Dr. James T. Callow publications
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The James T. Callow Folklore Archive
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JOKE
I HAVE A DIRTY JOKE FOR YOU. I FELL IN THE MUD YESTERDAY.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 01-10-0198
DOCTOR'S JOKE
A DOCTOR COMES OUT OF A WARD AFTER CHECKING A PATIENT
WITH A RECTAL THERMOMETER.
THE DOCTOR PASSES BY THE NURSE'S DESK.
THE NURSE INTERRUPTS THE DOCTOR.
DOCTOR! SHE EXCLAIMS, WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR EAR?
DOCTOR REPLIES, "DAMN IT, SOME ASSHOLE MUST HAVE MY PEN!"
Submitter comment:
I TELL THIS TO MY BROTHER WHO IS A DOCTOR AND HE GETS A
KICK OUT OF IT.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 06-00-1974
DOCTOR'S LAUGH
JOE: DOC, I DON'T FEEL SO WELL!
DOC: THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU JOE.
YOUR PULSE IS AS STEADY AS A CLOCK.
JOE: YOU'VE GOT YOUR HAND ON MY WRIST WATCH DOC!
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 07-00-1982
HOSPITAL HUFF
NURSE: YOUR COUGH SOUNDS BETTER THIS MORNING.
PATIENT: IT SHOULD. I'VE BEEN PRACTICING ALL NIGHT.
Submitter comment: PICKED IT UP WHILE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR A WEEK.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 07-00-1982
FRIDAY THE 13TH SUPERSTITION
IF YOU EAT A POUND OF GARLIC IN FRONT OF A CRACKED
MIRROR ON FRIDAY THE 13TH, YOU'LL HAVE SEVEN YEARS
OF BAD BREATH!
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
BIRTH CONTROL METHOD
MAN GOES TO THE DOCTOR TO ASK FOR BIRTH CONTROL METHODS,
OTHER THAN THE PILL, VASECTOMY, DIAPHRAGM, ETC.
DOC: EAT AN APPLE
MAN: BEFORE SEX OR AFTER SEX?
DOC: INSTEAD OF IT...GET THE RYTHM?
Submitter comment: A PRIEST COULD TAKE THE PLACE OF THE DOCTOR IN THIS JOKE
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
DIVORCE JOKE
MY WIFE'S COFFEE IS GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE.
Submitter comment:
I'VE HEARD THIS ON THE JOHNNY CARSON SHOW IN CALIFORNIA,
HEARD IT AT THE PLACE WHERE I WORK, AND PLACES WHERE
THERE ARE LOTS OF DIVORCES AND SEPARATIONS; IT'S SUPPOSED
TO BE FUNNY.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE
James Callow Keyword(s): PUN ON COFFEE GROUNDS
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 07-00-1983
ROMANCE LORE
I'M GOING TO KISS YOU TONIGHT OR I'LL DIE IN THE ATTEMPT,
I TOLD MY GIRL.
WELL, DID YOU?
YOU DIDN'T SEE MY NAME IN THE OBITUARY COLUMN, DID YOU?
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 07-00-1982
SHAGGY DOG STORY
A MAD SCIENTIST WAS TRYING TO GET RID OF A FOUL-MOUTHED
CLONE HE HAD CREATED BY SHOVING THE CLONE OUT OF A WINDOW.
THUS THE SCIENTIST WAS MAKING AN OBSCENE CLONE FALL.
Submitter comment: READ THIS SOMEWHERE IN THE DETROIT FREE PRESS NEWSPAPER.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE
James Callow Keyword(s): PUN ON OBSCENE PHONE CALL
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 07-00-1983
MISCELLANEOUS JOKES
(1) THE PRESIDENT OF THE TELEPHONE COMPANY WAS AROUSED FROM
HIS SLUMBERS BY THE RINGING OF THE TELEPHONE.
PRESIDENT: HELLO
VOICE: ARE YOU AN OFFICIAL OF THE TELEPHONE COMPANY?
PRESIDENT: YES. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
VOICE: TELL ME HOW IT FEELS TO GET OUT OF BED AT TWO O'CLOCK
IN THE MORNING TO ANSWER A WRONG NUMBER.
(2) WHAT'S CAPITAL AND LABOR?
