The James T. Callow Folklore Archive

A CERTAIN STUMP

IN THE OLD COUNTRY (POLAND) THERE WERE MASTERS WHO OWNED
LAND. AND THERE WERE SERVANTS WHO WORKED ON THE LAND.
THE MASTER WAS CALLED A "PAN" (PRONOUNCED "PON") AND
USUALLY HE DID NO WORK AT ALL.
ON A CERTAIN FARM THERE WAS A MASTER WHO COULD NOT MOVE
HIS BOWELS SATISFACTORILY, AND HE ALWAYS COMPLAINED
ABOUT THIS TO HIS SERVANTS. MANY OF THE SERVANTS WERE
PAID ALMOST NOTHING AND HATED THE MASTER. ONE DAY, ONE
OF THESE SERVANTS TOLD THE MASTER THAT HE HAD TO GO TO
A CERTAIN STUMP IF HE WANTED TO REALLY GET A GOOD
PHYSICAL CLEANING. THE MASTER WAS OVERJOYED AT HEARING
THIS AND PROMISED TO GIVE HIM A BIG RAISE IF HE WOULD SHOW
HIM THE STUMP. THE SERVANT SAID HE WOULD AND THE NEXT DAY
HE CAME TO THE MASTER'S HOUSE WITH A HORSE-DRAWN CART.
THE MASTER WAS DELIGHTED THAT MORNING WITH THE THOUGHT OF
A CERTAIN STUMP. HE GOT INTO THE CART AND THE SERVANT
LED THE HORSES OVER A BUMPTY ROAD THROUGH THE FOREST.
AFTER RIDING VERY FAST FOR A HALF HOUR THE PAN INQUIRED
HOW FAR THE STUMP WAS. THE SERVANT REPLIED, "IT'S
JUST AHEAD MASTER."
THEN THE SERVANT MADE THE HORSES GO FASTER OVER THE BUMPY
ROAD AND THE PAN WAS GETTING IMPATIENT, "HOW MUCH LONGER
YET TO THE STUMP, SERVANT?" "I CAN'T TAKE THIS MUCH LONGER."
THE SERVANT REALIZED THAT THE MASTER'S STOMACHE WAS
CHURNING ALREADY, BUT HE WENT FASTER -- THEN THE MASTER
SAID: "SERVANT, I CAN'T HOLD IT ANY LONGER, HURRY TO
STUMP!" THEN THE SERVANT POINTED TO THE FIRST STUMP
HE SAW AND SAID, "THERE'S THE STUMP, MASTER." THE
MASTER JUMPED OUT, RAN TO THE STUMP, AND CAME BACK A
WHILE LATER JUST BEAMING BECAUSE HE REALLY FELT GOOD.
HE SAID, "SERVANT, YOU ARE VERY SMART FOR FINDING SUCH A
STUMP FOR ME. YOU WILL GET YOUR RAISE."
MORAL--THE SMART SERVANT KNEW THAT THE BODY MUST BE
EXERCISED AND WORKED IN ORDER TO GAIN PHYSICAL SATISFACTION.

Submitter comment: INFORMANT HEARD THIS FROM HIS FATHER.
SERVANT CAUSES BOWEL MOVEMENT IN HIS CONSTIPATED MASTER BY GETTING
HIM TO EXERCISE AS SERVANT LEADS HIM TO A SUPPOSED MAGIC STUMP.

Where learned: WARREN

Date learned: 08-00-1964