ITS
MASTER TO RETURN AND FEED IT. THE MAN COULDN'T BELIEVE
HIS EYES! HE WAS SO HAPPY TO SEE IT AGAIN. AT THIS
MOMENT, THE MAN DECIDED TO AT LEAST KEEP THE RARIE UNTIL
THE SPRING, BUT WHEN THE FIRST THAW COMES, HE WOULD ONCE
AGAIN HAVE TO GET RID OF HIS WONDERFUL PET.
AFTER A LONG, COLD, CRAMPED WINTER, THE FIRST THAW SET IN
AND ONCE AGAIN THE MAN SET OUT TO DISPOSE OF HIS PET,
WHICH, BY NOW, HAD EVEN OUTGROWN THE BIG RANCH. THERE
WAS NO WAY OUT, SO THE MAN GOT A LARGE TRUCK, AND PUT THE
RARIE INTO IT AND DROVE TO A VERY HIGH CLIFF NOT FAR FROM
HIS RANCH. HE BACKED THE DUMPTRUCK TO THE EDGE OF THE
CLIFF AND ACTIVATED THE MECHANISM CAUSING THE RARIE TO
START TO SLIDE OUT AND OVER THE EDGE. THE RARIE DIDN'T
KNOW WHAT WAS HAPPENING WHEN IT LOOKED OUT AND SAW NOTHING
BELOW IT FOR HUNDREDS OF FEET. WITH A VERY INQUISITIVE
LOOK ON ITS FACE, IT TURNED AROUND TO THE MAN. "HEY!"
IT EXCLAIMED, "IT"S A LONG WAY TO TIP A RARIE!'
Where learned: ILLINOIS ; CHICAGO
Keyword(s): SONG: IT'S A LONG WAY TO TIPPERARY
| Subject headings: | 6677 Formula Tale |
Date learned: 00-00-1965
WINDOW IN THE DOGGIE JOKE
THERE WAS AN ECCENTRIC OLD LADY WHO HAD A LITTLE DOG
THAT SHE LOVED VERY MUCH AND JUST DOTED ON. THE DOG WAS
GETTING OLD AND HADN'T BEEN FELLING WELL, SO THE LADY TOOK
IT TO THE VET. THE DOCTOR TOLD HER THAT THE DOG HAD A
WEAK HEART AND WOULDN'T BE AROUND MUCH LONGER. HE SAID
HE JUST HAD A DOG WHO DIED AND SUGGESTED A HEART TRANSPLANT.
THE LADY CONSENTED AND THE DOCTOR WAS REALLY EXCITED
BECAUSE THIS WAS A FIRST--A HEART TRANSPLANT IN A DOG. THE
LADY WAS WATCHING THE DELICATE OPERATION AND THE SKILLFUL
DOCTOR ASKED THAT SINCE HE WAS ALREADY OPERATING, COULD
HE PUT A WINDOW IN THE DOG SO THEY COULD WATCH THE NEW
HEART WORK. THE LADY BEGAN TO WORRY ABOUT MONEY, BUT
CONSENTED ANYWAY.
FINALLY SHE GOT SO WORRIED ABOUT THE COST OF THE OPERATION
AND EVERYTHING THAT SHE THOUGHT SHE {HAD} BETTER INQUIRE
ABOUT IT. SHE ASKED THE DOCTOR, "HOW MUCH IS THAT WINDOW
IN THE DOGGIE?"
Where learned: INDIANA ; University of Notre Dame
Keyword(s): SONG: HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGIE IN THE WINDOW.
