The James T. Callow Folklore Archive

NEVER INDULGE IN ONIONS, UNLESS YOUR LOVE EATS ONIONS TOO.
FOR YOUR SCENTED BREATH WILL BE THE DEATH
OF THE LOVE, HE BEARS, FOR YOU.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; BLOOMFIELD

Keyword(s): FOOD SEX ; MONOLOGUE INDIRECTION ADVICE ; QUATRAIN? ; RHYME: IMPERFECT, ABCA ; RHYME: INTERNAL, MASCULINE

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O ALMIGHTY DOLLAR, THY SHINING FACE
THAT SPEAKS THY MIGHTY POWER
IN MY POCKET, FIND A RESTING PLACE,
FOR I NEED THEE EVERY HOUR.
AMEN.

Where learned: SCHOOL ; DETROIT ; MICHIGAN, ASSUMED

Keyword(s): APOSTROPHE MONOLOGUE QUATRAIN ; INDIRECTION SATIRE MONEY ; METER: IAMBIC, ANAPESTIC ; MOCK-PIOUS ; RHYME: MASCULINE, IMPERFECT, ABAB

Date learned: NOT GIVEN

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SEE MY FINGER, SEE MY THUMB,
SEE MY FIST, YOU BETTER RUN.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Keyword(s): BULLY ; DIALECT ; ELLIPSIS, SURPRISE ENDING ; METER: ANAPESTIC ; MONOLOGUE UNDERSTATEMENT FIGHTING ; RHYME: MASCULINE ; THREAT

Date learned: NOT GIVEN

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SCARE

SEE MY FINGER, SEE MY THUMB,
SEE MY FIST, YOU BETTER RUN.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; GROSSE POINTE WOODS

Keyword(s): BULLY ; ELLIPSIS, SURPRISE ENDING ; METER: ANAPESTIC ; MONOLOGUE UNDERSTATEMENT DIALECT FIGHTING ; RHYME: MASCULINE ; THREAT

Date learned: NOT GIVEN

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SITTIN' BY THE ROADSIDE ON A SUMMER DAY,
CHATTING WITH MY MESS MATES, PASSING TIME AWAY,
LAYING IN THE SHADOW UNDERNEATH THE TREE,
GOODNESS, HOW DELICIOUS EATING GOOBER PEAS!

CHORUS: PEAS, PEAS, PEAS, PEAS,
GOODNESS HOW DELICIOUS EATING GOOBERPEAS!

Submitter comment: INFORMANT RECITED IT.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Keyword(s): FOOD ; FOOD, EATING ; GOOBERS=PEANUTS ; IT MAY ALSO BE SUNG. ; METER: IAMBIC, ANAPESTIC ; RHYME: AABB

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THE GRASS IS RIZ,
WHERE LAST YEAR'S
CARELESS DRIVER IS.

Submitter comment: WRITTEN IN PARISH BULLETIN.

James Callow comment: RDNeedsReview

Where learned: MICHIGAN

Keyword(s): ADVICE ; DEATH ; DRIVING ; METER: IAMBIC ; MONOLOGUE SLANG, DIALECT ; PUN ; RHYME: MASCULINE, ABCB

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TRUE FRIENDS ARE LIKE DIAMONDS--
PRECIOUS AND RARE.
FALSE ONES ARE LIKE LEAVES--
FOUND EVERYWHERE.

Submitter comment: THIS USED TO BE ONE OF MY PEN PALS (1957). THIS WAS
ONE OF HER CLEVER SAYINGS.

Data entry tech comment: OFTEN FOUND IN AUTOGRAPH BOOKS.

Where learned: Wyoming ; ROCK SPRINGS

Keyword(s): FRIENDSHIP JEWELS ; METER: TROCHAIC ; QUATRAIN FUNCTION AUTOGRAPH VERSE ; RHYME: MASCULINE, ABCB

James Callow Keyword(s): AUTUMN LEAVES SCATTERED EVERYWHERE--AMA BARR

Date learned: NOT GIVEN

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TWO'S A COUPLE,
THREE'S A CROWD,
FOUR ON THE SIDEWALK,
IS NEVER ALLOWED.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Keyword(s): METER: TROCHAIC ; REFRAIN NUMBERS ; RHYME: MASCULINE, ABCB ; VARIATION: FOUR'S TOO MANY, FIVE'S NOT ALLOWED.

