The James T. Callow Folklore Archive

JEWISH CUSTOM

ONE OF THE INITIAL CUSTOMS OF THE JEWISH FUNERALS
THAT AMAZES MOST GENTILES IS THE BURYING OF THE DECEASED
EITHER IMMEDIATELY OR AS SOON AS POSSIBLE AFTER DEATH.
IN MOST CASES, THE FUNERALS TAKE PLACE ON THE SAME DAY
THE DEATH HAS OCCURRED, OR THE DAY AFTER. THE REASON
FOR THE ONE-DAY DELAY MAY BE BECAUSE THERE ARE MEMBERS
OF THE FAMILY THAT LIVE IN ANOTHER STATE, AND THE
FUNERAL MUST WAIT UNTIL THEY HAVE ARRIVED. THE REASON
FOR THIS CUSTOM OF BURYING THE DEAD AS SOON AS
POSSIBLE, IS THAT THE JEWS FEEL IT PROLONGS THE
SUFFERING OF THE SURVIVING MEMBERS OF THE DECEASED IF
THE FUNERAL IS DELAYED.
AT THE FUNERAL ITSELF, THE IMMEDIATE FAMILY OF THE
DECEASED IS PUT INTO A SPECIAL ROOM, WHICH IS SET APART
FROM THE MAIN SECTION OF THE FUNERAL HOME. HERE THEY
ARE SEATED, EACH BEING IDENTIFIED AS AN IMMEDIATE MEMBER
OF THE DECEASED'S FAMILY BY WEARING A SMALL BLACK RIBBON
WHICH IS TORN IN THE MIDDLE. THEY USUALLY WEAR THIS
RIBBON PINNED TO THEIR SHIRT OR BLOUSE. THIS SIGNIFIES
THAT THEIR HEART IS TORN AND FULL OF DESPAIR.
AS GUESTS ARRIVE AT THE FUNERAL, THEY EACH FIND THEIR
WAY TO THIS SPECIAL ROOM TO PAY THEIR RESPECTS TO THE
IMMEDIATE FAMILY, AFTER WHICH THEY GO BACK INTO THE MAIN
SECTION OF THE FUNERAL HOME AND WAIT FOR THE FUNERAL TO
START.
THE DECEASED'S BODY LIES IN A SIMPLE CASKET AT THE FRONT
OF THE FUNERAL HOME, BEHIND PARTLY DRAWN CURTAINS. THE
BODY IS USUALLY NEVER "FIXED UP" AND IS CLAD IN A WHITE
SHROUD. IF THE DECEASED IS A MAN, HE HAS A WHITE SCULL
CAP (YARMULKA) ON HIS HEAD AND THE TRADITIONAL JEWISH
JEWISH SHAWL (WHICH HAS THE COLORS OF ISRAEL ON IT
ALONG WITH THE STAR OF DAVID) PLACED OVER HIS SHOULDERS.
ANYONE WHO WISHES MAY VIEW THE BODY. DURING THE FUNERAL
ITSELF, THE IMMEDIATE FAMILY USUALLY REMAINS IN THE
SPECIAL ROOM UNTIL THE SERVICE IS OVER. WHEN THE
SERVICES END, HOWEVER, THE FAMILY DOES GO ON TO THE
CEMETERY FOR THE BURIAL.
AFTER THE BURIAL TAKES PLACE, THE IMMEDIATE FAMILY WILL
ALL GO TO ONE HOUSE (USUALLY DESIGNATED BEFOREHAND)
WHERE THEY WILL STAY FOR A PERIOD OF 7 DAYS, WHICH IS
THE INITIAL PERIOD OF MOURNING. THIS IS CALLED THE
"SITTING OF SHIVA (SHIVA PRONOUNCED SHEVA). DURING
SHIVA, THE HOUSE WHERE THE FAMILY MUST "SIT" IS ARRANGED
IN A CERTAIN MANNER. FIRST OF ALL, ALL THE CUSHIONS ON
EVERY SEAT IN THE HOUSE MUST BE REMOVED, (RATHER, EVERY
SEAT WHERE THE IMMEDIATE FAMILY MUST SIT IS WITHOUT A
CUSHION). THIS IS BECAUSE THE FAMILY MUST ENDURE NO
COMFORT WHILE THEY ARE IN MOURNING. FOR THIS SAME REASON,
THE FAMILY MUST NOT WEAR ANY SHOES WITH HARD SOLES
(SLIPPERS ARE ACCEPTABLE OR JUST SOCKS). THIS CUSTOM
GOES BACK A LONG WAY WHEN THE HOUSES HAD JUST HARD
WOODEN FLOORS WITH NO RUGS OR CARPETS, THEREFORE, MAKING
IT HARD ON PEOPLES' FEET IF THEY WALKED WITHOUT SHOES.
ANOTHER CHARACTERISTIC OF THE HOUSE IS THAT ALL THE
MIRRORS MUST BE COVERED. THE REASON FOR THIS IS THAT
WHILE IN MOURNING, YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT
YOUR VANITY.
NOW DURING THIS SEVEN DAYS OF MOURNING, NONE OF THE
IMMEDIATE FAMILY ARE SUPPOSED TO DO ANY TYPE OF WORK
(INCLUDING COOKING). OTHER RELATIVES AND FRIENDS ARE
SUPPOSED TO TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY OF CLEANING OR
COOKING OR PREPARING OF FOOD THAT MUST BE DONE.
USUALLY, FOOD IS PURCHASED WHICH REQUIRES NO PREPARING
