The James T. Callow Folklore Archive

(TALE WITH A PUN ON THE WORD COFFIN)

DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THE TIME I WAS A PALLBEARER FOR
MY GIRLFRIEND'S GRANDFATHER? IT WAS IN SCRANTON LAST
WINTER. WE HAD HAD A BAD STORM THE DAY BEFORE AND ICE
WAS EVERYWHERE. OUR INSTRUCTIONS WERE THAT DUE TO THE
ICE, IF ANYONE OF US FELT WE WERE SLIPPING, WE SHOULD
LET GO OF THE COFFIN AND THE OTHER GUYS WOULD TAKE UP
THE LOAD. WELL, THIS CHURCH WAS LOCATED UP ON A HILL AND
HAD A REAL LONG SIDEWALK WITH A COUPLE OF SETS OF STEPS.
ANYWAY, WE WERE COMING OUT AND SURE ENOUGH, I DIDN'T
TAKE MORE THAN ABOUT THREE STEPS WHEN I STARTED SLIDING, SO
AS INSTRUCTED, I LET GO. WELL, I GUESS THE REST OF THE
GUYS WERE SLIPPING, TOO, BECAUSE THEY ALL LET GO AND AWAY
WENT THE COFFIN SAILING DOWN THE SIDEWALK. YOU COULDN'T
BELIEVE THE CONFUSION! ABOUT THREE WOMEN FAINTED, THEN
THE GRANDMOTHER FAINTED AND THE COFFIN WAS STILL SAILING
THEN A COUPLE MORE WOMEN FAINTED. THE COFFIN WENT ALL
THE WAY DOWN THE SIDEWALK THEN OUT INTO THE ROAD AND
THE CARS WERE SWERVING EVERYWHERE BUT THE COFFIN KEPT
ON GOING. WHEN IT HIT THE OTHER CURB THE TOP OF THE
COFFIN POPPED OPEN AND IT WAS HEADED RIGHT FOR THE DOOR
OF THE DRUGSTORE. THE COFFIN SAILED RIGHT INTO THE
STORE, RIGHT UP TO THE COUNTER, AND AS IT HIT THE COUNTER,
THE GRANDFATHER SAT UP AND SAID, "YOU GOT ANYTHING TO
STOP THIS COFFIN?"

Where learned: PENNSYLVANIA ; SCRANTON

Keyword(s): COUGHING

Date learned: 00-00-1970