Dr. James T. Callow publications
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The James T. Callow Folklore Archive
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THE CROWDED SYNAGOGUE
THE SYNAGOGUE WAS CROWDED DURING THE HIGH HOLY DAYS AND
THE PEWS WERE RESERVED FOR TICKET HOLDERS. LAPIDIS
TRIED TO GET PAST THE USHER. "IT'S MY BROTHER--
I'VE GOT TO SEE HIM--IT'S VERY IMPORTANT." "HAVE
YOU GOT A TICKET?" ASKED THE USHER. "NO," SAID
LAPIDIS. "BUT I HAVE GOT TO SEE MY BROTHER--IT'S
A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH." "ALL RIGHT," SAID THE
USHER, "GO INSIDE AND TALK TO YOUR BROTHER. BUT
DON'T LET ME CATCH YOU PRAYING!"
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Religious PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote CUSTOM FESTIVAL -- Church BELIEF -- Prayer |
Date learned: 07-00-1964
A WOMAN HAD IDENTICAL TWINS AND THE ONLY DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN THEM WAS THAT ONE WAS AN OPTIMIST WHILE THE
OTHER WAS A REAL PESSIMIST. WELL, ONE DAY SHE
DECIDED TO TAKE THEM TO A PSYCHIATRIST TO SEE IF
THEY COULD BE EVENED OUT A LITTLE, YOU KNOW, MAKE
THE PESSIMIST A LITTLE MORE OPTIMISTIC AND VICE
VERSA. AFTER EXPLAINING HER PROBLEM TO THE DOCTOR,
HE TOLD HER WHAT TO DO. HE SAID, "ON THEIR NEXT
BIRTHDAY, I WANT YOU TO FILL A ROOM WITH EVERY
CONCEIVABLE TOY AND PUT THE PESSIMIST IN THE ROOM.
THEN, I WANT YOU TO FILL A BOX WITH HORSE MANURE AND
GIVE THAT TO THE ONE WHO'S SO OPTIMISTIC."
WELL, ON THEIR NEXT BIRTHDAY, THE WOMAN FOLLOWED
THE GOOD DOCTOR'S ADVICE AND SHE COULD HARDLY WAIT
TO SEE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN, SO SHE PEEKED IN THE ROOM
WITH THE TOYS. THERE WAS THE PESSIMIST WALKING
AROUND THE ROOM IN COMPLETE DISGUST, COMPARING THE
VARIOUS GIFTS WITH THE TOYS OF HIS FRIENDS AND
FINDING HIS FAR BELOW THEIRS IN QUALITY. SOMEWHAT
DISTURBED, THE MOTHER THEN WENT TO CHECK ON HER OTHER
SON, AND SHE FOUND HIM DIGGING HAPPILY WITH HIS LITTLE
SHOVEL IN THE BOX OF MANURE, SAYING, "IF THERE'S
MANURE, THERE HAS TO BE A PONY HERE SOMEWHERE.
Where learned: WASHINGTON DC
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 00-00-1956
A SHAGGY DOG
A YOUNG COUPLE BOUGHT A STRANGE PET CALLED A RARY
BUT FOUND THEY COULDN'T KEEP IT, AS IT ATE LIKE A
HORSE. SO THEY ABANDONED IT FAR AWAY, BUT IT
RETURNED. THEY TRIED TO DROWN IT, BUT IT SWAM
AWAY; THEY TRIED TO SHOOT IT, BUT THE BULLETS
COULDN'T PIERCE THE FUR, (HERE IS CONTINUED AN
UNENDING LIST OF UNSUCCESSFUL ATTEMPTS TO RID
THEMSELVES OF THE RARY).
FINALLY, THEY GET A DUMP TRUCK AND HAUL THE RARY
TO A HUGE CLIFF AND ARE ABOUT TO TIP HIM OVER THE
EDGE. JUST BEFORE HE FALLS, THE RARY SAYS,
"THIS SURE IS A LONG WAY TO TIP-A-RARY."
Submitter comment: I CANNOT RECALL THE ORIGINAL INFORMANT.
Data entry tech comment: PUN ON A SONG: A LONG WAY TO TIPPERARY.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
A SOUND SLEEPER
IN IRELAND THEY LAY THE DEAD OUT IN THE HOUSE. THE
MEN FRIENDS SIT UP ALL NIGHT WITH THE BODY. AT
THIS ONE PARTICULAR WAKE, ONE OF THE MEN FELL
ASLEEP, AND SO ANOTHER MAN DECIDED TO PLAY A
TRICK ON HIM. HE TIED THE END OF THE SHEET THAT
COVERED THE CORPSE TO THE COAT TAIL OF THE
SLEEPING MAN. WHEN THE MAN AWOKE, HE SUDDENLY
STOOD UP, UPON DOING SO, HE PULLED THE SHEET
WHICH IN TURN JERKED THE BODY SO THAT IT SAT
UP. THE MAN GOT SUCH A FRIGHT, THAT YOU CAN BE
CERTAIN THIS WAS THE LAST TIME HE WENT TO SLEEP
AT AN IRISH WAKE.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 07-11-1964
PAT AND MIKE CHEER UP A FRIEND
THIS FINE IRISH COUPLE TOLD ME THE FOLLOWING
STORY ABOUT THE WELL-KNOWN COMPATRIOTS, PAT AND MIKE.