James Callow Keyword(s): HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGIE IN THE WINDOW?
| Subject headings: | 6677 Formula Tale |
Date learned: 03-28-1971
LEGEND OF CHRIST
WHILE OUR LORD WAS BEING CRUCIFIED, TWO BIRDS WHO
WERE FLYING ACROSS CALVARY NOTICED HIM. AS THEY SAW
HIS TORMENT, THEY SWOOPED OVER TO HIS ARMS AND TRIED
TO REMOVE THE NAILS WITH THEIR BEAKS. AFTER THEY
TRIED FOR AWHILE, THEY LEFT, BEING UNABLE TO REMOVE
THEM. THEY AND THEIR OFFSPRING WERE REWARDED
FOR THEIR COMPASSION BECAUSE THE BLOOD FROM
CHRIST'S WRISTS STAINED THEIR BREASTS AND MADE THE
ROBIN EASILY IDENTIFIABLE.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT ; DETROIT
Keyword(s): REASONS FOR ANIMAL CHARACTERISTICS
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Bird |
Date learned: 03-16-1968
IN THE OLD COUNTRY, AT FUNERALS, IT WAS CONSIDERED
RESPECTFUL FOR SOMEONE TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT WITH THE
BODY. SINCE EVERYONE WOULD RATHER "WHOOP IT UP" AT
THE WAKE, INSTEAD OF STAYING WITH THE BODY, THEY
USUALLY GOT A COBBLER, WHO STAYED UP ALL NIGHT
ANYWAY, WORKING ON HIS SHOES, TO DO THE JOB.
ONE NIGHT, A COUPLE PRANKSTERS DECIDED TO PUT A LIVE
PERSON IN THE COFFIN, INSTEAD OF THE BODY. TOWARDS
THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, THE "CORPSE" LIFTED ITS
RIGHT LEG. THE COBBLER, WITHOUT THINKING TWICE,
PUSHED IT BACK IN PLACE. A LITTLE WHILE LATER, AN
ARM WENT UP, AND THE COBBLER, SLIGHTLY ANNOYED,
PUSHED IT BACK. BUT THIS KEPT UP ALL NIGHT, UNTIL
THE COBBLER WAS PRETTY EXASPERATED. THE "CORPSE"
FINALLY PUT ITS HEAD UP AND LOOKED AT THE COBBLER.
AT THIS POINT, IN A FIT OF TEMPER, THE COBBLER PICKED
UP HIS HAMMER AND BASHED THE "CORPSE'S" HEAD IN.
THE MAN NOW REALLY WAS A CORPSE.
Where learned: OHIO ; CLEVELAND
James Callow Keyword(s): HUMOR IRONY BLASON POPULAIRE: COBBLERS ARE FEARLESS.
| Subject headings: | Favorites PROSE NARRATIVE -- Human Being PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 11-22-1967
THE LOPEY HORSE
A FARMER HAD A HORSE THAT HE COULDN'T BREAK FOR
RIDING. THE HORSE WOULD REAR UP AND FALL ON ITS
BACK OR ELSE TURN A FOREWARD SOMMERSAULT WHEN
ANYONE TRIED TO RIDE IT. THE FARMER SAID HE WOULD
GIVE FIVE DOLLARS TO ANYONE THAT COULD BREAK HIM.
ONE SUNDAY, I WENT TO WATCH A BUNCH OF BOYS TRY TO
RIDE IT, BUT NONE OF THEM COULD DO IT. I TOLD THE
FARMER THAT IF HE WOULD LET ME TAKE IT HOME, I WOULD
HAVE IT BROKE IN A WEEKS TIME. HE SAID YES AND I
TOOK IT HOME AND PUT HIM TO PLOWING FOR A WEEK. FROM
THEN ON, WHEN ANYONE TRIED TO RIDE IT, ALL HE HAD TO
SAY WAS 'GET UP.' THE HORSE WOULD THINK IT WAS
STILL IN THE PLOW HARNESS AND COULD BE RIDDEN.
Submitter comment: THIS STORY WAS TOLD AS TRUTH. IT IS NOT A TALL TALE.
