The James T. Callow Folklore Archive

JESS HARPER, FROM GODRICH ONTARIO CAME INTO LONDON,
LOOKING FOR A JOB WITH THE RAILROAD. HE WAS 6'6"
TALL AND WEIGHED 240 POUNDS. HE HAD NO TROUBLE PASSING
THE PHYSICAL, BUT WHEN IT CAME TO THE MENTAL PART, HE
LEFT SOMETHING TO BE DESIRED. THE SHARP LAWYER BEHIND
THE DESK IMMEDIATELY BEGAN DRILLING TRICKLY QUESTIONS
AT JESS. "LET'S SAY THAT THERE ARE TWO TRAINS ON THE
TRACK AT THE SAME TIME, AND EACH TRAIN IS GOING 100
MILES PER HOUR. WITH 200 PEOPLE ON EACH TRAIN. WHAT
WOULD YOU DO, JESS?" "WELL," JESS SAID, "I GUESS I'D WAVE
MY HANDERCHIEF." "NO! NO!, THEY COULDN'T SEE IT IN THE
DARK," SAID THE LAWYER. "THEN I'D WAVE MY LANTERN,"
JESS SAID. "NO! NO!, THEY COULDN'T SEE THE LANTERN
EITHER." "WELL, I GUESS I'D WHISTLE AS LOUD AS I COULD."
"NO! NO! YOU COULDN'T HEAR IT ABOVE THE NOISE." "OH!
I KNOW WHAT I'D DO," JESS SAID, "I'D GO CALL MY SISTER
NELLY WHO LIVES ABOVE THE TRACKS." "CALL YOUR SISTER,
NELLY? WHY?" "WELL," JESS SAID, "I'D TELL HER TO COME
DOWN AND SEE THE GODAMNEST WRECK SHE'S EVER SEEN IN
HER LIFE!"

Submitter comment: WALLY SAID HIS DAD HAS BEEN TELLING THIS STORY EVER
SINCE HE CAN REMEMBER.

Where learned: CANADA ; ONTARIO ; TOP HAT SUPPER CLUB ; WINDSOR