IT SEEMS A DEAR FRIEND OF THEIR'S WAS TAKEN VERY
ILL. NOW HE LIVED IN THE BASEMENT OF A TYPICAL
TENEMENT HOUSE AND TO REACH HIS ROOM, THEY HAD
TO TRAVEL DOWN RICKETY STAIRS AND WALK THROUGH
A NARROW DOORWAY. ONCE THEY ARRIVED, BOTH
PROCEEDED TO VIGOROUSLY CHEER UP THEIR FRIEND.
AFTER A TYPICALLY LIVELY IRISH GAB FEST, FILLED
WITH REASSURANCES, PAT AND MIKE DECIDED TO LET
THE PATIENT REST. HOWEVER, AS THEY WERE LEAVING,
PAT TURNED TO MIKE AND SAID, NOT TOO SOFTLY,
"THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE A "DIVIL" OF A TIME
GETTING THE COFFIN OUT OF THIS PLACE."
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
THERE WERE THREE OF US IN A BOAT AND THE BOTTOM
FELL OUT OF THE LAKE.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
A SLIP OF THE TONGUE
MY BROTHER, JOHN, USED TO TELL THE STORY ABOUT THE
THREE FELLOWS WHO WENT TO SEE AN OLD FRIEND OF
THEIR'S, WHO WAS VERY SICK. NOW THEY KNEW THAT HE
WAS ABOUT TO DIE, SO THEY WENT TO CHEER HIM UP A
LITTLE. WELL, THEY WENT UP TO HIS ROOM, AND HE
LOOKED JUST TERRIBLE. YOU'D HAVE THOUGHT HE WAS
DEATH ITSELF. THREE MEN STAYED A WHILE, TALKED
AND CHEERED HIM, TELLING HIM HOW GOOD HE LOOKED, AND
HOW THEY WERE LOOKING FORWARD TO HAVING HIM UP AND
AROUND AGAIN. THINGS WENT REAL FINE, AND BY THE
TIME THEY WERE READY TO LEAVE, THEY HAD MADE THE
FELLOW FEEL REAL GOOD. BUT THEN ON THE WAY OUT,
ONE OF THE MEN BUMPED HIS HEAD ON THE DOOR THAT
WAS LOW. AS HE DID THIS, HE YELLED OUT, "IF
THEY DON'T GET THIS DOOR FIXED PRETTY QUICK, THEY'RE
GOING TO HAVE A DEVIL OF A TIME GETTIN' THE COFFIN
OUT OF HERE."
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
THE BUTCHER'S PLIGHT
A LITTLE BOY WENT TO THE BUTCHER SHOP AND
ASKED THE BUTCHER FOR A BONE WITH SOME MEAT ON IT
FOR HIS DOG. THEN THE LITTLE BOY ADDED, "MAKE
SURE IT'S BETTER THAN THE ONE YOU GAVE ME YESTERDAY
BECAUSE IT WAS SO BAD MY DAD COULDN'T EVEN EAT IT."
Submitter comment:
THE INFORMANT HEARD THIS FROM THE NEIGHBORHOOD
BUTCHER.
Where learned: HOME
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 08-00-1964
RELIGIOUS JOKE
DID YOU EVER READ THE BIBLE FROM COVER TO COVER?
DON'T BOTHER, THE GOOD GUY GETS IT IN THE MIDDLE.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; BIRMINGHAM
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
ANECDOTE
A FOUR-YEAR-OLD GIRL WAS TAKEN TO CHURCH FOR THE FIRST
TIME, AND WAS VERY MUCH IMPRESSED BY IT ALL. AND
WHEN EVERYONE KNELT DOWN, SHE WHISPERED, "MUMMY,
WHAT ARE THEY DOING NOW?" "SHHH!" CAUTIONED HER
MOTHER, "THEY'RE GETTING READY TO SAY THEIR PRAYERS."
"WHAT," YELLED THE CHILD IN AMAZEMENT, "WITH ALL
THEIR CLOTHES ON?"
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 00-00-1956
ANECDOTE
A YOUNG MAN JUST MOVED INTO HIS NEW APARTMENT AND
FOUND A NOTE ON A TABLE. IT READ--"I AM DE VIPER.