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
James Callow Keyword(s): PERSONAL NARRATIVE BREAKING IN A HORSE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Human Being PROSE NARRATIVE -- Mammal |
Date learned: 11-08-1968
THE RARIE
ONE TIME THERE WAS THIS MAN WHO LIVED ALL ALONE, AND HE
VERY OFTEN FELT PRETTY LONESOME. MANY FRIENDS OF HIS HAD
SUGGESTED THAT HE GO OUT AND BUY HIMSELF A PET TO KEEP
HIM COMPANY, BUT HE JUST DIDN'T CARE FOR PETS AS A RULE--
UNLESS IT WAS THE ONLY KIND OF ITS SPECIE IN THE WORLD.
THIS MAN USED TO MAKE WEEKLY ROUNDS TO ALL THE PET SHOPS
IN HIS CITY TO SEE IF THEY HAD POSSIBLY COME UP WITH A
PET WHICH WOULD REALLY TICKLE HIS FANCY, BUT HE NEVER
FOUND ONE THAT WAS QUITE RIGHT. HE LOOKED AT YELLOW-AND-
RED ELEPHANTS, PURPLE POLAR BEARS, ORANGE AARDVARKS, AND
EQUALLY STRANGE ANIMALS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD, BUT
HE STILL FELT HE WOULDN'T BE SATISFIED WITH THESE.
AFTER ALL, EVERYONE IN HIS CITY HAD AT LEAST ONE ORANGE
AARDVARK.
THIS FELLA HAD JUST ABOUT GIVEN UP ALL HOPE OF FINDING
WHAT HE WAS LOOKING FOR, WHEN ONE DAY HE HAPPENED TO
WANDER INTO A LITTLE PET SHOP AND IMMEDIATELY SPOTTED
THE MOST ADORABLE LITTLE LUMP OF FUR HE HAD EVER SEEN.
HE KNEW AT THAT INSTANT IT WAS EXACTLY WHAT HE HAD BEEN
LOOKING FOR ALL HIS LIFE. HE ASKED THE PROPRIETOR ABOUT
THIS LITTLE ANIMAL, AND WAS TOLD IT WAS A "RARIE," THE
ONLY ONE OF ITS KIND IN EXISTENCE. THE MAN JUST COULDN'T
RESIST, AND HE BOUGHT IT RIGHT THERE ON THE SPOT, AND
WALKED HOME WITH IT IN A LITTLE CAGE, HAPPIER THAN HE
HAD EVER BEEN IN HIS WHOLE LIFE.
WELL, SIR, THIS HERE FELLA REALLY LOVED HIS NEW PET. HE
DIDN'T MIND AT ALL HAVING TO WALK 37 MILES EACH WEEK IN
ORDER TO BUY THE LITTLE FELLA FOOD! AFTER ALL, RARIE-
FOOD ISN'T TOO EASY TO COME BY THESE DAYS--ESPECIALLY
IN THE OFF-SEASON. HE BECAME SO ATTACHED TO IT, YOU
WOULD THINK IT WAS HIS CHILD. HE FED IT, BATHED IT, AND
EXERCISED IT DAILY, AS HE PROUDLY WATCHED IT GROW, AND
GROW, AND GROW, AND GROW. THIS SEEMED TO BE THE ONLY
REAL PROBLEM WITH HAVING A PET SUCH AS THIS. WHEN WELL
CARED FOR, RARIES GROW TO AN ENORMOUS SIZE! AFTER ABOUT A
MONTH, THE MAN FOUND IT NECESSARY TO MOVE OUT OF HIS
APARTMENT AND BUY A SMALL HOUSE SO THAT HIS PET WOULD
HAVE ROOM TO ROMP AND FROLIC (RARIES NEED LOTS OF ROOM
TO ROMP AND FROLIC AND THEY GET CLAUSTROPHOBIA VERY
EASILY). SURE ENOUGH, A COUPLE MONTHS LATER THE MAN
HAD TO MOVE OUT OF HIS LITTLE HOUSE AND INTO A BIG
HOUSE, JUST SO HIS PET COULD ROMP AND FROLIC TO ITS HEART'S
DESIRE. OF COURSE, THE MAN DIDN'T MIND HAVING TO MAKE
THE MOVE--HE LOVED THAT PET LIKE A CHILD. BUT IT WASN'T
LONG BEFORE THE MAN REALIZED THAT EVEN HIS NICE, BIG HOUSE
STILL WASN'T BIG ENOUGH, AND SO HE BOUGHT A SMALL RANCH,
JUST SO HIS PET WOULD HAVE ROOM TO ROMP AND FROLIC, WITH
ALWAYS THE HOPE IN MIND THAT HIS RARIE WOULD SOON BECOME
FULL GROWN AND WOULDN'T REQUIRE MORE ROOM THAN HE ALREADY
HAD.
