The James T. Callow Folklore Archive

TALL TALE: JOHN MUSKOVICH (PRONOUNCED MUS-KOH'-VICH)

DID I EVER TELL YOU THE STORY OF THE GREATEST AMERICAN--JOHN
MUSKOVICH? ONE DAY JOHN WAS SITTING AT THE LOCAL BAR IN MINOOKA,
PENNSYLVANIA WHEN THE GOVERNOR OF PENNSYLVANIA, MILTON SCHAPP, WAS
ON TELEVISION. JOHN TURNED TO HIS BUDDY AND SAYS, "HEY, THERE'S
MY BUDDY MILTY; ME AND MILT HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR A LONG TIME."
HIS BUDDY RESPONDS, "ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU ARE FRIENDS WITH THE
GOVERNOR OF OUR ILLUSTRIOUS STATE?" TO WHICH JOHN REPLIES,
"YEAH." HIS BUDDY SAYS, "WELL, I'LL BET YOU TEN DOLLARS THAT YOU
DON'T REALLY KNOW THE GOVERNOR." SO THAT AFTERNOON THE TWO GUYS
GOT INTO THE CAR AND WENT OFF TO HARRISBURG. SOON AFTER THEY
WALKED INTO THE CAPITAL BUILDING, NONE OTHER THAN MILTON SCHAPP
CAME WALKING DOWN THE HALL. AS SOON AS SCHAPP SAW JOHN HE SAYS,
"JOHN MUSKOVICH, HOW YA DOIN'. LONG TIME . . . ." SO JOHN WON
THE TEN DOLLARS.
THE NEXT DAY JOHN AND HIS BUDDY WRE BACK IN MINOOKA WATCHING THE
TELEVISION WHEN PRESIDENT NIXON CAME ON. JOHN IMMEDIATELY SAYS,
"HEY, THERE'S MY BUDDY TRICKY DICK." HIS BUDDY SAYS, "WAIT A
MINUTE. YESTERDAY YOU SAID YOU KNEW THE GOVERNOR, NOW YOU SAY
YOU KNOW THE PRESIDENT. I'LL BET YOU $100 THAT YOU DON'T KNOW
THE PRESIDENT." AND THE NEXT MORNING THE TWO WERE OFF TO WASHING-
TON, D.C. THEY WERE WALKING OUTSIDE OF THE WHITE HOUSE AND PAT
NIXON JUST HAPPENED TO BE OUT ON THE LAWNS AND SHE IMMEDIATELY
SPOTS JOHN AND SAYS, "JOHN MUSKOVICH! HOW ARE YOU? IT'S BEEN A
LONG TIME. DICK WILL BE SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU." AND JOHN WON THE
$100.
ABOUT A WEEK LATER BACK AT THE MINOOKA BAR, THE TWO MEN WERE TALK-
ING AND JOHN'S BUDDY SAID, "LAST WEEK YOU SAID YOU KNEW THE GOVER-
NOR AND THEN THE PRESIDENT; I BET THE NEXT THING YOU'LL SAY IS
THAT YOU KNOW THE POPE!" TO WHICH JOHN REPLIES, "HEY, ME AND PAUL
BEEN FRIENDS FOR A LONG TIME." HIS BUDDY SAYS, "OKAY, I'LL BET
YOU $1,000 YOU DON'T KNOW THE POPE." AND THE NEXT DAY THE TWO ARE
ON A PLANE HEADED FOR THE VATICAN. WHEN THEY GET THERE IT JUST
HAPPENED THAT THE POPE WAS HAVING AN AUDIENCE WITH THE PUBLIC THAT
AFTERNOON. JOHN DECIDED TO LEAVE HIS BUDDY IN THE CROWD AND
HEADED IN TO SEE THE POPE HIMSELF. JUST AFTER JOHN WALKS OUT ON
THE BALCONY WITH THE POPE, THERE'S A BIG COMMOTION IN THE CROWD AND
JOHN SEES THAT HIS BUDDY HAD PASSED OUT. JOHN COMES RUNNING DOWN
AND GETS OVER TO HIS BUDDY AND SAYS, "HEY, WHAT HAPPENED?" HIS
BUDDY REPLIES,"THERE WERE THESE TWO NUNS NEXT TO ME AND ONE SAID
TO THE OTHER, 'WHO'S THAT UP THERE WITH JOHN MUSKOVICH?'"