WELL, SUPPOSE I LOANED YOU TWO DOLLARS, THAT'S CAPITAL. WHEN
I TRY TO GET IT BACK, THAT'S LABOR.
(3) WHAT IS MEANT BY "COLLEGE BRED"?
COLLEGE BRED MEANS A WAD OF DOUGH, WITH PLENTY OF CRUST, AND
A LOT OF CRUMBS GATHERED FOR A GOOD LOAF.
(4) I HAVE A BROTHER IN PENN STATE.
WHAT A SMALL WORLD THIS IS! I HAVE A BROTHER IN STATE PEN, TOO.
(5) I WON'T GRADUATE FROM COLLEGE THIS YEAR.
WHY NOT?
I DIDN'T GO.
(6) JOE: WHY DIDN'T YOU USE THE ELAVATOR?
ELMER: THE SIGN IN THE ELAVATOR SAYS IT HOLDS 12 PEOPLE. I
DIDN'T WANT TO WAIT FOR THE OTHER 11!
(7) JOE: HEY, WHERE'S HERMAN?
ELMER: HE WON'T BE AROUND...THE KIDS HAD A CONTEST...WHO COULD
LEAN FURTHEST OUT THE WINDOW...HE WON!
(8) BORIS IS A BARBER WHO WILL TAKE A BIG LOAD OFF YOUR MIND.
(9) JOE USED TO PASS THE CREMATORIUM AND ASK, "WHAT'S COOKING?"
(10) STUDENTS ARE SUPPOED TO WRITE COMPOSITIONS WEEKLY, NOT
WEAKLY.
(11) WHERE DO SHEEP GET THEIR HAIRCUT?
WHERE?
AT A BA-BA SHOP.
(12) DARLA: "WHERE DID YOU GET THAT BLACK EYE?"
CARLA: "YOU SEE THIS DOOR?"
DARLA: "YES."
CARLA: "WELL, I DIDN'T."
Submitter comment:
MOST OF THESE JOKES I LEARNED WHEN I USED TO TAKE THE SCHOOL BUS
HOME IN HIGHSCHOOL. THE UPPERCLASSMEN WOULD HAVE A CONTEST WITH
THE LOWERCLASSMEN TO PASS THE MONOTONY ON THE WAY HOME. SOMETIMES
THE BUS WOULD GET REAL ROWDY AND THE DRIVER WOULD YELL, "SHUT-UP".
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; FRANKLIN VILLAGE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 00001970S
BARBERSHOPS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE CLOSED ON MONDAYS BY
LAW IN LEBANON. A BARBER HAD A CUSTOMER, ILLEGALLY,
ONE MONDAY, AND WAS PREPARING TO GIVE HIM A SHAVE. WHEN
THE BARBER SAW A POLICEMAN COMING TOWARD THE SHOP,
HE HASTILY THREW A SHEET OVER THE STARTLED CUSTOMER.
WHEN APPROACHED BY THE POLICEMAN AND ASKED IF HE WAS,
INDEED, WORKING, THE BARBER REPLIED NO. WHEN ASKED WHAT
THE CUSTOMER WAS DOING IN THE CHAIR, THE BARBER REPLIED
THAT HE WAS SOAKING HIM FOR THE NEXT DAY.
Where learned: LEBANON
| Subject headings: | Favorites PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote CUSTOM FESTIVAL -- Typical Elements of a Festive Pattern |
Date learned: 00-00-1983
A MAN HAD TWO SONS WHO VISITED THE DOCTOR BEFORE THEY
GOT MARRIED. THE DOCTOR EXAMINED BOTH SONS AND WROTE
S.P. ON ONE CHART AND S.P.P. ON THE OTHER. THE FIRST
SON MARRIED AND HAD SEVERAL CHILDREN. THE SECOND SON
HAD NO CHILDREN AFTER YEARS OF MARRIAGE. SO THE FATHER
CONSULTED THE DOCTOR AND ASKED HIM WHY. THE DOCTOR
EXPLAINED THAT S.P. MEANT SEMPRE PRONTI, IN ITALIAN
ALWAYS READY, WHILE S.P.P. MEANT SOLO PER PERSHARI 0R
ONLY FOR URINATING.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
James Callow Keyword(s): PENIS
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 00-00-1983
NIGERIAN JOKE
THERE WAS A STORY OF A DEBTOR WHO KNEW THAT HIS CREDITOR WILL
BE COMING AT A PARTICULAR TIME TO ASK FOR HIS MONEY, AND
BEING THAT HE HAD NO MONEY TO PAY HIS CREDITOR HE DECIDED TO HIDE.
