The James T. Callow Folklore Archive

A man died and went to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter stopped
him and said that he could not go to heaven because of his
many sins. The man protested, and asked what he had done
that was so bad. St. Peter replied that the man had
committed many sexual sins, chief among them that he had had
oral sex. "But St. Peter," the man exclaimed, "everyone
on earth does it, so how can it be wrong?" St. Peter did
not want to punish the man unfairly, and so he asked God
what he should do. God instructed him to go down to Earth
and find out for himself how things were. After a long
time St. Peter returned, shaking his head. "God," he said,
"it's even worse than we feared! Almost everyone is
performing oral sex. There are only a few virtuous souls
who are obeying your commandments." Then God instructed
St. Peter to make up a special plaque to honor those who
did not partake of oral sex, hoping that it would encourage
others to be good. And do you know what it said? (At this
point in the joke, the teller addresses the listener with
an earnest tone. When the listener says "No, what did it
say?", the teller laughs out:) "So you didn't get one
either!"

Submitter comment: This was a joke that was popular in the steel mill where
Tom works. The men especially liked telling this joke
to women whom they thought would be embarrassed.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DEARBORN

Keyword(s): Catch story, pornographic

Date learned: 00001980CA

View just this record