(FOR EXAMPLE, SANDWICHES FROM A DELICATESSEN). ALSO,
DURING THESE SEVEN DAYS, DIFFERENT FRIENDS ARE SUPPOSED
TO COME TO THE HOUSE (USUALLY BEARING CAKES, ETC.) AND
PAY THEIR RESPECTS TO THE FAMILY. THESE FRIENDS USUALLY
STAY FOR AWHILE TO CONVERSE WITH THE MOURNERS, AND ARE
USUALLY OFFERED TO PARTAKE OF FOOD. FRIENDS MAY COME
AT ANY TIME OF THE DAY OR NIGHT TO PAY THEIR RESPECTS,
WHICH IS ANOTHER PURPOSE OF SHIVA--FOR FRIENDS OF THE
DECEASED'S FAMILY TO HELP THE FAMILY THROUGH THEIR
INITIAL PERIOD OF MOURNING, BECAUSE THIS IS SUPPOSED TO
BE THE HARDEST TIME FOR THEM. THUS, THESE FRIENDS HELP
BY TALKING WITH THE MEMBERS OF THE FAMILY AND TRYING TO
HELP THEM OCCUPY THEIR MINDS.
DURING SHIVA, THE TRADITIONAL PRAYER FOR THE DEAD IS SAID
TWICE A DAY AT THE HOUSE, ONCE IN THE MORNING AND ONE
IN THE EVENING. THIS PRAYER REQUIRES THE PRESENCE OF
TEN MEN TO TAKE PART IN THE PRAYER. THERE CAN BE MORE
THAN TEN, BUT THERE CAN'T BE LESS, BECAUSE OF THE
JEWISH LAW REQUIRING A QUORUM OF TEN MEN FOR ANY PRAYER.
ONE OF THE MEN LEADS THE OTHERS.
THE FAMILY STAYS AT THE HOUSE FROM AROUND 7:00 A.M. UNTIL
10:00 P.M., WHICH IS WHEN THEY EACH GO TO THEIR SEPARATE
HOMES FOR THE NIGHT, AND COME BACK IN THE MORNING. AS
MENTIONED BEFORE, THIS GOES ON FOR 7 DAYS, BUT THE SHIVA
IS ALWAYS BROKEN ON FRIDAY NIGHT, AND THE MOURNERS CANNOT
START AGAIN UNTIL SATURDAY NIGHT. THIS IS BECAUSE FROM
SUNDOWN ON FRIDAY UNTIL SUNDOWN ON SATURDAY IS THE JEWISH
SABBATH. AFTER THE SHIVA STARTS AGAIN ON SATURDAY NIGHT,
THE MOURNERS MUST STAY UNTIL THE REMAINDER OF THE 7 DAYS
IS OVER. THIS WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO MENTION THE FACT
THAT A FUNERAL CAN NEVER BE HELD ON THE SABBATH. FOR
EXAMPLE, IF A PERSON DIES ON A FRIDAY, HE CANNOT BE
BURIED UNTIL SUNDAY.
AFTER THE SHIVA IS OVER, THE IMMEDIATE FAMILY USUALLY
REMAINS IN STRICT MOURNING FOR ONE MONTH (NO T.V., NO
RADIO, NO ENTERTAINMENT OF ANY KIND). AND FOR ONE YEAR
AFTER THE DEATH OF THE DECEASED, THE FAMILY IS USUALLY
REQUIRED TO ATTEND THE SYNAGOG EVERY MORNING, BEFORE GOING
TO WORK, TO SAY A PRAYER FOR THE DEAD. AFTER ONE YEAR,
THE PERIOD OF MOURNING IS OFFICIALLY OVER.
ALSO, IT IS ONE YEAR AFTER THE DEATH THAT THE FAMILY (AND
USUALLY FRIENDS) MUST GATHER AT THE CEMETERY FOR THE
"UNVEILING" OF THE TOMBSTONE. THIS IS A SIMPLE
CEREMONY, WHEREIN A PRAYER IS SAID BY THE RABBI, WHILE
THE FAMILY VIEWS THE TOMBSTONE OVER THE GRAVE FOR THE
FIRST TIME. WHEN THE FAMILY ARRIVES AT THE GRAVE AT THIS
TIME, THE STONE IS USUALLY COVERED WITH A WHITE SHEET,
AND IT IS THEN TAKEN OFF DURING THE CEREMONY. AFTER
KNOWING THIS, YOU CAN SURMISE THAT THERE IS NO TOMBSTONE
ON THE GRAVE WHEN THE DECEASED IS BURIED.
OF COURSE, ONE MUST REALIZE THAT ALL THESE CUSTOMS ARE
VARIED ACCORDING TO WHETHER THE FAMILY INVOLVED ARE
ORTHODOX (VERY STRICT), CONSERVATIVE (MODERATELY STRICT)
OR REFORMED (VERY LIBERAL). IN SOME CASES, ALL THE
CUSTOMS ARE PRACTICED, WHILE IN OTHERS, ONLY HALF OF
THEM ARE PRACTICED. AN EXAMPLE WOULD BE THAT THE REFORMED
JEW MAY ONLY SIT SHIVA FOR FOUR DAYS INSTEAD OF THE SEVEN,
AND HE MAY NOT OBSERVE ANY OF THE ABOVE MENTIONED RITUALS
WHILE HE IS SITTING SHIVA (COVERING MIRRORS, ETC.)

Submitter comment: ORIGIN: PARENTS AND SYNAGOGUE

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Date learned: 07-29-1964