The James T. Callow Folklore Archive

Retort

If brains were explosive, you couldn't blow your nose!

Submitter comment:

Heard at work.

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs added by TRD

James Callow comment:

Meaning?

Keyword(s): Brains ; COMEBACK ; Explosive ; INSULT ; NOSE ; RETORT ; SARCASM ; TAUNT ; Wisecrack

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Retort

When someone wants to know something you don't want them to know, you say:

Mind your own beeswax.

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs added by TRD

Keyword(s): Bee ; Bees ; Beeswax ; COMEBACK ; INSULT ; RETORT ; SARCASM ; Wax ; Wisecrack

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Retort

"Quit horning in front of our house, our fodder don't like it."

Submitter comment:

Finnish speech to have a person stop blowing the automobile horn in front of house.

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs added by TRD

James Callow comment:

Original BN [S400] crossed out. Replaced with current classification.

Where learned: HOME

Keyword(s): Car ; COMEBACK ; ETHNIC ; Father ; Finnish ; Horn ; House ; INSULT ; RETORT ; SARCASM ; Wisecrack

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Retort

You're not proud, you're thoroughly convinced.

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs added by TRD

Two cards merged: identical submissions, different informants. Both informants are listed here.

James Callow comment:

Sense?  Circumstance? Both cards the same except for informant?

Keyword(s): COMEBACK ; INSULT ; PRIDE ; Proud ; RETORT ; SARCASM ; TAUNT ; Wisecrack

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Retort

Did you get my letter?

No.

Oh, I forgot to stamp it. (And you stamp on your friend's foot.)

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs added by TRD

James Callow comment:

Original BN [C750] crossed out. Replaced with current classification.

From a book, so disqualified?

Where learned: CALIFORNIA ; Sticks and Stones ; The Porpoise Bookshop ; San Francisco

Keyword(s): COMEBACK ; Foot ; INSULT ; Letter ; PUN ; RETORT ; SARCASM ; STAMP ; Stomp ; Wisecrack

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Retort

Telephone Joke:

Question: "Are you the lady that washes?

Answer: "No."

Response: "Gee, you must be dirty!"

Submitter comment:

Learned this during school days. We'd call any number in the telephone book and ask the question. When the party answered "no," we gave the punchline.

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs added by TRD

Keyword(s): Call ; COMEBACK ; HUMOR ; INSULT ; Prank ; RETORT ; SARCASM ; TELEPHONE ; Wisecrack

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Retort

If someone says they are good, answer "for what?"

Submitter comment:

She just heard it.

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs added by TRD

Keyword(s): COMEBACK ; INSULT ; RETORT ; SARCASM ; Wisecrack

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Joke

THIS STORY IS TOLD WITH THE INTENTION OF MAKING SOMEONE FEEL FOOLISH
OR UNCOMFORTABLE. THE STORY GOES: A MAN AND HIS DOG WALK INTO THIS
RESTAURANT AND SIT DOWN AT A TABLE. A WAITRESS WALKS UP AND ASKS
"WHAT'LL YOU HAVE?" AND THE MAN SAYS "I'LL HAVE A STEAK, WELL DONE,
SOME MASHED POTATOES, AND A SALAD. AND BRING ME A PIECE OF APPLE PIE
FOR MY DOG." THE WAITRESS REPLIES, "I'M SORRY SIR, WE DON'T HAVE ANY
APPLE PIE, WILL PEACH PIE DO?"
AT THIS POINT SEVERAL PEOPLE WHO ARE "IN" ON WHAT IS HAPPENING LAUGH
HYSTERICALLY. OF COURSE, THE OUTSIDER DOESN'T, AND PREFERABLY SOME
OF THE CONSPIRATORS DON'T EITHER. THE NARRATOR EXPRESSES DISBELIEF
THAT THE POINT OF THE STORY WAS MISSED, AND ASKS THAT SOMEONE ELSE
TELL IT("MAYBE I DIDN'T TELL IT WELL."). THE CONSPIRATORS TAKE TURNS
TELLING THE STORY AND EACH TIME ANOTHER PERSON JOINS IN THE LAUGHTER
("I GET IT NOW}"). FINALLY ONLY THE OUTSIDER IS LEFT CONFUSED OVER
THE MEANING OF THE STORY.