Date learned: NOT GIVEN

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CHEER

UMBA SASSA, UMBA SASSA,
HIT 'EM IN DA HEAD WITH A BIG KILBASA.

Submitter comment: INFORMANT USED IN POLISH HIGH SCHOOL.

Data entry tech comment: KIELBASA=POLISH SAUSAGE

Where learned: ILLINOIS ; CHICAGO

Keyword(s): DIALECT, SLANG THREAT FOOD ; METER: TROCHAIC ; RHYME: FEMININE

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WE DON'T HAVE OUR BACKHOUSE ANYMORE,
THINGS ARE MIGHTY DIFFERENT THAN BEFORE.
ONCE I HAD TO GO IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT,
I WAS SUCH A LITTLE FELLOW, I DIDN'T FIT RIGHT.
I TIPPED THE DARN THING OVER AND GOD! WAS I A SIGHT!
WE DON'T HAVE OUR BACKHOUSE ANYMORE.

Submitter comment: MY DAD OFTEN RECITED THE FOLLOWING NURSERY RHYME TO
MY SISTERS AND ME WHEN WE WERE SAD. IT ALWAYS BROUGHT
A SMILE.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Keyword(s): ACCIDENT TOILET ; BACKHOUSE=PRIVY OUTHOUSE ; REPETITION SLANG HUMOR ; RHYME: MASCULINE, AABBBA ; UNDERSTATEMENT OBSERVATION

Date learned: NOT GIVEN

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WE MUST, WE MUST,
WE MUST IMPROVE THE BUST.
THE BIGGER THE BETTER,
THE TIGHTER THE SWEATER,
WE MUST IMPROVE THE BUST.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Keyword(s): ANATOMY ; BOSOM BREAST ; FUNCTION GROWING UP ; MONOLOGUE SLANG DIALECT ; REFRAIN, QUATRAIN? ; RHYME: FEMININE, INTERNAL ; RHYME: IMPERFECT, AABBA

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WHEN I'M DEAD AND IN MY GRAVE,
NO MORE WHISKEY SHALL I CRAVE,
FOR ON MY TOMBSTONE SHALL BE WROTE,
MANY A QUART'S WENT DOWN MY THROAT.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; GARDEN CITY

Keyword(s): DRINKING ; METER: ANAPESTIC DIMETER ; MONOLOGUE QUATRAIN EPITAPH EUPHEMISM ; POOR GRAMMAR ; RHYME: MASCULINE, AABB

Date learned: NOT GIVEN

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WHEN YOU ARE OLD AND ABOUT TO DIE,
CALL ME UP SO I CAN CRY.
(TELEPHONE NUMBER).

Where learned: SCHOOL ; MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Keyword(s): ANTICLIMAX IRONY COUPLET ; AUTOGRAPH VERSE? ; METER: ANAPESTIC ; PREPARATION FOR DEATH OLD AGE FRIENDSHIP ; RHYME: MASCULINE

Date learned: NOT GIVEN

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YOU SCREAM, I SCREAM,
WE ALL SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Keyword(s): METER: IAMBIC ANAPESTIC ; REPETITION FOOD REFRAIN CACOGRAPHY ; RHYME: MASCULINE

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FLOWERS MAY WITHER,
SONGS MAY DIE,
SOME WILL FORGET YOU,
BUT NEVER WILL I...