THIS, HOWEVER, WAS NOT QUITE THE CASE. NO SOONER THAN
THEY HAD FINALLY SETTLED ON THEIR NICE, LITTLE RANCH, THE
MAN REALIZED THAT WITHIN A FEW MONTHS HIS RARIE WOULD NEED
MORE ROOM YET, JUST SO HIS PET WOULD HAVE THE ROOM TO ROMP
AND FROLIC.
THE MAN WAS GETTING DESPERATE. HE HAD VISIONS OF HIS
WONDERFUL LITTLE PET BECOMING ALTOGETHER TOO BIG TO
MAINTAIN. AS A LAST RESORT, HE WENT OUT AND BOUGHT THE
BIGGEST RANCH HE COULD FIND, KNOWING THAT THIS WAS THE
LAST MOVE HE WAS ABLE TO MAKE FOR THE SAKE OF HIS PET.
SURE, HE LOVED THE ANIMAL AND HAD GROWN VERY ATTACHED TO
IT, BUT HE KNEW THERE WAS A LIMIT.
AFTER THE MAN AND HIS RARIE HAD LIVED ON THE BIG RANCH
FOR ABOUT A YEAR, DURING WHICH HIS LITTLE COMPANION
CONTINUED GROWING AT A FANTASTIC RATE, HE KNEW THEY WOULD
HAVE TO PART, AS MUCH AS IT HURT BOTH OF THEM. ONE WINTER
EVENING THE MAN PRETENDED HE WAS GOING TO TAKE HIS PET
FOR A WALK IN THE WOODS, AND WITH A TEAR IN HIS EYE, THE
MAN STARTED WALKING WITH THE RARIE FOLLOWING ON A LEASH.
THEY WALKED QUIETLY UNTIL ALMOST DAYBREAK, AND THE MAN THEN
TIED THE LEASH TO A LARGE TREE, BID THE RARIE A SAD
FAREWELL, AND QUICKLY WENT BACK TO HIS HOUSE BEFORE HE
HAD A LAST MINUTE CHANGE OF HEART.
WHEN HE FINALLY GOT BACK TO HIS HOUSE, WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE
HE SAW SITTING ALONGSIDE (AND TOWERING OVER) HIS HOUSE?
WHY, IF IT WASN'T HIS ONE AND ONLY PET RARIE, JUST AS
HAPPY AND PLAYFUL AS COULD BE, WAITING PATIENTLY FOR ITS
MASTER TO RETURN AND FEED IT. THE MAN COULDN'T BELIEVE
HIS EYES! HE WAS SO HAPPY TO SEE IT AGAIN. AT THIS
MOMENT, THE MAN DECIDED TO AT LEAST KEEP THE RARIE UNTIL
THE SPRING, BUT WHEN THE FIRST THAW COMES, HE WOULD ONCE
AGAIN HAVE TO GET RID OF HIS WONDERFUL PET.