Where learned: PENNSYLVANIA ; SCRANTON

Date learned: 00-00-1970

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A TALL TALE

THEN THERE WAS THE TIME THAT PAUL BUNYAN WENT HUNTING. HE WAS
THE SUREST SHOT AND THE FASTEST RUNNER THAT EVER WADED ACROSS
THE MISSISSIPPI. THEY STILL TALK OF IT OUT IN THE NORTHWEST.
WELL, PAUL SIGHTED A BIG BUCK A MILE AWAY; IT WAS STANDING ON
THE EDGE OF A CLIFF. PAUL KNEW THAT IF HE SHOT HIM HE WOULD FALL
OFF THE CLIFF. SO PAUL PULLED THE TRIGGER--AND AS SOON AS THE
BULLET LEFT THE GUN HE RAN TO WHERE THE BUCK WAS STANDING. HE
RAN SO FAST THAT HE GOT THERE AHEAD OF THE SHOT AND HAD TO DUCK
HIS HEAD TO LET THE BULLET GO BY. WELL SIR, THAT BUCK WAS KILLED
ALL RIGHT. BUT NOT BY THE BULLET. WHEN HE SAW PAUL STANDING
THERE, HE WAS JUST SCARED TO DEATH. IT DIED WITHOUT THE SHOT
EVER REACHING IT.
YOU KNOW THAT'S HOW THINGS HAPPEN IN THE PAUL BUNYAN COUNTRY.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Date learned: 06-00-1964

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A TALL TALE

DID YOU EVER HEAR OF THE HOUSE THAT PAUL BUNYAN BUILT IN THE
NORTH WOODS?
IT WAS SO HIGH THAT HE HAD TO PUT THE LAST FIVE STORIES ON
HINGES TO LET THE MOON GO BY.

Where learned: DETROIT ; MICHIGAN, ASSUMED

Date learned: 06-00-1964

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THE LEGEND OF THE LESZEKS AND POPIELS

