The James T. Callow Folklore Archive

BACKGROUND: A FIRM IN GERMANY ORDERED COFFEE FROM A FIRM IN
THE UNITED STATES. WHILE THE COFFEE WAS ENROUTE, A COUPLE OF BAGS
BROKE OPEN AND RATS NESTED IN THE COFFEE. THE GERMAN FIRM SENT
THE FOLLOWING LETTER CONCERNING THE CONDITION OF THE COFFEE --

135 WILHELMSTRASSE
HAMBERG, GERMANY

SCHENTELMENS:

DER LAST 2 PECKETECHES VE GOT FROM YOU OFF KOFFEE WAS MIT
RATTSCHIDT GEMIXT. DER KOFFEE MAY BE GUTE ENUF, BUT DER
RATTSDURDS SCHBOILS DER TRADE. VE DID NOT SEE DER RATTSCHIDT IN
DER SEMBLES VICH YOU SENT US FOR EXAMINASHUN.

IT TAKES SO MUTCH TIME TO PEK DER RATTSDURDS FROM DER KOFFEE.
VE ORDER DER KLEEN KOFFEE AND YOU SCHIPT SCHIDT MIXT MIT DER
KOFFEE. IT VUS A MISCHTAKE, YA? VE LIKE YOU TO SCHIPP US
DER KOFFEE IN VUN ZAK UND DER RATTSCHIDT IN DER ODER ZAK, DEN
VE MIXT IT TO SUIT DER KOSTOMER.

WRITE PLEASE IF VE SCHOULDT SCHIPP DER SCHIDT BEK UND KEEP DER
KOFFEE ODER IF VE SCHOULDT KEEP DER SCHIDT UND SCHIPP DER
KOFFEE BEK, OR SCHIPP DER HOLD SCHIDDEN VORK BEK.

VE VENT TO DO RITE IN DIS MADDER, BUT VE DON'T LIKE DISS
RATTSCHIDT BIZZINESS.

MIT MUTCH RESPECTS,

KARL GRUMMENSCHIDT

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

James Callow Keyword(s): GERMAN DIALECT ; HUMOR -- LINGUISTIC ; PACKAGES RAT SHIT RAT TURDS SACK CUSTOMER SHIP LETTER

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