THE DEBTOR TOLD HIS WIFE THAT WHEN THE CREDITOR COMES SHE SHOULD
TELL HIM THAT HE HAS GONE OUT. MEANWHILE THE DEBTOR WENT
AND HIDE AT THE BACK OF THE DOOR, UNFORTUNATELY FOR HIM HIS LEG
WAS SHOWING AND HE NEVER KNEW. THE CREDITOR ARRIVED AND DEBTOR'S
WIFE TOLD HIM THAT HER HUSBAND HAD GONE OUT, AND THE CREDITOR
DECIDED TO LEAVE. AS HE WAS MOVING OUT HE SAW THE LEG OF HIS
DEBTOR AT THE BACK OF THE DOOR. THEN THE CREDITOR TURNED TO THE
DEBTOR'S WIFE AND SAID, "TELL YOUR HUSBAND THAT WHENEVER HE IS
GOING OUT HE SHOULD ALWAYS TAKE HIS LEG ALONG WITH HIM". WHEN THE
CREDITOR WENT AWAY THE DEBTOR WAS ASHAMED OF HIMSELF.
Submitter comment: THE INFORMANT WAS LAUGHING WHEN NARRATING IT.
Where learned: DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 00-00-1978
THAI STORY
"A FALANG (WESTERNER) WAS ON A RIVERBOAT IN THAILAND AND SOMEHOW
SLIPPED OVERBOARD INTO THE RIVER. ONE OF THE OTHER PEOPLE GRABBED
A LADDER AND ATTEMPTED TO HELP HIM. HE SHOUTED TO THE MAN IN THE
WATER TO GRAB THE LADDER IN THAI LANGUAGE. 'GAW-GAH-DAI! GAW-
GAH-DAI!' HE SHOUTED. HEARING THIS THE FALANG SWAM EVEN FASTER
BECAUSE HE THOUGHT THE MAN WAS SHOUTING 'CROCODILE! CROCODILE!'"
Submitter comment: "GAW-GAH-DAI" MEANS "GRAB THE LADDER" IN THAI LANGUAGE.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT ; DETROIT ; CAMPUS
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Tale PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman |
Date learned: 04-00-1984
JOKING GESTURE
IF YOU SQUEEZE A GIRL'S KNEE AND SHE LAUGHS, SHE HAS A
BOYFRIEND.
Submitter comment:
MY FATHER USED TO DO THIS TO ME WHEN I WAS LITTLE. IT WAS
A TEASING JOKE OF HIS THAT HE USED TO DO TO MY SISTERS,
OUR FRIENDS AND MYSELF.
Where learned: MISSOURI ; SAINT LOUIS
JOKE
"A LITTLE BOY IS SAYING HIS PRAYERS AND HIS PARENTS ARE
LISTENING. HE SAYS,'GOD BLESS MOMMY, GOD BLESS DADDY, AND
GOODBYE GRANDPA.' THE NEXT DAY THE GRANDFATHER DIES. THAT
NIGHT WHEN THE BOY IS SAYING HIS PRAYERS HE SAYS, 'GOD BLESS
MOMMY, GOODBYE DADDY.' THIS FRIGHTENS THE FATHER AND HE IS VERY
CAUTIOUS THE NEXT DAY. HE IS CAREFUL TO AND FROM WORK, HE IS
CAREFUL AT WORK, AND WHEN HE GOES OUT FOR LUNCH HE IS VERY CAREFUL
TOO. THAT NIGHT WHEN HE IS DRIVING HOME FROM WORK, HE IS VERY
HAPPY BECAUSE HE REALIZES THAT, SINCE HE IS STILL ALIVE, IT
MEANS THAT HIS SON DOESN'T HAVE ANY POWERS. WHEN HE GETS HOME
AND GETS OUT OF HIS CAR, HE FINDS THE MAILMAN DEAD ON HIS PORCH."
Where learned: NEW YORK ; ROCHESTER
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |