The James T. Callow Folklore Archive
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I SEEN IT
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
TWO NIGGERS WALKING DOWN A STREET--ONE IS VERY DUMB.
FIRST: HEY MAN! DID YOU SEE THAT WOMAN TAKE THAT GUN
AND SHOOT DAT MAN N JUMP IN DAT BIG CAR N BUST UP
DA STREET? (EXCITEDLY).
SECOND: HUH? NO MAN, I DINT SEE NUTHIN.
FIRST: BOY IS YOU STOOPID!
THEY WALK A LITTLE FARTHER.
FIRST: HEY MAN! DID YOU SEE DAT MAN WIT DE MASK RUN
OUT'N DAT BANK WIT A BIG SACK N DAT POLICE TAKE OFF
AFTER 'EM?
SECOND: HUH? NO MAN, I DIN SEE NUTHIN.
FIRST: BOY, YOU IS REALLY STOOPID!
AS THEY WALK THE SECOND ONE THINKS "NEX TIME HE AKS ME
IF AH SEEN IT, AHM GON SEE YEAH SO HE WON CALL ME
STOOPID."
A LITTLE LATER:
FIRST: HEY MAN! DID YOU SEE DAT?
SECOND: YEAH MAN, YEAH MAN, OH SEEN IT, AH SEEN IT.
FIRST: THEN WHAT THE HELL YOU STEP IN IT FO?
Data entry tech comment:
NEGRO DIALECT.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
Date learned: 01-00-1964
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SMART PILLS
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
A MAN WHO WAS EMBARRASSINGLY IGNORANT WENT TO A DOCTOR AND
ASKED IF THERE WERE ANY PILLS HE COULD TAKE TO MAKE HIM
SMART. THE PHYSICIAN GAVE HIM A LARGE BOTTLE OF LARGE
BROWN PILLS AND TOLD HIM TO RETURN AFTER TAKING ALL OF
THEM AS PRESCRIBED. WHEN THE MAN RETURNED THE DOCTOR ASKED
HIM HOW HE LIKED THE PILLS.
"THEY'RE OK" THE MAN SAID, "EXCEPT THEY TASTE LIKE SHEEP
SHIT."
"SEE," SAID THE DOCTOR, "YOU'RE GETTING SMARTER ALREADY."
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
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STARTING A CAR EQUIPPED WITH AUTOMATIC TRANSMISSION
THIS IS A STORY THAT WENT AROUND WHEN AUTOMATIC
TRANSMISSIONS FIRST BECAME POPULAR.
A MAN, WHOSE CAR HAD STALLED, WAS TELLING A WOMAN,
WHO HAD OFFERED A PUSH, THAT TO TURN OVER HIS MOTOR
SHE WOULD HAVE TO GO 35 M.P.H. HE CLIMBS INTO THE
SEAT, LOOKS INTO HIS REAR VIEW MIRROR, AND LEAPS
TO SAFETY, JUST AS THE WOMAN DRIVER CRASHES INTO
HIS CAR AT 35 M.P.H.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; LIVONIA
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
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MORON TALE
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
WHY DID THE MORON TAKE A LADDER TO THE BAR WITH HIM?
DRINKS WERE ON THE HOUSE.
Submitter comment:
THESE JOKES WERE IN VOGUE AT THIS TIME AND THE
INFORMANT PICKED IT UP WHILE THEY WERE GOING
AROUND.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
Date learned: 00-00-1960
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MORON TALE
QUESTION: WHY DID THE MORON BURY ALL HIS BEER
BOTTLES IN HIS YARD?
ANSWER: HE WANTED TO HAVE A BEER GARDEN.
Submitter comment:
THESE JOKES WERE IN VOGUE AT THIS TIME, AND THE
INFORMANT PICKED IT UP WHILE THEY WERE GOING
AROUND .
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
Date learned: 00-00-1960
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LATE ONE EVENING ON THE MAIN HIGHWAY THROUGH GEORGIA,
"SLIM" PETERS (HE WAS DRUNK) LOST CONTROL OF HIS CAR
AND SLID INTO THE DITCH. THE STATE POLICE WERE RIGHT
ON THE SCENE IN FIVE MINUTES. THEY ASKED "SLIM" IF
HE WERE DRUNK. "I SURE AM, OFFICER! I AIN'T ONE O'
THEM WRECKLESS DRIVERS." WITH THAT RESPONSE, THE
OFFICERS PULLED HIS CAR OUT OF THE DITCH, DROVE
HIM HOME AND DIDN'T GIVE HIM A TICKET. IT PAYS
TO BE HONEST AND IN "SLIMS" CASE, ALSO STUPID.
Submitter comment:
MR. CATES CLAIMS THAT "SLIM" WAS A REAL GOOD FRIEND
OF HIS AND HE GOT THE STORY FIRST-HAND.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT ; CATES BAR
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TWO DRUNKS MET AND THE FIRST ASKED THE SECOND:
"SHAY MACK, DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?"
"YEH," SAID THE SECOND.
"THANKS," SAID THE FIRST AND WALKED AWAY.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
Date learned: 11-17-1968
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THE ESKIMO WOMAN
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
A MAN WENT TO ALASKA AND WAS TOLD BY HIS RUGGED
NEIGHBORS THAT HE HAD TO DO THREE THINGS TO BE
ACCEPTED AS A REAL MAN IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
1) CHUG TWO FIFTHS OF WHISKEY (ENOUGH TO KILL)
2) KILL A BEAR WITH A KNIFE, AND 3) HAVE INTERCOURSE
WITH AN ESKIMO WOMAN. THE MAN PROMPTLY WALKED INTO
THE CLOSEST BAR, CHUGGED TWO FIFTHS OF WHISKEY AND
THEN BRUSKLY INTO THE WOODS. A TREMENDOUS COMMOTION
WAS HEARD, FOLLOWED BY AN INTERLUDE OF SILENCE.