AFTER THE DEATH OF WANDA, THE LEGENDARY HEROINE AND RULER OF
CRACOW, THERE RULED A GROUP OF TWELVE PALATINES. THEY FEARED
THAT SOME ENEMY WAS APPROACHING FROM RUMORS THAT WERE GOING AROUND
IN THE COUNTRYSIDE. THE ENEMY WAS SCARED OFF BY THE FORESIGHT
AND INGENUITY OF A YOUNG GOLDSMITH, LESZEK.
ON THE BUSHES AND TREES HE HUNG UP THE SHIELDS, SHINY ONES, AND
HELMETS OF THE ARMY. WHEN THE ENEMY SAW THE MULTITUDE OF THESE
SHIELDS AND HELMETS FROM FAR OFF, THEY QUICKLY LEFT, AFRAID OF
THE "LARGE ARMY" THAT AWAITED THEM. ABOUT 760 A.D. LESZEK BEGAN
HIS REIGN. HE IS ALSO KNOWN AS PRZEMYSTAIN, "AN INGENIOUS
PERSON."
WHEN LESZEK DIED, HE LEFT NO SON. THE KINGDOM, THEREFORE, HELD
A HORSE RACE TO SEE WHO WOULD BE THE NEXT RULER. THERE WERE
FIFTEEN OR SO BRAVE VOLUNTEERS. ONE SCHEMING PARTICIPANT COVERED
THE ROAD OF THE RACE WITH NAILS THE NIGHT BEFORE THE RACE. HE
DREW HIMSELF A PATH IN THE SAND SO THAT HE COULD FOLLOW WITHOUT
HURTING HIS OWN HORSE. ANOTHER PARTICIPANT DISCOVERED THE TRICK
AND PUT IRON HORSE SHOES ON HIS OWN HORSE. HE WON THE RACE AND
BECAME LESZEK II.
AFTER SEVERAL RULERS CAME POPIEL I WHO TRANSFERRED THE CAPITOL
OF POLAND FROM CRACOW TO GNIEZNO, FROM WHICH THE KINGDOM ORIGINA-
TED. HE THEN TRANSFERRED, IT IS SAID, TO THE CITY OF KRUSZWICZ
NEAR THE LAKE OF GOPLO. IT WAS HIS SON, POPIEL II, WHO WAS A
VERY GLUTTONOUS AND WEAK CHARACTER. IT IS SAID THAT HE WAS BALD
AND HAD A THICK BEARD CALLED "CHWOSTEK." HE HAD A GERMAN WIFE
WHO WAS SAID TO BE WICKED AND CRUEL, AND WHO TEMPTED HER HUSBAND
OFTEN TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF SITUATIONS AND DO WRONG.
IT WAS A CUSTOM AMONG THE SLAVS TO NAME THEIR SONS AFTER THEIR
SEVENTH BIRTHDAY. HIS HAIR WAS THEN CUT FOR THE FIRST TIME
AND A BIG FEAST WAS HELD WITH FRIENDS AND RELATIVES. POPIEL II
HELD SUCH A FEAST FOR HIS SON. MANY PEOPLE WERE INVITED.
AT THIS SAME TIME, TWO PILGRIMS CAME TO HIS CASTLE ASKING FOR
REFUGE, BUT POPIEL AND HIS WIFE ANGRILY CHASED THEM OUT. IN THE
EYES OF THE POLISH AND THE SLAVS IN GENERAL, SUCH BREAKING OF THE
LAWS OF HOSPITALITY WAS A SERIOUS CRIME. POPIEL SOON PAID FOR
IT.
IT IS SAID THAT THE TWO PILGRIMS WERE REALLY TWO ANGELS. OTHERS
SAY THEY WERE THE SAINTS CYRIL AND METHODIUS ON A MISSION. BUT
THIS INCIDENT DID NOT CHANGE POPIEL. HE CONTINUED IN HIS DRUNKEN
REVELRIES AND CRIMES ONLY TO ESCAPE THE PANGS OF HIS GUILTY CON-
SCIENCE.
FINALLY, WITH COUNSEL OF HIS WIFE, HE HELD A FEAST FOR ALL HIS
RELATIVES IN ORDER TO "MAKE UP" FOR THE TIMES HE DID THEM WRONG.
HE REALLY BELIEVED THAT THESE PEOPLE WERE THE CAUSE OF HIS GUILTY
FEELINGS. AT THIS FEAST, HE POISONED EVERYONE.
IMMEDIATELY HIS PUNISHMENT FOLLOWED. FROM THE BODIES OF THE DEAD
CAME OUT HUNDREDS OF MICE. THESE MICE CHASED POPIEL AND HIS WIFE.
THEY TRIED TO HIDE IN A TOWER, BUT DID NOT SUCCEED AND WERE EATEN
UP BY THE MICE AS WELL AS WERE HIS PEOPLE. THIS TOWER, CALLED
"MICE TOWER" OR "THE TOWER OF POPIEL," STANDS IN THE CITY OF
KRUSZIVICA, POLAND.

Submitter comment: THESE LEGENDS I'VE KNOWN SINCE CHILDHOOD DAYS FROM MY PARENTS AS
WELL AS FROM MY LESSONS IN POLISH HISTORY I TOOK FROM MRS. HELEN
CHMIELEWSKI OF DETROIT.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DEARBORN

Date learned: NOT GIVEN

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ROMAN OBSERVATION:

THE ROMANS DISLIKE THE ORNATE AND OSTENTATIOUS "ALTAR OF THE
NATION" WHICH CONTAINS A MONUMENT TO VICTOR EMMANUAL II.
THEY SAY: "THE BEST VIEW OF THE CITY IS FROM THE TOP OF THIS
BUILDING, BECAUSE ONLY FROM THE TOP DO YOU NOT HAVE TO LOOK AT
THIS MONSTROSITY."

Where learned: ITALY ; ROME ; IN A LETTER

Date learned: 09-00-1967

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