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James Callow Folklore Archive

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I ONCE KNEW AN OLD MAN WHO DROVE HIS OLD MODEL A
INTO TOWN EVERYDAY TO BUY THE PAPER. ON HIS WAY,
HE OFTEN HAD TO STOP FOR A TRAFFIC LIGHT JUST
PAST A HIGH SCHOOL. A CERTAIN FRESH KID MADE A
HABIT OF PULLING ALONGSIDE, HOLLERING "WANNA
DRAG, POPS?" THEN AS THE LIGHT CHANGED, BLAST
OFF, LEAVING POPS IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE AND DUST.
WELL, POPS GOT TIRED OF THIS, SO ONE DAY HE WENT
DOWN TO JOE'S GARAGE AND SAYS TO JOE, "I WANT YOU
TO PUT IN THE BIGGEST ENGINE YOU CAN FIT UNDER THE
HOOD AND AN AUTOMATIC TRANSMISSION."
JOE WAS RATHER SKEPTICAL, BUT AGREED TO DO IT.
SEVERAL DAYS LATER, POPS PICKED UP THE CAR AND
LEFT THE GARAGE WITHOUT SEEING JOE.
THAT AFTERNOON, POPS WAS SITTING AT THE LIGHT,
WAITING. THE OLD MODEL SHAKING AND QUIVERING,
WHEN THE KID PULLED UP. POP HOLLERS, "DO YOU
WANNA DRAG?" NATURALLY, THE KID SAYS YES. THE
LIGHT CHANGES AND OFF THEY GO.
JOE, THE MECHANIC, PICKS UP HIS PHONE. IT'S POPS
"WHAT IS THE MATTER, POPS?" "COME SEE," SAYS POPS.
WHEN HE GETS THERE, JOE SEES PARTS STREWN ALL
ALONG THE ROAD. "WHAT THE HELL?" SAYS JOE.
WELL, I WAS DRAGGING THIS KID; I HAD IT IN "L"
FOR "LEAP OFF," REALLY GOT THE DROP ON HIM. THEN
I PUT IT IN "D" FOR "DRAG," AND WAS BEATING THE
HELL OUT OF HIM. TO REALLY WHIP HIM GOOD, I PUT
IT IN "R" FOR "RACING" AND SOMETHING HAPPENED.

Submitter comment: PICKED UP AROUND MASSILLON, OHIO, 1958.

Where learned: OHIO ; MASSILLON

Subject headings: PROSE NARRATIVE -- Stupid man or woman

Date learned: 00-00-1958

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