SHORTLY AFTER, THE MAN WALKED OUT RATHER BATTERED
LOOKING AND TOOK THIS KNIFE OUT OF THE SHEATH,
FEELING THE SHARPNESS OF THE BLADE. "WHERE'S THAT
ESKIMO WOMAN," HE SAID, "THAT YOU WANT ME TO KILL?"
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
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THE BUS TRAP
A MAN WENT TO A HARDWARE STORE AND SAID, "I WANT TO
BUY A MOUSE TRAP, AND HURRY, I WANT TO CATCH A
BUS!"
THE HARDWARE MAN ANSWERED, "I'M SORRY, BUT WE DON'T
MAKE THEM THAT BIG."
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; PONTIAC
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
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Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
THE TWO LITTLE BOYS MARCHED HOME FROM FOOTBALL PRACTICE.
AS THE TWO WENT UPSTAIRS, THE OLDER ONE WAS CUSSING
UP AND DOWN, BACK AND FORTH. THE MOTHER WAS JUST
SHOCKED. WHEN THE HUSBAND CAME HOME, THE WIFE
COMPLAINED, "WE'LL, JUST HAVE TO CRACK DOWN ON THEM."
THE NEXT DAY AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE, THE MOTHER ASKED
THE TWO WHAT THEY WANTED FOR BREAKFAST. THE OLDER
BOY SAID, "I GUESS I'LL HAVE THOSE GODDAMN CORNFLAKES
AGAIN." WITH THAT, THE MOTHER CRACKED THE BOY SO HARD, HE FELL OFF THE CHAIR. SHE STARED AT THE LITTLE
FELLOW AND SCOWLED, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" HE
REPLIED, "YOU CAN BET YOUR SWEET FANNY IT WON'T BE CORN
FLAKES!"
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; SOUTHFIELD
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JANE: "MY TEACHER WAS ANGRY BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW
WHERE THE ERIE CANAL WAS."
MOTHER: "NEXT TIME, DON'T FORGET WHERE YOU PUT IT."
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
Date learned: 10-12-1965
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A MAN HAD TWO HORSES AND COULDN'T TELL THEM APART,
SO HE ASKED A FRIEND WHAT TO DO. THE FRIEND SAID
TO CUT OFF THE TAIL OF ONE OF THEM. HE DID, BUT
IT GREW BACK. SO HE CUT OFF THE MANE OF THE OTHER
ONE, BUT IT GREW BACK. SO HE ASKED THE FRIEND
AGAIN, AND THE FRIEND SAID, "WHY NOT MEASURE THEM."
HE DID AND HE FOUND OUT THAT THE BROWN HORSE WAS
TWO INCHES TALLER THAN THE WHITE ONE.
Where learned: SCHOOL
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
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TWO DRUNKS WERE WALKING DOWN A RAILROAD TRACK.
SAID ONE TO THE OTHER--"MAN, THIS SURE IS A LONG
STAIRWAY." THE OTHER REPLIED--"I DON'T MIND THE
STAIRS, IT'S THESE DARN LOW HANDRAILS, THAT GET ME!"
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
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THE APE
Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
A DRUNK WALKED INTO A BAR AND SAW A HUGE APE SITTING
ON A STOOL. HE ORDERED A COUPLE DRINKS, AND THE APE
STOLE THEM FROM HIM. FINALLY, HE GOT MAD AND SLUGGED
THE APE. THE APE FLATTENED THE DRUNK ON THE FLOOR.
LOOKING UP AT HIS HAIRY OPPONENT, THE DRUNK YELLED:
"GIVE A NIGGER A MINK COAT, A COUPLE DRINKS, AND HE
THINKS HE OWNS THE WORLD.
Where learned: NOT GIVEN
James Callow Keyword(s):
RACISM
Date learned: NOT GIVEN
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Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
WHY DID THE MORON THROW THE BUTTER OUT THE WINDOW?
HE WANTED TO SEE A BUTTERFLY.
Submitter comment:
HEARD DURING GRADE SCHOOL.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; REDFORD
Date learned: 00-00-1956
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Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
WHY DID THE MORON THROW THE CLOCK OUT THE WINDOW?
HE WANTED TO SEE TIME FLY.
Submitter comment:
HEARD DURING GRADE SCHOOL.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; REDFORD
Date learned: 00-00-1956
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Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
WHY DID THE MORON THROW HIS PANTS OUT THE WINDOW?
HE HEARD A BOY CALLING, "FREE PRESS!"
Submitter comment:
I HEARD THIS JOKE MANY TIMES AS A YOUNGSTER. ODDLY
ENOUGH, I NEVER CAUGHT ON TO IT UNTIL I WAS IN HIGH
SCHOOL.
Where learned: MICHIGAN
James Callow Keyword(s):
NEWSPAPER.
Date learned: 00001950S
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Historical record from James Callow Folklore Archive.
A BIG MORON AND A LITTLE MORON WERE STANDING ON THE
TOP OF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING. THE BIG MORON FELL
OFF; WHY DIDN'T THE LITTLE MORON?
HE WAS A LITTLE MORE ON.
Submitter comment:
HEARD DURING GRADE SCHOOL DAYS, PLYMOUTH, MICHIGAN.
Where learned: MICHIGAN
Date learned: 00001950S
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PATIENT: DOCTOR, I CAN'T SLEEP.
DOCTOR: DID YOU TRY COUNTING?
PATIENT: YES, UP TO 485,656.
DOCTOR: DID YOU FALL ASLEEP?
PATIENT: NO, IT WAS TIME TO GET UP.
Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT
Date learned: 11-00-1965
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