Where learned: LOUISIANA ; BATON ROUGE

Keyword(s): AUTOGRAPH VERSE? ; RHYME: MASCULINE, ABCB ; SINCERITY INDIRECTION PLEDGE FRIENDSHIP

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THE MAIDEN

THERE ONCE WAS A MAIDEN SO FAIR,
HER BRIGHT BLUE EYES AND GOLDEN HAIR;
BUT HER LIFE WAS RUINED BY A TWIST OF FATE,
THE STORY'S AWFUL, I'M SAD TO RELATE.
YES, THE TALE IS TRUE, FOR I WOULD NOT LIE,
I HEARD IT ONE NIGHT WHILE I WAS STILL HIGH;
I HAVE WRITTEN IT JUST AS SHE TOLD IT TO ME,
AND THE PAIN HAS MADE ME SICK AS CAN BE.
"I LEFT HIM FLAT; FOR HE TREATED ME CRUEL;
FOR NOW I SEE THAT I WAS A FOOL,
HE'S UGLY AND DIRTY AND SMELLS LIKE A HORSE,
AND THAT'S WHY I DECIDED TO GET A DIVORCE."
"I WAS JUST TWENTY WHEN THE MESS DID START,
HE SAID HE WOULD LOVE ME TILL DEATH DO US PART;
LITTLE DID I KNOW THAT THE DAY WOULD SOON COME,
WHEN I WOULD GET WISE TO THAT NO-GOOD BUM.
"NOW I AM HAPPY AND FINALLY FREE,
TO THINK, DO, AND SAY WHAT I PLEASE;
SO FOR A LITTLE ADVICE BEFORE YOU MARRY,
BE SURE YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT BIG AND HAIRY."
"SO WHEN THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS TURNS TO A FINK,
GET A DIVORCE OR MAKE A BIG STINK;
BUT IF YOU SEE HE'S NO GOOD FROM THE START,
DROP HIM FAST OR HE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART."

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Keyword(s): LAMENT ADVICE ; METER: IAMBIC TRIMETER ; RHYME: MASCULINE, AABB ; SIMILE INDIRECTION HUMOR MARRIAGE

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THE MONKEY'S DISGRACE

THREE MONKEYS SAT UNDER A COCONUT TREE,
DISCUSSING THINGS AS THEY ARE TO BE.
SAID ONE TO THE OTHER, NOW LISTEN YOU TWO,
THERE IS A CERTAIN RUMOR THAT CANNOT BE TRUE.
THAT MAN DESCENDED FROM OUR NOBLE RACE,
THE VERY IDEA IS A DISGRACE.
NO MONKEY EVER DESERTED HIS WIFE,
STARVED A BABY OR RUINED A LIFE,
AND YOU HAVE NEVER KNOWN A MOTHER MONK
TO LEAVE HER BABIES WITH OTHERS TO BUNK.
OR PASS THEM ON FROM ONE TO ANOTHER
TILL THEY SCARCELY KNOW WHO IS THEIR MOTHER.
ANOTHER THING YOU WILL NEVER SEE;
A MONK TO BUILD A FENCE AROUND A COCONUT TREE.
AND LET THE COCONUTS GO TO WASTE,
FORBIDDING ALL OTHER MONKS TO TASTE.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DETROIT

Keyword(s): IRONY SARCASM ; JUDGMENT ON HUMAN RACE

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TOBACCO IS FILTHY WEED.

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; DEARBORN

Keyword(s): ADVICE OBSERVATION ; HUMOR METAPHOR OVERSTATEMENT ; KLOC, CHESTERINE ; QUATRAIN CHAIN ELLIPSIS ; RHYME: DOUBLE AABB

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AS A BEAUTY I AM NO STAR,
THERE ARE OTHERS MUCH MORE HANDSOME BY FAR.
BUT MY FACE, I DON'T MIND IT,
BECAUSE I'M BEHIND IT.
IT'S THE FOLKS UP IN FRONT THAT I JAR.

Where learned: HOME

Keyword(s): SELF-CRITICISM

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CURLERS IN MY HAIR AT NIGHT,
HEAVENS--WHAT AN AWFUL SIGHT.
I TOSS, I TURN, WHEN WILL I LEARN--
THAT BEAUTY ISN'T WORTH THE FIGHT!

Where learned: MICHIGAN ; UNIVERSITY OF DETROIT ; DETROIT

Keyword(s): INTERNAL RHYME ; SELF-CRITICISM

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