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs added by TRD

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Keyword(s): ABSURD ; DOG ; JOKE ; Pie ; Pointless ; POTATO ; RIDDLE ; Waitress

James Callow Keyword(s): BRUNVAND ; SHAGGY DOG STORY

Date learned: CA00001970

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Retort

Pass the bread; here comes the bologna

Submitter comment:

Said when someone begins to tell an experience of theirs.

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs added by TRD

James Callow comment:

Taunt?

Where learned: OHIO

Keyword(s): COMEBACK ; INSULT ; RETORT ; SARCASM ; Wisecrack

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Retort

This is a sarcastic retort used when a person has had a sarcastic remark directed towards them:

I wish you were on TV, then I could turn you off.

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs added by TRD

James Callow comment:

Taunt in Prose

Keyword(s): COMEBACK ; INSULT ; RETORT ; SARCASM ; TELEVISION ; TV ; Wisecrack

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Retort

You must be Bob Hope's brother, No Hope.

Submitter comment:

This is a sarcastic retort used when a person has had a sarcastic remark directed towards them.

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs added by TRD

(Bob Hope [1903-2003] was a famous celebrity and humanitarian.)

James Callow comment:

Odd First Name (Regarding No Hope).

Keyword(s): CELEBRITY ; COMEBACK ; INSULT ; Pop Culture ; RETORT ; SARCASM ; Wisecrack

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Retort

You must be Lana Turner's sister, Stomach Turner.

Submitter comment:

This is a sarcastic retort used when a person has had a sarcastic remark directed towards them.

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs added by TRD

Lana Turner [1921-1995] was a famous actress.

James Callow comment:

Taunt in Prose

Keyword(s): CELEBRITY ; COMEBACK ; INSULT ; RETORT ; SARCASM ; Wisecrack

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Retort

The only time you open your mouth is to change feet.

Submitter comment:

This is a sarcastic retort ised when a person has had a sarcastic remark directed towards them.

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs added by TRD

James Callow comment:

Taunt in Prose

Keyword(s): COMEBACK ; FEET ; Foot ; INSULT ; Mouth ; RETORT ; SARCASM ; Wisecrack

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Retort

Do you have a shikkonwheye?

What's a shikkonwheye?

Oh, about two or three pounds.

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs added by TRD

James Callow comment:

Catch. Prank.

Where learned: HOME

Keyword(s): COMEBACK ; HUMOR ; INSULT ; JOKE ; RETORT ; SARCASM ; Wisecrack

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Retort

"Bun it"

Submitter comment:

Whenever she wasnted you to stop something, or to quit bothering her she would say this.

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs added by TRD

James Callow comment:

Speech (expressions)

Keyword(s): COMEBACK ; INSULT ; RETORT ; SARCASM ; Wisecrack

James Callow Keyword(s): SPEECH

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Retort

"Can It"

Submitter comment:

Lately, when a person wants someone to stop something, to shut up, etc., this is the thing to say.

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs added by TRD

Keyword(s): CAN ; COMEBACK ; INSULT ; RETORT ; SARCASM ; Wisecrack

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Retort

Abu mebe karka komra

Translated: Oh! If only a duck would kick you!

Submitter comment:

Said in a jesting manner; a retaliation.

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs added by TRD

Keyword(s): COMEBACK ; ETHNIC ; INSULT ; RETORT ; SARCASM ; UKRAINIAN ; Wisecrack

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Proverbial Comparison

Only the good die young.

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs added by TRD

James Callow comment:

Duplicate

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Keyword(s): AGE ; Aphorism ; Apothegm ; Bad ; BEHAVIOR ; DEATH ; Die ; Good ; Maxim ; Old ; PROVERB ; Young

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Proverb

He who laughs last, laughs best.

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs added by TRD

James Callow comment:

Duplicate

Where learned: HOME ; MICHIGAN ; SAINT CLAIR SHORES

Keyword(s): Aphorism ; Apothegm ; Maxim ; PROVERB ; VERSE

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Proverb

Don't put off tomorrow what you can do today.

Data entry tech comment:

Motifs added by TRD

James Callow comment:

Duplicate

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FARMINGTON

Keyword(s): Aphorism ; Apothegm ; Maxim ; PROCRASTINATION ; PROVERB ; VERSE

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