AFTER A LONG, COLD, CRAMPED WINTER, THE FIRST THAW SET IN
AND ONCE AGAIN THE MAN SET OUT TO DISPOSE OF HIS PET,
WHICH, BY NOW, HAD EVEN OUTGROWN THE BIG RANCH. THERE
WAS NO WAY OUT, SO THE MAN GOT A LARGE TRUCK, AND PUT THE
RARIE INTO IT AND DROVE TO A VERY HIGH CLIFF NOT FAR FROM
HIS RANCH. HE BACKED THE DUMPTRUCK TO THE EDGE OF THE
CLIFF AND ACTIVATED THE MECHANISM CAUSING THE RARIE TO
START TO SLIDE OUT AND OVER THE EDGE. THE RARIE DIDN'T
KNOW WHAT WAS HAPPENING WHEN IT LOOKED OUT AND SAW NOTHING
BELOW IT FOR HUNDREDS OF FEET. WITH A VERY INQUISITIVE
LOOK ON ITS FACE, IT TURNED AROUND TO THE MAN. "HEY!"
IT EXCLAIMED, "IT"S A LONG WAY TO TIP A RARIE!'
Where learned: ILLINOIS ; CHICAGO
Keyword(s): SONG: IT'S A LONG WAY TO TIPPERARY
| Subject headings: | 6677 Formula Tale |
Date learned: 00-00-1965
( PUNCH LINE FROM A SONG)
THERE ONCE WAS A FAMOUS SKIN DIVER NAMED OSEE WHO WAS
ASKED TO TEST A NEW UNDERWATER FLASHLIGHT, INVENTED BY
A PROFESSOR DAWNSEARLY. TO CONDUCT THE TEST, THE
SKINDIVER, THE PROFESSOR AND SOME PROFESSIONAL TEST
CONDUCTORS TOOK A SHIP TO THE NEAREST MURKY WATERS.
OSEE SUBMERGED IN A DIVING SUIT EQUIPPED WITH AN
INTERCOM. HE TOLD THE MAN ON BOARD THAT HE WAS TURNING
ON THE FLASHLIGHT. THEN, THROUGH THE INTERCOM THEY
ASKED THE FATAL QUESTION: "OSEE, CAN YOU SEE BY THE
DAWNSEARLY LIGHT?"
Where learned: UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT
Keyword(s): NATIONAL ANTHEM SONG: OH, SAY, CAN YOU SEE, BY THE DAWN'S EARLY LIGHT.
| Subject headings: | 6677 Formula Tale |
Date learned: 11-02-1970
WINDOW IN THE DOGGIE JOKE
THERE WAS AN ECCENTRIC OLD LADY WHO HAD A LITTLE DOG
THAT SHE LOVED VERY MUCH AND JUST DOTED ON. THE DOG WAS
GETTING OLD AND HADN'T BEEN FELLING WELL, SO THE LADY TOOK
IT TO THE VET. THE DOCTOR TOLD HER THAT THE DOG HAD A
WEAK HEART AND WOULDN'T BE AROUND MUCH LONGER. HE SAID
HE JUST HAD A DOG WHO DIED AND SUGGESTED A HEART TRANSPLANT.
THE LADY CONSENTED AND THE DOCTOR WAS REALLY EXCITED
BECAUSE THIS WAS A FIRST--A HEART TRANSPLANT IN A DOG. THE
LADY WAS WATCHING THE DELICATE OPERATION AND THE SKILLFUL
DOCTOR ASKED THAT SINCE HE WAS ALREADY OPERATING, COULD
HE PUT A WINDOW IN THE DOG SO THEY COULD WATCH THE NEW
HEART WORK. THE LADY BEGAN TO WORRY ABOUT MONEY, BUT
CONSENTED ANYWAY.
FINALLY SHE GOT SO WORRIED ABOUT THE COST OF THE OPERATION
AND EVERYTHING THAT SHE THOUGHT SHE {HAD} BETTER INQUIRE
ABOUT IT. SHE ASKED THE DOCTOR, "HOW MUCH IS THAT WINDOW
IN THE DOGGIE?"
Where learned: INDIANA ; University of Notre Dame
Keyword(s): SONG: HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGIE IN THE WINDOW.
James Callow Keyword(s): HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGIE IN THE WINDOW?
| Subject headings: | 6677 Formula Tale |
Date learned: 03-28-1971