The James T. Callow Folklore Archive

THERE WERE ONCE TWO FARMERS AND THEY WERE ALWAYS
ENVIOUS OF EACH OTHER. WELL, ONE DAY, ONE OF THE
FARMERS HAD A BEAUTIFUL OUTHOUSE BUILT. IT WAS A
GORGEOUS THING. IT HAD THREE PILLARS IN THE FRONT, IT
HAD TWO EASTERN CHURCH TYPE DOMES ON TOP, IT WAS A
FOUR SEATER, AND BEST OF ALL, IT DIDN'T STINK. NOW THE
OTHER FARMER, WHO WAS GREEN WITH ENVY (AND WITH THE SMELL
OF HIS OWN OUTHOUSE) DECIDED THAT HE MUST HAVE ONE THAT
WAS BETTER IN ALL RESPECTS THAN HIS SWEET SNIFFING
NEIGHBOR. HE THUS CALL A CONTRACTOR IN TOWN AND GAVE HIM
THE DESIRED SPECIFICATIONS. HE WANTED HIS OUTHOUSE TO BE
COMPLETELY SURROUNDED WITH 12 PILLARS. HE WANTED A
STEEPLE ON TOP, 8 SEATS, WALL TO WALL CARPETING AND
FIGURES CARVED ON THE BUILDING TRIM, AND LASTLY, HE
STRICTLY STATED THAT THE OUTHOUSE COULD NOT STINK.
NEXT DAY THE CONTRACTOR AND HIS MEN CAME TO THE FARMER'S
PROPERTY AND WITHIN A COUPLE OF WEEKS ERECTED THE
STRUCTURE. THE FARMER WAS VERY HAPPY WITH THE VISIBLE
RESULT. A FEW WEEKS LATER, HOWEVER, THE FARMER FOUND IT
NECESSARY TO CALL THE CONTRACTOR. IT SEEMS THAT WHILE
THE FARMER WAS STROLLING AROUND HIS OUTHOUSE, HE SNIFFED
SOMETHING THAT WAS QUITE UNDESIROUS. HE IMMEDIATELY
CALLED THE CONTRACTOR AND TOLD HIM OFTHE DELEMMA. THE
CONTRACTOR QUICKLY DROVE TO THE FARM. HE GREETED THE
FARMER AND THEY BOTH STROLLED BACK TO THE OUTHOUSE. THE
CONTRACTOR PROCEEDED TO CHECK THE PILLARS, THE
FOUNDATIONS, THE CARPETING., THE STEEPLE, THE CARVED
FIGURES AND THE PAINT. FINDING NO FAULT, HE WANDERED
OVER TO ONE OF THE SEATS. OPENING THE COVER AND
LOOKING WITHIN, HE BECKONED THE FARMER. POINTING TO
THE INSIDE OF THE HOLE, HE EXCLAIMED, "HERE'S YOUR
PROBLEM RIGHT HERE: SOMEBODY SHIT IN IT."

Submitter comment: THIS IS A STORY THAT MY DAD TOLD ME ABOUT FOUR YEARS
AGO. HE DOES NOT KNOW WHERE HE HEARD IT.

Where learned: ROYAL OAK ; MICHIGAN, ASSUMED

Date learned: 04-16-1965