EXPECT ME AT 4:00." THE MAN NONCHALANTLY DISPOSED
OF THE NOTE. A HALF HOUR LATER, ANOTHER MESSAGE
WAS DELIVERED TO HIS APARTMENT--"THE HOUR IS DRAWING
NEARER WHEN THE VIPER WILL APPEAR." THE MAN BEGAN
TO FEEL A LITTLE UNEASY. AS THE AFTERNOON WORE ON,
A SIMILAR NOTE AND WARNING APPEARED. FINALLY, AT
3:45 THE TELEPHONE RANG; A MYSTERIOUS VOICE
RESPONDED--"IN VIVETEEN MINUTES I WILL BE THERE.
DE VIPER WILL COME TO YOUR ROOM--BE READY." THE MAN
NERVOUSLY WAITED, NOT KNOWING WHAT TO EXPECT. FOUR
O'CLOCK--THE BELL RANG--THE DOOR OPENED. THERE
STOOD A LITTLE MAN. HE SAID--"I AM DE VIPER. I
HAVE COME TO VIPE YOUR VINDOWS."
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
QUO VADIS?
CAB DRIVER TO FARE STEPPING INTO TAXI:
"QUO VADIS, MAC?"
Submitter comment: HEARD IN SEMINARY.
Where learned: SAINT BASIL SEMINARY
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 00-00-1957
JOKE
TWO SNAKES LINGERED IN A DARK CORNER AFTER
NOA(H) WHEN THE FLOOD SUBSIDED, OPENED THE ARK'S
DOORS AND RELEASED THE ANIMALS.
"WHY DON'T YOU GO FORTH AND MULTIPLY?" NOA(H)
DEMANDED STERNLY.
"WE CAN'T, ONE SNAKE REPLIED, "WE'RE ELDERS."
Data entry tech comment: ADDERS?
Where learned: RESIDENCE
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
A BOY ASKED HIS MOTHER IF HE IS DUST BEFORE
BEING BORN, AND HIS MOTHER SAID YES. HE ASKED
IF HE WAS DUST WHEN HE DIED, AND RECEIVED THE
SAME ANSWER. SO HE TOLD HIS MOTHER, "WELL, THERE
IS SOMETHING EITHER COMING OR GOING UNDER MY BED."
Where learned: SAINT LEONARD SCHOOL ; DETROIT ; MICHIGAN, ASSUMED
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 11-16-1965
Entry filtered.
Entry filtered.
RIDDLE
MRS. TISH: YOUR FLOOR IS SO CLEAN. WHAT DO YOU USE?
MRS. TOSH: I FIND MY HUSBAND THE BEST.
Where learned: SAINT LEONARD SCHOOL
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 11-17-1965
I MET A MAN ON THE WAY TO THE STORE. HE SAID HE
DIDN'T HAVE A BIT ALL WEEK--SO I BIT HIM.
Where learned: SAINT LEONARD SCHOOL
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: 11-18-1965
TWO BOYS WERE TALKING. THE FIRST BOY SAID, "MY DAD
CAN'T MAKE UP HIS MIND WHETHER TO BUY A COW OR A
TRACTOR." THE SECOND BOY SAID, "HE SURE WOULD
LOOK FUNNY TRYING TO RIDE A COW." THE FIRST BOY
SAID, "HE'D LOOK A LOT FUNNIER TRYING TO MILK A
TRACTOR."
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; BIRMINGHAM
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
THE RANCHER AND HIS FIFTY COWBOYS
EVERY YEAR, A TRAVELING SALESMAN WOULD SELL HIS WARES
TO A RANCHER, THEN SPEND THE NIGHT WITH HIS FIFTY
COWBOYS IN THE BUNKHOUSE. ONE YEAR THE SALESMAN
NOTICED HIS BOWELS ACTIVATING ON A COLD NIGHT; HE
LOOKED AROUND FOR A CONVENIENT PLACE TO RELIEVE
HIMSELF, WITHOUT HAVING TO MAKE THE LONG, COLD
TREK TO THE OUTHOUSE. HE SPOTTED A COWBOY'S
TROUSERS THAT REMAINED ON THE FLOOR WHERE THE
COWBOY HAD STEPPED OUT OF THEM. AND HE RELIEVED
HIMSELF THERE. HE WAS OFF BRIGHT AND EARLY THE
NEXT MORNING.
THE FOLLOWING YEAR THE SALESMAN RETURNED, MADE HIS
SALE, AND ASKED "MAY I BUNK WITH YOU AND YOUR
FIFTY COWBOYS AGAIN THIS YEAR?"
"I ONLY GOT FORTY-NINE THIS YEAR," THE RANCHER SAID.
"OH? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OTHER ONE?" ASKED THE
SALESMAN.
"HE WENT CRAZY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW HE COULD
CRAP HIS PANTS WITHOUT SOILING HIS UNDERWEAR,"
REPLIED THE RANCHER.
Submitter comment: HEARD AS A YOUNG BOY IN MIAMI.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
| Subject headings: | PROSE NARRATIVE -- Jest Anecdote |
Date learned: NOT GIVEN